Journey's End (Marlbrook) (23 page)

As Laura was so tempted
,
she heard Thomas call her name, and she cursed the
G
od that had forsaken her.  The enormity of her decision dawned on her, and the price it would now extract loomed before her.

Emotional barriers stemmed any possibility of tears but remorse would not so easily be kept at bay.  Laura ran from Thomas, the road leading her nowhere.

The tree-lined walk was not yet alive.  The young, green leaves were akin to moss
,
their emergence relatively new.  The breeze was bold in its blasts and seemed to join in Laura’s condemnation, the sudden gusts helping to propel her from his sight.

Laura’s steps halted at the mouth of the maze, panic and indecision overwhelming her, but in the end it was hesitation that sanctioned her capture.

Laura’s reaction confounded Thomas.  Fear radiated from her beautiful eyes, and her anguish startled him.

“Laura, what
has
happened that is so terrible it makes you run from me?”

Laura knew avoidance was unacceptable, but when the familiar dark eyes captured hers
,
Thomas broke her heart.  Thomas, her one
true
love, had found her when there was no tomorrow.

Thomas began his declaration of love, but his words had come too late for Laura.

“Laura, I do not pretend to know what drives you
;
however
,
I can tell you that to have you near is heartening. You have been sorely missed.”

Their story had a choice of two endings.  One, a tale of romance, had the two lovers living happily ever after.  The other was a sad tale of betrayal.  A crooked smile appeared, as Laura steeled herself for the conclusion that had been written without Thomas in mind.

Thomas persevered, unaware of Laura’s pain.  “Laura, I am here to inform you that I have fulfilled my duties at the Manor, and I desire to renew our acquaintance for the purpose of taking you home. Laura, I ask if you would be willing to make that journey as my wife.”  Thomas spoke with a sincerity that comes only when accompanied by love.

Thomas’ declaration seriously impacted upon Laura.  The effect was as hard as if he had physically struck her.  She had to fight to maintain some semblance of control.  Unfortunately
,
it was sorrow that emerged the winner, plunging Laura into a blackness of body and soul.

Finally
,
the statement that would lead to her condemnation would hear no more excuses.  The communication, as it came to the fore, was formal in nature.

“Lord Ashley, you have taken me by surprise, and I find myself placed in an awkward position by your sudden reappearance. However, it is your unexpected expressions of sentiment that oblige me to clarify my current situation. But foremost, I must ask for your indulgence in this matter.”

Thomas released Laura, a slight distance opening between them, as he prepared for the unthinkable - rejection.

Laura freed her condemning words.  “The ability to predict what course my life would take has altered over these last months and what once appeared straightforward is no longer, replaced by complexities that are beyond my influence. I confess this to you in the name of friendship
,
for my aim is to demonstrate that I have changed a great deal since you last saw me.”

“Laura, nothing can
alter
what we have.”

“My excuses are inadequate and I know they will not satisfy your want for more
,
but that I had no way of knowing you would return for me is all I have to offer in recompense.”

Thomas towered over Laura, hurt marring his handsome features.  Laura doubted her ability to carry out her task.

“I have recently committed to a proposal of marriage.”

The lie caught in Laura’s throat.  She could not bring herself to look at Thomas.  If she did
,
his eyes would reflect her betrayal and she c
ould not deal with his misery. 
Instead
,
Laura began to walk away, head bowed and a heart aching with a grief never before experienced.

Rough hands stopped her retreat.  Hard eyes judged her, and the allegations flung at her were the start of Laura’s decline.

“You are indeed a callous woman if you are trustworthy in your words. On the night of the ball, I wrote to you declaring that I would soon return and ask you to become my wife. If another has taken your affections
,
then I find you bereft of common decency
,
for you have placed me aside without so much as a letter of intent.”

The honest account was severe and critical
,
forcing Laura to confront a range of emotions.  She had never received the correspondence. 
However
,
t
he detail had become irrelevant.  Time could not be wound back or the deed undone.  Laura could find no answer to what Thomas had said.

Thomas reached out and held Laura firm
ly in place
.  Laura was conscious of his strength, his strong hands confining her.  His condemnation rained down upon her, his conduct relentless in the pursuit of truth.

“Laura! For goodness sake tell me that this is not happening. Tell me that this is some sort of trial you put me through, an ultimatum asking that I prove myself.”

Laura remained silent.

“I know you as honourable
,
Laura, and I shall leave you to your future with this man if you can state that you love him. If your affections belong to another, I shall never agai
n express my deepest thoughts.
Laura
,
do you love him?”

Thomas’ exacting words rang in Laura’s ears, deafening her to the world.  The lie would be found out, evident to her attentive audience if she defended herself
;
therefore
,
all Laura could do was
to
repeat her futile attempts to flee.

Laura had taken on the appearance of a rag doll, absent of any resistance, totally unprepared for what was to come.

Thomas swept Laura up in his arms.  The tender lips that once filled her with desire now persecuted her.  His kiss, once a gentle caress, was bloodthirsty and demanding
,
belonging
to a man afraid of losing her.

