It's All Relative (9 page)

Closing his eyes to block out the sudden rush of sadness, Kai twisted to follow Jessie down the hallway. He walked into the room where he could hear her shifting things around, and was instantly struck with a stale, musty odor. Gran was right; she rarely used this room.

Jessie had grabbed a box from somewhere and was placing photos inside it. Glancing up at him, she pointed across the hall. “There are some boxes in Grams’s room. Let’s pack up her stuff so we can move the furniture.”

Nodding, Kai looked around at all the mementoes, knickknacks, and tchotchkes. This room was sort of a shrine to collectibles, each one with their own small doily. Cleaning it out was going to take some time. Kai found a box, then rejoined Jessie. She was carefully placing several horse figurines into the box, on top of the photos. Noticing that one of the pictures was of his dad, Kai knelt down beside Jessie and shook his head. “This is so weird. You’re placing ponies on top of my dad’s head. That is something I would not have imagined happening yesterday.”

Jessie paused in her packing and glanced up at him. He couldn’t quite read the emotion on her face. Finally, she glanced down at the box she was packing and murmured, “Uncle Nate is your dad. That’s still so weird…”

He tilted his head as he stared at her. Weird was an understatement. “Yeah, Nate is my dad…”

Shaking her head, Jessie sighed and resumed her packing. “Seeing pictures of him, hearing you talk about him, it just makes all of this that much more…real.” She glanced at him as he started packing objects into his box.

Kai sighed in agreement with her. Yes, it was all getting horrifyingly real.

They worked in silence for a while, organizing the surprisingly packed room, then Jessie cleared her throat. “So, what part of Hawaii are you from?” She glanced his way. “I don’t remember.”

Kai was frowning as he placed a photo of a blonde relative he didn’t know into the box. One of the downsides of being so far away was that he hadn’t met very many members of his family. He had never imagined that would be a problem until last night. Not letting his recurring sadness enter into his voice, he answered Jessie, “Kukuihaele.” He bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling as she processed the odd-sounding name. Well, odd for someone who wasn’t used to Hawaiian names. There were several that were odder.

She scrunched her brow as she stared at him, her dark eyes curious and confused. It was pretty adorable on her, and his repressed smile broke free. “Kuk...u…huh?”

A laugh escaped with his smile, and he shook his head as he stuffed a fragile doll into the box; it looked to be about a hundred years old. “Kukuihaele. It’s on the big island. It’s pretty remote, not quite as touristy as some places in Hawaii.” With a smile, Jessie nodded and resumed packing. Feeling a need to let her know something more personal about him, he softly continued, “My mom’s home is near the beach. I used to play in the surf all day and fall asleep every night to the sounds of waves crashing. My dad’s place is farther inland, and when I stayed with him, we used to go horseback riding every night. We’d stay out until we could barely make out the trails, but the horses knew them so well, I was never afraid.”

His mind took him back to both locations, and he let himself get lost in the fond memories. When the past faded back to the present, Kai looked over at Jessie. She was sitting back on her heels, watching him. Her lips were curved into a soft smile, and he had the overwhelming urge to lean over and touch those lips again. Remembering the feel of them firmly wrapped around him made the smile instantly fall from his face. He needed to let last night go. It was wrong to think about it.

Clearing his mind, Kai started harshly shoving objects into the box. He heard Jessie sigh as she continued her own packing. “Anyway, there’s an estuarine research reserve nearby where my parents both work. It’s what got me into studying the environment.”

Standing up to put her full box in a corner, Jessie made a surprised noise. “Oh, I didn’t know that’s what you did.”

Smiling, Kai closed up his own full box. “Yeah, I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself an environmentalist, but I do have a certain respect for where we live, and would like to find a way so that we could all be on Earth…without choking the life out of it.” He gave her a crooked grin, and Jessie laughed. Such a beautiful sound.

Standing, Kai handed her the box. She placed it on top of hers, and he couldn’t help but note that they lined up perfectly. Just like they might…in another life. Hands on her hips, Jessie gave him a friendly grin. “So, instead of staying to study a tropical island, you chose to study…Colorado?”

