Jane's Surrender (Hard World Tour #2) (37 page)

Her hand didn't look good. The doctors said the nerves were damaged and they might never heal, and then there was her sight. I wanted to be there for her, but I had doubts she would let me. Which meant I’d have to fight for her with everything I had.

But it wasn't anything new, was it?

I sat down on the chair beside her. The tears slowly slid down my cheeks, and then fell onto my hands as they rested on my knees.

I had told myself that for that day, I could cry, but I could show no weakness once she was awake.

Ariel

I tried to wrap my head around what had happened, but no matter how much I replayed events in my head, it still didn't make sense to me.

My two best friends were lying in the hospital, and both had crushing injuries that would affect their entire life. And I could do nothing to help them.

I was devastated.

I sat on the same chair in the waiting room, my body numb. Ryan took Bella away, because she couldn't stay any longer, not that anyone blamed her, and we couldn't see the girls anyway. Jeremy and Drake took the spots and no one argued with that. Drake’s parents left too, but had promised to come back while Jane’s parents went home to change. They were crushed with what happened to her, and even though Carissa wasn't hiding her emotions, her husband had a stoic look on his face.

Sam’s parents were far away and weren't notified of the accident. A long time ago, she made Jer her emergency contact, but Donald said he would handle contacting them. Let him; I didn't want to face them right now.

So I sat there alone in the hallway.

Maybe I shouldn't have stayed, but I did.

My hand had rested constantly on my belly since the moment I had heard the news of Jane and understood how fragile that life was. She would never know the happiness I was feeling right now, and it killed me. My heart broke for my best friend, because no one was able to fix this for her.

I had heard the distant ringing of a phone, but no one was picking up. After a second, I realized Drake must have left his phone on the seat. I picked it up and froze when I saw the caller ID.

He kept on calling, so I realized it probably was best to answer it. After I took a deep breath, I did just that.

“
Hello?” My voice sounded croaky, probably from all the silent crying.

“
This isn't Drake,” Logan’s gruff voice said, and he sounded annoyed. “Who are you?”

“
I’m Ariel.” He was silent, and we were both aware he knew who I was, so I saw no point in explaining. “There was an accident.”

“
I know.” He cleared his throat. “I called to talk with him and ask how Jane was, and ask about—about Hope.” It was clear in his voice that it was still hard for him to say her name, and there was some kind of distance in it.

Thankfully, I was able to provide him with some of the information he needed. Being a parent myself (and how strange was that?) I understood how he felt.

“
She’ll stay with my parents.”

“
What?”

“
My parents own a ranch, and well, they’re young, like forty-three years old. The judge agreed to let them care for her temporarily. They have a record of taking care of kids. Donald made sure everything was legal.”

He was silent for a moment, and then he exploded. “What the fuck? I trusted Drake to take care of her, and now some strange people will have my daughter?”

Well, the nerve the dude had!

“
Yeah, and before you say anything else, please keep in mind that those people are my parents. So yeah, they are going to care for her and will do a hell of a good job too!”

Finally, there was a sound of the man exhaling a breath. “Listen, sorry, okay? You just don’t understand the shit situation I’m in. I’ve been clean for the last six months, but I don’t see myself getting out of here for another six. I worry about the baby girl I had no idea I had,” he finished, and there was a part of me that felt sorry for him. I couldn't imagine not being able to see my baby.

“
I guess we all have to pay for our mistakes.” I had no clue where those words came from. It wasn't as if I had the right to judge him or anything, but that’s how it sounded.

“
Trust me, sweetheart. I’m paying for it every fucking day of my life.” With those words, he hung up on me and the conversation was over.

Putting Drake’s phone back on the seat, I leaned back and rested against the wall, wondering when life had gotten so complicated and why people kept on suffering so much.

I never got an answer.

Jane

“
Do you want to eat something?” a patient voice asked me.

“
No.” My voice held no emotions; it was indifferent.

“
Maybe, let’s take a walk?”

“
No.”

“
Do you want to come down and—”

Before another proposition happened that I didn't care about, I stopped it. “No, I don’t want to do anything. I just want to be alone. Can you do that?” I snapped and tried not to feel guilty for the hurt I saw in those sapphire eyes. I turned my eyes back on the big window with an amazing view of trees and horses running as I tried to ignore him while he stood there silently. After a few seconds, I heard the door close behind him, and it made me close my eyes and try to hold the tears at bay.

Drake tried to make it all better. What he didn't understand was nothing better was coming.

I lost our baby, and I would never have others. I would never know what it was like to have a baby inside me. Doctors told me I still had a chance, and it was just one of those unfortunate cases, but their words meant nothing to me. I couldn’t stand it again, losing my baby, and I would have gone crazy with worry if it happened. No more babies for me.

So maybe he was hurting from me not telling him, from me not keeping the baby, from me freezing him out, but I didn't care right then.

He could have all those things with someone else, so it wasn't as if he understood my pain.

No one did, so I wasn't that nice to anyone else either. We were staying at the ranch, where I tried to hide. Drake had to be here, and it was impossible to drag him away, but the rest backed off. Even my parents didn't come anymore after my last breakdown.

