Authors: William Gaddis
dial… to where? Listen operator don't… no but listen don't press your good fortune, I did not make a call to Union Falls earlier, I've never made a call to Union Falls, operator you may find this difficult to believe but I've never heard of Union … no now look operator if you'll just give me a dial tone so I can… Jesus…! his hand rose to dial, to drop coins —yes, is Ben… Ben? Yes listen, I… no listen that's what I called about, this God damned comic strip out here's getting closer to the last episode and I've got to have that thing settled before I… well I know she does God damn it that's the whole point a lump settlement like she says she… No I've already done it that's what I called to tell you, I sent her all I … Cash? forget who you're talking to? it's stock in a broken down company I used to work for, five shares of General… Christ no it may not be worth anything but it's the only God damned thing I had that might be worth anything and I… No in a drawer under some
shirts, it's an old family owned company that used to make piano rolls now they… because there's no way to find out, the whole thing is tangled up in an estate squabble I'm not going to waste time trying to
… No I knew you'd say that and that's why I did it before I called you, because I've been waiting for advice getting advice listening to advice for, for how God damned long and I'm right where I started … with her? No, no the last time I tried she said they had to go to the dentist, she wouldn't even let me talk to her on the phone and when I… I don't know, that broken down book salesman probably still hanging around but… Look Ben the son of a bitch looks like he came out from under a rock, do you think I relish the thought of him answering the door when I come to see my … No Christ no they deserve each other but my daughter, to see my own daughter do you think I… Yes and this has nothing to do with that, do you think she spends that support on the girl? God damn it Ben if I hadn't just bought her a ninety dollar winter coat she wouldn't have one and I'm sitting here in a suit I paid two dollars for, now what do you … at a thrift shop where the hell do you think! now what do you … Of course I do, I wrote something on the back of the stock certificate subject to visiting rights and that's the only
… No but I want to be the one to decide, can't you understand that? I want to be the one to decide! can't you… Well it's too late for that now, I just … no just being led around like that with a God damned ring in my nose, goodbye. Let me know when you hear from her lawyer… and half a minute, a minute passed silent before the door shuddered open and he came up the bank of lockers with hardly a glance for the casualty emerging from the door marked Principal which he banged again as he entered.
—Oh is that ahm, Leroy is that you out there? Yes come in I ahm, oh it's you Gibbs yes come in …
—You're sure I'm safe?
—Yes well of course ahm, safe?
—Apparition going out the door there bandaged from head to foot, I thought it might have been an applicant for one of your car loans.
—Yes well I suppose he ahm, yes well I hadn't thought of that of course but since his car was totally ahm, I suppose Mister Hyde will be looking around for a new one that is to say…
—Hyde? That was Hyde?
—Well yes he ahm, yes I thought you might have heard he was in ahm, excuse me, hello … ? Oh yes well Mister Pecci left yes … yes well no he was but he left… the bank? Oh well yes this is the bank ahm, telephone that is to say, yes… ? Oh it is? Yes well of course I have no way of knowing Mister Pecci's connection with ahm, any arrangement he may have with County Land and Title that is to say he ahm… and Peretti yes but of course Mister Pecci is … yes I'm sure you can yes, yes goodbye… Yes I'm sorry Mister Gibbs that was ahm, you were talking about a car loan yes but of course your salary is ahm, of course we know your salary that is to ahm…
—Look let's not go into it, your other phone's off the hook there I can see you're busy, if there's nothing else…
—Oh, oh yes that's Mister ahm, yes just leaving a message and I think he's made himself quite clear so it really isn't ahm… and he restored the phone, —but while you're right here there was something I meant to ahm…
—Probably our proscribed opening this morning, next time I thought we could get through the Amendments.
—Yes well of course how many ahm, in terms of length that is to say because our scheduling situation is somewhat ahm, two hundred and four feet I think someone said this morning and of course in terms of, yes excuse me, hello… ? The newspaper, yes we saw the … oh you mean this is the newspaper calling?
