Joshua's Folly (24 page)

This sucks.

She shifted her weight from foot to foot. She placed her hands in her jeans pockets and then took them out again and then put them back in. Feeling something strange in her pocket, she pulled the item out only to find the dried wildflower Josh had given her on the day of the rattlesnake bite. She’d planned on scrapbooking it, but the events of the day had caused her to forget about it. It wasn’t really a day she wanted to remember anyway. Rubbing her fingers together, the little bits of dried, brittle petals disintegrated and blew away with the wind. Somehow this seemed significant, metaphoric. Her life was disintegrating before her very eyes.

Marisa felt tears begin to sting at her eyelids. She swallowed the huge sob that threatened to engulf her at any moment, leaving her unable to breathe.
What am I doing here?

Jake exited the truck, leaving it idling. “Marisa, I forgot my wallet. I’ll be back in a red hot second.” Then he paused, studying her expression for a moment. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Marisa told him. “Of course,” she lied. She found herself feeling a little surprised that he still knew who she was—and that he could still see her. Guess she hadn’t disappeared or turned invisible as of yet.

Nope, still here. Unfortunately.
Invisible in every way except physically.

Suddenly feeling very alone and vulnerable, Marisa scanned Josh’s amazing home, committing it to memory. Her thoughts merged with reality.

This home would never be her home.

Josh was a dream that would never be fulfilled—love that would never be made, children that would never be born.

Once the concept took root in her distraught mind, adrenalin coursed through her veins at an alarming rate. As she brought a hand up to push the hair from her face, it noticeably trembled. She clasped her hands together tightly in an attempt to control the shaking as she wondered if she was about to be sick. That’d be something for Josh to remember her by.

What was she doing here? What was she waiting for?

Josh didn’t love her. He was asking her to leave. He’d tried to break things off gently, kindly. If she hadn’t demanded an explanation he wouldn’t have said it so bluntly. If she hadn’t forced his hand, he wouldn’t have said it at all. She cringed inside at the thought. She’d made such a fool of herself.

“Marisa, please don’t make a scene.”

Too late. Not only had she made a scene, she’d made that scene last all night and all the way into the morning.

Marisa turned and stared at the truck, waiting to take her away, waiting to separate her from Josh. Would she ever see him again? Would she live the rest of her life wishing for one last glimpse of his handsome face? Always pining for him? All of her luggage was packed. Nothing of her was left in the house, not a trace, not a shred of evidence that she’d once lived and loved there.

She whirled around again and stared at the house. It loomed over her, the windows and doors firmly closed, never again allowing her access to the inner sanctum. Her head began to spin, her heart began to pound wildly in her chest. She didn’t belong here, she never had.

I’m not in love with you.

What part of
‘I’m not in love with you’
didn’t she understand?

She made a split second decision in that moment. Why should she wait for Josh to return? What more could he say? There was nothing that could make it better or heal the sudden gaping hole in her heart.

I’m can’t handle this. I’m outta here.

Impulsively, Marisa ran for the truck, jumped inside, and switched the gear into drive. Once inside the false security of the interior, the tears began to pour down her face unchecked.

Josh had dumped her. He wanted her to leave. He didn’t love her.

A sound that she didn’t recognize as coming from herself escaped as she lost her composure. The tears were coming fast and hard, and she didn’t seem to be able to control them. How could he say that? Marisa backed the truck out and turned it around, the tires squealing from her rough driving. Jake came running up to the passenger window, yelling what, she didn’t know. She glanced at him for only a second before she pressed the gas. Hard. Leaving only a puff of dust in her wake.

Her tears blinded her. Her sobs turned into gut wrenching spasms. Her determination to get away only became stronger. She pressed the gas even harder, watching the speedometer reach seventy. At the end of the long road that made up Josh’s driveway, she came to a screeching stop before reaching the t-bone entrance to the highway, pondering the concept that she was now an auto thief. Maybe Josh would press charges and she’d live the rest of her life in jail, bars separating them instead of a lack of love.

But Josh had asked her to leave. And so she was.