Her never-ending disbelief that he would leave what she considered paradise made him laugh. Shaking his head, he said, “The Earth is the Earth, no matter where you go.” She responded by rolling her eyes. Shrugging, he added, “My parents focus more on protecting the coastal areas, but I wanted a broader approach. My father understood that and got me a job here, with a friend of his who used to work with him.” Kai pointed to the mountain ranges. “He runs a small research team near the base of The Rockies.”

Jessie’s grin was contagious. “In the mountains?” Kai nodded, confused by her obvious glee. With a playful wink, she told him, “You better get to work on those ski lessons, water boy.”

Kai laughed as they both went to get more boxes. That might not be a bad idea, so long as she was the instructor. But no, that probably
was
a bad idea.

Not too much later, they had all of Gran’s treasures neatly boxed in a corner. With only her bare furniture left, they began hauling things out to Jessie’s truck. The more time he spent with her, the fonder Kai became of his cousin. They had a similar sense of humor and easygoing personalities. It gave Kai a wistful ache to know that if things were different, she would be such an easy girl for him to date. Jessie didn’t complain, didn’t gab on and on about herself, didn’t make fun of the fact that he obviously didn’t have much in the way of possessions, and she laughed at all his stupid jokes. Yeah, if only that one pesky little fact of being related could be removed, he would ask her out on a proper date in a heartbeat.

Kai kept his head down as he warmed his hands over her heater on the ride home. Wishful thinking wasn’t going to get him anywhere. He needed to stop thinking about her as an option. She wasn’t.

“You okay?” she quietly asked.

Peeking over at Jessie, he saw her worrying her lip. Smiling for her benefit, he whispered, “I’m great, Jessie. Thank you for helping me today.”

Her face relaxing, she smiled and placed a hand over his. The contact instantly sent a shock through him, and not just because her hand was so much warmer than his. She apparently felt the spark too, because she immediately pulled her hand away. Keeping her eyes intently focused on the road, she said, “No problem, Kai. It’s the least I could do…for family.”

When they got back to his place, Kai watched Jessie let out a long exhale as her eyes swept the room. He supposed she was remembering the last time she was here. It seemed a little shocking to him that it had only been several hours ago; it felt like a lifetime ago. Throwing his keys on the counter, Kai ran a hand through his hair. “I suppose we should move my crap out of the way.”

Jessie let out a nervous laugh as she followed him into the main room. He heard her roughly swallow when she saw the mattress in the middle of the wall. Lifting it up, Kai shoved it against the wall; he didn’t want the reminder either. It blew his mind that just this morning he had been pleasantly reminiscing about his recent activities on that bed.

Clearing his throat, Kai turned back to Jessie and apologized. He wasn’t sure why he was apologizing to her, but he felt the need to do it. Jessie nodded, her beautiful face still pale. They started moving his boxes in front of where his mattress was propped against the wall, both hiding it, and making room for his new furniture. Halfway through the process, he heard Jessie gasp. He quickly shifted his eyes to her, wondering what she might have found. She was kneeling on the floor, putting some clothes into a box. She looked close to passing out; her lips were nearly white.

Concerned, he squatted beside her. “Jessie?” His fingers came up to touch her cheek, and he tried to ignore how nice her skin felt. Her eyes began to water, but she wouldn’t look at him. He tucked a loose curl behind her ear. “Jessie?” he tried again.

“I’m gonna be sick,” she muttered. Kai worried that she really would be sick by the look on her face. Confused, he tried to pull her gaze from whatever she was staring at. When that didn’t work, he started searching for what had her so enthralled. That was when he felt the bile rising up his throat. There was a condom packet on the floor, right in front of the TV. It was unopened. A perfectly sealed, purple and silver wrapped reminder of everything that had happened between them. The memories relentlessly flooded his head, and like it was happening again, he remembered driving into her over and over, remembered telling her he was going to come, right before the euphoric explosion took him over. His stomach tilted just as surely as desire swept through him.

“Throw it out,” Jessie whispered.

Kai immediately released her face and grabbed the obtrusive thing. He vaguely remembered something falling out of Jessie’s purse when she was getting her phone. She must have had some with her. Maybe she’d planned on screwing someone last night, and he’d fit all of her requirements. It made him feel a little odd that what had happened between them might not have been the result of an unbelievable attraction that had led to something bigger. Maybe what had happened, she’d planned from that very first glance.

