Judas (16 page)

              “Well, sure, J. Come on in,” Jaime said with playful sarcasm as she shut the door behind him. Another random visit, she thought. Something had to be up. “You drop by for tea?” she winked, running her freshly dried red nails through her blonde mane.

He shook his head, “No, smartass. I didn't know where else to go. I'm sorry. I should have called.”

“No worries. It's your place if ya wanna get technical. Why you hiding, anyway?” she asked, curious.

He nervously pulled the vial out of his pocket and dangled it in the air in front of her. “Not hiding. Just... hiding,” he shrugged. “It's time. I need it.”

              She was puzzled. “You need more? I can get more,” she offered, already reaching for her cell.

“No! It's full. I haven't used any yet,” he corrected her, taking her phone and replacing it on the table.

She gave a soft giggle, “Oh, my bad. Forgot, you're new at this.” She wasn't sure if she should be impressed or worried. Depending on how it would affect him, she might need to strip ahead of time and just wait. It always made her nervous when someone did this for the first time around her. Never knew what to expect. And Judas could be dangerous. But then again, she had survived nearly four years with the man. She could take it.

             
She went to gather her supplies and knelt down on the floor to lay them out in front of him. He fidgeted nervously, waiting for her to tap out a thin line, and then another. “Just one,” she said turning the small glass tray toward him. His head dipped and his knuckles went white as he clutched the edge of the table, inhaling slow and deep, until the line was gone. He grasped his nose, sniffing against the burn as he stood. “How do you feel?” she asked, raising a brow as she watched him.

He blinked at her several times before finally answering, “Fucking. Amazing.”

              She felt his eyes on her as she leaned down, inhaling her own share of the bliss. She wasn't that addicted to it and really it didn't matter to her if she had it or not, but it was always nice to have some around in case the mood struck. She wasn't born with an addictive personality and she wasn't much of a partier so it was rare that she had that urge.

She left the materials on the table and sauntered to him, to press her slender frame against him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “So, is this still off limits?” she teased, testing the waters. She had never been allowed to touch him, or kiss him, or well, almost anything but be prepared and be still.

              He leaned down and slid his tongue across her lips, breathing hot breath against her mouth, “Who has limits?”

She turned to mush. She had dreamed of the day she could speak to him and have him treat her as a human being for way too long. She was going to savor every second he afforded her. She raised up on the tips of her toes, chasing him as he pulled away. Her teeth caught his lower lip, nipping seductively, as she pressed her blood red claws into his shoulder blades. “Show me how amazing feels.” She licked a clean swipe across his lips, finishing with a light kiss against his cheek.

              “It feels like my dick inside of you,” he said, pressing his palm against her chest, pushing her back against the wall. He jerked her hands straight out to the side, grinding his hips against her as he pinned her there against the wall. His lips covered hers in a sensual fury, kissing her deeply and with more passion than she had ever known him to possess. He wasn't broken this time. He was whole and he was magnificent. She cried out against his lips, “Judas...” His response was immediate and potent.

“Baby,” he answered, locking his fingers into hers. A single word turned her into putty in his hands.

              He took her right there, against the pale blue wall, giving himself to her in ways she had never witnessed before.  He was tender, yet demanding of her as their bodies communicated in perfect sync without the words. She knew him, and knew his needs, but something was different this time. She thought it was the coke that had distorted things, yet she had this feeling that he was giving her a part of himself that he had never meant to give up.

It was euphoria, born of lust and manifested in the sensual, adoring way he took her. Is this what making love felt like? She had nothing to compare. He had been her only partner,
and even when he took her virginity, it was punishing and cruel. All she ever knew of sex was what he did and the things she read about or saw on television, and the two could not be less alike. Sometimes, she even hated it.

             
When he finished, he wrapped his arms around her, carrying her to the sofa. He picked up the metal container and twisted off the lid. She watched him carefully as he worked, raking the powder into perfect white lines. Each of them was exactly the same size as the last. There was no hesitation before he dipped his head down and inhaled every particle. He wiped his nose and hung his head, closing his eyes for barely a minute before preparing her next rail.

              They spent the next several hours alternating between conversation and having sex and she was disappointed when he said he needed to go. He was coming down and she knew it was going to be hard on him since this was his first time. “Just sleep if you can. It will help you adjust,” she told him.

He rubbed his eyes and nodded as he gathered his belongings. He left the vial with her and she promised to have it filled for him in case he needed it again. She hoped it would be a while, but she couldn't help but think that she liked him better this way. He spoke. He interacted with her. He showed her who he really was.

              It was the feeling of being tossed into the air and then crash landing. Though you are high beyond the clouds, when you land, there is no instant death. The misery drags. It makes you want to go back up. And stay. Tonight, he was invincible.  It was like being re-born. He already wanted more. Already wanted to feel that way again with her. They had re-lived the night of his dream. Magic. Perfect. Theirs. She was his. Just as she always has been. The drive home was long but dull. He crawled into bed beside his wife and instantly felt her stiffen. She knew. Perfect. On impulse, he wiped his nose with the back of his hand as if to dust off imaginary residue.

