Intuition (2 page)

“Yes, it’s me! Are you pissed?”

My heart races fast and it feels like my guts are now in the pit of my stomach as he steps in to close the small gap between us. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t tell you at first, I didn’t want you to push me away.”

I manage to grab a hold of myself with sober strength. “After all this time… where were you? What happened?” I demand.

This can’t be! The first man that I had ever loved had disappeared and shattered my heart. My life. And he’s back! He’s back here with me. I felt his lips and his touch on me once again.

“We have much time for that later. I’m not going anywhere if I can help it. I won’t leave you again.” His voice sounds sincere, but it’s hard to trust him again.

“I have to go, Sebastian.” I turn to slip away from his arms and head for my door.

“Wait, Destiny. I
will
see you again, won’t I? Please…”

“I have to go. I feel sick and have to wake up early in the morning. I need time to think, please! I am just so confused right now. You will definitely see me again, you know where I work.”

I can't shake off the feeling that this is either the start of a beginning or the start of the end. Either way, I have to trust my intuition.

Days, maybe even weeks, have passed since I last saw Sebastian. Trying to shrug it all off hasn’t been easy but I have managed to continue living my life as always with long school hours and working late nights with drunkin' idiots. He had entered freshly into my thoughts again and has me in a confused state of mind and heart. Sebastian and my brother, Dennis, used to be close so maybe Dennis can give me some answers. Dennis and I aren’t always close, but hopefully he will tell me the truth, if he knows anything. I can’t help but constantly look over my shoulder or all around just to see if he’s sitting at his regular table.
My
regular mystery steak guy, not so much of a mystery anymore. It actually saddens me not to see him there. I have lots to say to him and it’s just bundling all up inside.

Even my friend Marcy, my co-worker, can sense that something is up. “He will be here, don’t worry,” she assures, patting my shoulder before walking away to finish cleaning off the counter that a few drunks had left behind.

“Alright, well I’m heading home. My shift is done and all of my tables are clean. Have a good night, Marcy! Keep rockin’ the kitchen like you do, Joe, and you’ll be more famous in no time!” I head out the door in a hurry to scramble my exhausted body to my big comfy, empty bed.

There’s a loud bang at my door, a sound of panic. “Destiny! It’s me, Sebastian. Please open up!” his voice sounding severe.

“Coming!” my voice manages to croak out.

I feel like a broken zombie needing to feed on sleep and in need of a makeover. Stumbling to my feet, they allow me to make my way to the door to open it, but not without almost running into the wall. Sebastian is standing there drenched from the rain that pours down from behind him.

“Come in! Sorry I look like shit.” My fist rubs my eyes more clear and focuses on him holding his arm.

“What the hell happened to you?” I demand, afraid to touch him in case I make it worse.

“Please, do you have anything to wrap this?” he asks, exposing a bloody wound that looks cut pretty deep.

The shock of the gory sight puts me into an instant motherly mode. “Jesus Christ! Did you get stabbed? What the fuck happened? Come sit on my bed and relax while I look for something quick!”

Rushing to the bathroom I rustle through drawers to find my unused safety kit. It has to be around here somewhere! “One sec! Almost got it,” I call out scrambling through my bedroom closet. “Keep pressure on it!”

“I have something to tell you, Destiny,” he calls back. The calmness in his voice relaxes my frustration, but has me rather curious.

“You don’t say!” If only he saw how my eyes roll back in sarcasm.

Grabbing the safety kit out from the deep pile of mess in my closet, I try hiding the fact that I may suffer from hoarding.

Sitting down beside him, I hold onto his arm and wrap his wound after cleaning off the bloody mess. “Looks like you’ve done this before,” Sebastian says as he watches me before biting his sexy lip and letting out a loud hiss as the alcohol cleans his cut.

I can’t help but stare into his captivating eyes. “I took a paramedic's course before law school. But something tells me that you may have been through this before yourself. So why don’t you tell me what the hell is going on?”

“I - ”

Cutting him off, I begin to lecture, “I don’t see you for years,
then
you stalk me,
then
after what I thought was a good time, I don’t see you for days! And
now
you just show up at my door step like
this!”
I damn well have every right to bitch!

