Into The Fire (23 page)

When did this happen? Last time I was over
there, everything seemed fine. I didn’t realize she was active in
the dating world. She stopped her relationship with me because she
thought she could find something better?

What was wrong with me?

I felt betrayed. I hadn’t been with anyone
else since we got together and neither had she. She just decided
she wanted something new.

Why was I so upset about this?

I didn’t do the girlfriend thing and never
would. Relationships were just a waste of time. I didn’t feel
anything for Alessandra besides lust and friendship. She was just
some girl I hung out with.

All the time.

Then why did this bother me so much?
Alessandra was the best sex I’ve ever had and now that was being
taken away from me. Perhaps that’s what bothered me. Maybe I was
just being a baby because I wasn’t getting my way.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her new
guy.

Was he tall? Taller than me?

Was he funny?

Did he have any tattoos?

Younger than me? Older?

I couldn’t stop picturing her with him, and
every time I did, I felt sick. I’d slept in her bed countless
times, every weekend. Now she would be sharing it with someone
else.

I hadn’t been with anyone since I met her and
I realized how odd that was. I’d never slept with one girl for that
long before, and I wasn’t even monogamous with them. With
Alessandra, I wanted to be with her all the time.

Shit, what was going on?

***

I was mad at her and I wasn’t even sure
why.

She did nothing wrong, but every time I
thought about her, I got pissed off. I didn’t call her or text her.
I didn’t stop by her apartment anymore. I ignored her for two
weeks, and when my parents asked if we could all have dinner
together, I lied and said Alessandra was sick.

I was in a bad mood all day, every day. I was
constantly distracted at work and my clients thought I hated them.
I didn’t go out because I preferred to sit around and mope all
night.

Sleeping alone was a hollow feeling. I used
to hate cuddling with the girls that stayed over, but I never
minded with Alessandra. She fit perfectly against me, and I loved
having her there so I could have my way with her in the
morning.

But now that was gone
.

And I missed her. I missed going to brunch
with her and telling her about my day. Whenever I heard something
funny, I wanted to share it with her. But then I remembered I was
angry with her and we weren’t talking anymore.

The separation was killing me with every
passing week. I’d had so many women come and go in my life and I
never blinked an eye over it. With Alessandra, I thought I lost a
piece of myself.

Why hadn’t she called me?

Did she not think about me?

Did I really mean nothing to her?

Fuck, why was I acting like such a girl
right now?

When I couldn’t stand the separation anymore,
I caved and texted her.
Want to get brunch?
I regretted
typing the message after I sent it. I should have remained strong
and not reached out to her. Would she realize how pathetic I
was?

Sure.

She said yes?
In half an hour?

Okay.

***

I arrived before she did and got a table. A
vase of flowers were on the surface, and the restaurant’s specials
were listed on a flimsy piece of paper. Cinnamon raisin pancakes
were on the menu. Maybe I should try those.

Alessandra walked inside wearing white shorts
and a blue top. Her perfect body was highlighted by the tightness
of her clothes. Her long legs went on for days. Her long hair
framed her shoulders, and a gold bracelet was on her wrist.

Damn.

She smiled when she spotted me at the table.
Then she came my way, her purse over her shoulder. “Hey, how are
you?”

I immediately stood up and hugged her
tightly. I pulled her to my chest and smelled her familiar scent.
Her hair tickled my neck slightly. One hand rested on the deep
curve of her back. My chin rested on her head because of our height
difference. I closed my eyes as I held her. I had no idea what I
was doing or why I was doing it. All I knew was I wanted to do it.
“Good. You?”

“Great.” Her thin arms hugged me back. “It’s
nice to hear from you. I haven’t had a good breakfast in a long
time.”

“Me neither.” I finally pulled away and
cleared my throat. I sat down across from her, feeling my heart
sink into my chest. She was more beautiful than I remembered. Her
green eyes were bright with excitement. She had light make up on
her face, and her eyes were highlighted with eye shadow.