—Mind if I turn this sound up a little? Hear what's happening to our share in America…
—Yes well of course implementing the new drug detection program is providing a meaningful insight into the students ahm, body, the student body's ahm… urine yes, urine tests under the school nurse who, yes no by the school nurse that is to … yes yes very successful, no cases have been reported at all since the detection program went into ahm… Yes of course because without popular support we don't have the ahm, the support of the community that is to, yes I have another call yes, goodbye… Yes, hello … ? Oh yes, no he … no no Mister Glancy's out today yes he … No we haven't, no we … Yes I'll tell him, yes… Yes that's what it was Gibbs Mister ahm, Glancy seems to be out today and I wondered if you…
—Can't help you Whiteback, I wouldn't know where he …
—No that wasn't what I ahm, yes just a minute excuse me, hello?
—I'll stop by later Whiteback, I …
—No no just a minute, yes … ? No I heard you yes, yes the bank examiner just called but all he… no well simply because the name Janice ahm, her name appears in a list of the bank's stockholders is no reason to ahm… Yes well no, no they may not even be aware that he's sponsoring the legislation to protect suburban banks in this ahm, in the suburbs that is to say, no they simply asked about his position with ahm, any interest he might have in County Land and… Yes well the mortgage insurance of course after the allegahm, inferences in today's paper but ahm, yes I have someone with me right now that is to say and… yes, later yes…
—Could I ask you something, Whiteback?
—Yes well of course I ahm…
—I worry about you sometimes, doesn't it ever occur to you to give up one or the other? the bank or the school? When you stop and…
—Yes well of course the ahm, when I know which one of them is going to survive that is to say of course I can ahm, yes all I wanted was to ask you if you could take Mister Glancy's classes today, he doesn't seem to ahm, he seems to be out…
—Yes I don't know his schedule, my day to monitor cafeteria and then I …
—Of course if you wanted to take some time right now to look around for ahm, to stop at the cleaner's and pick up a suit you might have ahm, might have left there yes, another suit and of course your ahm, if you've hurt your foot you might excuse me, hello… ? Oh! Oh well yes he ahm, yes send him in … and the rimless lenses came away for a hand to rise and rub the vacancies beneath as the phone clattered down, —the Internal Revenue Service man to look into our programming but of course you might ahm, yes turn that down it's a little ahm…
—Incidentally she's in today isn't she? that isn't just last week's tape or…
—Glancy? Oh no yes Mrs Joubert you mean to say, no this is just a monitor from her class so she must be ahm, of course you wouldn't know she'd been ill because she looks well doesn't she but then she always looks quite ahm, yes you might want to stop and see if Miss Waddams can do something to ahm, she might have an ace bandage or Vogel, yes Coach Vogel might have an ace bandage so you could get your shoe on that is to say even ahm, yes even a tennis shoe I think someone's … Yes? Come in … ? I think the lesson guide's right here somewhere, yes he might like ahm…
And Nanook's losing battle against the blizzard of scratched
remnants of film finally gave over to the barrage of flying milk cartons that daily signaled lunch and the furtive departure of the monitor whose back could be seen through the A blazing red in B A R a step beyond the legal distance off by anyone on the way to the Post Office or even, some time later, returning from it. —Was that Mister Gibbs in there hey?
—Who else would it be, he's…
—Shhh he just came out he's right behind us, come on around by the parking lot…
—So what, he doesn't give a …
—Quick look out hey! there's Coach… !
—Coach? Say Coach? Wait…
—Why, it's like the morning after Blenheim Mister Gibbs, walking wounded everywhere. Come into the locker room and we'll fit you to a crutch.
—Have to walk this way or the God damned slipper will fall off listen, have to take a glass of, class of Glancy's tell you what I need though, a shoe.
—For want of a nail wasn't it, watch the door here. We'll have a look in the lost and found box I think there's a pair of ice skates that might fit you.
—Didn't lose ice skates, listen…
—Just a flight of fancy Gibbs, skating down a slope of Tchaikowski's Eighteen Twelve Overture it's been on my mind since the time you told me Venice was frozen music, but what was the name of the tune they used? Steady, steady now, remember Howard's sacred gore? Here it comes now…
—But that's, wait. He's shrunk!
