Intuition (6 page)

“Yes, but only if Sebastian can come too!”

“It won’t be the same without him, will it?.”

My mother’s house isn’t the place to take a six-year-old, but we are already nearby, and the park will be a great place to spend some grandma-time before dinner. It'll also give her and I some space to talk while Olivia feeds the ducks with the seeds from the quarter machines there. She will be occupied forever! Maybe we can rebuild the mother-daughter relationship we used to have when I was a kid, or better, like the one I try to have with my own daughter. After all, you only ever have one mother.

Olivia’s hand firmly grips mine as we walk past my mother’s beat up fence and up to her door. “Can I knock, Mommy?”

“You sure can!” No one comes to the door. She knocks a little harder before I try. There is still no answer.

“Mom!” I call out and then knock again. The door opens easily when I fidget with the handle. “Mom!” I yell again.

“Come here, Olivia,” I whisper then pick her up into my arms keeping her close then carry her the rest of the way.

“Mom, where the fuck are you?” I murmur through the hall.

Rustling noises stir from the other hallway. The light from the bathroom shines through the crack of the slightly opened door. I walk quietly towards my mother’s TV stand and quietly reach inside one of the drawers to grab her handgun.

Pushing down on the lever at top, rear of the gun, I disengage the safety. “Olivia, run to the kitchen and stay there until I tell you to come out!” She runs quickly.

My hand pulls back the slide on top of the barrel to load the bullet into the firing chamber, then I quietly sneak back towards the bathroom door holding the gun out in front of me, hunting the poor bastard who is going the be greeted by the first bullet. My finger, on the other hand, rests on the trigger and prepares to shoot.

A familiar man’s voice mutters from inside of the bathroom, “Dumb Bitch, can’t even handle the blow anymore and stay awake for the next John to pay me back my money! I’ll show her a good blow to the face!”

I’m not waiting, that prick is talking about my mother, and she’s missing. My foot kicks open the bathroom door and thumps the body backward into something hard.

“What the fuck!” The horrified eyes staring back at me are Paul’s. The door drove his ass back right into the corner of the sink counter.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I demand, shaking the gun at him. “Where is my mother? WHERE IS SHE? I will fucking kill you, Paul, you better fucking talk!” I threaten.

He gets the nerve to take a step towards me  with a smile. “Stupid whore owes me money, but you’ll do. Your pretty little face is worth more.”

My hands point the barrel of the gun downwards and shoots his foot. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

“Ow, you bitch!”

“Now where is she?” I demand again.

“She’s fine! She’s in her bedroom sleeping! I’ll have you arrested for this you fucking cunt!”

“Have me arrested? If my mother isn’t okay, then you won’t even be alive! You better give me some God damn answers, Paul!”

His shoe soaks up blood from his white sock that’s exposed through the hole at the top where my gun shot him. I’m rather proud of it.

“I didn’t fucking touch her. I swear!” he begs me to spare his life.

I’m not afraid to shoot him again, and he knows that I won’t hesitate. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I own this place!” Paul claims, holding his wounded foot.

“She’s renting from
you
? Is she one of your tricks too?”

He hesitates, and his eyes search the tiles on the floor trying to avoid contact with me. I step in closer towards him, moving the aim of my barrel at his chest, “I asked you a fucking question, you son of a bitch! Answer me dammit!”

“Yes! Yes, she works for me! I let her live here for half of the rent, that’s our agreement.”

“Well, aren’t you just fucking generous! Saving her money and shit if she turns some tricks for you like a fucking sideshow clown!”

“I’m not fucking her! She’s just another whore passed out on her bed. Bitch can’t handle the drugs anymore. Your brother knows all about turning tricks!”

“Don’t, fucking bastard, if you ever call my mother that again I will kill you! She’s not one of your dirty skanks! Understand? And you leave my brother’s name out of your mouth! What the hell did you give her?”

“I didn’t give her anything; she asked for blow, so I gave it to her. She said she was in the worst pain of her life. That’s not the only thing she can blow,” he chuckles.

