Instant Prairie Family (Love Inspired Historical) (16 page)

In the same span of time, her nieces, Megan and Hanna, had both written letters to her, telling her how much they missed her. Her breath caught in her throat when she dreamed about having her family around her. If only her marriage had been a real marriage, maybe her husband would have let her bring out the girls for a visit.

The second letter had arrived just before meal time last month. Colin had brought it for her. She waited to read it until right after they had finished the meal. She had sat at the table and drunk in the information from her nieces. Their words had her missing them so much that they sent her rushing to her room for a good cry, leaving behind three confused and uncomfortable men. A few minutes later, the boys knocked on her door and then came in and curled up on the bed on each side of her and offered her a handkerchief until she had calmed down. Tommy asked if he could kiss her “owie” and make it better, but she had explained that it was an “owie” inside her heart that was sad without her nieces and nephews.

She cringed at the thought of how sad her heart would be missing Willy, Tommy, Jake and Will if the time had finally come for her to leave.

Sitting out on the porch, Abby felt at home. It felt so natural to enjoy the calm of twilight by Will’s side. For a moment, she let herself indulge in the dream that this would be her life. Working hard and laughing at life, hand in hand with a godly man, was all she could ask from God.

“I...” He shifted, then stood and paced to the railing, leaning on it with his forearms, his gaze taking in the barnyard, his back to her so she couldn’t read his expressions.

“We’re almost done with the threshing and I’ll need to be taking the wheat to Twin Oaks so I can get it to the miller and then get our winter supplies. I had expected to have heard from my mother by now.”

Abby held her breath and waited as Will kept his back to her. “I don’t have any place to send you to. I’m sorry. I bet you’re champing at the bit to get out of here. Do you have a family or somewhere...”

“No. I don’t have anywhere to go. But I don’t mind it here. In fact, I’ve become quite attached to the boys.” Abby swallowed hard, not willing to expose all of her feelings. For all their warm, friendly conversations over the past few months, this was something they had never discussed. The topic of what would happen when she left had been studiously ignored. Now that they were finally talking about it, she had no idea what to say. What words would convince him to let her stay? “I feel safe here.”

She watched Will’s shoulders relax and it almost seemed as if he had let out a sigh. Did he truly think that she wanted to leave? “I don’t know how you can say that. There’s always the threat of bad weather, insufferable heat in the summer and harsh cold that penetrates the bones in the winter. Then again, the Indians could pillage the farm or we could get a swarm of locusts like there was three years ago. Or a draught could kill off the plants….”

“If life is so hard here, why do you stay?” Abby blurted out, shocked at Will’s pessimistic outburst.

“Now, don’t you start! I’ve put too much work into making this dream happen. I’ve lost Matt and MaryAnn and even Caroline to this place. I’m not leaving.”

“If you’re staying, then shouldn’t I stay, too? You need someone to take care of the boys. And someone to see after your needs, as well. You can’t even cook. What’ll happen to the boys once I go?” Abby’s question was more a whisper but carried on the still night.

“They’ll be brokenhearted. It was what I wanted to avoid. I didn’t want them hurt.”

Abby stared through the gathering darkness and tried to understand this man. “Would it have been better for them to not have had someone to feed them and take care of them all summer than to have heartbreak and know someone out there loves them even across the miles? My life will forever be richer for having known your family, for having loved your boys.” She bit her tongue before she could add “for loving you.”

Will shifted his weight against the banister and breathed deeply but didn’t reply. The silence stretched out. Finally, Will turned toward her but didn’t make eye contact. “I don’t know. I...” He swallowed and shook his head. “Good night, Abby. Thank you for the tea.”

He strode away to the barn as if someone were chasing after him. Abby didn’t move until he was inside the barn and the door had shut. Collecting her mug, her knitting and the mug Will left behind, she went into the house, still pondering the abrupt end to their conversation. Could Will possibly consider it better to never experience love than to love and have to say goodbye?

