Insanity (5 page)

“Ah, you must mean your Tiger Lily. A very interesting species,” he sounds either sleepy or too comfortable in his skin. An apocalypse wouldn't shake him off his hookah. “I heard you messed up your escape because of it."

"She is the first thing I remember seeing from a week ago. Since then, she has been my only friend."

"I wonder if it meant more than that in the past." The Pillar takes a long drag.

I stop and think about it. Was I attached to it because of an older suppressed memory, maybe? "Is that why you wanted to meet me, to ask about my flower?" I wonder.

"Of course not. I am here to talk to you about Wonderland."

"Then you better read the book," I'm tired of talking about Wonderland. "Because it doesn't exist in real life."

"That's strange. I am quite sure your mother and sisters repeatedly mentioned you talking about Wonderland. A real one." His eyes pierce through me. I am not even going to ask how he knows about my mother and sisters.

I am not comfortable with him knowing about my family, but something makes me keep talking to him. "My mom says I escaped from my sister Edith when I was seven, and came back blabbering about a scary place called Wonderland," I say. "It's a crazy story. I think it was my childhood imagination after reading Alice in Wonderland. It's just silly."

"What's life but a big silly book?" he says. "You've answered the question I sent you. It means you must remember something."

"I don’t know how the answer came to me, but I assume it’s because it was written in Alice in Wonderland."

"No, it's not. The fact that four times seven is fourteen is only hinted at in the book. It's never mentioned. You remember more than you think you do, Alice. It's just the shock therapies and medicine that made you forget," the Pillar says. "Seriously, Alice. Aren't you curious about the things you don't remember?" He places his hose on the edge of the hookah and leans forward. It's the first time he gives me his full attention. "I can make you remember amazing things."

"Like what?"

"Like who the Red Queen really is. Why she chopped off heads. Who the Rabbit really was. Where the real rabbit hole exists. What a raven and a writing desk really have in common. Why Lewis Carroll wrote this book. And a lot of the other things," the Pillar says. "Basically, I can tell you who you really are. And you know what happens if you know who you really are?"

"No. I don't." I think I am better off not knowing who I really am. I don’t know why I think so.

"You get to know if you really killed your classmates. And if you did, you get to know why you did it." The Pillar stops for an effect. I am almost sure of what he will say next. "Don't you want to know why you killed the boy you loved?"

Chapter 14

The Pillar's last remark gets to me the most. I still can't shake my mourning over the boy I loved but can't remember. Adam and my Tiger Lily seem to be all I care about in this world.

"I am listening," I say. "Tell me what you want."

"I want him," he says without hesitation as he clicks his TV screen on. It shows news coverage of the Cheshire Cat murders.

"You're not going to tell me this is the real Cheshire Cat, are you?" I chortle.

"What do you care? Wonderland isn't real to you, is it?" he smirks. "I will guarantee that you leave this asylum twelve hours each day, see the world outside, do the little tasks I ask of you, and then come back and sleep in the asylum at night."

"That's not possible. The judge says I am insane. It’s official."

"I believe you noticed I have an effect on Dr. Truckle. Trust me. He will do as I say."

"I assume these tasks have something to do with catching the Cheshire Cat?" I raise an eyebrow. This conversation seems surreal to me. I am not sure if I am not just hallucinating it.

"If you do as I say, we'll catch him," the Pillar says. "Don't worry. I won’t ask you to shoot a gun or be in great danger. You'll just help me solve some puzzles about him, and then go to bed like any obedient mad girl."

"You realize this should be the police's work, right?"

"Trust me, they can't catch him. Besides, wouldn't you feel better if you helped in catching him and saving tens of other girls from getting killed?"

I like the idea, although saving people isn't something mad girls should be doing. "And what will I get in return, other than the chance of seeing real sunshine and snow for the first time in the last two years?"

"I am hoping that at some point you'll remember Wonderland again and I can prove your sanity. But I know you're not enthusiastic about this idea," he says. "Tell you what; I can make Dr. Truckle get you a cell like mine."

"I don't care about the cell," I say. "For my first mission out, I want my Tiger Lily back."

"The Tiger Lily again," he considers.

"And a bigger source of sunshine for it to grow in my cell."

