Inside Danger (Outside The Ropes Book 2) (35 page)

“You’d want to help him right?”

I nodded. I did want to help him. I didn’t want to be a burden.

“Good.” His bright smile spread over his face and he pivoted, coming down for a hug. “I’ll see ya in the morning.”

“Wait.” I stopped him before he walked out the kitchen, my stomach flipping. “Thank you for the other night, but why would you do that?” I sounded more than disappointed so I tried to explain. “You could have been caught, and it could have made things worse. Please focus on your family. You need to be there to protect your child, its entire life. Stay away from those people. It—”

He came back to the seat next to me, worry pulling his face down. “It wasn’t like that. You’re here now and no one was hurt. You’re right, things could have gone bad, but I couldn’t let you face it with nothing. I had talked to Silas that morning. I’d known you were setting up the fight, I knew you were in some trouble, but I didn’t realize it was that bad until I talked to him. Something he said, about it all being over after the fight… the way he said it though. I don’t know what was going to happen, but I knew I couldn’t let you face it with nothing. I couldn’t.” He was speaking low and fast. “I would have wanted something to fight back with if I was in that situation, even if it didn’t work, even if it was a risk. Sometimes, you just need a little chance.” He nodded at me and let out a breath.

“I shouldn’t have left on the elevator though, I’m sorry.” He picked at the seam of his pants for a moment and then looked up at me. “I did call Gage though. And I went back to your room and listened from the hall, waiting for you to come out. When I heard Kyle say you were gone, I got out of there.”

“Thanks.” I wanted to say more, but couldn’t. Just talking about that night brought back all the fear, as if I was there again. I wasn’t far enough away from it yet.

Dexter hesitated for a moment and then wrapped his arm around me again. “It all worked out. Take your time, things will get better.”

I wish I could believe that.

I was done tossing and turning in an empty bed, even though I hadn’t done it for very long. Kicking off the sheets, I made up my mind, I was going into that basement to find Gage. I’d prefer to argue with him than lay here and continue my pretend arguments in my head.

My blood warmed my veins as it rushed through them, anticipating seeing him, both nervous and excited. By time I reached the top of the basement steps, nervousness had taken a large lead, especially as the creek of the stairs boomed in the silence and gave away my presence.

His glassy eyes met mine the moment I turned the corner of the stairs, but he didn’t move. He was sitting back on the couch, handle of rum in his hand. But the destruction around him stopped me in my path. The framed posters from the wall were broken and torn on the ground, trophies and other things lay in pieces all around.

“Did you want something?” He spoke slow and deliberate, no hint of an alcohol slur, but the bottle in his hand was nearly empty.

“To check on you, make sure you were okay.”

He puffed a sarcastic laugh. “Me? Since when do you care about me? You’re only worried about yourself.” He finished his bottle off, rising to his feet. “And now you’re down here ruining my night of drinking alone.” Gesturing the empty bottle towards me, he continued, “But you ruin everything, right? Should have expected you to ruin this too.” He tossed the bottle to the ground and stepped on the frame to one of the posters, shattering the glass under his boot. Plopping back on the couch he smirked at me. “Might as well come on in now.”

“I do care about you. I worry about you all the time.” I took a few steps into the room, but didn’t pass the pool table, hoping it would be a buffer. He was using his words like weapons and they were already slicing me. “I don’t mean to ruin anything, but it happens.”

He sat up on the edge of his seat. “Don’t mean to? More like you don’t care if you do. Look around. I have given up everything for you, to protect you, and you only care about yourself.” He rose to his feet and stepped closer, the table still between us. “You are so fucking selfish, it makes me sick.”

I took a few steps back, retreating to the stairs. I had made another mistake by coming down here.

“No.” He came around the table in an instant, grabbing my arm. “You don’t get to leave now. You don’t get to come down here, stir up shit, and run away. Not tonight.”

I reached for that girl inside me, the one who wouldn’t shrink from his stinging words. The one who would stand up for herself. But I could barely find her.

“I’m not running. But you’re being mean and going to say things we both will regret in the morning.” I could smell the liquor surrounding him, seeping from his pores and rolling off his breath. I tried to remind myself it was just the liquor talking, but I knew he was saying the things he wanted to say.

