It's All Relative (22 page)

Not able to say any of that, she smiled as realistically as she could. “Yeah, sure. I don’t care.” As an afterthought, she spit out, “He’s family though, so you know…be nice.” But not too nice. Oh God…how could she stand this?

April giggled and bounded out of the room. Jessie sighed and closed her eyes; they burned with unshed tears. She had to…it was for the best.

After giving herself several long moments to slowly count to ten, Jessie straightened, lifted her head up confidently, and strode back into the living room. Her step almost faltered when she came upon April sitting as close to Kai as she could, playing with a long strand of her dark hair as she openly flirted with him. For his part, Kai only seemed to be engaged in a friendly conversation with April, not ogling her, as she wanted him to.

Kai was sitting on the edge of the couch, with April practically on his hip, so Jessie sat on the smaller couch with Harmony. Jessie’s friends politely asked Kai questions about his life and his family, and Jessie starting spacing out as she listened to the rise and fall of his voice. She studied the way his lips formed phrases, the way the edges of his mouth curved up, the way his teeth gleamed when he smiled. Jessie had a sudden vision of her tongue running along those teeth. So deeply lost in thoughts she tried to never have, she quickly found herself being swept away. She blatantly stared at him while he gestured with his hands as he told a story about work. Jessie instantly pictured those hands on her body. Biting her lip, Jessie felt her skin begin to tingle, felt her heart begin to quicken, and felt her breath begin to increase.

His tropical eyes—eyes that would rival the most fabulous oceans in all the world—flicked glances at her every now and again. When she bit her lip, they locked right onto the sensitive skin. He adjusted how he was sitting on the couch, and Jessie let herself imagine that he was reacting to her. Clearing his throat, he tore his gaze from her mouth to look over at Harmony, who’d just asked him a question.

Jessie saw him adjust his posture again, watched as he pulled his jeans down a bit, and she wondered if his clothes were getting tighter. She hoped so. Running a finger down the v-neck of her shirt, she pulled it over slightly to play with her bra strap. Harmony and April were too fascinated with Kai to notice what she was doing, but Kai’s eyes immediately snapped to her; he stuttered on his sentence. Not knowing why she was doing it, Jessie let her fingers travel over the cup of her bra, swirl around her nipple. Kai completely stopped talking and ran a hand over his jaw. His eyes flashed up to hers, and Jessie could see the desire there, burning under the surface. She had to adjust how she was sitting now, as desire surged through her, too.

Then April set her hand on his thigh. Kai jumped as he turned to look at her, and a sudden flood of horror rushed through Jessie. Jesus, she’d actually been flirting with her cousin. No, more than flirting. Seducing. Her hand slapped over her mouth, just in case her stomach decided to heave. It was so wrong, on so many levels. Jessie saw Kai’s face going through all the same conflicting emotions she was going through, as he half-listened to April talking about her job. Even though his skin hadn’t changed color, Jessie thought he looked paler.

Jessie shot to her feet, drawing everyone’s attention to her. “I’m gonna…open the wine for dinner.” A drink, that was what Jessie needed. A nice big drink.

As she sped from the room, she heard Kai say, “I’ll help you.”

Knowing that he was going to follow her into the small, private room amplified her confusion. She didn’t really want to be alone with him right now, but she couldn’t refuse his polite offer in front of her roommates. Crossing her fingers, Jessie hoped April followed them. A third party would help. Maybe. But then she heard April and Harmony begin a low conversation between themselves. They were most likely taking this opportunity to talk about Kai, and just when Jessie could have used their interference.

She leaned over the counter when she got to the kitchen; she wasn’t sure what she should be feeling right now, other than conflicted. And guilty.

“Jessie?” Her name on Kai’s lips warmed and horrified her. There was so much love and ache behind the syllables. But the feeling he inlaid in the word was wrong. They couldn’t be like that, they just couldn’t. Jessie twisted around to face him, and she felt tears in her eyes again. “Cousin?” he whispered, his expression sad as he looked her over.