“I came to you before because I need your help and knew that you can help me. And now things have gotten worse,” Sebastian explains.

“Done.” I finish the last touches to his arm. “Yes, because of course, what man would want to spend time with me just for the company,” I scour at him sarcastically.

But seriously, he just shows up one day in my life and expects everything to just be okay after all that happened. It’s been ten years that Sebastian has been gone and he has never left my heart or my thoughts. Unfortunately, what I say I actually mean. If I say that I love you then it’s true. That shit just doesn’t go away! But my heart is soft and I can’t not help someone in his condition.

His perfectly strong hands lift up my chin until our gazes meet, getting lost within the moment.

“Sebastian I’m- ” He presses his finger against my lips.

“I know I hurt you. I’m sorry. You have never left my mind. Ever! I dream about you all of the time. You are stubborn, but with the kindest heart. I never should have broken it and I will live my life making it up to you forever, I swear! If anyone can help me, it will be you. I will make sure you never get hurt again. I promise. I’ll make things right, just please hear me out this once.”

His lips peck mine once more before letting go, exposing tears from my cheeks. He wipes them away with his thumb. “Just hear me out and if you don’t want to help me then I will leave you alone, whatever you want.”

The feel of Sebastian’s touch opens old wounds. He has a part of me that I can never get back. Sebastian is my first love. My first for everything. He has my virginity, and I have his. He had broken parts of me that seemed truly irreplaceable, that no one has yet been able to fix. My heart. A place that is still left empty and abandoned. Any guy that I had been with only built my walls up higher, leaving me to learn to keep people out, except my daughter, Olivia. She has been my rock. Without her, living seems almost impossible. She is my strength. My world!

“Alright. Go ahead. Tell me what happened. What are you running from?”

“Remember my sister, Carla?”

“Yeah, of course. How can I forget? We were close once, but I haven’t heard from her in years either. How is she doing?” I recall.

He gently grabs my hand into his and strokes it softly. “Destiny, she is dead.”

My stomach drops. I can’t believe it! A good friend, a very sweet, intelligent and caring woman, is dead. And I didn’t know!

“Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! I never heard anything. This is unbelievable. I should have stayed in contact with her no matter what happened between us, that's what a real friend would do” I feel lots of regret and suddenly my stomach feels sick making me want to drop to my knees.

“Nothing could have prevented what happened, she was murdered. She had a little girl, too.”

This is a big realization for me that no matter how well or how little you know someone, every little bit of staying in contact means something, even just picking up a telephone to say hello. But maybe it's better that we didn’t. It may seem selfish but if we had stayed so close then I may not have been able to recover from this great loss. I can only imagine what Sebastian and his family are going through.

“What happened?” My hand grabs tight onto his.

“I blamed myself for ten years. Being introduced to the wrong people make bad things happen to you and the ones you love. I couldn’t risk losing you. It all seemed so minor at the time, but then everything escalated. It started out as just a business deal. Drugs weren’t the cause of her death that I know of but an acquaintance of mine named Gary was selling a car and asked me to take it to the buyer since I was currently working with a towing company with Carla's boyfriend, Johnny. The car was in mint condition but needed a new tire so it wasn’t driveable. Once the car was in the hands of the buyer, he cut open the tires. There were stashes of cocaine inside of them. A few days after closing the deal, something went wrong because apparently Gary had fucked with the cocaine. He pinched too much and cut it with baking soda to try and make it look like it hadn’t been touched. Well, they had figured it out and found out about my whereabouts, my friends, my family, they knew where I worked, everything! Johnny told them everything that he knew about me I was fucking set up and just couldn’t risk losing you. You have to believe me! I came to you and am telling you all of this because I trust you! Losing my sister was the price I had to pay for mistakenly getting involved with those losers.”

My eyes widen. “And you had just left and lead me to believe that you didn’t want me? You could have told me
something
. You never even said goodbye!”

“I couldn’t, Destiny! What could I have said that would have made you believe me? I
did
want you! I never stopped loving you, dammit!”