He jerked me closer to him, turning me to face him completely. “Too late for that, I regret a whole bunch of shit.” His breathing was intense, and his eyes fell over me, unreadable. His voice dropped, low and raspy. “Mostly I regret giving my soul to a woman who doesn’t give a fuck.” He pushed away from me, turning to the pool table. The eight ball went flying across the room, smashing into the mirror behind the bar, knocking it from the wall.

Bracing his hands on the felt of the table, he took a deep breath then turned his head towards me. “And I can’t even take it back. I don’t even want to. I’m so fucking pathetic.” He flung another ball and then another, smashing glasses and bottles that were organized on top of the bar.

“Stop.” The shattering sound vibrated in my bones as I placed my hand on his back, keeping him from grabbing for more. His anger was breaking my heart. But I wasn’t scared for myself, I was hurting because he was.

“Stop?” He spun around on me. “Stop what? Am I doing something to you? Am I ripping out your heart and tearing it to fucking bits?” His hands gripped my shoulders and he pushed forward as I tried to step back, till he had me pinned to the wall. “You won’t even try to make this work.”

“I try.” I shook my head, unbelieving. He actually believed what he was saying, I could see the clarity in his eyes. It wasn’t just out of spite and that was a punch in the gut. “I tried.”

“Bullshit.” He cut me off. “You always pushed me away. And I’m the stupid one for coming back, thinking it would be different. Even when you’d run to the cop, then to Rusnak.” He spit the names out with disgust, letting go of me and stepping back. “You’d go to them for help, but never me.” His eyes ran up and down me as if seeing me for the first time and not liking it. “And I was fucking blind and gave up my life for you.”

He took another step back, looking around the room. “I don’t even have boxing anymore. I agreed to give up my title for you. The one good thing I had going for me, the only thing I ever dreamed about. I gave it up for you. And I’d fucking do it again.” The hot, loud, anger was draining from him, a cool, quiet rage seeping into his words as he stalked closer to me. “But you’ll never commit, even before you wouldn’t. You can’t and I’m a fool for trying when all you do is destroy me.”

He was blaming me for everything. It was too much of a weight to bare. I stepped towards him, my own anger strengthening me, setting fire to my blood.

“I destroy you? Fuck you. You left me. You left me in New York when I had committed to you.” I stepped closer, pushing his chest to back him away, but he didn’t budge. “I committed to you. I would have stayed by your side through it all, but you left me.” I met his eyes, returning every bit of intensity he was giving. “You started this, not me. You. Destroyed. Me.” I jabbed my finger into his chest with each word.

He captured my wrist in his hands, electricity running through him, brightening his eyes as he pushed me against the wall again. “You never fucking listen. I was protecting you from this.”

“I didn’t want protection. I wanted you.” I snapped my wrists out of his grip like he taught me that morning.

His lips crashed into mine, hands moving to my legs as I wrapped them around his waist.

Just like that he’d taken me from scared, to sad, to angry, to passion in the space of a minute. But I threw thought away as his hands glided up my shirt, over my back, sparking fire. He turned us, sitting me on the pool table. His tongue traced inside my mouth, filling it with a cool spice as he used one hand to sweep away the balls still on the table.

Then he broke the kiss, pulling my shirt off over my head. I tugged on his, lifting it over his smooth muscles and tossed it to the ground.

His chest rumbled as he looked over me, hot lips pressing to the top of my chest. He undid the clasp on my bra, as I ran my hands through his hair.

“You have me. You’ve always had me.”

His breathy promises and scrape of his teeth on my skin made me ache, and I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist, raking his back with my nails.

His hands found the button to my pants, pausing over them, the tips of his fingers already sending currents through my skin there. He pulled back, blue eyes piercing into me.

“But do I have you?” He pulled on my pants, pressing me against his hardness, and I nodded. Dipping his head down to me, he groaned in my ear, “Say it. And mean it.”

“I’m yours. You can have me.”

He sunk to his knees, pulling my pants down my legs. Looking up at me with a triumphant grin, he darkly promised, “I will have you. And you’ll be screaming it so all the neighbors know you’re mine before I’m done.”