Tossing the packet in the garbage under the kitchen sink, he twisted to look back at her, still kneeling on the floor. No, she’d said she wasn’t like that, and he believed her. Besides, he preferred to think that what they’d shared was rare, that it had been fate pulling them together. Then again, what they’d shared was so wrong he shouldn’t even want to think about it at all. If that was fate, then he didn’t want it meddling in his life again.

Coming back into the main room, he squatted by her side. Out of instinct, he started to reach for her, but then he stopped himself. Jessie let out a soft exhale as she looked his way; her eyes were less wet now, and she looked a little embarrassed. “Sorry. I’m trying to be okay with this, but that was a little…” She shrugged and then let out another nervous laugh.

He sat down on the floor by her feet. “I know. I’m trying too.” He gave her an encouraging grin. “It will get easier.” Kai hoped that was true.

Jessie nodded, her eyes locking onto his. It took a lot of willpower, but Kai squelched the rising desire he had to feel those lips again, to touch her face again. A wistful noise escaped her, and he wondered if Jessie was having just as difficult a time. If it weren’t for how much the thought twisted his stomach with disgust, he would ignore the fact that they shared a last name, lay the mattress back onto the floor, and take her one more time.

With a visible effort, he stood and extended a hand to her. Jessie accepted it and let him pull her up to standing. They ended up being closer than he’d intended, their bodies brushing together. Kai didn’t pull away though, and continued to stand with his chest against hers, his flatness a sharp contrast to her fullness. As he clutched her hand tight, he suspected that for the first time all day, they were the same temperature. He knew he felt hot all over as he stared down at her. Wondering how to shut off the desire he still felt for her, even now, when it was mixed with guilt, revulsion, and self-loathing, his lips parted in anticipation. They couldn’t do this; it was wrong on so many levels, but as his body started reacting to her nearness, he knew that at least on
one
level, he could do this.

He lowered his forehead to hers, and she gasped, her mouth opening as well. His other hand wrapped around her hip, pulling her closer to him. Kai couldn’t believe he was seriously contemplating this, after everything he’d learned, after all the times his stomach had churned while thinking about it. Even though he knew it was disgusting, his body was willing to overlook that fact because goddamn…he wanted her.

Jessie raised her chin, bringing their lips dangerously close, and he thought she might be willing to overlook it too. His hand on her hip lowered to cup her backside; their free hands, still joined, tightened. Kai sucked in a quick breath, not sure what to do, not sure which part of his body to listen to. Jessie ran her hand up his chest to his neck, and made a noise that was both lustful and conflicted.

Kai was torn. She was so beautiful, so wonderful, and felt so incredible in his arms. Without realizing what he was doing it, he shifted his lips, just a fraction, until they minutely brushed hers. Closing his eyes, he exhaled a deep breath. The brief contact flooded him with remnants of last night—her taste, her passion. He wanted to taste her again; he wanted to push her away. While his body and mind shifted him in opposite directions, his head began to pound. This was so wrong, but it felt so right.

At the brief kiss, Jessie’s breaths quickened, and she shifted in his arms. Her hips firmly pressed against his, and he could feel the blood rushing down as his body hardened. If that piece of him took over, it would almost make things easier…until after. Then they would be faced with the awful fact that they had known the truth, and done it anyway. At least with the first time they could claim ignorance. If they allowed it to happen a second time…well, they wouldn’t have any excuse left to defend themselves.

Jessie’s hips bumped against him in a restless pattern as she squirmed in his arms, just as torn as he was. Kai wondered if she was aware of how much the swiveling was turning him on; she would be aware in a moment, if she didn’t stop. Just as her lips were coming back to his for more, Kai found a well of resolve inside him, and released her hand so he could grab onto her hips and still them. “Stop, Jessie,” he whispered, immensely proud of himself for being able to utter those words.

They worked like a blast of cold water on Jessie. She immediately pulled away from him, breaking their intimate contact. “Oh, God,” she muttered, running her fingers through her curls. “I can’t, we can’t…this is so wrong, Kai.”