It's Always Darkest Before the Fridge Door Opens: Enjoying the Fruits of Middle Age (2 page)

To further prove our point, we could list all the comedians throughout history who were raised in dysfunctional homes, suffered major losses in life, and battled bouts of depression, but then we’d have to sell this book for $240 because of the page count!

In a recent e-mail to Phil, a young father asked the question ‘‘Who stole my joy? Please tell me where to find it and how to bring it back.’’

It is a question both of us hear almost on a daily basis.

Perhaps you’ve been asking it, too. Maybe the laughter that once echoed down the hallways of your home is gone. Perhaps the circumstances you are in right now—or have been in for years— have pinned you to the mat. You can’t see the sun that rises every morning, much less the fridge light bulb (even though it’s there, right behind the brownies). If that sounds like you, then we hope that by the time you’ve finished reading this book, you’ll be on the road to regaining your joy.

Are we saying that your circumstances will miraculously change if you add more humor to your life? No. If you release that emergency brake and laugh a little more, will your estranged spouse come home, will your doctor change that diagnosis that has you consumed with worry, will you have an unlimited supply of money, and will all your children make the dean’s list at Harvard? Maybe. Maybe not.
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Are we saying that the stories and the laughter in the coming pages will help you stress a little less over those areas of life that are beyond your control? We hope so. Can laughter be the lubricant you need when life gets too hard to maneuver through? Absolutely. Will your sense of humor make the pain a little easier to take? You bet. Will a few dozen hearty laughs per day burn up some unwanted calories? Without a doubt, and without even breaking a sweat!

Laughter. The more we learn about it, the more we realize it’s nature’s wonder drug.

So if, like many of our comedian friends, you buried your funny bone years ago, we invite you to dig down through the pain and disappointment that have covered it all these years, and discover joy and hope once again. We’ll even show you some secrets for doing so. And if your sense of humor is in perfect working order and you just picked up this book because you’re on a laughter diet and would rather laugh the calories off than skip the carbs, we hope there’s plenty here for you, too! Whatever brought you to these pages, we just want you to promise us one thing: If you like even some of what you read here, please feel free to send us a line. We’ll forward your note to our high school teachers. It’ll make them feel so much better for passing us.

¹
Time,
May 17, 2004, 6.

²
But if it happens, please let us know.

PART ONE
Fridge Magnets
(Bringing Joy Back to Life)

When we lose, I eat. When we win, I eat.
I also eat when we’re rained out.
Tommy Lasorda quote, seen on a friend’s fridge

Tommy would likely agree that Krispy Kreme donuts are not therapy. They’re delicious and may make us feel better temporarily, but eating a box (or two or twenty) of them is not going to change your life or bring you lasting joy. When we go looking for comfort in the fridge, our problems are still going to be exactly where we left them. (What won’t be where we left it is our waistline.) But what brings true comfort and lasting joy? Here are some stories and ideas we think will help provide the answer. We also think they will help you laugh.

Warning:
If you have a serious addiction to chocolate, please skim this section, as it may give you an unhealthy desire to sell everything you own and drive to Hershey, Pennsylvania.

Chocolate Therapy

Chocolate makes me all better.
Lily Bolton, three years old

Did you ever think, like Forrest Gump, that life is like a box of chocolates, only in your case it seems that someone stole all the best ones and left you with nothing but the nuts? Well, even nuts are a lot more tolerable in almond roca or a strawberry sundae. In other words, there are certain foods that make those rocky, nutty places of life seem to go down a little easier. But we’re not sure that anything can help turnips.
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While some foods are natural energy boosters, and others improve our immune system, others, well, maybe God created to be our comfort foods.

But you may be wondering, just how much comfort is enough? If you start eating chocolate by the fistful before eight o’clock in the morning. to make up for the fact that your husband snored most of the night, is that an allowable amount? The candy wrapper may have its nutritional facts, but it probably doesn’t list any emotional information. It won’t tell you how much of it you need to eat for your emotional well-being. Pick up an aspirin bottle and there are warnings and instructions and recommended dosages for removing all kinds of headaches.
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But how are we supposed to know just how many Kit Kat bars one should eat to experience similar results in our psyches? How many Twix bars are required before we can forget that promotion we know we deserved but didn’t get? How big does our banana split need to be to cover that outrageous gas bill? And how many brownies does it take to heal a broken heart?
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None of these questions can be answered by reading the packages or asking the Baskin-Robbins clerk. Until now, we have had to leave it all to mere guesswork. But thanks to our extensive research team, we’re about to change all that. Our Table of Comfort Foods and Cures is not only the first of its kind, it is, we understand, in the running for a Nobel Prize in Science and Home Economics. There is no need to thank us for developing this ‘‘feel good’’ food chart. The research was reward enough.

Table of Comfort Foods and Cures

This, of course, is in no way all-inclusive. There are plenty more examples of food and drink that bring comfort when consumed in the right quantities and at the proper times. But this is something that has been known for years. Certain foods really do bring us comfort. Of course, when we were children and got sick, our mothers had other remedies they wanted to try out on us. Their charts looked more like this:

I (Phil) don’t know about all the other remedies, but I certainly remember how comforting Old South orange juice was to me. When my temperature climbed above one hundred degrees, I loved the joyful sound of my dear mother clanging the wooden spoon (the same one she spanked me with, I believe) around and around in the pitcher, trying to melt that concentrate, and when at last she poured me a tall glass, I knew it was just a matter of time before that fever was history and I would mourn the fact that I had to return to school. (I was shocked in later years to discover that they sell Old South orange juice in grocery stores. I had no idea you could buy it. I always thought Old South came straight from our pastor at the little country church we attended, since he usually arrived about the same time my juice did.)

When we are sick, few things equal the comfort that comes when a friend or clergy member knocks on the door with compassion in his or her heart (and a casserole in each hand). Friends and food make a great pair, don’t they? Sitting around the table enjoying six or seven of the four basic food groups all in one dish can be a comfort during the good times and bad.

In the Bible, the apostle Paul was comforted by friends (Colossians 4:11), contrary to Job’s friends, who we don’t think even brought a casserole. Paul was also comforted by the love of Christ (Philippians 2:1). What greater comfort could there be than knowing that God loves us; that he will always be with us; that he will never take us where he has not been. The psalmist agrees. ‘‘My comfort in my suffering is this,’’ he wrote, ‘‘lots and lots of chocolate!’’ Okay, sorry, that was a typo. No, his comfort wasn’t found in chocolate. Or caramel. Or nougat. Or espresso. Or any of the other things that some of us turn to so quickly to find that ‘‘feel good’’ feeling. While some look for comfort at the bottom of a rum bottle or in six pounds of rum-filled truffles, the psalmist found his comfort in God’s promises: ‘‘Your promise preserves my life’’ (Psalm 119:50).

May the contents of your fridge be used to comfort others and yourself. But more important, may the contents of God’s Word be your eternal comfort.

All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.
2 Corinthians 1:3–4
NLT

¹
Some foods were not so much meant to be eaten as they were meant to be thrown. Not that we’re recommending this.

²
Yes, there are different kinds. At last count 347.

³
This was a Bee Gees song.

⁴
Half cup mustard powder, 1 cup flour, mix with water. Pancake mix can be substituted, but blueberry pancake mix can cause your doctor to misdiagnose you with a heart problem.

⁵
This is a great diet idea and one of the few that really works. Bonus: Without even dieting, you look smaller to people because they stay far away.