Intuition (5 page)

The main chorus of the song “Funhouse” by “Pink” starts to play. My head instantly starts banging in the air to the beat of the music in a failed attempt to mimic the music video’s dance moves like I just don’t care with my own twist adding a booty shake, in which I thought was cool and original. The chorus plays a second time in a row, then a third before I look over to my stereo and realize that I hadn’t turned it on.

It sounds like a ringtone… my phone! Duh!

A good song always distracts me, even from remembering that I
have
a cell phone. This song reminds me of my crazy little family, but the song is more fun and full of life, like Olivia. This artist gets me, and I totally love her style and independent attitude.

My ears lead me to the bathroom where I hear the song louder and clearer. The music is coming from behind the toilet. My phone! Wow what a weird fuckin’ place to lose my phone, and I don’t even know when I lost the damn thing. It vibrates against the porcelain bowl where I want to throw it into!

“Mom calling,”
the display reads across the screen.

I answer breathlessly, “Hey.”

“Hey, It’s Mom! Wha - what are you doing today?”

Sigh,
“It’s a school day Mom, so I have to go pick up Olivia this afternoon. Do you need anything? A coffee? Because you sound rough.”

“I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

Eyes roll.
“What did you call for?”

“I want to see Olivia.”

“You need help, Mom, maybe when you’re better.”

“Destiny, I
am
better!”

“No, you’re not Mom! But you
are
better than that, you just need help with your addiction.” My throat clears in order to continue to speak calmly. “Listen, I will come get you and you can come here but I will not be bringing Olivia over there. I don’t need her exposed to meeting your John of the week and see you strung out on God knows what!”

Okay, maybe I wasn’t so calm.

“I want to get help for Olivia and for us, I do! I want you to help me… I want my daughter back! I want out.”

Ugh. Destiny, be patient!
“Okay Mom, I will help you
if
you stay honest with me and stay off of the crack, and whatever else you are doing. And no more Johns!”

“I promise!”

“I have to go now, Mom; I’m going for a jog on the way to pick up Olivia. I will come pick you up tonight for dinner, I’m making lasagna.”

“Love you!”

“Love you too.”

Fuck I gotta get out of these clothes!
Dressing into my yoga style shorts and old baggy t-shirt I stick my “Beats” headphones into my ears and pump up my iPod to help spunk up my energy and motivation before starting my boring jog. I prop my cell down on my small table dresser by the door and head out. No pockets, no call interruptions! My keys hang from a key chain around my wrist. There is nothing quite like listening to some techno to start out fast paced into nature like you’re on a good caffeine fix and smooth into a calming R&B beat to enjoy the little things that nature’s wonders has to offer for your sight of mind.

For me, jogging isn’t so much for fitness but more for releasing a lot of stress, especially in a life which doesn’t consist of much sex, if any at all, until Sebastian, so jogging is what helps me. My cheeks bloom into a heated blush just thinking about him.

“Good afternoon,” I greet the elderly woman walking her white Mitzu, watching me smile to myself like a girly girl, which I am far from!

“Good afternoon!” she smiles back.

Time to clear my head! I turn up some heavy metal and pass by my favorite park but there is no time to stop for a break now, I’ll bring Olivia and my mother here after supper. Maybe we can use that time to
bond,
or at least
try
rebuilding my relationship with my mom. Getting her out of that wretched house and into new surroundings might motivate her more to change. I should convince her to come jog with me. I’ve been feeling so low for so long, so empty, that I’ve forgotten how to be myself sometimes. Even just getting out of bed in the morning can be a challenge but I’ve gotta keep my head up, I’ve got my daughter to live for so I just keep going, because I have to.

A little girl is drawing hopscotch with her chalk on the path up ahead. She reminds me of when I was a little girl, and something Olivia likes to do. A little boy is standing in the shallow part of the river fishing with a net and giant rubber boots on, probably catching some crayfish. His dad praises him from the shore. I used to love doing that too with my dad, especially playing in the mud with his boots on. He would laugh as my mother yelled at me for wearing them in the house and tracked mud everywhere!

“Hello,” I interrupt my train of thought and smile to the hopscotch girl.

She smiles back seeing that I’m friendly and not entirely a weirdo. Not much that I can say for the man coming out from behind a tree up ahead, wearing all black with a  baseball hat and dark shades. He looks tall but not very big at all, almost string bean like. I look the other way and try not to make eye contact. It's obvious that I notice him as he rushes his brown Doberman Pinscher into the vehicle. The dog looks the same build as his owner. The dog obeys his owner’s quick commands with its head held high. When the dog stops to turn towards my way with its cropped ears noticing me running by, the owner gives him a swift kick to the ass. I would have bit the guy’s face off! The man gets into his car and just sits there, his eyes watching me as I pass. You can’t help but notice these things when you have nothing else to do but steer ahead. I better hurry before Olivia gets out of school, she’s only a few more blocks away!

All of this thinking distracts me the rest of the way; the school is just up ahead of me. 
Come on Destiny, give your head a shake.
I can’t help but feel like I’m being followed. I keep looking about my surroundings, perhaps a bit nervous from the last incident at the diner with the gunman. I won’t be stopping for anybody, especially a hobo. You just never know! I should follow my own motherly advice, don’t talk to strangers.

A black car, maybe the same one as the dog walker’s, parks up ahead in the store driveway. The weird part is there is a sign on the sidewalk that reads
Going Out of Business Sale!
The driver looks like they are waiting for someone. I cross to the other side of the street to avoid running into them and just in case I need to make a run for it.
There I go again, panicking, and probably over nothing!