She grabbed the menu. “Ooh…cinnamon raisin
pancakes. I think I’ll try those.”

“I’m getting the same thing.” I sipped my
coffee.

“No mimosas?” she teased.

“I wanted to wait until you got here.” I was
excited to see her but it was also painful at the same time.
Looking at her just reminded me of the fact I hadn’t looked at her
in three weeks.

“Well, here I am.” She searched for the
waiter. “And it’s time to get our drink on.”

I smiled against my will.

When the waiter came over, we ordered the
same thing along with the two drinks. It felt the same way it used
to, only we didn’t wake up together that morning and I wasn’t
wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

“What’s new with you?” she asked. “I haven’t
talked to you in a while.”

“Just work.” I tried not to sound depressed.
“I have a lot of new clients who don’t have good taste. I went to a
Yankees game with a friend the other night. Other than that, I’ve
just been hanging out.”
And drinking a lot.

“Cool.”

I didn’t ask her the same question. I didn’t
want to hear about the guy who replaced me. There was a good chance
I’d throw up if I did. “How’s work?” I kept my questions selective
so she wouldn’t roam off the path.

“Good,” she said. “I just got a new client
and he’s having a hard time.”

“Why?”

“His wife passed away a few years ago and
people keep riding him to move on. He thinks having me around will
get them off his back.”

“That’s sad.”

“I know. I feel terrible for him.”

“Is he old?” I blurted.

“No…a little over thirty. He hadn’t been
married very long.”

“How’d she die?”

“Car accident.”

Man, that sucked
. “Poor guy.”

“Yeah. He says he’ll never move on and this
is just easier.”

I couldn’t imagine that. A quick image of
Alessandra in a coffin came into my mind. I was kneeled at the
table, crying my eyes out.

Whoa…what the fuck was that?

The mimosas arrived and she immediately
snatched hers. “Yes! I’ve been craving these all morning.” She
clanked her glass against mine then took a long drink.

I did the same.

“Heard anything from your parents?”

“No.” I didn’t want to tell her about the
dinner they wanted to have.

“Man, they’re really holding on to that
money, aren’t they?”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t get me started.”
Honestly, I hadn’t thought about it much. All I’d been thinking
about was her…and her new man.

Alessandra sipped her drink and looked out
the window.

It became awkward.

We were both thinking about the last
conversation we had. I knew I was. She was too.

“So…how’s it going with that guy?” Not that I
really wanted to know.

“Good.” She didn’t elaborate. It’s like she
knew I didn’t want to talk about him.

“That means you’re still seeing him?” I was
hoping she ended up not liking him and ditched him.

“Yeah. We went out on Saturday and had a good
time.”

My hand clenched the glass and almost
shattered it.

She didn’t make eye contact with me.

“What’s his name?”

“Brad.”

“Stupid name.” I blurted that out without
thinking.

“Sorry?” She raised an eyebrow like she
thought she misheard me.

“I mean…oh.” But it was a stupid name. It was
the most common name ever. What a douchebag.

“Oh.” She drank her mimosa again.

“What’s he like?”
Stupid? Ugly? An
asshole?

“He got out of a relationship around the same
time I did so we’re in the same place. He’s funny and nice.” She
didn’t sound enthused when she spoke of him. Weren’t girls supposed
to be gushing over the guy they were seeing? It didn’t seem like
she was love-struck—thankfully. “He’s a lawyer and has been
practicing law for a few years. He has a dog named Wally. He
volunteers at the Boys and Girls Club in the city…”

“Yeah, dump him.” I didn’t think when I said
that either. It just came out.

“What?” she asked in confusion.

“I mean…oh.”

“Oh.” Her eyebrows furrowed together like she
thought her ears were playing tricks on her.

“A lawyer?” I asked. “He’s no good for
you.”

“How do you mean?”

“He’s probably stuffy and boring. He puts
people behind bars even though he knows they’re innocent. And he
gets people off when he knows they’re guilty.”

“Well, he’s a prosecutor. So he doesn’t let
bad guys off the hook.”

