Instant Prairie Family (Love Inspired Historical) (19 page)

Abby called from the back step for everyone to come in for dinner. He set his letter in the tack room and went into the house. For at least one more meal he would act and think as if there were no changes coming.

* * *

Dearest Son,

It is so good to finally hear from you. I waited expectantly for word all summer. I pray and trust that you are all fine and healthy. I pray for you all each night.

I believe God has a hand in everything that has happened to you this year. I’m glad the woman who responded to the advertisement is truly a Christian, even if you do not find her acceptable for your wife or family. (I admit I hope God impeded your first letter from coming to me so you could come to care for your unexpected wife.)

I have found a family who is looking for additional help, but I would rather meet your Miss Stewart first. I want to make sure she is able to do the work you claim she can do and at the same time, determine if she will be comfortable with the Standish family. Please send her whenever it is convenient.

Ma’s letter rambled on, asking about her grandsons and then telling all the latest news about his sisters and their families.

He had waited until he was alone in his room in the quiet of the evening before he had dared open it. Now that he had done that, he was surprised his mother wanted him to rethink sending Abby back. Could this be a sign that God was showing him? He already had a head full of doubts about pushing Abby away. But in the end, he kept coming back to the idea that he needed to protect and provide for her. What was the best for her? God couldn’t possibly want her to waste away in the prairie when she had so much to give others. Joy, laughter, love, attention…. What a blessing she would be to any family and yet Will knew he selfishly didn’t want to bless anyone else. He wanted her to stay with them, and if he were truly honest with himself, he was selfish enough to want her to stay for
him.

Daybreak came with little light peeking through dark, thick clouds the color of dirty wool. Will climbed out of bed, shivering with the cold, and quickly dressed, heading out to the barn and the cows before he could find himself face-to-face with Abby. He stirred the embers to flame and then tossed two logs on the fire in the kitchen on his way out. The air smelled of winter. The grasses were covered in frost. Would they get an early snowfall? That might force him into making a decision about Abby. One way or the other.

His stomach soured with dread at the thought of sharing his mother’s letter with her. Would she be happy or disappointed with the news? He hadn’t done anything to make her feel welcome for a long time. Maybe she had all her things packed already.

Will sent the milk in with Jake. By the time he actually returned to the house for breakfast, the boys were seated around the table and there wasn’t another opportunity to talk with Abby alone throughout the day. It was only at night, when the boys were in bed, that Will worked up the courage to speak with her.

“Um, Abby?” he asked quietly as she poured her nightly cup of tea. “Could I talk with you for a bit?”

Instead of responding, she bit her lower lip and reached for another mug. As she turned to face him, Will saw tears already filling her eyes. The sight broke his heart and his resolve. She nodded and he debated a moment before leading her out to the front room. Taking a seat on the rocking chair, he motioned for her to sit on the davenport.

“Well, Abby. On Sunday...” He hesitated, unsure how he wanted to explain his mixed feelings.

“You received a letter from your mother.” She finished his sentence in a quiet, sad voice when he didn’t continue.

“Um... Yes.” She’d known and yet she hadn’t said a word. He studied her face, wondering what was going on behind those beautiful blue-green eyes. She didn’t smile, nod or even flinch. She just sat there, staring at the floor. His heart lightened a little bit when she didn’t jump for joy at the prospect of leaving.

“How is she?” Abby finally asked when the silence drew out too long.

“She’s fine.”

“And your father?” she asked after another pause.

“Pa’s fine. She said she hadn’t gotten any mail from me since last spring. I guess the first letter I sent got lost somewhere.”

She straightened her shoulders and glanced at him but quickly let her gaze fall back to the floorboards. “So, when do I leave?” Her question sank heavily into the air and extinguished the small flicker of hope he had felt a minute before. If she had indicated even the slightest interest in staying, he would have been overjoyed, but she didn’t even mention it. She must have changed her mind about wanting to stay. He swallowed hard.

“The outbound train comes every Monday, early, roughly eight in the morning. You’d have to spend the night in the hotel the night before.”