Chapter Twelve

W
ill watched the horses plodding along and smiled to himself. He and Jake had left early and were making good time with their heavy load. His wheat had gotten a good price and now he had barrels of flour to get him and the boys through the winter. He’d purchased sugar, spices, limes, apples and raisins, too. All the ingredients Abby had on her list and a few extras.

The vegetable garden Abby had painstakingly cared for all summer had yielded an overabundance of tomatoes, onions, carrots, beans, lettuce and a number of herbs. She’d spent the better part of the last three weeks canning the produce and had sent some with him to sell, as well. The pumpkins vines slowly twining around the border of the garden all summer promised some large pumpkins for pies in the next month. This growing season had been a success and he admitted it was in large part due to the woman who would be waiting back at the house with dinner ready for them. He fought the urge to hurry the horses.

“So, you miss her?” Jake asked from the wagon bench next to him, bringing Will’s focus back to the road and the here and now.

“The farm?” he responded, ignoring the jab in his conscience. He knew exactly whom Jake was referring to.

“Uncle Will—you taught me never to lie,” Jake tsked.

“I think I liked you better when you weren’t quite so mouthy,” Will quipped, but even as he said it, he knew that the changes in Jake were due to Abby’s attempt to bring out his shy nephew. She’d coaxed Jake into trusting her and then taught him a few social graces. If Will didn’t keep a close eye on the young man, he was going to start thinking about things like courting and noticing the girls.... Not that there were many to notice in the area.

Abby was the youngest over the age of thirteen in the whole area.

“Come on, Uncle Will. You’ve got to admit you miss her just a little bit,” Jake insisted.

“Yeah, she cooks a lot better than either of us. I can’t wait to get back and see how she fared with the boys and the farm while we were gone.”

“She had Colin there,” Jake reminded him innocently.

“I know. I’m sure that everything is fine.” Will said it as much to himself as to his nephew. It had been the best solution to have Colin stay in the barn so he could see to the livestock and chores while Will and Jake were away. His friend’s presence should have served to reassure Will, but he also felt jealous. He was worried that Colin had been a better companion for Abby than he had been.

The men continued traveling in silence, Jake still smirking and Will fighting a battle with his emotions. Truthfully, he missed Abby something fierce. He even contemplated asking her to stay...to make their marriage a true marriage, not just a business arrangement. But he knew it wasn’t fair to her to ask her to make her life with him in the middle of the harsh, wonderful prairie.

“Uncle Will, are we gonna keep sleeping out in the barn?” Jake interrupted his thoughts again.

“I...I don’t know.” It was another topic he had been debating.

The weather wasn’t going to let him put off the decision much longer. The last three mornings he’d woken to frost on the ground. Soon the snow would come and then he and Jake would need to be sleeping indoors. Maybe he should rebuild the soddy where they had first lived. But was he being foolish to ignore the warm, sturdy house he’d built just because he’d have to share it with Abby? They were married, her reputation was secure—and of course, they’d continue to sleep not just in separate rooms but on separate floors. There’d be no harm in that, surely...except for the way it would make it feel as though they were all one, united family that would be staying together all winter. And that was something he knew couldn’t be true.

* * *

Abby had been listening for the sound of a wagon since the day before, or more honestly, since the minute Will and Jake pulled out of the barnyard a few days before, but when it finally came, she almost missed it. She was canning some of the late tomatoes from her garden, her face matching their color from the heat of the stove. Will had promised to bring more canning jars for the squash and pumpkin, as well.

“They’re here! They’re here!” Tommy came bursting into the kitchen and swept past Abby, out the door and into the yard before Abby could even react. Willy was only two steps behind his brother, leaving the door wide open in his haste to see his father and cousin.

“Willy!” she called after him. He rushed back long enough to slam the door behind him. She had to fight the urge to hike up her skirts, dash out after the boys and throw herself into Will’s arms just as his boys were doing now. Instead, she turned back to the stove before she gave in to the impulse. She tried to rein in her thoughts; she had never before wanted anyone to hold her, save her father when she was small. She gave herself a sharp rebuke about wayward daydreams and forced her attention on the tomatoes.

