Jilted: Promise Harbor, Book 1 (25 page)

Josh parked on the street in front of Dad’s place, and she let them in with the key she now kept on her key ring. The small house smelled faintly of Susan’s cranberry-scented candle, and the silence retreated as they walked into the kitchen, Josh’s footsteps heavy, hers lighter on the vinyl flooring. She sent him a quick glance. “Would you like something to drink? I’m sure Dad has beer, or something…”

He shook his head. “No. Thanks.”

She lifted her chin and led them into the living room. She turned to face him. “Josh, please don’t do this.”

She caught the glint of anger in his eyes, the way his jaw tensed. “Do what?”

“I don’t want to do this again,” she whispered to his chest.
It hurt so much the last time.

“You’re the one who’s leaving,” he pointed out, moving closer. The scent of his shower gel and shampoo teased her senses, and the warmth of his body heated her chilled skin. “But then, you’re really the one who left last time, aren’t you?”

Her head snapped up and she stared at him. “What?”

His eyes narrowed a little as he looked down at her. “I said you’re really the one who left.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” she protested, her voice husky. “
You’re
the one who left. You’re the one who had to move back to Promise Harbor to look after your family. And…” She swallowed. “Allie. And her family.”

“I wanted you to come with me.”

Her lips trembled. “But I couldn’t.”

He closed his eyes briefly. “Okay. You’re right. We don’t have to go through that all again. What happened, happened. But this is now, Devon. Things are different now.”

“What’s different?” Her voice started to climb. “Nothing’s different. You still have your family to look after. I still have my life in Boston.”

“You don’t have a job anymore,” he pointed out. “That was your main reason for staying there. Wasn’t it?”

“Um. Yes. But…”

“I said I’d give you a job.”

She frowned at him. Yes, he had said that, but good god, he didn’t need to take pity on her to that extent. “I’ll find a job,” she said with grim determination. “When I get back to Boston. It’s been tough, but I’ll be okay, Josh.” She knew she was a somewhat pathetic figure, having lost her job and not being able to find one, and then that humiliating episode with William Mudge… She never should have broken down and cried in front of Josh. Now he was offering her a job, for heaven’s sake!

“Oh for… I have no doubt you could find a job if you went back there. I’m trying to tell you, I want you to stay here. Let me help you, Dev.”

Help her.
“That’s not what I want,” she whispered. “That’s not the kind of job I want.”

He made a sound low in his throat. “Yeah. I know. Once again, not good enough for you. Right?”

“No! That’s not it!” She stared at him open-mouthed. “Josh…”

He reached for her, his hands sliding onto her hips to pull her closer, and once more she felt that urge to just throw herself into his arms, to just let go, let it all go, let it all out…but she couldn’t.

She stiffened and turned her face away from him.

“Devon.” His voice went low and smoky. He pressed his face to her hair. “Please, Devon. I love you.”

Oh. Jeebus. Cripes.

Her heart exploded into a rapid rhythm that stole her breath. A small sound escaped her, and she pressed her lips together and closed her eyes.
I love you too.

“I don’t want to lose you again,” he murmured against her hair. “We can make things work here.”

How could he say things like that? Did he not know how dangerous it was? He was crazy to trust her with things like that, because he should know she was only going to hurt him.

“It won’t work,” she said, pulling away from him. Her heart felt like a dozen knives were stabbing into it over and over. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms as she stepped back. “It won’t work. I was crazy to come back here. I don’t need you to help me, Josh.”

His face tightened into lines so stark and agonized the pain in her heart got even worse. Her breath panted in and out in short little puffs, not getting enough oxygen to her, and her head went light. She felt frozen. Stiff. Paralyzed.

“I guess I’ll go then,” he said, his voice almost unrecognizable. “Let me know how that works out for you, Dev.” He turned just as the sound of the back door opening reached them.

Susan’s light laugh carried into the living room. “Oh Doug. It’s fine, I’m sure.”