I kick his bloody foot and wiped that smile right off of his face, “Why did you give it to her you idiot?”

“Hey, I’m just the pimp and give the ladies what they want!”

“Real fucking classy, you fucking asshole. You’re nothing but pig scum and don’t know what a woman wants, you filthy piece of shit!”

My need is bad, my need to kill him and watch him suffer and die. But would that solve anything? It won’t make my mother better, only she can do that.

Recalling that Olivia is still in hiding, “Get the fuck out of here now before I do kill you. If I ever see you around my family again, I will do it!”

For a split second there is a part of me that can’t do it because risking everything that I had worked so hard for in school, studying law, so that I can put away losers like him in jail where they belong would be time wasted and thrown out of the window all because of this scumbag. But most importantly, Olivia is still here, and the risk of losing her just isn’t worth it. Stepping back into the hallway, I aim my gun at Paul's back as I follow behind him. I urge him to leave now while he still has the chance before my mind changes.

“What about my money?” he has the nerve to turn around and ask.

“Screw your money! Do you want me to just get rid of you now? Don’t come anywhere near her, ever! My dad will also know about this so be glad if he doesn’t get to you first.”

He turns and runs away slamming the door behind him. Placing the gun into my pocket, I race to my mother’s room and see her body plastered lifelessly on her bed face down. Rolling her over I make sure that she’s alive and beg her to wake up. She definitely relapsed, and that means that she had stopped taking drugs for a while which is probably why she was in so much pain. That also means there is still some willpower in this strong woman yet, I just need to help her bring that woman back.

My mom’s eyes open. At first she questions her surroundings and who I am. It’s seems she’s been in a deep sleep for a week.

“You are lucky to be alive, Mom! What the hell were you thinking? Don't you want to get better?”

“Destiny, I do. I’m sorry I’m not perfect okay! All I wanted was just one more hit. The pain, I can’t take it!”

“Well, obviously you can’t take the poison either.” My hand swipes her bangs from her face like I do for Olivia.

“Olivia? Where’s Olivia? Is she okay?” my mother frets.

“Yes, mom, Olivia’s here, she’s hiding. You must have been dreaming or something while you were out. I’ll send her in while I make coffee then we will go to my place where you are staying and will be safe. We will talk about a rehab plan later and why the fuck you work for Paul!”

She bites her lip and looks up at me with tired puppy dog eyes, “Oh… he told you?”

“Like what the hell were you thinking, Mom, seriously? Obviously you don’t think at all! Well, Paul won’t be around you anymore, or any of us.”

My mother places her hand on mine. “He always comes back, he always finds a reason.”

When moving her hair again, I notice a bruise on the side of her left eye. “No, he won’t because he was warned when I shot him and threatened to kill him if he ever did.”

“You
shot
him?” She seems a little surprised. “Good!”

My hand tilts her head to an angle, “Did he do this to you?”

“Who?” She turns to look towards the door avoiding eye contact and pushes my hand away.

“Paul! Did Paul do this to you? I told you that if you want my help then you have to be honest with me, mom!”

“I am! I do still want your help! I need help, and I admit it, okay?! I’m a crazy bitch who lets assholes hit her! Who would respect a druggy whore like me anyway?”

I grab the tops of her arms and hold them down from swinging, “Stop! Stop it! You
are
better than this! These so called
men,
aren’t real men, because if they were then they wouldn’t do this to you or use you like a God damned dirty doormat! I will help you, we will come up with a plan and make sure that you stick to it,” I assure her. My father would never treat her this way.

Mom’s arms slip from my hold and lock around my neck tightly. A tear drops down my cheek, but it isn’t mine. It’s hers. “I’m so sorry, I really am! I just want to live a normal life and be the mother that you are to Olivia. I want to be the grandma to her that she deserves! I love you both.”

“I love you too, Mom. We
will
get through this.” Trying to give her hope is the least that I can do right now.

