Jane's Surrender (Hard World Tour #2) (30 page)

“
I’m okay. Mom, listen. I need to tell you something, and I don’t want you to find out from the media.” Well, she already knew what I had to say, but I wasn't going to mention that Gran and I spoke. “I’m married to Drake Jackson, and we held a press conference today about it. We also want to take in Hope Davis ‘til Logan is better.” It was better to give her all the information at once than bit-by-bit. “Oh, and Ariel is pregnant. So in case you hear something about a band pregnancy, it’s not me. Not planning one either in the near future.” Who knew what kind of reaction they would have if they thought I was making them grandparents.

“
That’s good to know,” Dad’s voice replied out of nowhere.

“
Dad?”

“
Yes, extension phones, honey. So you finally decided to tell us about you and the Jackson boy?” Strangely enough, he wasn't angry, just sounded curious.

It didn’t escape my notice that my Mom was still silent.

“
So I gather you’re friends with his parents?”

“
His dad and I go way back. But it was his mom, Mandy, who told us, shared the news, so to speak,” he replied.

“
But how did she know?”

“
Drake told her. Well he only told her he got married in Vegas. I guess her private detective did the rest,” he chuckled. “It was a surprise, but we figured you would tell us when you were ready.”

“
It was one of the reasons we decided to tell you the truth during Christmas dinner.” Mom finally spoke up. Tiredness was evident in her voice. “We figured if you were married, it would mean that…it would be easier for you to understand the mistakes people in love make.”

That didn't go well, did it?

I honestly had no clue how to proceed with this, but somehow, the phone conversation with them was easier than a one-on-one meeting.

“
I wasn’t in love with him, Mom. I’m not in love now, either. I sort of had a thing for Jeremy.”

“
Yet, you married Drake, honey. There must be a reason.”

It was impossible not to smile at that. “Have you seen him? Difficult to resist, if you know what I mean.”

Mom laughed, and Dad growled, “That’s the kind of stuff I don't want to hear about.”

“
Mom?”

“
Yes?” she asked tentatively, probably afraid of my words.

“
I love you and I’m sorry. I just…I didn't know how to handle it, okay? And I forgive you too. It was difficult, but I’m glad I ended up with you guys.”

I heard a sob on the other end of the line and a heavy exhale.

“
Mom’s a mess, J. Good thing you made up.”

“
Ben?” How many extension phones did they have?

“
One and only.”

Since when had my brother gotten so cocky?

“
Anyway, is this some kind of family reunion call I wasn't aware of?” he asked, laughing.

“
No, I was just calling them to let them know I’m married. Yeah, me.”

“
Oh, yeah, Dad said he would punch him, by the way,” he tattled.

“
Dad!”

“
What? He married my baby girl. He’s lucky to just get away with a punch.”

“
Marcus! You won’t punch that boy!” Mom gasped.

“
He is not a boy,” Dad murmured under his breath. Warmth slipped through me. I was enjoying the hectic call, because I got my family back.

Life felt exceptionally good when you let go of anger and you dropped the defenses that were guarding your heart.

Sam popped her head from the bus.

“
Hey, everything is ready for the movie. You coming?” I nodded and mouthed five minutes to her, and she gave me a thumbs up.

“
Listen, people, I need to go.” As much as this conversation was nice, I needed to clear my mind before the performance, and a movie was the perfect distraction.

“
Call us when the tour is done. We all want to have dinner together, and Drake’s parents are invited too.”

I cringed at the thought. “Sure.”

“
Take care, baby girl.”

“
Yeah, Dad. Love you, guys.”

“
Love you, sis.”

“
Bye.” With that, I hung up the phone and wondered if maybe I should give Drake a call too, but then shook my head.

He was in a session with Bella. We could talk after the concert.

Looking down at Sparky, who was now standing on his two hind paws while his two front ones were on my knees, he whimpered and watched me carefully, begging for attention.

Scooping him up, I scratched behind his ear while hugging him close to my chest. “Come on, my friend. Let’s snuggle on the couch.”

He barked, and then proceeded to lick my face and, for the first time in almost forever, I laughed lightheartedly.

Drake

“
I’m happy,” Bella said, and I could have predicted it would come soon. I saw the signs earlier in the week.

Her constant guilty look after she laughed, the way she studied couples and families on the street, how often she swiped through pictures on her phone, her neediness in Ryan’s presence.

I grabbed the tissues nearby and put them in front of her on the table, and without looking at me, she took one and blew her nose into it.

We were in the bus, in the living room area. Ryan was out, giving us privacy for this. Our session had just started, but she was on the verge of hysterics the minute she entered.

