Jay Walking (22 page)

"Okay, Mom, you're right."

"Of course I am." She smiles at me.
 

"I'll get in touch with Mr. Ellis and find out what sort of an arrangement I can present to Daniel." If we can do this without getting into a big court thing, I would much prefer it that way.

"I think that's a great idea."

I'm not so sure.
 

Race day arrives and I'm nervous but ready to go. Amber went with me yesterday to pick up my race packet. The whole thing is surreal. I'm in lightweight shorts, a short sleeve shirt, and the number 5261 is pinned to my chest and back. Groups of professional and amateur runners surround me, all anxious, some stretching and others chatting with their friends. I'm on my own, and I've been that way for so long, I'm used to it.

James slept at my parent's house the night prior allowing me a good night sleep before the event, though that didn't even come close to happening. I tossed and turned the entire night playing the race in my mind. I imagined starting off at full sprint and needing to walk most of the way, and at other times running at a steady pace and ripping through the finish line first. Balloons drop and fireworks go off, spectators who don't even know me holding signs with my name. At the other extreme, I crawl on my hands and knees to make it to the end, and when I do, Jay stands there. Then I do the worst possible thing I can. I throw up.
 

Overall, I probably managed around four hours of solid sleep. Let's be honest here, though, as a mom, that actually is pretty good and close to normal. On a good day, I end up with about six and a half hours of intermittent sleep. I didn't anticipate the adrenaline, though my body is pumped and I can't wait for this to start. The morning began with a bagel and peanut butter and my usual cup of coffee. After this is over, a victory lunch will be waiting for me on the other side.
 

"So you're all checked in and the rest of us will be here when you finish." Clint and Bentley were so generous to come and cheer me on along with Amber and Ryan, my parents, and James. Clint's been so spectacular through my entire workout regimen and I'm happy he's there with everyone else to support me since I don't have Jay.
 

Speaking of Jay, I stand on my tiptoes searching through the sea of people for him.
 

"If he
is
here, I doubt you'll run into him." Amber places her hand on my shoulder.
 

Ever since I literally bumped into him on the street on Labor Day, I can't seem to get him out of my mind. For all I know, he's moved on, and his plate is full with his ex-partner and starting from scratch. He made it quite clear he didn't want a relationship with me because I'm a mom. He can claim the reason is because I lied about Daniel, or I can believe he's not prepared to handle dating someone with a child. Either way, he made the right choice.
I
didn't by letting him walk away. He never did call me to get together. I guess that says all I need to know.
 

"I know. I know." James calls out for me and I give him a kiss and tell him I'll see him in a bit. I can run one mile in about twelve minutes on a great day, so I hope to be done in about thirty-five. My fitness tracker is secure on my wrist and I'm ready to go. "Thank you all for coming, and I'll meet you at the finish line."

Everyone pre-congratulates me, even my dad, who offers a big hug. I don't look away as they head off to the finish line, where I'll be soon.

The race starts in less than twenty minutes, so I find a spot to cycle through some stretches. My legs will be tight and I'll regret it if I don't stretch my hamstrings or quads. A few people smile and say hello. The crowd of people seems very nice, and I'm glad I'm among them. I wish I had someone to run with me. At least my music will keep me company. I reach for my phone and realize I gave it along with my armband to my mom and she forgot to hand them to me before they left. Great. Now I must get through these three miles listening only to the stomping of feet.

I retie my shoes, pull my socks up just above my ankles, and double check my number is still attached to my back. A couple deep breaths later, and I'm all set. I don't want to be in the front, or way in the back, so I finagle my way until I'm where I think is probably the center of the racers for my pace. How does this begin? Do I get down in a running stance? Should I put my arms up like I'm about to pump them as I race forward? Stand there until they give the signal to go? I'm trying to figure this out when it's too late - it's time to race!