Steady droplets of moisture emerged to speak more than words ever could, but Thomas was experiencing his own pain and it blinded him to Laura’s suffering.

Laura’s deception had injured Thomas, erasing his ability to reason
;
irrational thinking substituted normal calm.  He was inconsolable.  He sought to satisfy his emotions, longing to reclaim the intimacy that they had once enjoyed.

His energy drained
,
Thomas released Laura and she crumpled to the ground.  He waited for an indiscernible amount of time as though expecting something more from her, but when nothing was forthcoming
,
he left Laura to her own deceitful company.

Laura later wrote of her trial.

“The deception that must be woven appears to have no end.  The casualties are many.”

#

Lady Emily witnessed the tender scene as it unfolded from the security of her chamber, her window serving as the portal from which she had viewed the stage.  Laura’s grief had given her immeasurable pleasure.  Had anyone asked her for money, she would have willingly paid for the enjoyment.

However
,
her smile soon faded when her earlier conversation with Henry again dominated her thoughts.  Her husband, and she used the term loosely, was repugnant to her.  Not only did she hold him to be a failure in her bed but he had also sired a bastard right under her nose.  If she had ever she hated anyone in her life
,
it was h
e
.

Compensation, even under the most trying of circumstances, can be uncovered if you look hard enough.  Lady Emily’s initial confrontation with Sarah had gone her way.  She had loved every minute of the whore’s cowering.
“I beg of you, Lady Emily, I am an innocent and have no interest
in his lordship or his money.
I will do anything you ask.”  Yes, the sight of Sarah begging her for forgiveness was a bonus that she had not counted on.

Laura had proved to be another matter, a barb that remained to taunt her.  The tough ones were always easy to negate
;
it was the Lauras of this world
,
with their noble sacrificing and rampant virginity
,
that were hard to crack.  The overall success of her clever manoeuvring had been ruined by the creature’s penchant for self-sacrifice.  The stupid woman had forfeited her freedom and now
,
it seems,
also
her lover for the child.  She would never understand Laura’s reasoning.

Lady Emily stored the tender scene for later use.  She had not finished with Henry’s trollop or her sister.

Laura, it appeared, was no longer unworthy of Lady Emily’s attention, and had become the focal point of both husband and wife.

CHAPTER
TWENTY-
SEVEN
- New Beginnings

The wharf was crowded and the day bleak, no different
from
the tedious others that winter produced.  Laura felt insignificant
,
buried in the layers of bodies that pushed and shoved around her, a crowd so dense that only ear piercing noises could be heard above the throng.

The imperial mass loomed above the swarm of people that crawled around its impressive bulk.  The ship groaned, pulling at its restraints, as everyone worked towards a common goal - to set the ship free upon the ocean.

“Sarah, will you not reconsider? The hour has not grown too late.”  Laura’s closing attempt to sway her sister from leaving had failed, but in one last uncharacteristic move
,
Sarah held Laura close and then she was gone.

Nestled in an array of blankets in Laura’s arms, blissfully unaware of her mother’s desertion, the baby was given no such recognition or respect.

Guilt had not entered Sarah’s world, the lone thought of her baby used solely to apportion blame.  Her figure had not returned to its previous best, and she held the child personally responsible for her disfigurement.

Lord Henry had forsaken Sarah.  The baby had not contaminated his thoughts; he had vacated her bed long before that accident had become known.  Still, as he had not bothered with her
,
Sarah in turn had not troubled herself with his child.  It was this line of reasoning that kept everything tidy and heartache out of the picture.  Sarah learned from her mistakes, they were never repeated.

Giddy with anticipation, Sarah watched as the wind amassed beneath the sails
,
ready to sweep her out to sea and away from her past.  She did not look back; she could only have spoilt her happiness by doing so.

Sarah gave a final thought to Lady Emily, who had become her unexpected ally, a very sensible woman who had recognised the value of obtaining an heir without the pain of childbirth.  Lady Emily had made it quite clear that she would not succumb to that degradation.

Sarah had grave doubts about Lady Emily’s sanity.  Ashley Manor had secrets, and when she had imparted news of her find to Lady Emily
,
she had witnessed a crazed reaction.  In truth, the woman had scared her.  However the lady’s mental state was none of her business, but what did interest her was the copious amount of money that she had earned by relating her tale.

The horizon was in decline when Sarah sanctioned one last glance at the shoreline.  She had to be certain that Laura, with her bundle locked to her pathetic breast, had disappeared into obscurity.

Her wretched sister owed her thanks for the child, an encumbrance that would feed the woman’s self-sacrificing penchant.  A faint shred of affection
a
rose
in her
for Laura - the perfect scapegoat.  And as
England
blended into history, Sarah knew there would be no regrets.

             
             
#

As Hope lay sleeping in her crib
,
Laura re-read the record of her birth
,
drawing consolation from the words that greeted her.

“Today
,
the greatest treasure I could ever imagine was presented to me and
,
adding to my pleasure
,
I have also been privileged to name the baby.  I have chosen ‘Hope’.  My reasoning is that one must believe that there is eternal hope, even on the bleakest of days, for how else would we mere mortals survive our trials
?