“
I mean I’m not crying because I’m happy. I’m happy that I’m happy. See? I don’t even make sense,” she sobbed again, but unfortunately, she made sense to me.

“
Does happiness go hand in hand with guilt?”

She stilled, and then looked down. Some tears fell onto her hands in little drops and she wiped them away with the tissue. “Yes.” She was silent, and I didn't push her. I could have told her everything, but it wasn't my journey to make. I’d worked with her for a long time and she had come a long way from that depressed, addicted girl she was several months ago, and I was proud of the progress she had made.

Because it was her battle, I was just supporting her on her journey.

“
Sometimes I wish for him to be here. I think Nick would have liked it, and he would have loved my relationship with Ryan. And when I talk with Megan, and she says something funny about Mathew.”

Mathew was Megan and Nick’s son, who she had seven months after Nick’s accident.

She was raising him alone with the help of her parents back in their hometown, Swan Lake.

“
That’s understandable. You miss your brother and wish for him to see and experience all those moments. Nothing is wrong with that, Bella.” She shook her head and raised her fear-filled eyes.

“
But what if it leads to the same result? I don’t want a repetition of the last time.”

“
No one can give you a guarantee. Everything is in
your
hands.”

She smiled mockingly. “Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better.”

“
But that’s the only answer I can give you. You are stronger due to the experiences you’ve had. You’re stronger emotionally, and the fact you’re afraid makes me believe you won’t go back.” She tried to smile but failed. “You miss your brother, Bella. Not the drugs. Have you had the desire to use at any time during the last several months?”

She shook her head. “No, I get sad because of Nick, but it’s not like I need to take anything. The thought alone makes me shiver, and not in a good way.”

“
That’s your answer. It’s okay to feel pain and wish for him to be here, especially because so much happens around you. It doesn't mean you are weak or that you will go back to how things were after his death.” She stood up and started walking around the room.

“
Well, talking with you has calmed me down a bit. I mean the drugs were one of the darkest periods of my life, even though it lasted only a few months. I don’t want them. Ryan is enough drug for me.” The thought of my brother made her smile. “He wouldn’t let me.” Then she looked at me. “Can we finish early today? For some reason, I want to be with him right now.” Of course, she craved to be with someone she loved. To make sure she was secure.

I nodded and made some notes on my pad. “Let’s meet in two days. I want you to do something, though.”

She frowned. “What?”

“
Start a journal. Anytime there is something you would have liked to share with Nick, write it down.”

“
It’ll be a long journal.”

“
Maybe, but do it anyway.”

She nodded once again, gave me a hug, and was about to run from the bus when she stopped by the door and half turned to me. “I’m happy for you and Jane.”

“
Thanks, I guess.”

She regarded me for a second. “You really love her?”

The perks of working with family, they tried to have the same session with you.

“
Yeah.”

“
Ryan told me about that trait you have in your family, about knowing when you’ve found the one. I wasn't about to say anything, but—” She thought for a second and then took a deep breath. “She is a sweetheart, and I think it’s her journey to figure you guys out. But if you really love her, don’t let her go without a fight or explanations. She sometimes does stupid things thinking it’s for the greater good. Don’t let her.”

With those words, she left the bus, and I sat down heavily on the couch and sat back, trying to relax.

My phone beeped beside me and I checked it out.

<
Beautiful
> I don’t know if you are done or not, but I just wanted to write to you. :)

<
Me
> We’re done. You can write to me anytime. What are you doing?

<
Beautiful
> Nothing much, watching some movie with Sam. It’s a romantic comedy.

<
Me
> Want me to join you?

<
Beautiful
> No.

Well, fuck. I craved spending more time with her after going two years without, and I didn't mean just sex, but it was too much pressure for her. I would deal.

Baby steps.

The phone beeped again.

<
Beautiful
> I need to clear my head before tonight. With you around, I can’t think straight.

<
Me
> If it helps, I can’t focus with you around either.

<
Beautiful
> It does help.

<
Me
> How is Sparky?

<
Beautiful
> Good, he had a nice walk and now we’re snuggling.

<
Me
> Damn

<
Beautiful
> What?

<
Me
> Never thought I would be jealous of the damn dog. Again.

<
Beautiful
> LOL

<
Beautiful
> Okay, see you at the concert then, or after. You are distracting me even with messages.

Her words made me grin. It was always good to know I could distract my woman with texts alone.

<
Me
> :)

Deciding to take a nap to regain some strength, I closed my eyes and imagined all sorts of things I would do to my wife once I got my hands on her.