Jane's Surrender (Hard World Tour #2) (24 page)

I was more upset with Drake and the emotions he evoked in me, not that I was going to admit it.

“
Right, which I broke, by the way, because he was too hard to resist. So let’s get this uncomfortable crap behind us, okay?”

“
Sure.” Seriously, gladly, because sometimes I was still hesitant to say anything to her and there was an aura of uneasiness around us.

“
Jane, why do you think you’re in love with him?” she continued, and that made me blush.

“
Because when I saw him, I felt it.”

She nodded. “But then, at the same moment, you knew he wanted me?”

“
Yes, you walked in, remember?”

She shook her head with a laugh. “Not really, but okay. Babe, you aren’t in love with Jer. You’re in love with the idea of a white knight.”

“
What?” I gasped. Bella raised her index finger and pressed it to her lips, so it shut me up.

“
The thing is you always dreamed of a white knight who would come and sweep you off your feet. All those damn romances of yours,” Ariel stated, and the girls nodded, supporting her point. I freaking didn't agree. There was nothing wrong with my choice of fiction. “None of the other guys caught your attention, and you weren't interested in that. Then in came Jeremy in all his hotness.” Sam just chuckled, though she wasn't that amused if the look in her eyes was anything to go by. “But the point is he was unavailable, and you knew it.”

“
I don’t think I understand your point.” Maybe I was just slow.

“
What she means, babe, is you chose to crush on him for so long,
only
because you knew he would never be yours,” Bella finally spoke up. “Look, I’m not saying you didn’t crush on him or anything. He’s hot, although I agree with Ariel, gross, and he is a good guy. But the reason you made this an epic love, the one and only you dreamed about, was because he was unavailable.”

“
That’s just—”

“
And then Drake came into your life,” Ariel interrupted me. “And what does he do? Like in the fucking romance novels, he falls in love with you instantly, wants forever, tries to win you over, and is just there, but you refuse him flat out. Babe, he is your knight, but you don’t want to see it.”

“
That’s not true; if he was, I would have been in love with him. It’s a sort of connection you feel at the get-go.” Arguing was better than seeing some truth in what they were saying.

“
Can you honestly tell me you’ve never felt a connection for him?” Bella asked, and the silence stretched in the room.

It was hard to admit, but honesty was needed.

Freaking awesome.

“
No, I can’t.”

“
Exactly,” Ariel said with triumph. “But you push him away, because there is actually a chance for you two to be together.”

“
That doesn’t make sense.”

“
Unfortunately, it does.” Bella took a deep breath and then looked me straight in the eyes. “I always knew there was something between Ryan and me, a sort of connection, but I didn't want to take a risk and have a relationship. You know about my parents.” She laughed without much humor. Her parents were alcoholics who beat the crap out of Nick, who always protected her. “So I ran from him. If it wasn’t for Nick’s—” Her voice shook a little, and Sam squeezed her hand. “—death, we would have never been together. And Jane, I’m happy now.” She really was truly in love with the dude, and though there was lingering sadness in her eyes, which would stay there forever for her brother, she was happier than she had been in years.

“
But what does it have to do with me?”

“
The point is I was running from him. And you are running from love as well. Subconsciously, you don’t want to be attached to anyone, in fear of losing them.”

That made me angry inside. “What’s this? Shrink’s session?”

“
No, it’s your friends telling you what is going on. We get it. Trust me, I get it. Life in foster homes sucked. But it doesn’t mean that every person you love will leave. We are here. Jer is here. And Drake is fucking here, too,” Bella finished, and all this talk made me slightly dizzy, so I sat on the windowsill and tried to understand what they were saying.

Was I afraid to choose someone who would actually have a chance with me and me with him?

Was Jer not what I really wanted?

God, but it made sense. I thought I crushed on him, but there was never the deep desire that I shared with Drake to my core. I never wanted to devour Jer and forget myself in him.

Yes, I thought my heart was in it, and I tried to block unnecessary images, but was it really so? Or was I just simply afraid to do something about it?

But was it really the reason, or simply because he was a safe bet?

“
What if it’s true?” My whisper barely made a sound, but they heard me, and I felt Ariel’s hand on my arm. I realized she had stood up and came closer to me.

“
Then you are free,” she said softly.

“
Free to do what?”

“
Anything you want. I mean no one says that you love him, Jane. But you can give this a chance and see how it goes.”

Was it that simple? I wanted him; there was no question in that one, but I pushed him away, because I knew he wouldn't be offering me friendship with benefits.

But what if I could pursue a relationship with him?

Then another thought struck me.

“
I just told him that we are sort of done and he agreed.”

Bella winced and nodded. “Yeah, he called Ryan. I think they are planning to go to the bar or something.”

The bar, right. Moving on already? What the hell?

I was so tired of this shit. Even if we were not getting together, we had a little girl to think about now, and he couldn’t go to the bars and enjoy his evenings.

“
Let’s go,” I said so loudly they all jumped.

“
Where?” Sam asked carefully, and I met three pairs of confused and worried eyes, but there was a smile in them too.

They accomplished what they wanted, after all.

“
To the hotel room. I need to change, and then we can join the guys at the bar.”

“
Don’t think Jer would like it,” Ariel joked, but I just shrugged.