             
“You weren't at the office.”

It was an accusation. “Yes. No. I was. I was late getting out,” he remembered.

“You were with her. I smell her,” she hissed through clinched teeth, as she crawled out of bed. “You have a lot of nerve!” She was snarling now and he couldn't blame her. He should have showered.

“I'm sorry, doll. I'm just worn out,” he said, getting back up.

She snatched the sheets off of the bed and tossed them in the floor. “Let me see you. Where are you hurt this time?”

He blinked, confused. He wasn't hurt anywhere. “I'm fine, doll. I'm not hurt.”

              His voice was soft but it held little emotion. He felt empty. “No? Is that not why you go to her?” She was so angry, she was vibrating. “Why Judas, why?” she demanded.

He sighed, and went into the bathroom, leaving the door open as he turned on the water and adjusted the temperature. This was one he was going to lose. He checked the mirror, glancing at his nose before turning to her. “I needed her,” he finally replied.

“I'm your wife. I'm the one who carries your unborn child. I'm the one you should need,” she choked out, fighting back tears. She scooped up the linens and left the room.

             
His shower was long. He stood there with his palms pressed against the wall, letting the water flow over his frame, trying desperately to hold a coherent thought. Everything came back to her. Jaime. Things changed tonight between them and he was certain that there was no going back.

The way he felt when he was with her solidified the fact that he could never treat her as a nameless, faceless whore. Never
, again. He felt exactly how he had felt in his dream and though he was able to block that out before, this time was different. It was real.

             
“I want to meet her,” she stated flatly. She had to know who this woman was. She had to see for herself what she was up against. She had already determined that she would do it with or without his help. She crawled into the fresh made bed and settled in beside him. Her belly was starting to fill out, and though she had grown used to sleeping with his hand against her, tonight, he didn't bother. He was lying wide eyed against the pillow, not sleeping, not speaking. Just breathing. “Judas, I'm serious,” she persisted.

He turned his head and looked at her, without blinking, “Alright,” he said, giving a weak nod.

“Alright? You mean you will allow it?” she clarified.

“Yes.”
             

             
She couldn't believe it. No argument, no protest. “When?” She asked, fully prepared to not be put off.

“Tomorrow,” he said, without hesitation.

Her heart began to race. Did that just happen? He agreed to introduce her to Jaime? Tomorrow? She was suddenly nervous and her mind began to rapid-fire all the questions she had for so long. She imagined what she would say and how she would react. After milling it over in her head for a long while, she knew she was ready. She was going to make her stand. The whore wouldn't know what hit her.

             
Judas was hers and she would make sure that Jaime knew where she stood. She was the one carrying his child and she was not going to share. She had tried to accept what he was, but he closed her out, and tonight only proved that he was lying. He wasn't injured when he came back, like the times before. He had gone to her because he wanted her. “Needed” her, she thought, remembering his words. She was not about to wait around to see if he left her for the bitch. There was more to this, and she was going to get answers tomorrow.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Well this is awkward. She didn't know why she had agreed to this, but since he ran the show and he had asked her to come, here she was. Jaime hated interviews and this is exactly what it felt like. Her hands were unsteady as she spoke, answering questions from his wife and letting her eyes wander around the room to all of the expensive furnishings.

She had never been in his home before, though she had imagined in her mind a dozen times what it might look like. She never expected something so warm, inviting. He sat directly across from her beside the red head, but there was nothing calming about his presence today. He seemed just as nervous as she wanted desperately to crawl into his shirt and hide.

              “Are you from around here, Jaime?”

The fake smile was still plastered on her face and Jaime could see right through it. This woman wanted her dead and within minutes of her arrival, Jaime knew it. “Missouri. I left home and ended up here a few years ago,” Jaime answered, trying to be vague.

Adessa nodded, taking a sip of her water. “It must have been hard to leave home so young, you couldn't have been more than twelve, thirteen at the time.”

Jaime watched Judas roll his eyes at the rude remark, but he said nothing. His eyes were focused on Jaime and occasionally, she saw his hand slide over his empty pocket, and she knew what he
needed. She always knew.

             
“I'm twenty-two. I assure you, I was legal when I met your husband, if that is what you're suggesting,” Jaime said, cutting through the bullshit.

Adessa blinked, feigning innocence, “I didn't mean that at all. I was merely complimenting you on looking so young.”

Jaime wanted to smash her face in. Adessa wasn't that much older than she was, and it pissed her off to hear Adessa insinuate that her husband had preyed on a child. She made her own choices, and she was not sorry for her past, her present, nor her future. Life was hard on everyone and Cupcake over there needed to get over herself.

             
It was becoming obvious to Jaime why he couldn't share things with his wife and why he continued to pay her when he had a capable and willing woman sitting beside him. This woman was self -centered and she only cared for how this was making her feel. Meanwhile, her husband was torn to bits inside and she was clueless.