Jilted: Promise Harbor, Book 1 (27 page)

He lifted his chin, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets, big shoulders hunched. “For what?”

“So many things.” She drew in a long, slow breath of courage. “Can we talk?”

“Sure.” He led the way through the house to the great room at the back. He snagged a can of beer sitting on the counter. “Uh…would you like something? Beer? I don’t know if I have any wine.”

“I’m okay.” Once more she just wanted to throw herself into his arms and let him hold her. Instead she perched on the edge of a chair. She dropped her purse to the rug at her feet and laid her hands on her knees. “So.”

He sat on the couch across from her. “What’s going on, Devon?”

“I thought about what you said. About how I was really the one who left.”

He nodded slowly.

“You were right. In a way. All this time, I wanted to believe that you’d left me.” She paused. It felt as if her heart was skipping every other beat. “This is hard for me.”

“I know.” But he held her gaze steadily. “I know it is, Dev.”

His warm, unwavering gaze calmed and reassured her, and her nerves settled a little. “But I have to do it. I know. So. I felt abandoned. Betrayed. Hurt.” She looked down at her hands. “Okay, hurt doesn’t really even describe it. When you left…” Her throat squeezed. “I wanted to die, Josh.”

His eyes flickered. “You never told me that. You never even tried to fight for us.”

“I know.” She held his gaze. “I know. That’s why I said you were right. It was me who left. I checked out because I was too afraid to fight for us. I was too afraid to tell you how important you were to me. How much I loved you. I’ve never been really good at that and I didn’t want to seem…pathetic.”

“Nobody feels sorry for you, Dev,” he said roughly, breaking the eye contact to rub his eyes. “I wish you’d get over that.”

“I know. I’m trying. That’s why I’m here.” She swallowed. “Anyway, you said that, and when I thought about it, it was true, and it hurt, and it made me mad at myself. Same with when Allie phoned to tell me you two were seeing each other.” She met his eyes again. “I lied to her, Josh. I told her I was over you and it was fine. But it wasn’t fine. I wasn’t over you. And i-it hurt.”

His lips compressed and the corners of his eyes tightened. “Jesus Christ, Dev.”

“I know. I know! I-I don’t know if it would have made any difference if I’d been honest. At that point, maybe.”

He covered his eyes with his hand for a moment. “This isn’t all your fault, Devon.”

“But I have brought some of this on myself.” She had to own this if she was going to move past it. “But I couldn’t have said anything when Allie phoned to ask me to come to the wedding. If you two loved each other, how could I stand in the way of that? So once again I said it was fine.” She stopped, her throat aching so much she couldn’t squeeze the words out. She looked down again, her bottom lip trembling. “My dad said some things, too.”

He made a noise, a rough sound in his throat. “What did he say?” he growled, looking like he was ready to punch someone.

“You know about my mom,” she finally managed to say in a thick voice. “How she left us.”

“Yeah. I know. And I understand, Dev. I know what that did to you.”

She nodded, her vision beginning to blur with yet more tears. “My dad thinks that the reason I wanted to get away from Promise Harbor, the reason I wanted that whole life I had, was because I was trying to be worthy of her love. Because if that was the kind of life she wanted, that if I had it too, maybe she’d love me.”

He closed his eyes, his mouth a tight line, his jaw clenched. “I thought that too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. But yet you’ve never tried to contact her.”

“No.” He had a point there. “But it wasn’t conscious. I wasn’t thinking that I was going to get a job and a beautiful apartment and nice clothes and then call my mom and say, hey, come see what I’ve done. I really don’t care about her.”

He tipped his head. “I’m not sure if I believe that, but whatever. If you did, it would be understandable. She’s your mother.”

She squinted at him. “Do you think I
should
try to contact her?”

“Hell, I don’t know. Maybe. But the thing is—it might not make any difference. If she cared about you, none of that would really matter.”

Her heart gave a pinch at that, but she nodded. It was true. “Yeah. You’re right. I think I just need to figure out what
I
really want from my life.”

“We all need to figure that out,” he said wearily, shoving a hand into his hair. “I’ve been doing some heavy-duty thinking too.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” He met her eyes again and gave her a crooked smile. “I was thinking that I really don’t need to stay here in Promise Harbor.”

Her eyes flew open wide. “What? Of course you do. What about your family? The business? Your job?”

“Well. My family doesn’t seem to need me much so much after all.” He spread his arms wide. “None of them are even around. My job—yeah, I love it. But I loved my old job too. I do like it here in Promise Harbor. And I love my house, even though it’s going to take me the rest of my life to fix it up the way I want. And as for the business…I think I could sell it. My mom would just have to understand.”

She moved her head slowly side to side, taking it all in. “What are you saying?”

“Maybe you should finish first,” he said.

She studied his face, the square jaw, his beautiful eyes, the resolute set of his lips. “Okay.” She nodded. “I love you, Josh.”

That wasn’t hard to say. She’d told him that before. Once they’d gotten into their relationship, she’d felt secure and loved, more than she ever had in her life. He was the only person she’d ever told that to, other than probably her parents when she was a little girl.

Which was why he waited for more. Because that apparently didn’t shock him.

“I don’t want to lose you again,” she continued, fighting back the wave of fear. Because this was really going to suck rocks if he told her he didn’t want her. But she had to take the risk. “I want to be with you. You were right about me having nothing to go back to Boston for. I have no job there. My friends there all got weird when I lost my job, so obviously they weren’t really friends. Which is probably mostly my fault. I know I don’t let myself get too close to many people.”

His amber eyes began to blaze.

“There’s no reason I can’t stay here,” she said. “You don’t have to offer me a job, but I can find something to do. Helping my dad more, maybe.”