So there.

She’d leave his truck at the airport. He could pick it up later. It wasn’t as if she was really stealing it. Marisa pulled out onto the highway and was doing eighty before she knew it.

I’m not in love with you.

Josh didn’t love her, he didn’t want her. He was trying to end things kindly, trying to end things on a good note. He doesn’t realize there’s no good way to end it when one side doesn’t want it to end. Things were bound to get ugly.

A few famous quotes wandered through her mind in that moment. Like,
I’m just not that into you
, or
it’s beyond my control
, or
it’s not you, it’s me
, or
we can still be friends
.

Go to hell, Joshua Kensington.

Maybe he’d never realized how much she really loved him. Maybe he looked on her as a pleasant diversion, a summertime fling. She must have shocked the hell out of him with her response to his decision to send her home early. But she didn’t understand how he couldn’t have known, not after everything they’d shared. There was such an intense passion between them. Of course, he was the only man she’d ever experienced these kinds of things with. Maybe it wasn’t good between them and she just didn’t know it. There must be something more out there, something she didn’t realize they were missing, but he must know it all too well.

She wanted him to be the villain, but, well, he simply wasn’t. He was just being honest. How could she fault him for it? If it wasn’t there for him, then it wasn’t there. She couldn’t make him love her.

She was driving too fast and she knew it. The numbing pain radiating in her chest left her feeling as if she wanted to start screaming and never stop. There wasn’t a time in her life she’d ever felt so out of control, so wild, so crazed with emotion that she didn’t know how to handle it or what to do. It hurt so much, the pain felt physical instead of emotional, actual literal pain, as if her appendix was about to burst, or her heart was about to explode, or her head was about to hemorrhage. Or all of the above.

Cross traffic swept across the road lazily, some old-timer entering the highway at five miles per hour. Clearly, he didn’t realize how fast she was going. She stomped on the brakes aggressively as her back end fishtailed slightly. Why is it that no one was ever in a hurry in…Rancherville?
Stupid relaxed lifestyle
. What was so good about it anyway? City life was a hundred times more exciting with a hundred more things to do and see. Heck, living at the ranch you couldn’t even make a midnight run to Taco Bell when you were craving a burrito supreme. What kind of life was that? Why would she want to live on Josh’s boring old ranch?

Because I love him. And wherever he is, I want to be. I’d follow him to the North Pole. I’d follow him anywhere.

It was a good thing she’d left when she had. She wasn’t above falling to her knees and begging him to let her stay. It would’ve been a pathetic scene, as embarrassing to herself as it would’ve been to him. Where was her pride? Her dignity?

She’d never forget the feel of his arms around her, the feel of his lips on hers, kissing her with passion, with emotion. She’d never forget lying in front of the fire, with him on top of her, his fingers running through her hair as he kissed her almost reverently, as if he was in awe of her. The feel of being loved by him; there was nothing like it in the world. Another bout of tears took over then, leaving her unable to catch her breath. Muscles she didn’t know she owned screamed at her in rebellion at the force of her sobs.
Pay attention to your driving, Marisa
. She gripped the steering wheel, concentrating on keeping the truck between the lines and watching for upcoming traffic. Thank goodness, there wasn’t much. It was easy driving. The straight, flat highway to the ranch was practically deserted. Why would anyone in their right mind drive out here to the middle of nowhere? Certainly not for sightseeing. Unless they liked a view of flat, featureless land that continued off into nothingness. If you walked too far into the never ending horizontal distance, you’d probably fall off the edge of the earth. Columbus was wrong after all.

Marisa didn’t laugh at her crazy thoughts. As a matter of fact, she cried even harder. Her cell phone came to life, making her jump and the truck swerve dangerously. She plucked it from her purse, saw Joshua’s name printed in big black letters across the screen, and carelessly tossed it out the window. She wanted a new phone anyway. No time like the present.

