It's All About Him (36 page)

'You hate the gym,' Lauren reminded her.

'I know, but now I have all this free time in the evenings I decided I had to do something proactive with it. If I sit home alone thinking, I'll just get depressed, feel sorry for myself and eat.'

'I think it's a great idea.' Dee patted her arm.

'But it's still as boring as I remember,' Lisa admitted.

'You should go to a class,' Lauren told her, 'that's what I did after the twins were born. It's more fun, you don't really feel like you're exercising at all.'

Lisa eyed Lauren's svelte figure. 'Is that all you did to lose weight?'

Lauren laughed. 'No, I pushed a double pram back and forth to the park and the shops and ran up and down the stairs a million times a day.'

Lisa sighed. 'That would do it.'

'I tell you what, Lisa, you go to the gym and I'll cook you low-fat meals that are so gorgeous you won't even know they're low-fat,' Dee promised.

'Really?' Lisa brightened.

'Really,' Dee said, standing up. 'Now I must go to the loo.'

Lauren winked at Lisa. 'The loo that just happens to be in the back lounge?'

'That's hardly my fault,' Dee pointed out archly, annoyed that she was so transparent.

When she opened the door into the other lounge, she tried to have a quick look around without being too obvious. There were quite a few people in the darkened room and she thought she could make out Ronan's head but she couldn't see Conor. Feeling disappointed, she made her way along the back wall towards the toilets. As she pushed open the door she collided with someone coming the other way.

'Oh, I'm sorry – oh!'

'Hi, Dee.' Conor stepped back so she could get through the narrow doorway.

'Hi, Conor. How are you?' Dee smiled nervously, conscious of how close he was and how tall he seemed when she was wearing trainers.

'Fine. How's Sam?'

'Yeah, he's okay, the rash healed up quite quickly thank goodness.'

'Rash?' He frowned. 'What rash?'

'Oh, right, I forgot you didn't know. The morning after we' – she felt her cheeks grow hot – 'met, he got a rash on his arm but it's fine now.' She peered up at him from under her eyelashes. 'Have I done something to annoy you, Conor?'

'Sorry?'

She sighed. 'Look, I know I said something to upset you that night, but I'm afraid I don't know what it was. I'd had quite a lot to drink at Vi's.'

He looked at her, frowning. 'So you don't know what you said to me?'

She shook her head. 'Fraid not. Do you want to tell me?'

He smiled slightly. 'It doesn't really matter.'

'It mattered enough for you not to call me,' she retorted. 'And when I phoned you, you were really off with me.'

'I'm sorry, I feel a bit stupid now.'

'Why?' she moved closer and put her hands on his chest.

'Because I forgot that you'd been drinking.' He frowned again. 'I hope you don't feel that I took advantage of you.'

She smiled. 'I do and I loved every minute of it.'

The door opened and they sprang apart, grinning at each other like school kids as they waited for the woman to pass. She shot them a suspicious look before going into the ladies'.

Conor pulled her close and she could feel his breath on her cheek. 'Are you going to be here for much longer?' he murmured.

'Not long. You?' She licked her lips.

'The match should be over in about an hour. Were you planning an early night?'

He held her waist with his hands and slid his thumbs under her shirt to stroke her skin lightly.

Dee closed her eyes briefly. 'I think that would be a good idea,' she murmured.

He straightened, so that he could look at her, his eyes dark. 'Want some company?'

'Oh, yes.' She reached up and pulled his mouth down to hers and wouldn't let him go even when the woman pushed past them again, tutting loudly.

'Oh, God,' Conor groaned when they finally pulled apart. 'I hope it doesn't go to extra time!'

Dee laughed. 'You'd better go before Lisa or Lauren come looking for me.'

'Would it matter?' he asked.

'No, but it's kind of exciting having a secret assignation.' She kissed him one more time and then pushed him towards the door. 'I'll leave the back door open. Come straight up.' And blowing him a kiss, she disappeared into the ladies'.

'So why did you cut your hair?' Conor asked as they lay in bed, drinking beer and talking quietly. They had a lot of catching up to do.

'I felt like a change.'

'Or did you do it because you were annoyed with me?'