—Shrunk? He never was a towering figure but to say…
—Saw him this morning coming out of Whiteback's office look where's your locker room, I don't want to see the bastard again…
—Dan? a bastard? Why the poor…
—What do you mean Dan, coming toward us? Saw him this morning it's that God damned Major in his bandages and his arm in a, God damn it he's shrinking look at him jacket's down to his, look where his sleeve is look at his pants, can't walk without hiking up his pants he's…
—Just enjoying a strolling game of pocket billiards, do you happen to know the wife? Mrs Carlyle, wasn't it? waked up in the middle of the night by the bed shaking? Dan we're over here discussing Sartor Resar- tus, Mister Gibbs and I seem to have the same tailor. Here comes Dan with all the news, got the boxback coat and the…
—Oh I, I'm sorry I didn't see you, I… he broke off looking from one to the other, finally settling on Gibbs' vacant breast pocket.
—Sorry Dan, for a minute there I thought you were…
—You gave Mister Gibbs quite a turn here, I've got to get him tended to he's…
—But, but wait Coach I just wanted to ask you, this morning when I
saw your…
—Not only saw it Gibbs look at his pants there, he told Whiteback I was an old neighbor from Cleveland. That's a new touch isn't it Dan? the SOS button?
—Oh I, I forgot I had it on, no what I meant was your lesson on circuitry I couldn't quite match the script to the…
—Got to get this man tended to first Dan, he has to get down for a glass at Clancy's. Spend any time overseas yourself, Gibbs?
—None I want to discuss right now, look, just…
—When you could lean out the tank turret and, steady… they matched step up the corridor. —You happen to know Mrs Joubert, Gibbs?
He watched their backs for a moment, one already splitting at the shoulder, and then freed his hand to remove the SOS button before turning down the range of lockers to leave the only hand in sight that coursing out the hour, ten minutes short of its goal when the phone rang, twice, three times, caught with a crash of the doors in a nailbitten clench.
—Yeah hello? Yeah hey wait a second operator he's coming, he just… yeah hey just wait a second he's coming, can you wait a second
… ? the doors parted for the cropped head to peer up the corridor.— Yeah here he is operator wait, he's coming… hurry up hey, they're waiting…
—Okay get out of the, hello? Get out of the way hey so I can, hello? Yes I'll accept the call yes, hello … ? the doors clattered closed. —Hello Bast? Boy I almost didn't … no I'm out of breath, I had to stay in at … No but first hey how come you didn't call Piscator about this here whole Wonder … what? No but where are you at then, you… What? What do you … No but how come you're at this here hospital… Holy … no but holy … no but you mean right at that there gala banquet you and him were… No but how was I supposed to know that? I mean I knew the both of them were old but holy … No but if he had his arm around you singing how come you… You mean right in the middle of the movie? Holy… No but like if, like I mean he's not going to die or something is he? Because if him and his brother don't sign that stuff Piscator was supposed to get ready we're really up the… What his brother's there right now you mean? Can you… What, they already did? Why didn't you tell me, I mean if they both signed it everything's
okay we don't have anything to … No hey I didn't just mean that Bast, I mean sure I hope he gets better real soon tell him but… No but wait tell him he can't do that hey, it's … No but if he sold the company it isn't even his trade secret anymore it's ours hey, I'll … No I'll bet you a quarter hey, ask Piscator, he … that cobalt in the water puts such a great head on their beer? did he tell … No but see even if this here nurse he's whispering it to doesn't get it see she might just tell somebody which … No but tell him to quit it anyway okay? So what
else did… No wait a second, who… ? Did he say that, he's coming there
… ? No but see he's been calling me and Piscator because he's scared this here bunch of Wonder stock this other brother gave him this loan of to use it like for collateral when this company of his was getting in this trouble because they used to both play football at some college, see so now Mooneyham's scared that if we give him a hard time over this here stock this whole X-L Lithography Comp … No but how was I supposed to know this here other brother had … No but what do they expect me to … No okay, okay but… Sure I know you don't but… No sure Piscator will do all of it anyway see so you don't even have to be