We're moving at a crawl with all the people in my wave. After about 30 seconds or so I'm able to spread my legs a little farther and transition into a soft jog. I don't want to move too quickly and use all my fuel right away. My goal is to run the entire 5K without having to stop.
 

In a matter of moments, people are passing me and I'm worried I'm in last place. I understand I'm not racing against the other people, but I don't want to be the last one crossing the finish line either. Even though I'm in a competition against myself, I set my goal of 35 minutes and I intend to keep it.
 

As I jog I try to catch a glimpse of the beautifully changing leaves around me. I love fall in Wisconsin. The trees are filled with color and the air is crisp but not cold. The temperature outside is still a balmy fifty degrees. Less than a mile into my run, I'm already starting to get hot.
 

The further I go my head starts to hurt a little bit and I realize I need to concentrate on a focal point. Being distracted by the beauty around me is soothing, but I'm not going to make it through the race if I don't focus. A group of girls are ahead of me in bright purple matching shirts. I keep an eye on them as I push through the first mile.
 

As I enter into my second one, I check my fitness tracker and my heart rate is level and I feel it. My breathing is at a steady pace, my legs are not tired, and I'm smiling. I even bypass the first water station. I can do this, though I can't believe I'm running a 5K. Six months ago I couldn't even walk one mile without being completely out of breath. Now running a mile is a cinch. I'm incredibly proud of my accomplishments, and I'm even more proud that I can acknowledge it.
 

A runner zooms past me, nearly causing me to lose my focus and trip over my own feet. "Asshole," I say under my breath and take note of his number.
Runner number 1234, I'm coming for you and your stupid number.
That's definitely a number I can't forget and I fully intend to give him a piece of my mind about how inconsiderate of a person he is after I cross the finish line.
 

A glance at my wrist shows I completed the second mile and am entering the final phase. My body starts to slow down, and my legs feel like I'm trudging through mud. This is my farthest run without stopping. I can't stop now though. I must keep running, even if at this pace I'm barely jogging. My feet almost drag across the pavement and walkers are passing me. If I'm still bouncing as I move it's still considered a jog right?

It's no use. I need to listen to my body and catch my breath. I glance behind me before shifting over to the left so I'm out of everyone's way. Participants whiz by me, but no one bothers to look my way. The very few that do simply smile. I smile back as best I can but my hands are planted on my hips as I'm starting to heave to catch air. I'm an idiot for having bypassed water stations on the run. Even if I'm trying to prove something, I need to be smart about it.

You've got this, Chelsea. Keep moving. Don't let yourself down. James is waiting for you.
 

My little self pep talk works and I shake off my exhaustion and push forward.
 

My cotton ball mouth needs water desperately. The finish line is about two city blocks away. My side is aching and my heart is beating in my ears. As I reach the homestretch, I want to fall to the ground. Tons of people wait at the end waving their hands in the air and I search the crowd for my family and friends.
 

That's when I spot him. Number 1234 standing a few feet beyond the finish line, and he's looking right at me.
 

Jay.
 

Freaking number 1234, who zipped past me like a bat out of hell, is
Jay
, and he's standing at the finish line, waving me in. He's motioning me toward him, a beaming smile enticing me. Does he realize what a jerk he was just moments before? I, unfortunately, don't see my family yet, and he's the only one I recognize in my view. The race clock's bright red light reads 31:49 underneath the huge, florescent green banner that displays FINISH. If I sprint this, I'll finish in
thirty-two
minutes. I'll beat what I originally set out to accomplish.

I suck in the air, puff out my chest and bolt. I'm running faster than ever before. My smile has turned into a knot as I push my lips together with force. My arms are starting to hurt as I pump them up and down, but I reach the finish line in three ... two ... one!

I cross over the line, a burst of pride radiating through me, and I already taste the tears running down my face. Of course it might be sweat, too Jay approaches me and hands me a bottle of water.

"Congratulations, Chelsea! You did it!"