Getting closer I notice that the driver
is
the creepy dog walker. My intuition is right! I love Sebastian, and I want to help him but maybe coming back just isn’t the best idea. Maybe
together
isn’t the best idea as problems will just escalate, not get better. I need to listen to myself for once and avoid putting Olivia
and
I both in danger, again. I can’t risk it, Sebastian
has
to go!
My mind says no, my heart says yes, who should I listen to?

My palms are so sweaty; I must have started running much faster. My breathing gets heavier the more overwhelmed I start to feel with every confusing thought that rambles on in my mind. Pain grows in my chest, and my running pace gets faster. I speed up when passing by the parked car. Trying to calm down but the pain gets too much and palpitates. My chest feels like I’m having a heart attack!

“Make it stop!” I begin to weep, crouching with my hands on my knees and my head down against my chest.

“Lady, are you okay?!” The voice startles me and sets my attack worse.

With my hand placed on my chest, I manage to shake my head in response, “No.” Unable to barely speak I beg, “It hurts! Make it stop!”

A hand rests on my back, “It’s okay, take deep breaths whenever you can and think calm thoughts, think about your daughter, it’s just a big anxiety attack.”

I try as he says, anything to help and stop the feeling of painfully dying. The palpitations ease and aren’t as close together or intense anymore. It feels like my chest is going through labor contractions!

“I’m sorry, this hasn’t happened to me before.” My head rises and my posture straightens back up again.

“It’s you!” I recall the dog walker. He’s wearing all plain black clothes just as I figured.

“I can explain!” He steps back his distance from me as if I’m going to throw a punch.

Turning to jog away he stops me, “Wait!” but I continue to steer away from him.

“I don’t know who or what you think I am, but I didn’t mean to scare you!” He calls out.

Stopping again I and turn to respond, “Then why are you following me? How did you even know that I have a daughter or that I noticed you before?”

“Well, you aren’t very good at hiding it.” He smiles, my face easily blushes in embarrassment.

“Look,” he shows me his police badge from his pocket near his gun. “I’m not the bad guy.”

I’ll be the one to determine that
! “Are you working with my dad?”

“No, I mean yes. Dennis asked me to secretly keep an eye on you.”

My shoulders relax back and ease into place. My annoying, not so little brother is looking out for his big sister. That bastard should have told me! What the fuck was he thinking?

“Okay, well that doesn’t explain the creepiness,” referring to his all black Peeping Tom night wear.

“I know, I can be pretty straight forward sometimes.”

His hands are so clean like he just had a manicure. “Nice watch.” It’s too shiny not to notice. “Look, I gotta go. I’m just picking up my daughter from school. You don’t have to follow me anymore,” I reassure.

“Well maybe the next time we run into each other it will be for a coffee.” He steps in towards me close enough to make me have to look up at him. He is definitely tall!

My eyebrows rise in the awkward moment. “Or not. What did you say your name was?” recalling that he never gave me one.

He laughs and stretches out his hand to offer a handshake. “I didn’t. My name is Drew. So I’ll stop following you, since you asked, but only if a beautiful woman like you will accompany me on a coffee date, or just coffee…”

Honestly, how weird do they come? My hand pats his shoulder instead, “I’ll let you know when I find a beautiful woman like me to keep that promise, but you may want to try the brothel. I hear they are cheap.”

I don’t care how cute he is, I can get my own coffee, and at least I know what is put in it. Besides, most murderers and kidnappers are good looking, so they lure you in easier.

Drew is more slender than Sebastian and Dennis but has a strong athletic build, not something I could see from far away.

Woof! Woof!
“Look, it’s just a coffee, and here is my number if you need me, or anything... at all,” he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a business card and hands it to me. “I gotta go, my dog is still in the car, so I hope to hear from you.”

My sweaty hand accepts the fancy business card then notices the time on his watch, “Sure. I gotta go too. Bye.”

Finishing my jog to Olivia’s school I make sure Drew isn’t still following me after he drives the opposite way. Olivia is already waiting outside for me by herself on the swings in the school yard. She takes her hair out of her ponytail and lets her long hair sweep over her shoulders. Her feet kick the rocks beneath her swing, and her hands  fold limp to her side.

“Mommy!” Her little legs run as quickly as they can as soon as she sees me. Her fragile arms wrap themselves as far as they can tightly around my waist.

“What’s wrong, Sweetie?” My fingers brush her bangs out of her eyes. I can sense something isn’t right.

She answers proudly; Olivia looks up at me with puppy dog eyes, “I love you, and I missed you so much that I made you something today!” I love her surprises!

My daughter pulls out a picture from her purple backpack that she be-dazzled and customized with drawings all by herself. Her tiny fingers point to each character, “Look, mommy, that’s you, and that’s Sebastian! And this is the black puppy that I want named Charlie. He’s eating rainbow treats!”

My mind was made up about having a puppy, but I couldn’t help but smile. I’m not going to rain on her parade, and maybe a puppy will be good for her. A puppy will finally be one good thing she’ll have in this crazy life. It’s a little surprising that she drew a picture of Sebastian though because she just met him. She did take an instant liking to him though, and it shows. Sebastian leaving now would break her big heart.

I notice that she used a red crayon for me and a blue one for Sebastian, our favorite colors. “Red and blue go good together, don’t you think?” I wink then kiss her head and hug her back, “I missed you too today, of course, all day too!” We chuckle together.

“Oh mommy, you’re so silly!”

“Of course! That’s where you get it from!”

She smiles then asks if we can stop at The Duck Park on the way home, the park that I passed on my way here. “Sure can, but first let’s pick up grandma. She is going to have dinner with us tonight. Want to help me make it? We are having lasagna!”