But even her eyes wouldn’t obey and they kept straying to the window where she could see the men hugging and laughing with the boys. The sound of the boys’ happy chatter mixed with the deeper notes of praise and questions from Will and Jake. All the voices floated on the wind and comforted her in the lonely kitchen. Colin met the group at the door of the barn.

By the time they had all trooped back to the house, Abby managed to set the table and have the roast, mashed potatoes and salad served and ready. Glasses of chilled milk were poured and standing at attention as the door opened. She had wanted everything to be perfect, not that the men would ever really notice little details.

The minute Will entered the room, Abby felt her breath catch in her throat and her heart speed up. The noise of the boys and men talking seemed to fade into silence, and for an instant, her eyes connected with Will’s. His face lit with happiness and he stepped closer. She thought maybe he would pull her close and hug her as a normal husband would, but then the light in his expression dimmed to something more controlled and polite. Friendly, but nothing more.

“Looks like a meal fit for a king, Abby,” Will commented, taking his place at the head of the table, not having come close enough to shake hands, much less hug her. Her disappointment choked her and she just nodded.

“How were things here while we were gone?” he asked as she settled in the chair next to his.

“Fine, everything went just fine. And how did your trip go? It’s good to have you back,” she blurted out.

“It’s good to be back!” Jake answered from down the table. “Uncle Will’s cooking hasn’t gotten any better since you’ve been here, that’s for sure. I’d like to have starved if it weren’t for the thought we’d be coming home to your fine meals. Ain’t that right, Uncle Will?” Jake tossed his uncle a knowing grin and ruffled Tommy’s hair.

Colin said grace and thanked God for His protection on the men who had traveled and the family left behind. Once “Amen” was uttered the silence was broken only by the scrape of a fork on the plates and the boys chewing with their mouths open. The boys seemed to be in a race to see who could finish first and then they waited impatiently while the others finished, peppering their father and cousin with questions and squealing with delight when Will promised if they helped unloading supplies, he just might be able to find the stash of peppermint sticks he’d bought.

Soon, Abby was alone again with the dirty dishes. As she worked in the kitchen, she smiled to herself and hummed a hymn. At least for the night, her family was all home, safe and sound. Tomorrow would bring enough worry. As the men started filling her pantry with the sacks of flour and sugar, spices and dried fruits, Abby thanked God for the provisions for the winter months. It looked to her as if Will had purchased enough to hibernate for two winters.

She put some water on the back of the stove to heat for tea for the men as Will went up to tuck the boys into bed. They had missed their father the last few nights he was away and she wanted to give them time together.

“Ma,” Tommy called down the stairs almost as soon as he had dressed in his nightshirt. “You need to come up and hear me say my prayers.”

“Why don’t you let your pa listen to them tonight?” Abby called back up, standing at the foot of the stairs.

Not only did she want to give Will some time alone with his boys, but she was also afraid of what would show on her face if she were in the room with just him and the boys when her heart was so full of happiness to have them all together again. If only Will shared her joy at their togetherness! But it was his right to want her out of his house and life, as much as it hurt to think that after almost six months, he hadn’t grown to care for her the way her heart had become attached to him.

“No, Ma, we want you to tuck us in. You need to give us hugs and kisses and all that,” Tommy argued.

“I’ll be up in a moment.” Abby sighed, looked around the room for something else to straighten up. Wouldn’t you know that everything was in its place? She ducked into her room to search for her knitting but couldn’t find it.

“Ma?” Willy stood at her door, his eyes following her search.

“Yes, Willy?” Abby answered absentmindedly.

“Are you coming up now?”

“I was going to, but I can’t find my knitting.”

“It’s up on the chair next to our beds. Don’t you remember? You started to knit there last night when Tommy was scared.”

“You’re right. Thank you, Willy. Let’s go on up.”