'Maybe,' she admitted, moving closer and kissing his chest. He'd always loved her hair and hated it when she got it cut. 'Stupid, huh?'

He sighed. 'We both were. Still, sometimes it takes a break to make you realize what's important.'

She sat back against the pillow so she could look into his face. 'What do you mean?'

'I mean we have something really special and we nearly threw it all away.'

'Twice,' Dee pointed out.

He winced. 'Yes, twice. Do you think we can try to be more careful in future?'

She smiled. 'We can try.'

He was silent for a moment and then he took her hand. 'Can I ask you something?'

He kept his eyes down so she couldn't read his expression. 'Of course.' She squeezed his hand in encouragement.

'Do you want Neil back?'

'No, Conor, of course I don't!'

He looked up, his eyes searching hers. 'Are you sure about that?'

Dee sighed. 'Yes, I am.'

'But you loved him once.'

'Yes, I did, but that was more than five years ago. We could never move on from what happened back then and I wouldn't want to. I don't believe he would either. He wouldn't have even come to see me if it wasn't for Sam.'

'Idiot,' Conor muttered. 'So are you going to let him meet Sam?'

'I suppose I should.'

'But do you want to?' Conor asked gently.

Dee thought about it for a second. 'I just want to make Sam happy. It would be wonderful if he could have a special relationship with his father but how do I know I can trust Neil not to hurt him? I've done a lot of research into gambling and I know it's a disease and I must make allowances for that but I have to put Sam first.'

Conor nodded firmly. 'Of course you do.'

'The problem is', she continued, 'even though he might be okay now, there's no guarantee that he will stay that way.'

'No.'

'It's so hard, Conor, I don't know what to do for the best. Peggy says—'

'Peggy?' Conor frowned. 'What's she got to do with it?'

Dee sighed. 'Oh, God, I'd forgotten you didn't know about any of that.' She sat up and swung her legs out of bed. 'I'll get you some more beer, it's a long story.'

'No,' he glanced at his watch, 'I've an early start. Put on some coffee and I'll get dressed.'

'I think that's everything,' Dee said, standing up to put on the kettle again.

Conor was still looking at her. 'I can't believe you've kept this to yourself all these years.'

'I had to, Conor. I couldn't risk someone letting it slip to Sam.'

He looked at her. 'Don't you know that I would never repeat anything you said to me in confidence?'

'Yes; yes, of course I do, but you must remember that this all happened before we met. By the time you and I got together, I had been keeping it a secret for so long that I suppose I began to believe it myself. It wasn't until Neil returned that Peggy's position in Sam's life came into question.'

He shook his head. 'You're starting up a new business, your cousin is really Sam's granny, is there anything else I should know?'

She grinned. 'No, how about you?'

'Me?' he chuckled. 'I'm an open book, what you see is what you get.'

'I don't know if I'd agree with that,' she said lightly, setting a fresh mug of coffee in front of him.

He held out his hands, his eyes innocent. 'What?'

'You are such a closed book,' she told him, sitting down opposite him and pulling her knees up to her chin. 'I know hardly anything about your student years or your time in Clare. If it wasn't for your mother boasting about your achievements, I wouldn't know anything at all!'

He shrugged. 'You know me, Dee, I'm just not the chatty sort.'

She kept her head down and said nothing.

'What?' he prompted. 'Come on, Dee, out with it. I refuse to break up with you again.'

She smiled. 'I suppose I've always wondered why you came back. You were pretty settled in Clare, weren't you?'

He shook his head. 'No, not really. I was an employee on a farm and it was always my goal to buy my own place.'

'But why not a place down there where your friends were?' she persisted. Now that she'd finally got him talking, she was determined to find out all she could.

'Mum and Dad had moved back here by then and it seemed like the obvious thing to do. I am their only child,' he pointed out, 'and they're not getting any younger.'

Dee watched him silently. That made sense, she had to admit. 'So there was no woman you were running away from or that had broken your heart?'

'Would that bother you?' he said, looking pleased with himself.

She made a face. 'No! I was just curious. You just never talk about your time down in Clare.'

He looked surprised. 'I do.'

'You told me about the cattle and the pigs and the fact that Aidan's mother made the best apple tart you'd ever eaten—'

'She still does,' he assured her.