Dad appeared in the arched doorway. “Oh hey,” he said. “I saw your vehicle out front, Josh.”

Susan appeared behind him with a saucy smile. “He was afraid of what he might be interrupting.”

Then her smile faded as she took in Josh’s expression and both she and Dad sensed the chowder-thick tension in the room.

“I was just leaving,” Josh said woodenly. “Nice to see you.” He headed to the front door and pushed out through it, shutting it behind him with a bang.

Devon stared after him, her heart still thudding painfully, then turned her gaze to Dad and Susan. An awkward silence filled the space around them.

“Did you two fight about something?” Susan asked carefully.

“You could say that.” Her lips felt stiff and cold. She shook her head. “I…I…” She fought the sob that crawled up her throat. “I’m going back to Boston.”

Susan and Dad exchanged a glance. “Now?”

She hadn’t really thought that all out. She glanced at her watch. “Sure. Yeah. Why not?” Early evening left plenty of time for the drive back to the city. “Just have to p-pack my things.”

“I thought you were helping Josh at Brewster Landscaping?” Dad said. “I thought you were going to help
me
.”

She shook her head. “I can’t. I have to go.” She edged toward the door, but they were blocking her from dashing down the hall to her bedroom.

Dad frowned. “Devon. Never mind me. I’ll manage. But if you told Josh you were going to do something for him, you damn well better do it.”

She gaped at him. “Dad! I can’t stay. I can’t!”

“Oh, Devon,” Susan said, her voice soft. “Come here.” She held out her arms. Oh fishsticks, it was so tempting to move into the offer of a hug. Because sometimes a hug just felt so good. But Susan wasn’t her mother, in fact she hardly knew her, and Devon just shook her head. Susan’s face fell.

“Please,” Devon said. “I have to go.”

“You still love him, don’t you?” Dad said.

Her jaw damn near hit the floor.

“He hurt you,” Dad added. “Last time.”

As with most things, she’d never really talked to Dad a lot about what had happened between Josh and her. As usual, their conversation about the breakup had been something like,
He decided to move back to Promise Harbor and I couldn’t leave my job here, but I’m okay with it
. Or something like that. Had Dad really known how hurt she’d been?

“Actually,” she said, looking down at her feet. “I think we hurt each other.”

“Did he hurt you again? If he did, I’ll kick his ass.” Once more she could only stare in astonishment at her father. Susan reached for his hand and slid hers into it, and they moved closer together. The sight of them supporting each other, there for each other, made her heart hurt.

“No,” she choked out. “He didn’t do anything.”

“Do you still love him?”

Her throat completely closed up then, aching so bad. Her eyes burned and she couldn’t speak. She tried to blink back the tears, shaking her head. She and Dad did not talk about things like this. Pressure rose inside her, a tight squeezing pressure, forcing the air out of her lungs, and she couldn’t get more in. That light-headedness returned, her heart working in painful beats that made her muscles tighten. Jeebus. She thought she might be having a heart attack.

Or maybe she was just freaking out.

Whatever, she had to get out of there. She had to get away from this madness, back to her apartment in Boston, where she could be alone.

“Devon,” Dad said, his gruff voice quiet. “We don’t talk about this stuff, I know.”

Okay, they were on the same page there.

“But sometimes you have to,” he said. Her body twitched. He glanced at Susan again, who gave him an encouraging nod, and through her haze of panic Devon recognized somehow that this wasn’t easy for him either. “I almost lost Susan because I was being like you. Don’t make that mistake with Josh. If you two still care about each other…” He got a little lost and cast another helpless look at Susan.

“It’s okay, Devon,” she said softly. “To admit that you have feelings. It’s not a weakness.”

Devon stared at her, then turned half away, shoving her hands into her hair. “That’s not… I know that.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“I don’t know exactly what happened between you and Josh last time,” Dad said. “But he ended up back here and you stayed in Boston.”