Jessie’s tears built to a level she couldn’t sustain, and they began to freely slide down her cheeks. Kai immediately walked up to her and brushed them away. “When does it get easier, Kai?” she whispered as she searched his face.

Kai dropped his hand. He stayed close to her, but it was obvious he was being careful not to touch her. “I don’t know.” Shaking his head, he shrugged. “Someday?”

Jessie hung her head, her forehead just reaching his chest. Kai stepped in and enclosed his arms around her in a warm embrace. Knowing they shouldn’t, Jessie slung her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his body. They both exhaled at the same time, and it felt like a weight was being lifted from Jessie’s shoulders. Why did touching him have to bring her such peace?

Kai rubbed her back and placed a tender kiss on her head. She snuggled into his arms, burrowing her head in the space under his jaw. Feeling a warmth and safety that she knew wasn’t appropriate made another tear fall from her eye.

Listening to their quiet heartbeats and the girls giggling in the next room, Jessie whispered, “April is going to ask you out after dinner.” She pulled her head away from his embrace and looked up at him. Searching his face, Jessie pierced her heart. “I want you to say yes. I want you to go out with her.”

Kai’s eyes widened, and he shook his head. Jessie’s face was blank, emotionless. Her heart was so torn she couldn’t even fake a reassuring smile. It had to be this way. They quicker they moved on, the better. Kai opened and closed his mouth; by the confliction in his eyes, it was clear he was trying to find a different solution to their problems…but he wasn’t succeeding. It would be so nice, so easy, if they could just shut off the attraction they felt for each other. If she could stop the warmth and affection from growing larger with each and every moment she spent with him. But she couldn’t stop it, so maybe April stealing some of his time away from Jessie was exactly what they both needed to sever this connection they had, before it got any deeper.

Because, as nice as it was, the depth of feeling that she had for him was wrong. Wanting his arms to always be around her was wrong. Wanting him to lean down and place his lips against hers was wrong. Wanting him to tell her that he couldn’t see April because he was madly in love with her…was wrong.

Kai closed his mouth as he searched her eyes. His face changed as Jessie stared at him. Some decision had been reached while he’d silently debated with himself, and Jessie knew that either way, his answer was going to hurt.

Softly sighing, he slumped in her arms and whispered, “Okay…cousin.”

K
ai watched Jessie as discreetly as he could during dinner. She smiled and talked with everyone as if nothing was wrong, but Kai could see the excess moisture in her eyes, the tightness in her jaw. She was torn; she was hurting. He could see the pain, but even if he couldn’t, he would have known without a doubt that it was there, because
he
was torn,
he
was hurting. Yet again, they were both feeling the exact same way, and there was nothing either one of them could do about it.

As Jessie gave him a sideways glance before locking her eyes onto her plate, Kai internally sighed and looked over at Jessie’s roommate, April. She was definitely beautiful, with long black hair, dark eyes, full lips, a lean body, and an attitude that exuded confidence. But…Kai didn’t want to date her. Honestly, he didn’t want to date anyone. He just had too much going on right now. Well, no…if he were going to be completely honest, there
was
one girl he would gladly date, if she was a possibility. But, she wasn’t.

Kai nodded as he listened to the story April was telling. The flirtatious woman was sitting next to him at the table, across from Harmony and Jessie, and her palm was resting on his knee. Knowing she had the intention of asking him out later, and knowing Jessie wanted him to say yes when she did, Kai was letting her leave her hand there. It felt odd to him, though. Foreign, unwanted.

Picking at his food, Kai tried to make polite conversation with the group. While he did, he wondered if maybe Jessie was right. Maybe, with whatever was building between the two of them, it would be better for both Kai and Jessie if he distracted himself with a little female company. And Jessie liked April, otherwise she wouldn’t have asked him to date her. Maybe if Kai was seeing someone Jessie approved of, it would ease the transition. Just admitting that stung. Easing the transition meant making one, and even though he knew it needed to happen, he wasn’t ready.

