It's All Relative (46 page)

Settling in, Jessie listened to her friends talk about all the fun, innocent flirting they’d done last night. Jessie tried not to let it happen, but words and sounds of her own night with Kai filtered through her head while they spoke, breathing in her ear, whispering how he needed her, how much he thought about her, her own sounds as he finally entered her. Telling her that he couldn’t stop, the erotic noise he made when he came…

It was a devastatingly long drive home with all of that in her head, and by the time Denver rolled into view, Jessie’s stomach was knotted so tight, she wasn’t sure if it would ever relax. Jessie told Harmony how to get to Kai’s place. When she pulled up to the apartment building, Harmony stared at it with an odd expression on her face. Too anxious about Kai to care why Harmony looked perplexed, Jessie opened her door.

“Isn’t this where Ricardo lives?” Harmony’s voice froze Jessie in place, with one foot on the sidewalk and one still inside. Oh God, she’d forgotten all about the fact that her roommates had been here before.

April scrunched her nose at Harmony while Jessie’s heart started thudding in her chest. “Ricardo?” April asked, confused. Then her eyes widened and she looked over at Jessie. “Oh, the Latin lover one night stand. We picked you up here that night?”

Jessie shook her head and shrugged. Drunken memory loss seemed like her best option. “I really have no idea. I doubt it was the same place.” Stumbling out of the vehicle, she prayed her friends didn’t start putting the pieces together now; she had enough turmoil going on inside.

Harmony leaned over the seat. “No, it was definitely this place. I remember the design on the door.” She let out an undignified snort. “Oh my God, how funny that Kai lives in the same building.” She grinned impishly at Jessie. “Do you think he knows Ricardo? Maybe they’ve run into each other in the hallway.”

April laughed at that and started humming, “It’s a Small World After All.” Eager to end the conversation, Jessie quickly said, “Can you guys take my stuff home?” Still humming, April nodded. Jessie paused a moment to appreciate the friends who had done so much to help her, and not just this morning either. She really was blessed. Giving them each a warm smile, she shook her head. “Thank you, guys so much for doing this. You both really mean a lot to me, I hope you know that.”

April tilted her head, then leaned out the door and pushed Jessie farther away. “Don’t get all mushy on me, I feel guilty enough.” She gave Jessie a quick wink, closed the door, then rolled down the window and blew her a kiss. “We love you too.”

Harmony agreed with her sentiment, then added, “Let us know if Kai is okay. He’s family, so, we love him too.”

Jessie nodded and waved as Harmony pulled away. She had no idea what she’d tell them about Kai. She didn’t want to have to manufacture an emergency, but she couldn’t tell them the real problem. Jessie was stuck in her lie and she really, really hated that feeling.

Walking through the door of Kai’s apartment building, her loud heart started pounding even harder, and her palms grew slick with sweat. Jessie didn’t know if they’d beaten him back here or not. Maybe he’d gotten home much earlier than she realized, and he’d already gone to the airport. Maybe he was already on a plane…leaving her. Woodenly, she shuffled to his door. She stood in front of it, listening for sounds. Something, anything. It was completely quiet though. Holding her breath, she raised a hand and knocked.

No one answered her. She tried again, louder, but still nothing. Feeling desperate, she wrestled with the doorknob, but it was locked. Her rational voice began screaming at her that Kai wasn’t in there so making more noise wouldn’t help anything, but her heart didn’t want to accept the possibility that she’d missed him. Not able to give up, she struck the door with the side of her hand. “Kai!”

“Jessie?”

The sound had come from down the hallway, and Jessie immediately turned toward it. Kai was standing in front of the elevator, staring at her like he was seeing a vision that couldn’t be real. Jessie let out a long, cleansing exhale. He was still here. She wasn’t too late. Emotionally exhausted, she sagged against his door as he slowly approached her. He was still carrying his bags from the trip, so he hadn’t even been home yet; she
had
beaten him. His face was worn, his eyes heavy with weariness. It seemed that he hadn’t slept at all.

Amazement was in his eyes as he stepped in front of her. “How…? What are you doing here?”

Straightening, Jessie took a step toward him. “You left? You just…left?”