“Still, you need a guy with more adventure.
He sounds like a snooze fest.”

If she was offended, she hid it. “He’s very
nice.”

“No girl wants a nice guy.”

“Actually, I do,” she challenged. “It’s nice
to know exactly what he wants.”

What did that mean?

“Are you seeing anyone?” She drank from her
glass again and it was almost empty.

“No.” I hadn’t even looked at another woman.
I’d been too busy moping around and being depressed.

“No one?” Skepticism was in her voice.

“You didn’t hear me the first time?” I told
her I hadn’t slept with anyone but her. I couldn’t just run out and
get another girl when I was so upset over this. It didn’t feel
right. I had no sex drive at all.

“You haven’t slept with anyone recently?” She
examined my face like she was looking for something.

What’s with the interrogation?
“No. I
said that already.”

Disappointment came over her face.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She looked away and set her glass
down. It was completely empty.

What the hell was going on?

The waiter brought the food just when things
got really uncomfortable. Thankfully, we had something to do with
our hands. I kept my eyes downcast because I hated the way she
looked at me. Was she mad that I hadn’t found a new fuck buddy? Did
she think I was in love with her or something? Because I definitely
wasn’t.

“So…how was that Yankees game?” She spoke
with a bored voice like she didn’t really care what I said.

“Good. They won.”

“Cool.” She took a bite of her pancakes.
“These are good.”

“Yeah, they are.” But I couldn’t really enjoy
them.

I couldn’t figure out what was going on. Just
a few weeks ago, Alessandra and I were perfect. Then when she met
Brad, everything got tense and weird. I knew my behavior was odd
but I couldn’t explain it. And her behavior was a little off
too.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Alessandra

I couldn’t believe he lied to my face like
that.

He said he wasn’t with anyone else, even
after he said honesty was his best policy. And why would he lie to
me of all people? When had I ever given him the impression he could
be anything less than truthful?

For some reason, it made me madder.

It was clear he’d been sleeping with other
girls the entire time we had our fling. I thought it was just he
and I, but now that he lied to my face again, I knew that wasn’t
the case. Now I felt more pathetic. I actually thought there was
something going on between us. Little did I know, he was playing me
just like everyone else.

What was my deal? I constantly fell for guys
that didn’t give a damn about me. They were selfish jerks. It was a
pattern. Brad didn’t seem to fall into the same category so I
decided to keep seeing him.

I needed a change of scenery.

When we went out again, we talked about
sports and movies. He was pleasant company, but he was still
withdrawn from me. There was no kiss goodnight, and there
definitely wasn’t an invitation for a sleep over. It seemed like he
liked me, but he wasn’t ready for anything serious.

That was fine with me.

I was still getting over the way Tony tossed
me aside like an old pair of sneakers, and I was getting used to
not having sex on a regular basis with Ash. I was mad at him during
the weeks that passed, but I couldn’t deny what I missed.

He was so good in bed.

I missed kissing him and feeling his chest
pressed to mine. I missed the way he ignited me and made me come
alive. He made me adventurous and daring. Somehow, he made me
confident and sexy. I missed the intimacy between us. We shared so
much, not just our bodies.

But now that was over.

I was at home when my phone rang. On the
screen was Ash’s name. We hadn’t spoken in weeks, and the last time
we were together it was awkward and strained. I didn’t think we
would talk again.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hey.” He didn’t answer with his typical
“Yo.”

It was nice to hear his voice. All my anger
disappeared the second I heard it. I sat on the couch with the
phone pressed close to my ear. “How are you?”

“Fine. You?”

“I’m okay.”

“So…I’m having dinner with my parents
tonight. Do you think you could come?”

I hadn’t heard from him in a while so I
wasn’t sure if I was still escorting him. “Yeah, I’m free
tonight.”

“Great.” It didn’t sound like he cared that
much. “We’re going to a steakhouse. Can I pick you up at six?”

“Sure.”

“See you then.” He hung up without saying
goodbye.