HE WASN’T GENTLE, OR PATIENT. BUT HE wasn’t fast or cruel. He just stopped treating me like I’d break.

And I didn’t. I came alive under his rough touch, bites, thrusts.

Meeting him blow for blow, we both marked each other’s skin with nails, smacks, and teeth. Making the outside a bit more like the scars we’d given each other on the inside. We were covering every painful memory with exquisite pleasure.

He had me leaned over the pool table, my hands gripping the edge to brace myself for each thrust of his hips as he slammed deeper into me. His hands gripped my hips, pulling me back into him, forcing me to take in every sweetly painful bit of him.

Leaning over me, pressing his sweaty chest to my back, he slid his firm hands up my sides. One hand slid to the front of me, cupping my breast, rolling the nipple between his fingers. The other hand twisted in my hair, pulling my head back as he sucked on my neck, making me moan as his hips circled into me.

“No more Regan,” he growled in my ear. “No more leaving.” He yanked my head back, keeping me pressed to him as he straightened up. “No more pushing me away.” His hand unwound from my hair, and his hips slowed as he slid his fingers down my body, between my legs, barely touching. “Say it.”

Sliding my hands behind me, I glided them along his abs, around his waist, to his backside, squeezing the firm muscle. Drunk from him, his touch, his words, he had me so wired I could barely speak. I moaned my agreement.

He applied pressure with his fingers and his hips dipped and rolled back into me. His deep growl in my ear vibrated over my skin, sending all my nerves into a frenzy. His hand disappeared all too soon and he pulled out, spinning me to face him.

His cool blue eyes held so much heat, I thought I’d melt. I might have because before I knew it, I was on my back, the smooth felt of the pool table under me. And he was over me, hands running up and down my body. But when I tried to touch him, he pinned my arms back.

“No. I need you to say it Regan. No more.” His lips wrapped around my nipple, sucking and then biting, eyes never leaving mine. He released me and I whimpered for more of his touch. He was hovering over me, but we were only connected where his hands pinned my wrists.

His eyes penetrated deep in me as he promised, “You have me. I won’t leave you again. I only want you.” His face dipped closer to mine, nose trailing over my cheek, followed by a surprisingly sweet and gentle kiss that didn’t match the fire in his eyes. “Now you.”

I raised my hips, trying to make contact between our bodies, any contact. I craved his skin on mine. “I’m only yours and I’m not going anywhere, not without you.” And I meant it.

I’d realized the moment I said, “I didn’t want protection, I wanted him,” I was a hypocrite. I had been denying him me, to protect him. I was done and I hoped he was too.

His lips devoured mine and his body pressed me into the table as he filled me in one hard thrust, to the edge of pain. I gripped his shoulders, nails biting into his skin.

Being together might get us hurt, by others and probably each other. But I’d step into the fire with him, just to feel my soul burn, the way only he could make it.

“Only mine.” He raised himself up, driving into me. “Mine,” he grunted as he pushed deeper. “No one else’s.”

The table shook beneath us as he slammed harder, but we ignored it, too consumed with each other, being in each other, laying each other bare.

I didn’t fall apart beneath him when I reached climax, I came together. He filled me, shaking over me, muscles hot, sweaty, and covered in goose bumps as we released into each other.

I was completely drained, exhausted. Physically and emotionally. I could have been content passing out on the pool table, but Gage picked me up, leaving our clothes behind, and walked me up the stairs to our bedroom. He curled around me on the bed, arms wrapped around my waist, keeping me pressed to him.

“I love you, more than anything else,” he whispered into my hair, his hold tightening on me.

I slid my hands over his forearms, closing my eyes, feeling overwhelmed by his warmth and raw intimacy of the moment.

“I love you too. More than I ever knew possible.” It wasn’t the earth shattering confession I’d imagined it would be. But it took every last bit of my strength to say it. The admission passed from my lips quietly, joining the warm, still air around us.

And I didn’t break.

His chest sunk in as air escaped him in a gasp. “That’s all I need.” He kissed the back of my head and repeated, lips still in my hair, “That’s all I need.”