“He ended up nearly married to someone else,” Devon snapped.

“Is that what the problem is?” Susan asked. “Do you think he still loves Allie?”

Her mind went around in dizzying circles, thinking back. “No,” she said. “He says he doesn’t. He says he never really did. Other than as a friend. And I believe him. It just…”

“Of course it bothers you that he was going to marry someone else,” Susan said. “That’s normal.”

It wasn’t supposed to bother her. She was supposed to be over him. Once more she gazed at the carpet.

“Then what’s the problem?” Susan asked.

“I know what the problem is,” Dad said roughly. “The problem is you want to go back to Boston. Even if it means spending the rest of your life alone and lonely, you’d rather go back there and try to live the life your mother wanted, so you can feel worthy of her love. Isn’t that right, Devon?”

Her eyes went wide, her jaw went slack and her hands fell limply to her side.

“Doug,” Susan murmured.

“It’s true. Isn’t it?” he demanded. “You couldn’t wait to get away from Promise Harbor. You couldn’t wait to have all those things your mother wanted. And you couldn’t wait to get away from me.”

Chapter Eighteen

Devon continued to gape at her father mindlessly.
That’s not true! So not true!
You
wanted
me
gone!

Her world was crumbling around her, like the walls of the house were crashing down, like the floor was heaving beneath her feet.

“I’m sorry, Devon,” he continued, his voice a rasp. “I’m sorry she did that to you. But don’t let that destroy your chances of love. And happiness.” She watched his fingers tighten around Susan’s. More pressure built inside Devon. Her skin felt tight, like she was going to burst out of it. She couldn’t take any more. With a small, choked sob, she pushed past them and rushed down the hall.

She shoved into the bedroom and shut the door behind her, leaning on it. Her hands shook, her entire body quivered and her legs had the strength of seaweed. She closed her eyes, her lungs burning. She couldn’t believe Dad had said those things. All those things they’d never talked about, ever. The things
he’d
never wanted to talk about.

Now safe in her room, she never wanted to leave, never wanted to face anyone again—Dad, Susan, especially Josh. But she couldn’t stay there forever. With frantic hands, she started grabbing her things and shoving them into the suitcase, her heart squeezing as she picked up some of the new things she’d bought on Greenbush Island. Tears started falling when she picked up the bottle of sunscreen Josh had bought for her, and as she pushed it into her toiletry bag, memories of his hands smoothing that lotion over her hot skin made her shiver.

Jeebus, she’d cried more tears in the last week than in all the years since her mom had left. This was ridiculous. She sniffed and swiped at her cheeks as she dumped her shoes into the bag, and then she pulled the dress from the closet, the sheer layers of peach chiffon weightless in her hands, and another sob burst out of her as she pictured Josh standing there, the look on his face when he’d seen her in the dress.
“You look beautiful.”

Agony ripped right through her core and she dropped to the bed, burying her face in her hands, the dress sliding to the floor.

Josh. Oh god, Josh.

Josh didn’t even remember the drive home. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever been so pissed. Okay, maybe once. And that time had involved the same woman.

He slammed into his house and paused in the kitchen, his hands gripping the counter, his head bent. Jesus, why had he let her do this to him again? Why had he thought anything would be different? He was a fucking idiot.

He didn’t fucking feel sorry for her. Yeah, he wanted to help her and take care of her, but that was just him. Why wouldn’t she let him? Why wouldn’t she open up to him? He wasn’t so stupid that he didn’t know she still had feelings for him too. Goddammit! Why did she have to be so stubborn? And so blind?

He crossed to the refrigerator and pulled out a beer.
Now
he wanted a beer.

He stared out the kitchen window at his backyard. He had plans for that yard. It had been overgrown with shrubs and weeds when he’d bought the place, and he’d cleaned all that up but still hadn’t had a chance to plant new things. He knew what he wanted. He just hadn’t had time.