Kai watched Jessie stick a piece of roast into her mouth. Her tongue flashed down to her lip, to swipe away some stray sauce, and a forlorn sigh escaped him. He wished he could feel her lips again, just one more time. At hearing his wistful exhale, Jessie’s eyes lifted to meet Kai’s. Reluctantly, he shifted his gaze to his plate. He shouldn’t think about that. It wasn’t helping anything for him to allow his thoughts to keep going down that path.

Popping some roast into his mouth, he smiled. He loved roast, it reminded him of lazy Sunday afternoons at his mom’s place. How did Jessie always seem to know just what to do? He never really had to tell her what he liked or what he needed. She just instinctively knew. She was so amazing.

Clearing his throat during a lull in the conversation, Kai looked up at her and said, “This is great, Jessie. Thank you.”

Jessie looked up and met his eye; her cheeks turned a slight shade of pink as she absorbed his praise. It was intoxicating. “Thank you,” she quietly replied. Glancing at her roommates, she quickly added, “I had help. Harmony made the salad.”

The lightly freckled girl grinned. Kai returned the smile but mentally kicked himself. Jessie was trying to keep some space between them by deflecting his compliment. He could try and do the same. “Well, it’s wonderful, thank you.”

April frowned as she dragged her fork over her plate. “I…offered to help,” she muttered, pouting in such an adorable way that Kai had to smile at her.

Wanting to do the right thing, the thing that his cousin had asked him to do, he fortified his needs and desires, reached his hand under the table, and rested his palm over April’s. She visibly brightened at the contact, and twisted her hand so she could lace their fingers together. Kai ignored the burning sensation of Jessie watching them and held April’s gaze. He knew Jessie couldn’t see their hands unless she looked under the table, but he still felt really horrible flirting in front of her. He’d only meant to make brief contact with April, to let her know that he wouldn’t reject her invitation later, but she’d latched onto his gesture with a firm grip. It would be rude to pull away now.

Forcing a smile, he politely told her, “I’m sure you helped in other ways.”

April giggled as she playfully bumped into his side. Kai heard Jessie sigh, but when he pulled his eyes from the Asian beauty beside him to look over at her, she was studying the remnants of food on her plate. Even though his appetite was completely gone, Kai quietly resumed eating.

After the meal, Harmony whisked the dishes away, and the foursome polished off the second bottle of wine. Relaxing back in his chair, Kai relentlessly watched Jessie. He wished he could talk to her, really make sure she was okay with this, but he didn’t see how he could get away from April now. The woman had a firm hold of his hand as she sipped her drink, and she was leaning into his side now, her cheeks flushed from the wine.

Harmony had noticed their hands under the table when she’d taken their plates. With a shake of her head, she’d given Kai a knowing grin, like she wasn’t at all surprised that April was getting what she wanted. It had taken a great deal of restraint to not tell her that he was only flirting with April because he’d been asked to. His heart wasn’t in it. Thinking of where his heart was really resting made Kai consider calling it a night.

Jessie had the same thought. Standing, she exaggerated a series of yawns and stretches. “Well, I should turn in. You’re welcome to stay, Kai, if you…”

Her voice trailed off as her new, taller angle allowed her to see Kai and April’s hands laced together. Kai had the strangest desire to rip his fingers away from April. He’d never intended to keep the contact going for so long, and now, if he yanked his hand away after being spotted by Jessie, it would be entirely too obvious why he was withdrawing. Jessie’s eyes widened as they lifted to his; she seemed heartbroken and relieved, all at once. Kai wanted to apologize, wanted to tell her that he didn’t want this…that he’d rather be holding
her
hand. But he knew he couldn’t say that. And Jessie knew it too, so she said nothing about the flirting. Giving him a soft smile, she responded with, “You can stay as long as you like. My home is your home.”