Indigo (37 page)

A piece of popcorn goes flying over our heads and I laugh. “You don’t have to leave yet. Stay and finish the movie.”

Kennedy lets me go and grabs the chair from my desk. “Yes, stay. But pass the popcorn I’m starving.”

“Nothing that good unfortunately. No butter.” Sabrina sighs and then her voice becomes nonchalant. “How was dinner?”

Kennedy and I meet eyes, both aware of why she’s asking, but he just shrugs. “Guys, beer, football. I’d much rather be here hanging out with you two beautiful ladies.”

Sabrina grins. “Then settle in. Channing Tatum is about to dazzle you with his dance moves.”

Kennedy raises his eyebrows. “That guy looks like a potato.”

Sabrina and I both burst into laughter. “What?! Are you serious?” I ask him. “He definitely doesn’t look like a potato.”

“Don’t tell me you’re into him,” he says to me, frowning. “He’s too obvious.”

“He’s definitely not bad looking,” I answer honestly, inwardly grinning at his jealousy. “Even you have to admit that.”

He scoffs and then grabs a handful of popcorn. “I’m not admitting anything.”

“Talk about obvious,” Sabrina jokes, holding the popcorn bowl as I settle back on the bed. “Guys can’t ever admit when another guy is attractive.”

Kennedy just grins and munches on his popcorn. “I have better things to talk about.”

We all turn our attention back to the TV and watch as Channing dances to Ginuwine’s song Pony.

“Potato or not, he’s a great dancer,” I admit, amidst Sabrina’s whistling. Kennedy is sitting there, his face contorted with disgust as he watches the television.

I watch Channing jump off the stage and grab the girl for a lap dance. For some reason I can’t look away, and I can’t help but picture Kennedy and I in their place. I wish I had the confidence to get that close to him. I turn to meet his eyes, wondering when I’ll gather up enough courage to allow myself.

After a few moments, there’s a commercial break, and we all take notice of the text going across the screen. It’s an Amber Alert. My insides tighten, my heart rate speeding up as I read about a 6 year old girl gone missing in upstate New York, and short description of the car she may be in. I always get extremely uncomfortable when I see these alerts, my mind automatically moving to dark places.

“Are you okay?” Kennedy says, grabbing my hand. “Your face has gone pale.”

I motion at the screen, not wanting to lie, but not wanting to make it a big deal. “I just don’t like seeing those I guess.”

Suddenly the TV snaps off, and Sabrina turns to face me, sitting cross legged on the bed. “Indigo, I want to say something to you. And I want you to listen. I’ve held myself back long enough and I can’t anymore.” She holds up a hand when I sit up and begin to refute her. “You’re my friend. I care a lot about you. I still don’t know the full story of what happened to you, and that’s fine. I’m okay with getting it piece by piece. But I can’t sit by and watch that woman get out of prison. You have to go in and tell your story.”

“I don’t know why everyone cares so much about the choice I’ve already made,” I answer, immediately getting angry. “You don’t know anything I’ve gone through to judge me!”

“You’re right I don’t, but she does!” Sabrina points at the dark screen. “You can’t let that woman out on the streets. Who knows what she’s capable of? You have to at least try to put her away to finish her sentence.”

I let out a frustrated breath. “You’ve seen the news. Everyone has already declared her innocent. I’ve had this conversation a million times, and my mind isn’t changing. As long as she stays out of my way, I’ll be okay.”

“But what if she doesn’t?” Kennedy puts in quietly. “I already worry about you now. I’d go crazy if I knew she was out there.”

“Please Indigo,” Sabrina says. “I know you’ll have to dig deep. But do you want that women on the streets again? Hurting someone else?”

The Amber Alert banner flashes through my mind, my hand goes up to finger the scar on my cheek. “I wouldn’t wish that on anyone else.”

“Then do your part,” Sabrina argues. “I’ll go with you. Kennedy will go with you. It will be okay. How can you live with yourself otherwise?”

“You’ll be surprised at how much I can live with.” I look over at Kennedy. “I feel like my life was just starting to get back to normal. As normal as it can be. This would be inviting everything back in.”

“This would be closing the door on it,” Kennedy shakes his head and squeezes my hand. “Your testimony will put her away. I know it.”

“You don’t know that,” I say, but without conviction.

No one says anything for a while, and after a moment Sabrina gets up to grab her coat. “I’ll help in any way I can. Please don’t say anything now, just think about it. For me, for Kennedy, for your mom…but most of all, for you.”

She kisses me on the cheek. “I’m going to head out. Text me tomorrow.”

“Do you want me to walk you back?” Kennedy asks, standing up.

“No, stay here with her. I’ll be okay. I’ll text you when I get back.”

“Please do,” I say, giving her a shaky smile.

The door closes, and I turn to meet Kennedy’s steady gaze.

“Let’s just go to bed,” I tell him, hoping he’ll take the hint that I don’t want to talk anymore. “We both have an early class.”