"I like a girl who knows what she wants. We have a deal," he says.

I nod, not knowing what I am doing exactly. All I can think of is that I will get out of this place, even if it's for a few hours a day. I wonder if I can get to go watch a movie or go out and eat ice cream, like normal people do. "Deal," I say.

"Frabjous," the Pillar chirps. I find it silly that he uses this word, but I also find it amusing.

"How do we start?" I ask.

"Why don't we start with that silly straitjacket of yours? I heard you're a master of escaping it."

Part Two: We’re All Mad There

Chapter 15

VIP Ward, the Radcliffe Lunatic Asylum – Oxford

The next morning, they send me back to the VIP ward. I'm surprised no nurses or wardens are present. Instead, the hallway is filled with Mushroomers from another ward.

"Welcome to the pinnacle of insanity," the Pillar waves his cane in the air, like a circus ringmaster. He hasn't started smoking yet. I guess it's too early, or maybe he prefers to sober up while I am on this mission. The mad patients dressed in their tattered gowns, surround me with giggling eyes. I feel like I am in an insane zombie movie, the princess of all zombies. "Aren't you going to greet your fellow lunatics--or should I call them ‘colleagues?’" the Pillar says, throwing parental glances at them. They seem to adore him.

How did he even get them out of their cells?

"What are they doing here?" I try to keep a stride or two away from the nearest
fellow
. I was thinking today was going to be my first day to mingle with normal humans. I guess I was wrong about that.

"The nature of your mission is highly secretive," the Pillar explains, patting a mad girl who hugs him tightly, as if he is the Easter Bunny. "I mean, maddeningly secretive. You're going to deal with the Cheshire Cat himself, a most wanted criminal Wonderlander." He excuses himself from his fangirl. “This means no
sane
person can be part of this.” He air quotes the word “sane.”

“And if anyone asks me what I am doing?” I say.

“Anyone, like who?” he wonders.

“Police for instance?” I tilt my head.

“Didn’t you listen to the Cheshire’s footage, explaining that this is a Wonderland War?”

“Yeah, right.” I purse my lips.

“Alice, Alice, Alice,” he sighs. “Here is how I look at it. In order to prove you are sane, you will have to do insane things. Think it over before you accept my offer. This is truly like a rabbit hole: once you fall in, there is no coming back.”

"You mean none of the nurses or wardens are even going to know?" I thought I could get Waltraud and Ogier to treat me better at least.

A mad Mushroomer laughs with puffy eyes at me and wiggles his forefinger into a “no.” He has a crooked big finger he could wipe windshields with.

"But Dr. Truckle knows," I remark, avoiding the Mushroomer.

"Oh, Tommy," the Pillar says. "I consider him one of us," he points at the patients. "He's just good at hiding it, fooling the universe that he is a sane man running an asylum. Isn't it so, Mushroomers?" He addresses the patients, who nod eagerly.

I rest my case.

The Pillar signals to a few of his Mushroomers to bring something. They arrive with a walking wardrobe on wheels, one that wasn’t here before. They pull it in front of me and point at it with drooling mouths. I’m now Alice, princess of fools.

"Harrods?" I read the name on the wardrobe. “You bought me clothes from Harrods?”

“I’m not sure we
bought
them,” the Pillar exchanges glances with them. “But they’re here, aren’t they? Insane people have to get dressed too." The patients nod at me.

I let out a long sigh, then breathe all the sanity I can think of back in. Before arriving, I was offered a nice shower in the underground ward. Waltraud and Ogier thought I was going to be examined by a highly regarded specialist outside of the asylum, where I’d be exclusively supervised by Dr. Truckle. I understand now that Waltraud is going to stay oblivious to my secret mission. But it's alright, who can resist a wardrobe from Harrods?

I rummage through it and end up choosing dirty blue jeans and a white t-shirt. A girl in tattered clothes flashes her thumbs at me, liking my choice of clothes. I can't help it, and toss her a dress out of pity. She looks at it for a moment, not knowing what to do with it, and ends up eating at it.

The Pillar tells me that it’s lightly snowing outside, so I add on a light blue pullover with a hoodie and long white sleeves. An older Mushroomer woman throws me white boots and giggles at me. Gotta love them loons. They're all I got, after all.

