Jacked (47 page)

I PULLED MY
black cargos on and zipped them, going commando underneath, my cock as deflated and tired as the rest of me. Erin had slept peacefully for about six hours. The first half hour of which I’d just laid there and watched her instead of sleeping.

I’d been too restless, too worried after my disclosure to sleep. Too many variables played out in my mind, all surrounded by one central fear, if I truly self-analyzed it. She’d let me cuff her and surrendered without a fuss, but would she be truly open to taking it further?

I remembered when I first tried to bind Nikki with rope. It was an experiment, an attempt to fix some of the problems we were having. Too many things weren’t adding up, leading me to believe she was messing around with someone else behind my back. She’d vehemently denied it and I didn’t have solid proof, but once the seed of doubt was planted, it slowly ate at me.

I didn’t know what else to do to build the trust back up between us or to give myself a sense of control again. My life had been a speeding train headed on a collision course with an immovable mountain, everything in fast forward and careening out of control.

I needed to find my center, my focus.

I’d practiced Shibari with a few girls back in college; I’d taken classes with local rope bondage artists and, over the years, perfected my techniques until I’d mastered it. It was fun and a hell of a rush, and filled a need inside me that nothing else was able to meet.

When I tried to introduce Nikki to Shibari, she had laughed in my face for a good portion of it, stating repeatedly that I was being a controlling ass amongst other demeaning names. My counselor said I was feeling emasculated. I actually looked it up on Google to see if I could agree with that assessment.

It wasn’t too far off the mark, actually.

We’d tried it again a few times after that but each of those encounters had left me more frustrated and fractured than was smart or healthy.

I ran a hand through my wet hair and sat down on Erin’s bed to pull my socks on. At least this time I didn’t wake up shaking after hearing the echo of gunfire. No, this afternoon I felt pretty fucking fantastic for once.

After stirring Erin with some kisses in bed, I’d woken us both up completely in the shower with some soapy foreplay. Waking with Erin, feeling her hand twine with mine, her naked body resting comfortably against me, I was finding it hard to remember what life was like without this feeling in it.

This was the kind of connection I’d kill somebody to protect.

I’d given her two more orgasms after that and, considering how hard I’d taken her, I highly doubted I could get another erection right now even if I tried.

I knew I’d have to stop by my place and change before driving to the station, but the thought of leaving Erin had me dragging my feet. Throwing an extra change of clothes in my truck would definitely be in order.

“You want some dinner?” Erin asked, slipping a pair of pale blue panties up her legs and under the towel she had wrapped around her.

What I really wanted was to crawl back in bed and make a blanket out of her naked body. Since that wasn’t an option, I supposed nourishment was in order.

“Sounds good. What time you have to be at the hospital?” We both looked at her alarm clock.

“I’ve got almost two hours.”

I rubbed the sore spot blooming on my elbow. Her fucking tub shower was so narrow it wasn’t even funny. I’d really whacked it good, catching the corner of the interior towel bar. Trying to fuck her properly in there wasn’t easy, and after I almost busted the damn glass in its track, we gave up, finished showering, and I took her back on her bed.

I could still taste her flavor on my tongue, which was something I hoped would last a few hours, at least, to get me through the night. “You find out about your fellowship?”

The astonished look on her face surprised me. “Yeah, I did.”

I really wanted Erin to stop going through her laundry basket as seeing her in nothing but a bra and matching undies was turning me on. I lost my heavenly vision when she pulled a tight blue top up over her head.

When she didn’t go on, I tugged on her hand until I had her standing in front of me. I nudged her thighs until she was straddled up over my lap, right where I wanted her. “Now then.” I held her hips, making sure I had her complete attention. “Tell me.”

Erin held my shoulders and then moved them up my neck. I wanted her to feel comfortable with me and I found myself craving it, leaning into her touch.

“You were right. It was bullshit.”

Thank God.
“Good. And the woman who started it? You confront her?”

“No,” she sighed. “She wasn’t in. Probably a good thing too because I was really mad. I can’t risk getting into trouble at work. I’m trying to convince myself that she’s not worth it.”

I didn’t like the idea of people upsetting her. It pissed me off. “That kind of frustration is good to take out at the range.” My cell pinged, probably reminding me of my conference call later tonight with John Turk from the NYPD. I had a lot of shit to do between now and then, but the incredible woman spanning my lap was my top priority. I could tell just by the way her breath was uneven to know there was more to her story. I held her gaze. It was my best interrogation technique. Most females would continue talking if you just gave them your full attention or stared at them until they cracked.

“I should have known better not to believe her,” she admitted.

My patience paid off. “You didn’t know. It’s something that’s very important to you.”

“My boss keeps trying to convince me to stay in the ER. It would be a huge pay cut to take the fellowship.”

“Huge?” I asked.

Her nod was quite confirming.

“What are you going to do?”

Erin shrugged. “Sometimes I’m not sure.”

My hands tightened on her hips, wishing I could give her the answer. “Back when I was in college I debated going to law school. I had the grades.”

“You wanted to be a lawyer?”

I adjusted her on my lap, rubbing her bare legs resting next to mine. “Considered it for a long time but then when I graduated I had to decide, do I pursue a career capturing them in the act and putting them in jail or do I study my ass off with the hopes of making sure they stay in jail?”