It had been almost a month since the accident, and everything was healing nicely.

Physically, at least.

When I felt exceptionally sorry for myself, I felt like shit too, because I was lucky compared to Sam. Donovan, our driver, wasn't hurt except for a few bruises, but Sam got the hardest deal out of all of us. She came out of the coma; the swelling went down after two weeks, but she still couldn’t see anything and her hand wasn't cooperating. Not to mention her broken leg and arm. I visited her once, but she didn't want to talk and ignored all of us. Just stared at something with unseeing eyes, never spoke, never acknowledged that she knew we were there. Jeremy tried to stay by her side, but she actually screamed and begged the doctors not to let him come.

He was pissed and hurt, but they had to listen to her. Her folks and Bella were the only ones who were allowed inside to look after her.

The media speculated whether we’d ever play again, considering all the turmoil our band had been through, and if it was possible for a guitarist to play if she didn't have the use of her hand.

Overall, the situation was fucked.

They tried to find me a shrink, because I was depressed or whatever they called it, but I just laughed in their faces. My husband was already one of the best in the field. I didn't need another. I didn't need professional help, period. I knew my baby was gone, and I could do nothing to bring her or him back.

I had accepted it.

And I even had accepted there would be no babies in the future. Some said we could adopt or something, but it wasn't the case for me. I didn't want to do that. An adoption always had uncertainty about it. What if the baby was taken away from me? Then what? I would have the same situation all over again.

So it wasn't me not being able to accept what had happened. It was me trying to move on from it.

My phone buzzed and I opened it.

It was our group chat, and it seemed like we hadn't used it in ages.

<
Bella
> Hey

<
Ariel
> Hey

<
Bella
> Look, Jane, we know you don’t want to see us much, but the thing is we need to make sure you are okay, girl. Can we visit? Sam already cuts all of us off and wants nothing to do with us. It’s a wonder I’m allowed inside the hospital.

That was a long as message for her, and she seemed desperate. One more pang of guilt. With her past, she probably needed as many reassurances as she could get that her friends were all right.

Instead, she had gotten the silent treatment from both of us.

I could deal with Bella, really.

Who I didn’t want to see was Ariel. She would probably be showing. And she had Hope, too.

Hope had been my first question after all those explanations about my condition, and I learned she was staying with Ariel’s parents and her. They probably took great care of her, and she had two kids to play with.

Ariel’s life was supposed to be mine, as petty as that sounded. So I wasn’t able to deal with the fact she had it all and I didn’t. It was easier to ignore her. But apparently, I was in some kind of sadistic mood. because I went for honesty.

<
Me
> Sure. I’ll be happy to see you

<
Bella
> typing…

<
Ariel
> Sweet! I can bring Hope too! We can have a girls’ day out :)

Shit. Why did it hurt so much? To tell the truth? Yeah, because she was my freaking best friend, but I knew I couldn't handle what she was offering.

<
Bella
> So cool! So I’ll come by tonight

<
Me
> I meant only Bella

<
Bella
> Well, shit.

I was nervous, because Ariel wasn't replying to any of the texts, and Bella’s last answer was clearly about my message. But it was better that way. The whole thing with her pregnancy and Hope would have made me emotional.

<
Ariel
>
Take your time, Jane. But once we meet again, I’m gonna kick your ass
.

I knew she would understand, but the guilty feelings inside me still bugged me, and I shut off my phone, because it was easier that way. I really didn't think I was ready to face the outside world just yet.

My stomach growled loudly. Maybe I should have taken Drake’s invitation to eat instead of ignoring him again. The place had a housekeeper, Emily. She took care of food and everything else, and her husband, Alec, was the head ranch hand, so technically they ruled here.

They were good people, kind, and always tried to cheer me up, but at the same time kept their distance. I knew they didn't have any kids, but still they had this whole parental thing going on. At least I wasn't depressed enough to be a bitch to them; that would have been embarrassing. I stood up, made my way to the mirror, and winced slightly at how thin I had become. Generally, besides the huge cut still healing on my lower abdomen and the scratch on my forehead, there was no evidence of the accident on me, and I guess I should be thankful for that. I combed my hair, ran my fingers through it, and with a deep breath, went to the door and downstairs.

The house was beautiful. It was done in beiges and greens and had a homey feeling. The second floor had five bedrooms, but nothing much was there, because the house was new. The hallway was full of pictures of the ranch and the people working there. Also, Drake’s family and some of mine with the girls were there. The stairs were massive, and once you went down, it was as if you were in another place, because the first floor was completely furnished. It had one big living room with three sofas in a rich green color, and additional comfortable chairs. Several small tables with vases were placed on and around a beautiful rug on the floor. A few feet away was a large fireplace where you could relax and enjoy a rainy day or warm yourself during the cold weather. The dining room had a massive brown table with a light green tablecloth, twelve chairs, and for some reason, even a TV in the corner. Both of those rooms had crystal chandeliers, which sparkled during the evening; sometimes the view was mesmerizing.