Kai looked away, his shoulders slumping. “I had to, Jessie. I couldn’t stay. Not after…” His gaze on the floor, he pointed at his door. “Let’s go inside.” He dangled the keys in his hand and Jessie stepped aside so he could unlock his place. His body brushed against hers as he opened the door and stepped through, but he still kept his eyes from her.

Her heart hurting, her stomach churning, and fear permeating every cell, Jessie tentatively followed him into his apartment.
The
apartment. The place where this whole mess had started.

Kai set his bags down in the kitchen and leaned back against the counter with his hands carefully tucked behind him. Still not looking at her, he stared at the floor. As she closed the door behind her, she wanted to cry again. He couldn’t even look at her. Jessie stayed with her back against the door, forcefully ignoring the memory of her back being shoved against that door. Things were so different now than that night, back when he’d only been the elusive “Ricardo” that her friends loved to tease her about.

Her voice warbling, she finally broke the silence in the room. “Kai…?”

She couldn’t say any more than that, but it was enough to make Kai finally look at her. His eyes were wet. “I needed to get away from you, Jessie, because staring at you in that bed…all I wanted to do…was join you.”

Jessie closed her eyes; the words washing over her were as soothing as his hands had been earlier. He hadn’t fled in disgust. He’d fled from desire, from love. Opening her eyes, Jessie wondered if that was any better. His pained eyes confirmed that he didn’t think it was. He shook his head. “I can’t let myself cave into these feelings I have for you. It’s wrong, Jessie.” Kai shrugged, his expression tired and hopeless.

Jessie begged the water in her eyes not to fall; she didn’t want to cry again. “I know,” she told him. He nodded and looked down again, and once again the room swam with quiet tension. “Are you leaving?” Jessie whispered into the stillness. One tear disobeyed her. Traveling down her cheek, it dripped to the floor with a heavy splash.

Kai glanced at her glistening cheek before returning his gaze to her eyes. He seemed torn, like he wanted to sweep her into his arms, but also wanted to keep his distance. Swallowing, he looked between her and the door she was leaning against. “Is that why you rushed here? You thought I’d come home, get my stuff, and head back to Hawaii…today?”

Closing her eyes, Jessie nodded. She felt him take a step toward her, heard his shoes move across the linoleum. “Jessie, I would never leave here without…saying goodbye first.”

When she opened her eyes, he was standing a few steps in front of her, his arms loose at his sides. Jessie couldn’t help but note that he hadn’t said he wouldn’t leave. “But you are, aren’t you? You’re leaving Denver?”

He looked down again, and Jessie saw a tear fall from his eyes to land on his jeans. Jessie’s stomach wrenched. “Not today…” he whispered.

She took a step toward him. “Kai…”

His hand came out to stop her from getting any closer. “I can’t be around you, Jessie. I thought it would get easier…but it’s only gotten worse.” He looked up at her, telltale tracks on his cheeks. “The more I get to know you, the more I want you. You’re perfect for me. Take away the fact that we’re family, and you’re
perfect
for me.” He shook his head. “And I think that’s what really kills me. You’re everything I could have asked for…and I can’t have you.”

Kai lips compressed as he struggled to not lose control, to not breakdown. Jessie nodded. “I know. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

Shaking his head, he closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. The hand trembled, along with his voice. “I thought that we could get through this…attraction together, but it’s gone so far beyond that now, I don’t think it’s even possible to work through it.”

Jessie stepped forward. Standing a foot away, she reached out and swiped her thumb under his tired eyes, drying the tear marks. He let out a soft exhale as he leaned into her touch. “What are you saying, Kai?”

His eyes slowly opened, and a new tear ran over Jessie’s thumb. “We need…space, Jessie.” Reaching up, he grabbed her hand and pulled it away from his skin. His words mixed with his action in an ominous way that caught Jessie’s breath. As his tropical eyes searched hers, he whispered, “We tried just being family, we tried placing another person between us, and we even tried not seeing each other.” He shook his head as Jessie felt her own tears freely falling down her skin. His sad eyes watched them as he continued. “And all that did…all that lead to was the two of us…”

Stopping, he bit his lip. Jessie flushed as thoughts of their last encounter ran through her mind again. His eyes flicked over her face. “Even now, I want to hold you, I want to kiss you, and I want to tell you that I…I…” He stopped again and sighed. “And I can’t. I shouldn’t. Because this is wrong.”