“Come here.” He spoke with quiet firmness. She blinked at him, then rose to her feet. On shaky legs she crossed the rug and took the hand he held out to her. He tugged her down onto his lap, and then she was right where she wanted to be. In his arms.

She buried her face in the side of his neck, warm and fragrant with his singular scent. His arms closing around her felt so strong and solid.

“I love you too, Devon.”

Relief washed over her in a warm wave, such profound and exquisite relief. She touched her lips to his skin, and a shudder ran through him. His arms tightened. That familiar heat and ache low down in her belly blossomed and spread, as it always did when she was around Josh, especially pressed to his body with his arms around her, but now it felt even more intense, layered with complex emotions that went so deep inside her.

She shifted in his arms and tipped her face back, and he immediately claimed her mouth with his, warm and possessive. He slid his tongue into her mouth, and she touched her own tongue to it. He groaned, softly bit her lower lip, then kissed her again. His body hardened against her, heat flaring between them as the kiss went on and on, and need for him built, powerful and compelling.

Her hands moved over him, over his shoulders so big and strong, the soft skin at the nape of his neck, his silky hair. She couldn’t get close enough, melting into the solid heat and power of his body, and she moaned into his mouth. “Josh,” she whispered. “Oh, Josh.”

“Mmmm.” His mouth burned a trail down the side of her neck and over her shoulder, pushing aside the wide strap of her tank top, and then his hand slid down to curve over her breast. Sweet heat flowed through her, and she pressed into his palm. “Devon. We can work things out. If we love each other, we can work anything out.”

“Yes.” She nodded with utmost faith. “Please. I want to try to work things out, Josh.”

“Right now I want to take you to bed.”

“Yes,” she said again. “Please.”

He cupped her face with his palm and kissed her mouth, then lifted her off him. Her legs wobbled a little and heat suffused her entire body as he stood too. He slid an arm around her waist, then bent and slipped the other arm beneath her knees and lifted her into the air. She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, and he carried her upstairs to his bedroom.

In the dim bedroom, he lowered her to her feet beside the bed. He took her face in both hands and kissed her again, a gentle kiss of such devotion, tears sprang to her eyes. She laid her palms on his chest, felt his heartbeat thudding beneath one, and gave herself up to his endless, sensual kiss.

“So beautiful,” he murmured, rubbing his rough cheek against hers. “So strong and beautiful.”

“Oh Josh.” She melted all over again. She didn’t feel strong. Except with him.

He lifted the hem of her top, and she raised her arms so he could draw it over her head. Then she reached behind her for the zipper of her skirt. When it fell to the floor, she stood before him in her pink lace bra and panties, and his eyes darkened with appreciation as they moved over her. She felt beautiful and feminine, strong and safe. His hands moved over her body, touching her everywhere, leaving trails of sparks in their wake, and his gaze followed his hands, warming her even more.

When his hands came to rest on her shoulders, he turned her body so she faced away from him. She closed her eyes as he drew her hair to one side and kissed the back of her neck, and when he opened his mouth and so gently grazed his teeth over her flesh, fire flashed through her and she made a soft sound. He flicked open the fastener of her bra and pushed the straps down over her arms, then whisked her panties down and off. Crouching behind her, he paused for a moment to kiss the small of her back. Then he patted her butt and said, “Get on the bed.”

She quickly climbed on and lay down, rolling to her side to watch him as he reached behind him and yanked his T-shirt over his head. Their eyes met and held with a sizzling connection as he unzipped his jeans and shoved them down his hips along with his boxer briefs. He kicked them aside, and her gaze tracked down over his muscled chest and abs to his erection, so bold and beautiful. She swiped her tongue over her bottom lip.

“Christ, Devon,” he groaned, taking the two steps he needed to reach the bed where he joined her, sliding his big, hot body against hers. He rolled her to her back and moved over her, kissing her again. She held on to him, parted her legs so he fit between them, so perfect, and kissed him back with everything she had. His weight on her was a delicious pressure.

She still wasn’t sure what was happening with them, between them. This time it seemed like they were both willing to give things up, but that had to be easier to work out than neither of them willing to concede. More and more, she found herself wanting to stay in Promise Harbor, wanting to fix things between her and her dad, wanting to see how things worked out between him and Susan, wanting to help Josh keep the family business going and maybe wanting to help her dad too.

But really she just wanted to be with Josh.

“I love you,” she whispered as he moved his mouth from hers.

“Love you too, baby.” He kissed his way down her neck, then her chest, then he closed his mouth over the nipple of one breast and tugged at it. Pleasure streamed straight to her womb, and she arched into his mouth with a soft cry. He closed his hand over her other breast in a gentle squeeze. “Mmm.”

Her eyes fell closed and she gave herself over to his touch. With his hands and his mouth, he drew a veil of magic and warmth and love around them, shrouding them both in heat and light and love. And the words fell from her lips, so easily. “I love you, I love you.”

He moved his mouth to her other breast, caught the wet nipple between his fingers and pulled, and the sensation on both nipples had her body twitching hard beneath him. Her hips lifted into his, aching with need for him. “Please,” she murmured, sliding her hands into his hair. “Please, Josh. Need you.”

“Say it again.” He lifted his head, and she opened her eyes to see his gaze fixed on her intently.

“I need you.” It felt so good, so liberating and giving, she said it again. “I need you, Josh, so much.”

His eyes warmed and his lips curved into a sexy smile. “Good girl.”

She should have been annoyed at that, but instead his words pleased her and she smiled too. She rubbed his silky hair between her fingers. “Need you inside me.”

His smile deepened. “Yeah.”

He moved up on her, his knees pushing her thighs wide, and she watched as he fisted his cock. He hesitated and met her eyes again. “Okay with no condom?”

She bit her lip briefly. “I’m okay. You okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”