“
Too freaking bad, I’m going.”

“
So you got your head out of your ass now?” Sam’s chuckle was really loud and annoying, and I threw a small grape that was beside me on the table at her, but she quickly ducked her head so it didn't hit her.

Pitiful.

“
Okay then, show time,” Bella said with a smile, and we all got the hell out of the studio.

Shit, what did I do?

Drake

“
I appreciate you coming here. I know you aren't exactly a drinker.”

Ryan chuckled and his blue eyes, like mine, held compassion. Although we had the same dad, we didn't really look much alike, besides our Jackson family-trade eyes. He was tanned with dark hair, while I was blond and slightly on the pale side.

Chicks apparently found both of us attractive if giggles from the table close to us and waitresses’ smiles were anything to go by.

“
I understand your pain, brother,” he said.

The chuckle that left me wasn't exactly the most humorous one. I took another shot of tequila and fucking liked the burning feeling in my throat.

Being a nice guy was overrated. I couldn't believe that after everything I’d done I was still not good enough for her. She wouldn't even give me a fucking chance, too hung up on her fantasy that she associated only with Jeremy.

Who made him the fucking knight?

Yeah, I was angry, and alcohol wasn't exactly helping the situation.

“
At least your girl sleeps beside you every night now. And she gave you a chance.” My tone was accusing, but it wasn't like there was any grudge. Ryan went to hell and back to have her, or rather to make her see him, and a little deception was involved as well. Just right now, everything pissed me off big time, and happy people in relationships were a big part of it.

“
I fought for her,” he added, and I narrowed my eyes and straightened up.

“
And you think I didn’t? I fucking wooed her, gave her time, space, made sure she had everything. Nothing worked for her. She just wants this piece of fucking shit manager, and no one else would do.”

“
Well, fuck. Always glad to know what you really think about me, dude,” said the amused voice of the man in question, and then Jer sat in the booth next to Ryan, which made his face sit right across me, and that pissed me off too.

“
You aren’t exactly my favorite man right now, so fuck off.” My behavior probably shocked everyone, but fuck if I cared. I was usually the calm one, the psychologist, the one who defused the situation.

The woman was making me crazy, and part of me used to like it, that she was able to make me lose control. That she could lose control with me. But right now, I hated her for it.

She gave me heaven, and then she took it away without giving me the chance to prove to her that we could have worked.

“
Yeah, I get it.” Jer motioned with his hand for a shot as well then put his elbows on the table and leaned forward to me. “It’s not like I had luck with my girl, and I had to watch her fuck all those fucked up guys who came and left. So don’t fucking tell me how hard it is.” Well, he got me there. My girl was innocent, so at least she wasn't getting it on with another guy. Just the idea of her with someone else made me want to kill someone.

Well, get used to it. She just told you goodbye and you promised her a divorce.

Didn't that call for another shot? So I took another one and enjoyed it even more than the previous one.

“
Are you two shitheads getting drunk tonight again, like the last time in my office?” Ryan asked. We did get drunk in his office, both of us bitching about our girls, while Ryan was drinking juice. Then we passed out and woke up there the next morning.

“
Sounds good to me.” I had no desire to think about anything, and Jer, who magically had his shot in his hand, raised it to me, so I had no choice but to raise mine, and he made a toast.

“
Here's to the pussies like us who try to get the girl, but she always slips through our fingers.”

“
Good one.” Our glasses clinked and we drank them quickly.

He gestured for the waitress to bring us ten more, and Ryan groaned.

“
Come on guys, don’t get drunk. We have a concert tomorrow.”

“
I’ll be fine by tomorrow,” Jer snapped and took another shot; he probably wanted to catch up to me, because I'd already had three.

“
Me, too. I’m not a kid, man.”

Ryan raised his hands in defeat and we continued to drink, but somehow none of us was getting very drunk. We were tipsy yeah, but not drunk. We just kept bitching about girls, what they wanted, and how they never wanted to give in.

All the drinking made me want to go to the bathroom, and once I was done with my business, I headed back to the table, and was almost there, when a manicured hand stopped me. I raised my eyes from the hand to a beautiful woman with blue eyes, long legs, and the tightest dress that there probably ever was.

She was hot, if you went for that kind of look.

But I didn't, at least not anymore. I only wanted my chocolate-eyed, sweet, and beautiful girl, and that hand on my chest only annoyed me.

I wasn't hers to touch.

“
Hey, handsome,” she said in a throaty voice that was probably supposed to make me hard and interested, but it wasn't doing anything.

“
Hey,” I replied, because my mom didn't raise me to be rude to women, no matter the consequence. I tried to wiggle myself out of the corner she sort of created, standing in front of me and blocking my table. Ryan and Jer watched with amused smiles, but my brother still had worry in his eyes.

“
Wanna dance?” She leaned closer, and now her perfume was all over me and it made me want to vomit. Seriously, why did some women need to spray that shit all over their body? A little bit was nice, sexy even, but overdoing it was overkill.

“
No, thank you.”

“
But I really want to dance.” Slowly, her fingers started to play with my chest, and that angered me. I took her hand in my hands and stopped her movement.

“
Then I suggest you find someone else.” She wasn't very happy with my refusal. I pushed her hand down, but she started to lean closer to kiss me to prove me wrong.