JR (75 page)

—Yes well that, that one I put on top for Mister Grynszpan from

Consolidated Edison about a bill for twelve hundred…

—Simple God damned misunderstanding Bast…

—Yes but I can't understand why they've turned off the gas but left the electricity on if he owes them twelve…

—Turned off everything Bast, Grynszpan just trying to avoid unpleasantness tapped these lines in bypassed the meter save everybody a lot of trouble, whole God damned billing system save Consolided Edison trouble with their God damned billing system, save them postage legal fees all the God damned heartache goes with it, poor God damned meter reader poking around ashcans with his flashlight save him the trouble…

—Bast look I have to get downtown, if you're staying here tonight maybe we can put him back in the other apartment and just let him get some…

—Bight with you Tom just want to look at this mail, somebody Bast must have stacked up tried to match tops and bottoms Bast know any Indians? Something from some Indians Grynszpan know any Indians Tom?

—Yes that I, I haven't found the top half of that yet so I don't know whether…

—Nice invitation Bast all go out and see them, got some rocks they want us to see sounds like they're selling something God damned bunch of Indians always selling something, says mineral exploration claims and drilling leases they're really out on the back porch making a lot of God damned baskets nobody wants to, who the hell is Eunice Begg, know Eunice Begg Bast? God damned mad about something I'll tell you that from the bottom half, she…

—Look just get his arm maybe we can…

—Wait what, wait, bottom half of a senator office of Senator Müliken Grynszpan know any senators Tom? Always ready to discuss matters pertaining to the welfare and prosperity of my constituents wants money, only time the bastards write form letters want money, half two tickets to Five Thousand Years of Egyptian History at Hunter College Auditorium with our compliments where's the other halfs, I go with you Bast? Sounds God damned interesting…

—Mister Gibbs I, if Mister Eigen takes one arm and I …

—One more second Bast right with you, somebody God damned annoyed all the looms being removed to be sent to South America going to strike wait, got a cemetery, Ancient and Loyal Order of wait some God damned cemetery might need one Tom, trouble Schramm getting into Arlington already got a hundred fifty-seven thousand packed in there like fish might need one God, damn it all right I'm coming, sounds like a God damn good opportunity though whole God damned cemetery … he steadied against 24-7 Oz Pkgs Flavored Loops,

—not taking your Baldung with you Tom? Rhoda with the hairy diadem nicest God damned name I could think offhand ought to get yourself one, sounds like a God damned good opportunity… and he got past

the armless sofa toward Mazola New Improved, —whole cemetery sell real estate plots six by eight instead of sixty by eighty lot more tenants don't complain no heating problems all the God damned heartache right with you Tom, just get my research material back here bring it along…

—Jack wait damn it, wait what the hell do you…

—Just need these top bundles Bast can you shove those lampshades over the…

—I said wait! Look damn it you can't take those downtown I just sent a load of newspapers up here, they get here yet Bast?

—Yes they, I meant to tell you yes I piled them in there on the tub and…

—Damn it Jack look at that, I haven't had a chance to read and clip those yet so I sent them up here and now you want to …

—It's all right Tom different thing, Morning Telegraph here and that's the God damned Times calls itself the newspaper of record, think you find Mister Fred past performance in the God damned newspaper of record?

—Look if you bring those downtown they're going out on the…

—Raindance with Melindez up, things are in the saddle Tom just pull that pile out under there Bast will you? No trouble Bast be glad to help us …

—All right but listen damn it tomorrow they go out on the street whatever you, watch the door there…

—Watch the wait, wait tell Bast what time it is get him back on base twelve, God damned things in the saddle and ride mankind Bast can't set it till midnight, Bast? Hear me over the bosom of shining…

—Just get the, it's all right Bast we can manage, just get the door closed…

—Can't see a God damned thing, like leaving Pittsburgh…

—Look Jack just, wait give me that pile and watch your…

—God damned stairs can't see a God damned, listen. Listen hear that? God damned telephone ringing someplace can't see a …

—Hello Mister?