“Then we’ll leave on Sunday?” she asked, still not meeting his eyes.

He clenched his hands in tight fists until they shook from the effort. His heart cried out to lift her chin, push her hair away from her forehead and ask her if she still wanted to stay or if she wanted to go...but he refrained. If she said she wanted to go, he’d be crushed. And if she said she wanted to stay... He didn’t know if he’d be able to resist letting her, in spite of the regrets he was certain would follow.

“Um, well, no. I think we should leave on Saturday. That way we won’t be traveling much on the Lord’s Day. We could stay at the hotel where we met.” He stopped talking as memories of that day flooded his head—her tears, how small and vulnerable she’d seemed to him then. He hadn’t recognized her that day. But now her face, etched in his heart as if carved into stone, was more familiar to him than the backs of his hands. When he became old and gray, he might forget his own name but he wouldn’t forget the shape of her eyes or the curve of her smile, the sound of her voice or the smell of her hair....

“Then I’ll be sure to pack. Is there anything else you wished to discuss with me?” she asked in a voice so soft and forlorn he inched closer to hear her. The smell of cinnamon wafted to him.

“Um...” He searched for anything that would keep her here with him in the quiet of the night a few minutes longer but came up empty. “No, that was it.” His mouth obeyed his head even as his heart threatened mutiny.

She stood and left the room. For a very long time, Will sat in the living room, wondering if he had done the right thing.

“God, You know best. If You want her to stay, You’re gonna have to do something between now and Friday. Not that I have any right to put any limitation on You or tell You what to do, but I can’t do this…. I don’t know if I can let her walk out of here. Give me strength to do the right thing.”

* * *

For the first time since Abby’s parents’ death, she didn’t feel like dragging herself out of bed the next morning. She wanted to hide under the covers and pretend Will hadn’t said she needed to leave on Saturday. How could she possibly tear herself away from the boys? They had been calling her Ma for the better part of the summer. It would be like cutting off her arms. She couldn’t believe she had come to love them so quickly, nor so completely.

Why couldn’t Will just let her stay? She didn’t have to be part of the family. He didn’t have to claim his husbandly rights—she understood there was something lacking in her that kept him from loving her. But if he never planned to marry again, then would it be so bad to live with a wife whom he didn’t find attractive as long as she fed his family and taught his boys?

The rooster crowed for the second time and Abby forced herself up. If not for herself, she would make these last days special for the boys. Hopefully they would always remember her just as she would keep them in her heart. They were the closest she would ever come to having a family of her own. From now on, she would guard her heart. She would work whatever job God provided for her, but she wouldn’t let herself love anyone again.

* * *

“Ma! Ma! Look outside! It’s snowing! It’s snowing!” Tommy shouted right before lunchtime, running into the kitchen at full steam. “I wanna go out and play. We can go sledding! Come on, Willy!” Tommy jumped and wiggled like a happy puppy in his excitement.

“No, not yet. It’s almost lunchtime. When your pa and Jake come in, then you can ask them.” Abby didn’t want to make promises. She knew what to expect for a November snowstorm in Ohio but not out here in Nebraska.

“But, Ma! We just gotta—”

“Did your ma just tell you no to something?” Will’s voice caught them both up short. He stood just inside the kitchen door with an armload of wood for the wood box.

“Yes, sir,” Tommy answered, his head down. This was not the first time they had had this discussion.

“Then I expect you not to argue. Understood?” Will’s eyes glued his small son to the spot until Tommy nodded.

“I’m sorry, Ma,” he mumbled, glancing up at her and then away.

“It’s okay to be excited about the snow, Tommy. You just need to get your father’s permission before I can let you go out,” she reassured him, pulling the boy into her arms and squeezing him close.

“Your ma’s right,” Will said, surprising Abby with his use of the title. He usually referred to her as “Auntie Abby” even though the boys had long since adopted “Ma.” “I’m going to go get the cattle in from the south pasture right after lunch. I don’t want you boys out there until I get back. The wind feels right for a whiteout.”