I take the water, suck down almost half, and without a second thought, splash the rest onto him, soaking his shirt.
Take that, water boy.

"What was that for?" He backs up with his hands up in surrender, but he's laughing.

"Do I look like I think this is funny?" I say as I try to catch my breath. "What the hell was your problem back there?" I'm still struggling to breathe, but that isn't going to stop me from reaming him for being such an asshole.

"I have no clue what you're talking about." The smirk on his face tells me otherwise. "Was dousing me in water really necessary?"

"Yes! You almost knocked me down in the middle of the race!"

He pulls his shirt away from his body, and it clings right back. "That was you? Sorry about that." He winks at me and I want nothing more than to punch him in the gut. I'm doing awesome in my boxing class, so he better be careful.

"Yes, it
was
me. And you probably almost ran into some other people, too. I didn't realize you're so inconsiderate." He doesn't speak, only continues to smile at me, infuriating me more. "You knew it was me, didn't you?" I point my finger at him until I poke him in the stomach. Damn, his abs are hard.

"Guilty."

"Why did you do that?" His smirk is hitting me in the heart, and every part of my body that's covered by fabric. I'm not sure if my undies are wet from sweat or how turned on I am.

He guides me out of the way of the other runners. "You finished, didn't you?"

"What?" Of course I did. He watched me complete the race.

"You wanted to quit. You were close. Once I left you in the dust, you forced yourself to finish."

I'm appalled at his theory. My panties dry up immediately. "Wait. You think I made it to the end because of
you
? Do you want to be my hero or something? Is that what you're doing here?" I don't need saving. I'm strong enough on my own, dammit.

Jay squeezes some water out of his shirt. "I raced behind you the whole time. You amazed me. No matter what, you refused to walk. I thought you were about to give up, so I gave you some fuel to keep going."

I spot Amber in the distance, and my parents are right beside her, James napping in the stroller. Their faces show how incredibly proud they are, and they never lost faith in me the entire time. "I have my own fuel," I say to Jay, as I push past him toward my family.

"Chelsea!"
 

I keep walking as he calls out my name again. "Jay, don't." I turn around and he's staring at me, confused. "I can't do this. Not now. You left. Don't act like nothing happened."

"I've been doing some thinking."

"Yeah, me, too." Except I hadn't. Not until that moment. As much as I want to be with him, I don't
need
to be with him. I completed this 5K
on my own
. I did it by myself, whether he thinks so or not. "This is best, with us apart. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a celebration to attend."

I turn my back to him and strut off, not sure when my heart rate will return to normal, if it ever will.

•••

We celebrate my victory with pizza and games. Sure, not the healthiest choice, but, damn, I completed a three-mile-run. I can afford a slice. So, I award myself with only one, and a small salad on the side. I play with James in the arcade for a bit. He gets a kick out of pretending to steer the car in pretend races.
 

After our meal, I thank everyone for their support, and excuse myself to the bathroom. I need to get some air. My adrenaline is still rushing from the race, and from telling Jay off. I wish he approached me before we ran. My anger would have instead been relief and excitement. I want so much to be back with him, but I'm in shock over what he did. I can't believe he thought for a second he could swoop in and act like my knight in shining armor or something. He thinks he can disappear for a few months and show up like nothing happened? I don't think so. I'm more than upset. I'm pissed as hell.

I splash some cold water on my face. The water drips onto my shirt as I grab a paper towel. As mad as I am, I keep seeing Jay's smiling face, and how he didn't care I doused him with water. His grin is locked into my brain. Those eyes, that hair, his touch ... I miss his hands on me in the worst way. No. I made a decision. I don't need him.
 

"Chelsea? Are you okay?" Amber says as she opens the swinging door.

I'm staring at myself in the mirror, this woman I've become, and I'm proud and happy, but still, something is missing. "I don't know."

The door creaks as it shuts, and she stands behind me. "Look at you, girl. You just did something you never thought you could do.
That's
something to cheer about."