“Mommy? Grandma?” Olivia’s voice calls from the bedroom doorway. “I heard you and grandma talking, so I thought that it was safe to come out now since the bad man is gone.”

“Yes sweetie, come here,” I wave for her to come over and hug her into my arms while my mother still has hers around me.

Olivia sits on my lap. “Mommy, why are you and grandma crying?”

“We are just a little sad, but a little happy too.”

“But why?”

“That bad man made us sad, but he’s gone now and you make us happy.”

“Is Grandma okay?”

“Grandma is sick, but she will get better,” I assure her.

Olivia perks up, “Can I help? I’m six now so I’m really good at helping!”

“You sure can!” I smile. “You stay here with Grandma and keep her company. I’m going to make coffee and then we will go to the duck park before supper before it gets too dark. Tell her all about your day at school today!”

Olivia screeches in excitement, “Oh grandma! I had a good day today, my teacher, Mrs. Adams, gave me a gold star on my Tooth Fairy chart and a sticker and a new pink toothbrush, all just because I lost a tooth, SEE!?” she speaks fast and her little fingers stretch open her mouth and shows all of her teeth, except the few that are missing. She proudly points to the missing spaces and tells grandma all about how she lost each baby tooth.

My mom looks up at me with a smile. Their conversation fades as I make my way towards the kitchen.

Dirty dishes are piled up, and I really don’t want to wash them. “Actually, let’s go out and grab a coffee on the way to the park, my treat!” I shout out towards the room.

Mom hasn’t lived here long, but the place certainly hasn’t been kept very well up to date in repairs. There are holes in the white walls that are too big for her small, fragile fists to fit into. The old fashioned red, beige and black area rug under the coffee table at least matches the black curtains, but can’t say the same for that tacky old gray couch with dull pink and white flowers. This place certainly needs a major clean up. I unfold the tacky rug that my feet almost trip over, I’m so clumsy! A bullet rolls out from under it. Noticing that it wasn’t shot from my mother’s gun, I place it into my pocket.

“Grab some clothes and you can shower at my place. Dad will come by later to grab the rest of your stuff. You won’t be staying here anymore,” I call out again.

Pulling out the drawer in her TV stand and rustle through papers where I found her gun, I check for anything else that we may need, like more bullets! My hand gets stopped by a book. It looks like a diary. Maybe it’ll help give me some insight as to what my mother is going through and what has been happening around this hell hole.

I open the brown hardcover and turn a few pages.

“The dark shadows take over my surroundings forcing my happy background music to vanish. Even flowers would struggle just to bloom from the thick, dirty soils of my life and fight to escape the walls that stand in our way, and  fight through the wrath of the worms that have slithered into my life at my most vulnerable moments. That feeling when you break free because you are strong enough to fight; that is where I want to be. That is where I feel that I am at my strongest point in my life, is when I have the courage to break free because of the people who do love me. When I relapse and fall back, leaves begin to wilt because I am at my weakest, which is when I must be my strongest. I must cut down the weeds and parasites that damage my life, damage my soul. I must find the light that helps me grow, my Destiny, and my Olivia, and my dear husband that I miss so very much. The days when…”

The floor creaks from behind me then an arm squeezes around my neck, another one across my chest. “I told you I would be back!” Paul’s voice cracks.

His hand slides down my shirt and onto my breast. “You son of a bitch!” I curse and try to struggle out of his hold.

“Destiny!” My mother squeals a horrifying scream.

“Stay back, whore, I can get a lot more money for this pretty little gem! She’s more untouched than you’re wrinkly old ass.”

With a knife clutching in his other fist near my flesh, he grabs my hair and yanks my head back. His bitter tongue licks down my forehead. “But I think I might keep her for myself,” his rotting breath puffs from his words as his clammy hands slither through the top scheme of my shorts. “She won’t mind getting ripped open a little bit, let’s see how tight she is, shall we?” Paul’s fingers crawl down off of my breasts and down my stomach.

My hand reaches slowly down into my side pocket unnoticed for the gun. I grab it first then swing my elbow and bash it into his chest.