She ignored him. 'But you never told me what you got up to when you weren't working.'

'Slept, went to the pub,' he shrugged, 'pretty much what I do now.'

'Oh, Conor,' she said with a weary sigh.

'What is it you want me to say?' he asked reasonably.

'I suppose I'd just like it if you shared a bit more.'

He muffled a snort.

'What?'

'Nothing.' He bit his lip.

She scowled. 'Go home.'

He stood up, laughing softly, and pulled her to her feet.

She cuddled into his embrace, reaching up to cup his face in her hands. 'You look tired.'

'And whose fault is that?'

She grinned. 'I didn't hear you complaining.'

'Nor will you.' He looked into her eyes, his expression suddenly serious. 'Thank you for telling me everything.'

She shrugged. 'I would have sooner but—'

'I was too busy being a moody bastard.'

She smiled. 'I was to blame too. It's just been such a crazy time I don't really know whether I'm coming or going. Do you think I'm mad even considering this business venture?'

'I think you'd be mad not to. It's a brilliant idea. Lisa is a very clever girl.' He shook his head in wonder. 'I still can't believe that Ger dumped
her
. Still, I always said he was a pillock.'

'She was devastated but talking to her tonight, she seems to be coming to terms with it.'

Conor hugged her one last time. 'I've got to go and you should get some sleep.'

'I will.' She walked with him to the door, pulling her dressing gown tighter around her as he opened it and cold air rushed in.

'I'll call you tomorrow,' he promised.

As Dee went back to bed, a dreamy grin on her face, she realized that she still hadn't found out any details about his love life at all. 'Bugger,' she murmured, climbing into bed and falling into a deep and dreamless sleep.

The next few weeks sped by as Dee, Lisa and Lauren worked on their new project. Lauren was making contacts, talking to designers and, together with Dee, drafting a business plan. Dee still thought it was a waste of time approaching her own bank manager but Lauren suspected he might have a change of heart when he saw what Dee had achieved over the last couple of months.

'But we'll approach a couple of other banks too,' she told Dee. While they worked on that, Lisa talked to the chefs who had impressed Dee most to see if they were interested in working from home. She also went back to the agency Dee had originally talked to and told them of the change in their requirements. The consultant was very optimistic that it would be easy to find people who wanted to work from home.

Each night when Sam was in bed and Conor sat reading or watching television, Dee would work at the kitchen table coming up with suitable recipes. She had got great help and advice from Polly Underwood and April, the chef she had met on her first
Right Now
show. Also, the various government agencies involved in new businesses and food legislation had bent over backwards to help.

'I had no idea there was so much involved in starting up a new business,' she had confessed to Lauren, 'but I'm very impressed at how much help there is out there.'

'You're a future employer and tax-payer, it's in their interests to help you,' Lauren had pointed out.

'Cynic.'

'Realist,' Lauren had retorted.

Conor had been wonderful, spending lots of time with Sam and giving Dee plenty of opportunity to work on her new venture. He'd even suggested, tentatively, that maybe Sam could spend a night at the farm. The idea frankly terrified Dee. Apart from the fact that Boxer wandered in and out of the house at will, there were traces of the animal everywhere.

'You don't trust me, do you?' Conor had accused her.

'I do, Conor, you know I do, it's just I don't think you realize how hard it is to protect him. Look at that episode with Paula.'

'I do realize,' he'd insisted, 'and I will do whatever's necessary to keep him safe, but if it means that you would just sit here worrying yourself sick then there's no point.'

Dee knew how much Sam would love it and that it would be a huge display of her trust in Conor, so she'd agreed. 'But you'll have to do a major clean-up first,' she'd said, only half joking, 'and we don't tell Sam until the day or he'll have driven me mad talking about it.'

Conor had seemed genuinely delighted and assured her she wouldn't recognize the place when he was finished with it. They'd agreed on the Friday of the following week and Dee knew what she had to do on her night off. It was time to see Neil and put him out of his misery.

His patience had grown thin over the last couple of weeks and he had called Dee a number of times. Things came to a head when she went to the supermarket one morning and found him waiting for her when she came out. 'How did you know I was here?' she'd said angrily, looking around to see if anyone was watching them.