"Look at you," the Pillar looks happy. "A modern day Alice. Lewis would have been proud."

Although I don't have the guts to stare in a mirror to see how I look, I feel really fresh. I'm not sure if it's the clothes, the freedom, or my loony friends. But here I come, Wonderlanders.

The Pillar's fangirl passes me a pink watch. It's beautiful.

"I was going to get you a golden pocket watch, but then I faced some obstacles," the Pillar says.

"Couldn’t steal from the guys at Rolex?" I chuckle, putting on my watch.

"Problems with Wonderland rabbits actually. They are the watchmakers, and control the industry all over the world," the Pillar mocks me. "Caterpillars and rabbits don't get along, you know." The Pillar turns to look at a couple of Mushroomers working on a typewriter on his writing desk in his cell. They are typing furiously and debating about something. One of them types, the other pulls the bar to start a new sentence. They stare at it, as if it’s the atomic bomb. I peek in to see what this is all about. They keep gluing and cutting papers with scissors.

"Are we done, or what?" the Pillar puffs impatiently. I am wondering what this is all about.

One of them walks out of the cell with an old camera. It's a 19th-century style camera with bellows for focusing. He places it on a tripod in front of him and asks me to pose. I am still puzzled.

"Say ‘cheese’ Alice," the Pillar demands. "The Mushroomers have no use for technology and smart phone cameras. They must've been here since long ago," he rolls his eyes.

I smile flatly at the Mushroomer taking the picture. As fast as a rabbit, he hops back to the writing desk and continues writing and cutting with his friend. He returns with a card in his hand and a drooling grin. It's a pretty smile, actually. Insane, but truly and outrageously happy. I am starting to envy the Mushroomers.

I’m not going to ask how the Pillar knows about my mirror phobias. I assume he knows more than I know about myself.

Seeing my face in the card is a better solution than looking in the mirror. I've never thought about it. I like the way I look. I have auburn hair, naturally wavy—or is it just an after-effect of too many shock therapies? I have light blue eyes, and a slightly edged face. You can tell I don’t eat much, I guess. My skin is fair, and I have an overall ordinary and familiar face. If I hadn’t been in an asylum, I could have been someone’s neighbor, girlfriend, or college girl in a small town.

But that's not what this card is about. When I read it, I discover it’s an Oxford University card. It has my name on it: Alice Pleasant Wonder. I am a freshman.

"It’s Pleasance, not Pleasant," I tell the Pillar.

"Pleasant is more
pleasant
," he says. "Besides, you're not an Oxford University student either. Don’t be picky when it comes to forging."

"You're right about that. I'm just silly," I note. "I haven't even finished high school."

"Oh, you have
finished
that," he laughs. "How many did she kill again?" He addresses the Mushroomers. They start jumping and clapping, and his fangirl grabs my hand and raises it, like a winner at a boxing match. "She finished all her schoolmates, didn’t she?” The Pillar is overly content with having mad people around him. It’s a totally different side of him that I don't think he shows to the world outside. “Now it's time to catch a killer, and save some lives." He rubs his hands together and walks back to his couch in the cell, and starts smoking his inverted mushroom-shaped pipe.

Chapter 16

The Pillar’s Cell, the Radcliffe Lunatic Asylum, Oxford

"Are you ready?" The Pillar says.

"I am not sure, for what?"

"It means you're ready. Shall we start?" He pushes a copy of Alice’s Adventures Under Ground toward me, as I stay right behind the bars. The copy isn't his. It's an old library edition, and it has a girl in a yellow dress on it.

“I always thought Alice wore blue,” I comment, picking up the book.

"False myth number one,” the Pillar says. “John Tenniel, who drew all of Lewis Carroll's paintings in the book, depicted Alice in a yellow dress in the first released version in 1865.”

“You're not serious, are you?”

“I am insanely serious. From now on, everything I say about Wonderland is dead serious, Alice."

"Why yellow?" I glance at the cover again.

“Yellow was considered the color of madness at the time,” the Pillar explains. "But let’s not get lost in such debatable details now," the Pillar says. "Flip through the book, and tell me what you see."