—Tom somebody on the stairs here don't step on him…

—Mister you came in the apartment by the end of the hall? Is empty now he went away in the bag Mister?

—What, what the hell do you…

—Mister my vife, five flights her legs she couldn't go up and down anymore Mister…

—Went away in a bag God damn it I'll put you in a …

—Jack shut up leave him alone, just get the door…

—Put him in a God damned bag…

—Hurry up there's a cab…

—Come the five Jones boys pushing their God damned clubhouse across the…

—Look just wait here at the curb, if he sees you with those bundles

of paper he won't stop, just wait here…

—Watch out Tom, cinco Jones run over you with their God damned club…

—Que dice?

—Dice sin cojones, coño…

—Madre, coño…

—Look out you crazy God damned bunch of … Lights veered, drew up. —Jack! here… !

—Not taking him anyplace buddy.

—You're God damn well taking both of us right where I told you to, get those in here Jack…

—Hijo de…

—Crazy God damned…

—Coño mira el coche coño… !

—Get in here get the door, what the hell's going … what was that!

—God damned clubhouse, cinco Jones boys let go of it smashed right into a lamp post, jumped me for no God damned…

—Lock your door, driver if you're not out of here God damn fast you're going to have five crazy Puerto Ricans ripping your … he was flung back against the seat as they swerved in a wide arc, slammed to a halt at a light.

—Crazy God damned, put them in a bag too how's that. Cinco Jones put them in a bag how's that.

—Look can you just be quiet till we get there?

—Forgot Old Struggler, Tom.

—I've got something down there.

—Forgot the God damned shirts… and they slumped staring out opposite windows through jarring halts, abrupt snatches at velocity.

—This side driver last on the right, Jack? Get out, I'll push these out to you…

—Second want to look in there for a shoe, might be Hardy…

—Damn it just get this bundle will you… ? The door slammed, he handed bills in the window. —Get up Jack, what did you drop.

—Schramm.

—God damn it get up off the sidewalk and, look these papers are just going to stay right here if you can't…

—No no no got things in the saddle…

—All right get them in here then … he sorted keys, —I'll hold the door, damn good thing they fixed the elevator… and he sorted keys as they rose. —Hold the door there so I can see … He got the key in, kneed the door open —just drag them in the hall here, I'll get the light in the kitchen.

—Got to move out of here Tom, find a cheery little furnished room with print curtains and a hot plate move the hell out.

—Look I've hardly unpacked, I got off the plane and looked around even thought maybe she'd brought David out to meet me at the airport, see how damn stupid … he had the refrigerator door opened

pounding the blade of a table knife under the icetray, —God damn thing hasn't been defrosted since, what are you looking for.

—Bottle, nothing down here but Mister…

—It's right behind you, I thought maybe she didn't get my cable but I took one look when I got here and called her friend Joan, then I called the office and got your message about meeting Beamish, get some glasses.

—Just says Liqueur Deluxe, what the hell is it.

—I don't know what the hell it is, I just grabbed it at the airport before I left Frankfurt but there's nothing else here. She went through every bottle in the house before she took off.

—Shame she missed the Mister Clean, where the glasses…

—Look in the sink. So Joan Bartlett said yes she told me you'd call, how the hell did she know? Got my cable and got the next train damn it Jack rinse them out, there's still milk in them. Who else would I call? The Bartletts are separating Tom, Joan says she can't live with a man she doesn't respect, always used the Bartletts when she was really talking about us, bright young couple who painted pears on every damn thing they owned until he lost his job. Joan says she can't respect a man who doesn't respect himself so the poor bastard agrees to move out and come visit the kids on weekends, finds your cheery little furnished room with the hot plate and now she's got him up for abandonment.

—Nice God damned thing about Marian so God damned fair, doing it for your sake Tom even told me can't get much more God damned fair, bring some cigarettes?