He released her hand still in his, and took a step away from her. “If we stay in the same city…if we stay around each other at all, it’s going to happen again. Our lives are too connected. With Gran, with your friends…the world is too small.” Kai averted his eyes, like he couldn’t bear to look at her directly while he was breaking her heart. “I can’t do this. I can’t hurt my family like that. I can’t let you hurt
our
family like that. As much as I want you, as much as I need you, this is wrong, Jessie. It’s twisted and sick and…” he looked back at her, his eyes hurt, tired, and apologetic, “…and I can’t stop thinking about you. So…for now…I need to go home.”

Jessie felt her chest constrict. She couldn’t breathe. Somehow, she managed to croak out, “Will you come back?”

Another tear fell from his eye as he shrugged. “I don’t know.”

She nodded, feeling dizzy. Not knowing how she’d survive the pain just starting to eat a hole through her stomach, she muttered, “If not today, when will you leave?”

Kai sighed, and his hand started to reach out to her before dropping back to his side. “I need to let work know that I’ve had a change of heart. I thought I’d give them two weeks, starting tomorrow…”

Jessie found herself stepping back, running into the door. She was grateful for its hard, unforgiving shape; it was the only thing keeping her upright. Two weeks? That was all the time she had left with the love of her life?

Her hands lifted to her cheeks as she struggled with the simple act of standing and breathing. Who knew that things she’d been doing since infancy, could suddenly become so hard? But the pain she felt was so much worse than any other pain a boy had given her. It made the crushing blow of discovering Jeremy’s betrayal seem like a pleasant experience in comparison. And it was ten times worse, because she knew he was right. She couldn’t be angry with Kai, because he was doing the right thing. If he stayed in Denver, even if they tried to never see each other, life would find a way to cross their paths, and they would cave again. They loved each other too much to resist the pull. She was positive of that now, and so was Kai. That was why he was breaking his own heart to put himself as far away from her as possible, and Jessie knew that she had to let him leave. They shouldn’t be together. They couldn’t be together. Even still, she had no idea how to be apart from him either.

As she felt herself starting to sink to the floor, Kai’s arms were suddenly around her. He gave her strength, helping her stand, and she clutched at him, never wanting to let him go. Her arms cinched tightly around his neck, and his arms wrapped completely around her ribs. She finally felt whole…and it sickened her. Weeping into his shoulder, she managed to get out, “Can I be there…at the airport, when you leave?”

Kai pulled back to look at her, his fingers coming up to brush her tears away. Nodding, he rested his head against hers. “Yeah…I’d like that.” He sighed as he shook his head. “No, I
need
that.”

She exhaled a stuttered breath and unintentionally brushed her lips against his. “We shouldn’t see each other until then,” she whispered.

Kai choked back a sob as his lips brushed against hers. “I know,” he murmured.

Jessie allowed a tender kiss between them. It was short, but held far more emotion than any other kiss she’d received in her lifetime. Immediately after their lips parted ways, she whispered, “I’ll miss you, Kai.”

He let out a broken exhale. “I’ll miss you too, Jessie.”

They reluctantly pulled apart from each other, neither one wanting to let go, but both knowing they had to. Kai cupped her cheek when they were a foot apart, searching her face like he was memorizing it. Then he kissed her forehead. Jessie closed her eyes as he murmured into her skin, “Goodbye, cousin.”

He stepped away from her so she could open the door. With her hand clenching the doorknob so hard she knew she’d be bruised in the morning, Jessie spent long seconds gazing at him—his exotic beauty—the stunning eyes, the deep skin, the intricate swirls of his hidden tattoo. And all of his physical attractiveness overshadowed by the goodness in his heart—it seared her. Jessie didn’t think she’d ever love anyone else the way that she loved him. Her voice calmer than it had been since she’d entered this fateful apartment, she told him, “I love you, Kai.”

His lips curled into a small, sad smile. “I love you too…Jessica Marie.”