He nods and then heads into the bathroom to change. We may sleep in the same bed, but in everything else we’re extremely modest. I watch him walk away, my mind so full that I know sleeping tonight is impossibility, even though I just suggested we do just that. For the first time, what life would be like after the hearing is really starting to sink in. Not just for me, but for everyone else who cares about me. And for anyone who might cross that women’s path in the future. Unable to sit still, I get up walk over to the window. It’s a still night, not unlike the one where I was taken. She’ll be out there again someday.

The thought gives me chills, and I rub my hands over my arms. I hear the bathroom door open and Kennedy come up behind me.

“What are you thinking about?”

I shrug. “Just life, I guess. I’ve got a lot of my mind.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“All I can think about is how gorgeous you look standing here, in the dark with the moonlight shining down on your face. I want to draw you. Can I?”

His words give me pause, and I feel an instant vulnerability. “Now?”

He turns me around to face him. “Yeah. It should only take me about an hour to get the sketch down, and then I can finish it tomorrow. Please?”

I bite my lip and contemplate. “Would I have to change out of my pajamas?”

“No, what you’re wearing is perfect.”

I reluctantly look down at my yoga pants and tank top. “Do I have to stay very still?”

I hear him rummaging around in his backpack, and turn to see him pull up my desk chair and sit about 10 feet from me. He smiles at my question. “Well yes, as still as you can.”

I can’t see the harm in it. “Sure. But you have to let me see how the sketch comes out.”

“Deal.”

I look back out the window and stare down at the path below. At first I’m a little self-conscious, but after a while, I can’t really feel his eyes on my anymore. My mind goes back to thoughts of the hearing and I’m almost taken away from my dorm room. Zoned out, the glass on the window starts to distort my vision, and suddenly I’m back at the gas station, staring at everyone coming and going. The girl without a voice. The feeling of how much I hated that girl, how much I was dying to scream out for help, but couldn’t, floods back into me.

I don’t want to be the girl without a voice ever again. I don’t want to be silenced like I was back then. I want to start living my life with no regrets, not looking over my shoulder.

I’m not sure how much time passes as I go back and forth in my head, mulling over my decision. The only sound I can hear is the gentle scratching of pencil on paper, and my mind seems to drift along somewhere above it all.

“You’re the perfect model. I think you’ve barely moved since we started,” Kennedy murmurs. I can tell he isn’t expecting an answer, as his voice is quiet and subdued, almost as if he said it out loud to himself.

A short time later, the scratching stops. “Are you done?”

“Almost. You can relax now though.”

There’s a strange note in his voice that I haven’t heard before. If I didn’t know any better I would think he was nervous. He’s an incredible artist, and very open with his work, so I can’t imagine it would be about that. I turn to face him, trying to read the look on his face. He’s working on the drawing again, his face etched with concentration.

“Can I see it?” He stares at the page, before looking at me. He’s definitely nervous about something. “I’m sure I’ll love it.”

“You promise?” His eyes are intense, searching mine, and I’m starting to become a little confused.

“I promise.”

Standing up out of his chair, he takes a deep breath, and then spins the paper to face me.

As if plucked from the room, there I am down on his paper. A much more beautiful version of me, but I would never tell him that. I stare in amazement at the lines, the accuracy of the drawing, and stand there for a few seconds in awe at his talent.

And then I read what he’s scribbled down on the bottom of the paper.

“I want to be with you, so much. Say you’ll be my girlfriend?”

I can’t stop the gasp that escapes my lips, and for a few beats, I just stare at the words, wondering if this is really happening to me and not someone else. I can’t seem to catch my breath, and when I finally get up the nerve to meet his eyes, I can see the stark uncertainty in his.

“I told you I had something up my sleeve. I didn’t plan on asking you this way. I was going to ask right before we went to sleep. But, then I saw you standing there and…this felt right.”

Words seem to get caught in my throat, and I just stand there staring at the words. My mind is still brimming with my earlier thoughts, and his question has taken me by acute surprise. However, slowly, but surely, a warm feeling starts to fill my veins, starting from my heart on out. This is okay. I’m going to be okay. I can have the things normal girls do, someone who cares for her and someone to trust with their secrets. I already have so much to thank him for. How can I not want to be with him?

“If you’re not ready…” He hedges, clearly losing confidence by the second at my silence.

Still without words, I walk over to him and hold my hand out to grab the drawing. I can see he’s confused, but he slowly gives it to me. I pick up the pencil from where it’s sitting on the chair, and scribble something right below his question. Now it’s my turn to take a deep breath and face him.

I’ll try.

It’s not an outright yes, but from the way his eyes light up, I know he doesn’t care.

“Really?” He’s beaming down at me, so handsome I can barely stand it.

I nod. “Really.”

He sweeps me into his embrace and I wrap my legs around his torso. His strong arms are nearly squeezing the life out of me, but I don’t care because I feel just as happy. Me. With a boyfriend. I had no idea if I would ever see this day. I feel so lucky to have him.

“I think you’ve made me the happiest man in the world.” He whispers, before placing a soft kiss on the underside of my chin near my ear. It makes me shiver. “I’ve wanted you to be mine for so long Indigo.”