“So, how did Carla get mixed into all of this, like why didn't she just run and come back here?” I question, trying to change the subject of
us.

“Carla had moved in with Johnny. He was abusive to her. She told us that he had laid a hand on her so I beat the shit out of him and kicked him out then moved in with her. I believed that I could hide there from Gary and his crew and protect her from Johnny.”

Checking his arm and making sure that no blood is leaking from his wrap I recall that lame excuse for a man, “I remember Johnny! There was always a bad vibe about him, but she was happy and that is all that mattered. After she moved, we had lost contact with her. I was never sure as to why. Now I know, because of him.”

“Yeah, well Johnny must have snitched about me because when returning home one night after going to the store to pick up groceries that Carla had sent me out for, I found her dead. Johnny got his though, don’t worry about that. But whoever killed her made it look like she killed herself and I believe that the cops helped cover it up. I know my sister and she wasn’t like that at all. We told each other everything, and I mean e
verything.
”

Sebastian pulls out a knife from his pocket. “The police claim they found this at the crime scene beside her body. This was the knife that Carla had for protection because she was against guns. There were cuts on her wrists that show signs of suicide but I know that my sister wasn't suicidal.”

“I know you believe that, Sebastian, I want to believe that too. Knowing who she was, she was too happy for that. But maybe Carla was depressed and going through a lot inside that nobody knew about, stuff she was afraid to tell anyone, even you. Maybe all of the damage that, that bastard, put her through, especially emotionally, just finally got to her,” I suggest.

There were some things that Carla had told me about Johnny that I didn’t think anybody else knew about. He forced her into an abortion when he hit her at our families' last Christmas dinner together before shit went downhill. They had a fight and he took her outside, nobody saw what happened. Carla was too afraid to leave him. Little did Sebastian know that I could actually relate. But that was a topic that didn’t need to be brought up.

Sebastian is very persistent. “No. I know my sister, and it wasn’t just a coincidence. Carla had a lot to live for and she knew it and had gotten stronger from the state she had been in emotionally because of him. She sought help and was actually working to do better. When you are that determined to succeed you wouldn’t just kill yourself.” He has a good point.

Arguing with him is not going to get me anywhere. I’m here to listen, not to judge. After all, we all make mistakes and do things that we regret. I'm just really glad that he’s here right now, safe.

“So what brought you back here then?”

“Things had calmed down after I did my time in accelerated rehabilitation and eventually most of Gary's crew members were taken out by someone bigger from California. I knew that it may not be safe still but you are my only hope. Your brother, Dennis, had run into me one day and we had a conversation, about you. He told me how you were doing and stuff. I took mental notes and knew that I had to find you. If anyone could help me then it was obvious that it would be you. There isn’t anybody else in the world that can be trusted.”

“Well I’m glad that you are here now.” It is clear to me that we still have a big part in each other’s hearts and that there is
nothing
that would ever change that. “But what happened tonight?”

“Tonight was just a bad bar fight. I went out to have a drink somewhere else to give you some time. Well, that son of a bitch from the last time that I was at your bar had the same idea, the guy who touched your ass. He recognized me and wanted to fight. Trying to keep a low profile isn’t easy in this city anymore! So after some time of him not fucking off, I finally stood up to him. He pulled a knife on me so I knocked him on his ass with one punch to the face. His friend grabbed the knife from him and stabbed me as I turned around to walk away.”

“Fucking asshole!” Damn guys always thinking that they have something to prove!

“Yeah, but if you think this is bad, you should see that bastard’s face!” he laughs.

My serious frown turns into a smile. I can’t help but laugh a little also.

“Mommy. Mommy?” A soft voice calls from behind me.

“I’m sorry, Honey, did mommy wake you? It’s okay, go back to sleep, Sweetie Pea. I’m here.” My daughter appears from the dimmed hallway. She stands there staring at Sebastian.

“It’s okay, Honey, this is mommy’s friend, Sebastian. Can you say hello?” I encourage her and lovingly kiss her soft cheeks as my hand brushes her long bangs away from her face. “We have to cut those don’t we?” I smile.

I pull her closer, hugging her tight and assuring her that it’s okay to come near Sebastian.