A glance at the speedometer told her she was doing ninety-five. Yikes. Time to slow down. It wasn’t as if Josh was hot on her heels, begging her to return. Quite the opposite. He’s probably breathing a huge sigh of relief that he doesn’t have to face her histrionics anymore. No more explanations needed. ‘I’m not in love with you’ is quite enough, thanks. A fleeting look at the rearview mirror displayed swollen eyelids and a red splotchy face.
Lookin’ good, Marisa.
How was she going to face an airplane full of curious onlookers? Perhaps she could say that her parents had died. It would be the truth. They didn’t need to know it was thirteen years ago. They didn’t need to know how traumatic it had been.

How could he not have known how much I loved him?
It was then that Marisa reminded herself that he’d never said he loved her. Not once. She was the one who had assumed they had a future together. It was all in her imagination.

I am Joshua’s Folly, not the beautiful piece of land that makes up his backyard, me, in the flesh. Joshua’s Folly.

Suddenly, out of nowhere it seemed, a slow moving tractor came into view, taking up the roadway. Marisa veered to the left to pass, but oncoming traffic made her swerve back into her lane. She slammed down on the brakes, but the tractor was quickly approaching her front end. At the last minute, when she knew a collision was imminent, she turned the wheel at a sharp angle, causing the truck to turn sideways and slide off the road. It was the only choice, there was simply nowhere else to go. The truck hit the dirt at a smashing speed, causing Marisa’s head to hit the ceiling as she was bumped out of her seat with surprisingly violent force. She lost control of the vehicle then as it raced across the terrain in a mind numbing ride that jolted and bounced her as if she was nothing but a rag doll. And then it ended abruptly when the car came to a screeching halt as it hit a ditch, the front end curling up like an accordion.

The airbag blew up in her face and everything went black.

–15–

Frantically, Josh sped down the highway after Marisa. “Why’d you let her go, Jake? She shouldn’t be driving right now.”

“Sorry, Josh. I didn’t expect her to jump in and drive away. It happened really fast. Why can’t she drive?”

“We…we had a fight. I know she’s upset. It’s not safe.” Josh was unwilling to say any more than that. All he knew was that he needed to catch up to her and explain. He owed her that much. There had to be some way of making this work. Maybe she could go and do what she wanted to in life with the promise that she could return when she was ready to settle down. He’d wait for her. And after she’d fulfilled her dreams, she’d be ready to stay at the ranch for the rest of her life. It would work, wouldn’t it?

It was time to sit down and discuss their relationship—put it all out on the table.
“Marisa, the ranch is an isolated existence. Do you really think you’ll be happy here?”

Why hadn’t he just been honest and upfront?

He couldn’t let her leave without telling her that he loved her. If they were going to part ways, at least she could leave knowing that he did have feelings for her. What had he been thinking?
I’m such an idiot.

“Maybe it’s better to let her go,” Jake commented. “I…what’s that?”

“Oh, God…” Josh pulled over and stared, aghast, at the wreckage of his truck. He was out the door in less than a second, running to Marisa’s side.

Please let her be okay, please let her be okay.

A few cars had stopped and several people were already surrounding the truck. “She’s alive,” one of them yelled.

The sight that met him was not one he would soon forget. Marisa was unconscious—and there was so much blood. She lay there so still, so lifeless, unresponsive and motionless. A moment of panic left him tearing at the driver’s door, frantically attempting to open it and get to Marisa.

It wouldn’t budge.

Jake held his shoulders. “Josh, help will be here soon. They’re sending an air ambulance. Calm down.”

But Josh couldn’t calm down. The sight of her broken and beaten was almost more than he could bear.

“Just talk to her, Josh. She shouldn’t be moved till help gets here.”

The window was broken, allowing him access to her. He reached in and held her limp hand, his fingers automatically reaching for her pulse. When he felt the steady rhythm beating slowly, but surely, he felt great relief pass through him. How had he ever thought he could live without her? “Hang on, Marisa. Please, hang on.” He felt so helpless. He wanted her back. He wanted to see her smile and laugh. He wanted to kiss her and feel her kissing him back. He wanted to hear her tell him that she loved him again. No one had ever fought for him the way she had. She loved him, she
really
loved him.