Willy took her hand and they ascended the stairs together. He let her go only to climb between the sheets and then patted the bed so she would sit down next to him. Once prayers were said and the boys had been given their good-night hugs and kisses, Will escorted her back downstairs. It was the first time they had been alone in more than a week and she found herself suddenly shy. Her nerves weren’t helped by the worry that a letter had come from his mother that he’d collected while in town. Would this be the conversation where they made the plans for her to leave?

“So.” Will sounded as uncomfortable as she felt. “Did the boys behave for you?”

“Yes. You should be proud,” she answered, glad he had chosen a safe topic.

“Most of their good behavior comes from what they’ve learned from you these last few months.”

“It’s been my pleasure to be here with them, but you laid the foundation.” Her mother had always encouraged her to say something nice and true at the same time. If ever a statement were true, it was that. Abby had so enjoyed getting to know and love the boys. How could she possibly walk away from them now? She bit her lower lip and tried not to give in to the urge to cry at the thought.

“I really appreciate all you’ve done out here. I know the conditions aren’t what most women would expect and we’re certainly a little rough around the edges….” By now they had entered the kitchen and Abby started to prepare two mugs for tea without even asking.

“I don’t mind. I’ve come to value all your hard work and sacrifices to make this place work. And look what a harvest God’s blessed you with. Out here, it’s easy to be mindful of our Creator. After all, if He doesn’t send the rain, you don’t have a harvest. If He sends too much rain, you won’t get a harvest, either. I can see why Jesus asks God for our daily bread. In the city, we can forget our food and livelihoods don’t come from the market but from God. The silence and the richness of this land, the flowers, the plants, the sky….”

“It sounds like you have gotten used to this place. But you haven’t seen a winter here. That might change your mind a bit.”

“Hmm... I don’t think so.” She bit her lip and wondered if he would give her the chance to make up her mind for herself or if he was even now holding the tickets for her to return to the East.

He swiped his hand through his hair, standing it on end. Abby recognized his tic, hinting at his frustration. Maybe it was a good sign. Maybe he was at least a little bothered to have to send her off.

She handed him his mug of tea and instead of leading her to the table, he motioned to the door. “It’s still light out. How about sitting out on the porch awhile?” he offered.

“Sure, let me go get my shawl.” She was gone and back in a few seconds.

Seated on the rocking chair, she waited for whatever news Will wanted to share with her. He seemed suddenly nervous as he settled on the swing. He sipped his tea, looked over his land, put the swing in motion and then tried to sip more of his tea, succeeding only in spilling some down his shirtfront. Abby had to bite the inner part of her lip to keep from chuckling. He set the mug down on the windowsill behind him and continued swinging.

“Listen, Abby, I don’t know what to tell you. I was hoping that by the time I got to Twin Oaks I would find a letter from Ma. Not that I want to get rid of you. Just the opposite. I see how much the boys have come to depend on you. They love you. Jake wasn’t joking about my cooking. It hasn’t gotten any better over these last months. If anything, it’s gotten worse or maybe it’s just that we’ve gotten spoiled by your expertise. And you have to know how good you’ve been for Jake, how you’ve helped him believe in himself. While I...I can’t tell you how grateful I am for all that you’ve done.

“But it’s not fair of us to think only about us and not about you. You need a family of your own. You need to be in the city where you’ll have everything you want and someone who can give you more than just a load of dirty laundry and backbreaking work from sunup to sundown.”

He stopped the swing and stared straight into her eyes. “I have to admit that I don’t want to see you go. You lighten our day and make me smile. You should’ve seen Jake in town. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get him to come back home. He had so much fun talking with all the young ladies. And I happen to notice the shirts and pants you made for us were as nice as the ones that Mayor Hoffman was wearing. Somebody, I think it was the waitress at the restaurant, made a comment about how nice Jake’s hair looked.”

“So, why are you so set on sending me back?” Abby whispered, her heart breaking with each word.

“Caroline always said, ‘No woman on the face of the earth would want to be stuck out here, in the middle of nowhere.’ She said she ‘didn’t want to spend her dying days out here,’ but that’s just what happened. This land is inhospitable for most, especially women.”