—Just going to ask you, he led up the dark hall, kicked a small red worn, laceless sneaker the length of it, picked it up and found the light before he reached a chair and sat down heavily. —Look under that pile of mail there, see how carefully she laid it out for me every damn one of them's a bill except that card I sent David, told him I was racing it home … he leaned forward and put the sneaker down, back and drank leaving only ice cubes. —So damn fair she believes it, took Kurt Weill left me Mahler, took the top half of the double boiler left me the bottom half so God damn fair she's doing it for my sake what about David's sake, how many damn times I've told her we could hold things together for David's sake…

—God damned worst thing you could have told her, God damned mother in Solomon's ready to cut the kid in half give you the bottom half time like that worst God damned thing you could tell her, time like that starring in her own soap opera worst God damned thing you could tell her.

—Well God damn it she, let her go star in her own damn soap opera is that any reason she has to drag David away from every damn thing he ever…

—Point is whole God damned point is she wants to be taken seriously needs a supporting cast, talented woman never been allowed to do

anything sits here all day drinking Mister Clean works up a whole God damned drama has a part for everybody. Arabs Israelis Irish same God damned thing scared maybe nobody takes them seriously, God damned Irish know everybody knows they're a God damned joke so the worse they get, God damned self-righteous Israelis same God damned thing take the top half of the double boiler leave the Arabs the bottom half everybody so God damned sick of all of them all they do is run around shouting for an audience somewhere to take them seriously same God damned thing, fill this up? Whole God damned problem tastes like apricots, whole God damned problem listen whole God damned problem read Wiener on communication, more complicated the message more God damned chance for errors, take a few years of marriage such a God damned complex of messages going both ways can't get a God damned thing across, God damned much entropy going on say good morning she's got a God damned headache thinks you don't give a God damn how she feels, ask her how she feels she thinks you just want to get laid, try that she says it's the only God damn thing you take seriously about her puts you out of business and goes running around like the God damned Israelis waving the top half of the double boiler have to tell everybody they're right. God damned Arabs mad as hell sitting there with the bottom half pretend you take them seriously only thing you want is their God damned oil …

—Jack listen you could get damn sick on this stuff if you…

—Want their God damned oil have to respect them for themself, always find some God damned slob around ready to listen respect her for herself nods gravely looking up her skirt, talented woman never been allowed to do anything just listens doesn't make any God damned difference to her who he is takes her seriously, finally sure he's not just after her double boiler spreads the bottom half for him same God damned thing starts all over again, tastes like apricots what the hell is it.

—Why the hell I, why I ever even met her, some agency party I went to at the last minute never even would have met her, she damn near didn't go to it herself. Why the hell just one of us didn't go …

—Problem can't do that God damned problem can't hypothesize backwards Tom, never met her never would have married her keep going you hypothesize the kid right out of existence one God damned thing you can't imagine not existing, one thing I ever did in the world

… he blew ice back into his empty glass, —only God damned thing I've got …

—Hypothesize any damn way I want to listen, that selective memory she's got takes the whole God damn past and reconstructs it, told me before he was born I didn't want David real instinct for the jugular.

Takes the whole damn past and reconstructs it all the facts are there but you can't recognize a damn thing, here give me that bottle. Told me before he was born I said I didn't want David God damn it wasn't David there wasn't any David, got any sense what in hell do you want

to bring one more helpless, one more whole capacity for suffering doesn't exist yet doesn't even have a name what in hell do you want to bring that into a God damn world like this one for, damn it Jack will you get your feet off the sofa out of those shirts? Haven't been able to find a clean shirt for three months find those eighteen dirty ones stuffed in the back of a closet she…

—Problem worst God damned thing you could have said Tom, hold things together for David worst God damned insult you could hand her, point whole God damned point wouldn't take her seriously her way she'll find another way, hand her a weapon like that she'll find a way

to make you God damned stuff need ice. Can't get it down without ice just have to get used to it, God damned Irish won't have it with the mouse won't have it without the mouse same God damned thing just get used to it Tom…