“Well, at least you wouldn’t have had the risk of getting wounded.”

I felt my stitches tug. “Yeah, but I could have gotten paper cuts.”

I loved hearing her laugh.

“They hurt!”

“And they’re not covered by most insurances either.” She snickered.

I combed her hair back over her shoulder. “My point is that I realized I needed to be where the action is, not sitting behind some desk. I can’t stop them sitting on my ass.”

I saw her eyes become distant while the contemplation took her attention.

“What’s more important to you? You never did tell me why toxicology is a goal.”

She tried to climb off my lap.

Evasion
.
Avoidance.
I’d seen all the non-verbal cues before—many times.

Not so fast, sweetheart
. I held her hips and yanked her back. “Talk to me.”

I saw the mask cover her features.

“Not much to talk about.” She shrugged. “It fascinates me.”

I’d interrogated hardened criminals who broke easier than this. I also recognized half truths when I heard them. I thought about pushing for more; it would be easy to play her and get her to confess.

I tried not to get pissed that she was holding back from me. I had to talk myself down before I let the anger invade, because despite what I was feeling, this was new to both of us. In some ways, it made me respect her more. She was so independent, self-contained. I let her climb off of me, but this conversation was far from over. I’d give her time, but eventually I’d break her.

She was quick to want to rip my Band-Aids off. Watching her finish dressing, I silently vowed I’d return the favor and rip all of hers off just the same.

THE LAST TIME
I’d kissed Erin, it was Monday early evening and we were both heading our separate ways to go to work. The fact that she worked most nights like I did was fucking beautiful.

It was something I’d feared—getting involved with another woman who would spend her nights loathing me because I was on the clock.

I sat at my desk in the station, handling paperwork and following tips and leads while watching the nighttime sky turn to dusky pink and then to yellow with the rising sun, but maintaining focus on anything for more than ten minutes was sketchy.

I couldn’t recall ever missing someone so much that it turned into a physical ache.

I was physically aching to see her again.

We’d talked and shot some texts back and forth but I was trying to play it cool and not turn into some lovesick whipping boy. Every fiber inside me wanted to seek her out while the rational part of my thinking told me to chill and give her space. Around midnight on Tuesday I’d lost my hold and almost begged her to meet me at my place after we both got out of work. It didn’t take too much convincing on my part.

I knew it was from the newness of our relationship driving this insurmountable lust but it didn’t matter. As soon as her car was safely locked away in my garage and she was in front of me again, I had her out of her clothes. I had my cock in her by the time we got to my living room, fucking her over the arm of my leather chair. I’d chased her up the stairs soon after that and flipped her around on my bed while pounding in and out of her like a starving lunatic.

And now I was finally at peace, holding her head in the crook of my elbow while enjoying her incredible mouth on mine.

“I missed you,” I confessed. Fuck it, the words just rolled out so I might as well be honest.

She smiled and tangled her fingers in my hair, needing my mouth just as much.

“I missed you, too,” she said softly, sucking on my upper lip.

“I didn’t sleep for shit yesterday,” I added.
Fuck
, I was turning into a lovesick sap, divulging my weaknesses. No wonder I lost so much money when I played poker with the guys.

Erin nuzzled her face on my shoulder. “I passed out reading Molecular and Biochemical Toxicology.”

Even the words were too much for my brain to take in right now. “Is that like porn for doctors?”

She squeezed me for being a smartass. “Yes. It even has pictures and graphs.”

“Ooh,” I teased, then kissed her forehead for being so smart and perfect.

“You find out anything from your informant?”

“Are we talking shop in bed?”

Erin gripped my bare ass. “Yes, Detective. You’re purging.”

I grinned. “I just purged inside you five minutes ago. You need more purging? Because we can see about bumping you up to a fourth orgasm.”

I felt her smile on my skin. “Will I have to move?”

“Participation
is
encouraged.”

Erin answered me with laugh that turned into a deep yawn.

I pulled the sheets up over her shoulders. “I think I’ll let you rest.”

“You wore me out,” she said, snuggling in deeper. “And you didn’t answer my question.”

“Talked to him yesterday. Got me a lead on a suspect who’s supposedly been boosting cars for Mancuso. We’re going to set up a bait car next week. See if we can lure in a thief.”

“Bait car?”

“Yeah. DEA has a few high end cars that were seized in recent investigations. We’re setting up two of them with tracking and surveillance equipment. It’s really cool. Everything’s computerized. We can control the entire operation remotely, record footage of the driver, even shut the car down and lock him inside with the click of a key. We need to get someone within the organization to work as an informant.”

“You love your job, don’t you?” She grinned.

I pulled her back up to my mouth with my arm. “I do. Very much.”

Erin’s little follow-up kiss on my chest resonated all through me.

“What about your night, Doc?”

She shrugged. “Nothing to talk about,” she murmured.

“Nothing?”

“It would bore you to death and then I’d have to revive you.”

“So you’ve got nothing to share?”

She closed her eyes and let out a sigh. “No.”

Guess she was done purging; too bad the only thing she purged was me.