Jealousy (3 page)

Peter was flustered and confused. 
“Relax, what did you think I was going to say?  I wouldn’t . . . I didn’t mean . . .”

“
Sweetie, it’s OK,” Justin said, again.

“
Stop saying that!”  She slapped her hand against her leg.  “It’s not OK, Justin.”

Justin shook his head. 
“We’re not kids anymore.  When are you gonna get over this?  You need to calm down.”

Heather
always had a hair trigger reaction when it came to defending Justin.  Peter saw hints of it over the years, but he was never on the receiving end of it before.  He was visibly rattled and apologized to Justin. It was unlike Peter.  He was almost as stubborn as Heather was, and she expected him to at least lash back at her and defend his behavior.  It probably should have made her realize that she overreacted, but it didn’t.  The shocked look on his face didn’t faze her either.  She wished she didn’t overreact all the time when it came to Justin, but it was beyond her control.  It was a defense mechanism left over from years of childhood torment, which they both suffered.

She dabbed at the tears stinging the corners of her eyes. 
“Don’t ever yell at Justin or talk to him with disrespect again,” she said, now much calmer.  “I won’t stand for it.”

Justin sighed.
“Heather, let’s go for a walk.”

As they strolled down the street, Justin place
d his arm around her shoulder.  Heather’s neighbor waved to them and was about to say hello, but quickly realized that something was wrong and turned his attention back to watering his lawn.

“
Sometimes I think your life would be a lot easier if we were never friends,” Justin said.

She put her arm around his waist. 
“What are you talking about?”

“
You get so emotional all the time, and it’s all because of me.  I want you to stop doing that.”

“
I’m always gonna stick up for you, Justin.  That’s never gonna change.”

“
Yeah, I know, but I don’t wanna come between you and Peter.  When are you gonna realize that you’re married now and Peter has to come first?”

She rested her head on his
shoulder.  “Oh, Justin, after 30 years don’t you know me by now?”

“
I’m serious, Heather.”

She stopped and turned toward him. 
“How many relationships have I had?  Men come and go.  You will always be part of my life.  I love Peter with all my heart, but you’re the most important person in my life.”  She put the palm of her hand on his cheek and placed a delicate kiss on his lips.  “You will always come first.”

Chapter Three:

It took
a lot of persuasion, but Justin finally convinced Peter to get out of the house. Peter rarely took Heather out.  She pretended it didn’t bother her, but Justin knew it did.  Peter might consent to the occasional dinner and a movie, but he hated the dance clubs Justin and Heather frequented, so Justin was shocked when Peter finally accepted the invitation.

“
Are you two almost ready?” Peter called up the stairs.  Irritation was obvious in his voice.

“
We’ll be right down,” Heather answered.  She watched Justin in the mirror.  “C’mon. Hurry up.  I don’t want Peter to change his mind.”

“
Patience, sweetie, patience.”  Justin expertly applied a thin layer of black eyeliner followed by a smudge of charcoal shadow to his lids and finished it off with a light coat of mascara.  He always wore eye makeup, but he applied it in such a way that it was natural and understated.  It accentuated his dark eyes, making them even darker and more intense.  It was an art he learned long ago. It helped him earn the recognition he needed to become a leader in the hair and makeup industry and finally land a job as a stylist at one of the top salons in New York City.

After he was satisfied with his own makeup, he did Heather
’s.  He loved to glamorize her beauty, not that she needed it.  Heather was exotic with her long black hair, olive complexion and soft brown eyes.  She was beautiful just the way she was, without any makeup at all.

Whenever Justin did Heather
’s makeup, it drew attention to the resemblance they shared.  People often commented that they looked liked brother and sister.  Justin’s family, the Perrottas, were Italian, and he bore the typical dark features of his ancestry, while Heather inherited the same dark characteristics from her Greek grandmother.

#

Justin was at the bar in the noisy club, ordering another drink, when Peter approached him.

“
I want to talk to you about something,” Peter said.

J
ustin immediately got defensive and he looked around for Heather to come to his aid, but she was on the dance floor.  “Is there a problem?” he asked.

“
It’s about what happened last week, when I snapped at you and Heather blew up at me.”  Peter paused.  “OK.  I admit it, I was a little out of line, but I don’t understand why Heather reacted the way she did.”

Justin was relieved.  He thought Peter was about to pick a fight with him since Heather wasn
’t around, and he was no match for Peter’s sharp tongue.

“
I’ve never seen her blow up so quickly,” Peter said.

Justin wondered how much Peter really knew about Heather
’s younger days. “She has trouble controlling her temper sometimes,” Justin said.

“
That’s what I don’t understand.  Heather doesn’t have a bad temper.  She can be stubborn, but she doesn’t fly off the handle like that.”

“
I have to disagree with you, Peter.  Heather always had a hot temper when it came to me.  She always feels like she needs to protect me.”  He paused and reflected on the hundreds of times she stuck up for him in the past, especially when they were kids.  “I once saw her punch a boy in the face for picking on me.”

Peter raised his brow with skepticism. 
“She punched someone in the face for picking on you?”

“
Well, it was more like two kids beating me up.  She jumped right in and pulled this one kid off me.  She didn’t hesitate at all, and he was twice her size.  They scuffled for a bit and then she clocked him.”  He pressed his lips together and shook his head.  “Thank God some other kids broke it up before she got hurt.”

Peter
’s face scrunched up with disbelief.  “How old were you when this happened?”

“
About 13 or 14.  I got picked on a lot for being gay when I was a kid, before I knew how to defend myself.”