“Aww, Pa. But I want to go sledding,” Tommy whined.

“I think we’ll have more than enough snow and winter to get you out sledding at least once or twice before spring comes,” Will reassured Tommy, finally glancing at Abby and sending her a wink.

She almost dropped the dishes she was carrying to the table. He hadn’t winked at her since the first month she was there—before they had been forced to marry. Could his returning jovial attitude be attributed to her leaving come Saturday? The thought brought unexpected tears to her eyes and she turned back to the stove in order to disguise her distress. How could he look forward to her departure while she dreaded it worse than the hangman’s noose?

Somehow, Abby managed to keep from rushing out of the room during lunch. She even pretended to pay attention to Tommy’s detailed stories of sledding in years past. Willy interrupted more than once to correct his little brother. Will kept sending her puzzled looks, but as soon as they finished lunch he headed out with Jake to bring in the straggling herd.

With dinner already made, she cleaned and dusted all the rooms upstairs, including Will’s. She normally didn’t go in there since it made her feel as if she was trespassing on his private sanctuary, but today she had wanted to make sure that the house was perfect when she left. His clothes and room had his lingering scent and it calmed her nerves about the snow. She could barely see across the barnyard to the outline of the barn. Abby returned to the kitchen and began to pace. They had been out for more than three hours. Where were they? Wasn’t it past time for them to have returned?

She had been watching the snow come down harder and the wind howling at the windows and the chimney. What little dim light there had been during the day was now fading to darkness, and her worry grew exponentially. Were Will and Jake still out in one of the fields or had they both gone into the barn? She wanted to believe they were snug and warm with the cows in the sturdy building, but her fears whispered that they were trapped out in the snow.

“I’m sorry, Lord. I just don’t want anything to happen to him... I mean them,” she amended for the hundredth time. “What would I do without Will? What would happen to the boys? God, You know what they’ve already suffered. Don’t take their father, as well. Or their cousin.”

“Why are you out here again, Ma?” Tommy stood watching her from the doorway.

“I’m...um... I was just checking on dinner.”

“It smells just fine. I want you to read another story to me. The one about the little boys.”

With one more look over her shoulder toward the back door, Abby forced her trembling legs to carry her back to the living room with the boys. She sat and read for the better part of an hour but couldn’t remember any of it. Even as she read, her ears were cocked, listening for any sound that would alert her to Will or Jake coming into the kitchen. She set the book down and had read three pages of the next one when the back door opened.

She was off the couch, almost upending Tommy in the process, and was halfway into the kitchen, before either boy could react. “Hello?”

Jake stood just inside the kitchen door, his coat covered in a layer of snow and ice. He took his hat off and even his hair underneath was wet from the thick snow. “It’s miserable out there. That wind could freeze a man solid!” he exclaimed as he pulled his boots off.

“Where is your uncle?” Abby rushed to the stove, pulling the hot water forward to boil once more.

“He went out to find the last cow. Foolish heifer. Gerty never comes when we call her. She’ll freeze out there, but will she follow the others to the shelter of the barn? No, she needs a special invitation. Uncle Will said to get the others in and bedded down for the night while he went out looking for her.” Jake stepped out of his snowy boots and handed her the bucket of fresh milk.

“Could he be lost? How long has he been out there? What if—”

“Abby, Uncle Will knows this land better than anyone. He saw Gerty up on the north side of the pasture but wanted to get the rest in so if he had to coax her, he wouldn’t have to do the same for all the others. Cattle can be some of the dumbest animals, but when they want treats, it’s amazing how they learn to beg.” Jake hung his coat and hat in the cellar stairway, letting the water drip onto the earthen floor beneath instead of Abby’s clean kitchen floor.

“Are you sure your uncle’s all right out there? Maybe we should go out and look for him.” She handed Jake his mug of spiced tea and crossed over to the window, peering out into the fading day.

“He’ll be in pretty soon. It’s milking time for Gerty and she’ll come along easily if he offers those sugar cubes he has. The rest of the chores are done. Don’t worry, Abby. He’ll be fine. I’m going up to change.”