“
You were openly gay at 13?”

“
I guess you could say that.”  He shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I guess it was obvious, and I never denied it.  When kids used to call me names and stuff, I would always tell them to mind their own business.”  He was rambling, and for once he didn’t care.  It must be the alcohol because he never revealed anything personal to Peter, or anyone else, about his childhood.  It was an unhappy time for him, and most of it he chose to forget.

“
I was never embarrassed about who I am,” Justin said.  “If anyone didn’t like it, they could go fuck themselves.  Nothing’s changed.  I feel the same way now.”  He stirred his drink and stared down at the ice crystals that formed a tiny whirlpool in his glass.  “My life was pure hell back then.  She’s the only one who stood by me.  My parents weren’t supportive at all.  They thought my being gay was just a phase.  Heather was my only friend.  She was the only one I had, and she took a lot of shit for it too, but she would never let me feel bad about myself.”  He exhaled.  “If it wasn’t for her, I probably would’ve ended up a junkie or . . . something.”  He looked Peter straight in the eye.  “That’s why I love her so much.”

Peter didn
’t respond.  He looked awkward and uncomfortable.  He fiddled with the label on his beer for a bit, then made a hasty exit to the men’s room.

Justin was puzzled by Peter
’s reaction.  It was the first time Justin revealed intimate personal details about his relationship with Heather.  He opened up to Peter because he thought it would enlighten Peter a little – make him a little more tolerant and understanding about why Heather was defensive and overprotective – but Peter seemed uninterested and couldn’t get away fast enough.

Justin
wasn’t overjoyed when Heather told him she was marrying Peter.  Peter didn’t seem right for her.  She was carefree and loved to go out and have fun.  Peter was a workaholic and put in long hours at the store.  He was under a lot of stress and at times he wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around.  When Peter wasn’t working, he was more of a homebody.  Justin liked Peter, and for the most part he made Heather happy, but Peter wasn’t good enough for Heather.  She deserved better.  But was anyone really good enough for Heather?

Chapter Four:

Heather loved to cook
elaborate gourmet meals, but Peter’s late nights at the electronics store often left her alone at the dinner table.  She didn’t care that she got up two hours before she needed to so she could sit down and have breakfast with Peter sometimes.  It was quality time together, if she could convince him to put down the newspaper for more than five minutes.  Heather often wished she had more people to cook for than just her and Peter, and sometimes Justin.  She talked to Peter about starting a family, but they both agreed it wasn’t the right time.  Peter still didn’t trust anyone else to manage the electronics store, and until he did he was stuck putting in 12-hour days.

She began to imagine what life would be like with a baby.  It scared her a little, but she was looking forward to it . . . one day.  She wasn
’t in any rush.  She didn’t realize that she was staring off into space, holding her fork in the air, until Peter got her attention.

“
I’m sorry,” she said, with an embarrassed laugh.  “Were you talking to me?”

“
Yeah,” Peter said. “I want to tell you something.”

She didn
’t know why it made her nervous every time Peter made an announcement that he wanted to talk.  Maybe it was because he rarely liked to discuss things that were bothering him, or maybe it was because he always had to announce it.

“
Look,” he said.  “I know that sometimes I’m snippy and sometimes I get mad that you and Justin spend so much time together and,” he rolled his eyes, “that you always have to take his side and get defensive about it.  But I think I’m beginning to understand it a little more.”

A smile spread across Heather
’s face, but Peter put his hand up before she was able to say anything.

“
Let me finish.  I realize the reason you get so defensive all the time is because of stuff the two of you went through when you were growing up.”

Her smile faded at the mention of her childhood, and she lowered her eyes and nodded.

“You shouldn’t keep everything bottled up inside you, Heather.  You should talk about it.  It would make you feel better.”

She had no intention of revisiting that time of her life.  As far as she was concerned, it was a closed chapter.  She was touched that he tried to talk to her about it, though.  It was probably only one of a handful of times that he wanted to talk about anything that really mattered.  Maybe he was trying to open the doors of communication between them.  She smiled at him warmly. 
“It’s really nice of you to ask, but I really don’t want to get into it, especially during breakfast.”

“
I didn’t mean with me.” He was quick to reply.

The
y both paused and looked at each other, surprised by the other’s statement.

“
What?  Who do you want me to talk to?” she asked.

“
I meant a shrink.  Maybe you should talk to a shrink so you can sort through all of these issues you have.”

She sat abruptly back in her chair and dropped her hands by her side.  She knew this had something to do with the fight they had last week about Justin. 
“I don’t have issues, Peter.  You jumped down Justin’s throat for no reason.  I understand you get stressed out and I don’t care if you snap at me, but don’t think I’m gonna let you snap at Justin without saying anything.”

“
You see.”  Peter spread his arms out in the air.  “There you go again, getting defensive.”

“
You told me I need to see a shrink.  Of course I’m gonna get defensive!”

“
Forget I ever said anything.”  Peter put his knife and fork on his plate, picked it up and left the room.

Heather leaned forward, rested her chin in the palm of her hand and stared out the window.  So much for open
ing the doors of communication.

#

Heather was already in bed by the time Peter came home later that night.  He called and told her not to wait up, but she wanted to make sure he wasn’t still mad, so she forced herself to stay awake.  She needed to smooth out any leftover hostility Peter had about their argument over breakfast, otherwise tomorrow morning’s conversation would be limited to curt one word answers.  She must have dozed off, because she blinked and Peter was sitting at the end of the bed in his boxers.