July (The Year of The Change Book 1) (21 page)

“Nonetheless, I will still have a talk with them. This was not appropriate behavior.” She smoothed my hair. “Don’t worry. I’ll be kind about it.”

Somehow, I believed her and relaxed. Bandit put his big head on the mattress for me to pet. I obliged. When Tam came in I dragged my throbbing knee and scooted to my side so she could get in. Bandit quickly skirted the bed to the other side and once again put his shaggy head next to me.

Now, not just my knee, but my shoulder hurt where I hit the wall. The pain made its presence well known. Petting Bandit took my mind off all the aches and calmed my nerves. I wished that I could have a dog of my own. In the third grade, I’d read ‘Call of the Wild’. After that, all I could think about was having a wolf as my best friend.

Aunt Betty sat on Tam’s side of the bed. “I remember when Fred Stifflemeyer used a ladder to come see your grandmother in the middle of the night.” She chuckled. “He had the wrong side of the house and ended up at mother and father’s window. He was so surprised when father came to the screen that he fell off and broke his leg. Then the ladder fell on him breaking his nose.” She giggled. “Anne didn’t have to worry about him anymore. He was such a pest!” She shook her head, chortling.

Dad came in. “The sheriff’s gone. He sure was glad to hear we’re leaving tomorrow.”

We laughed. Aunt Betty looked a little sad.

“Aunt Betty was just telling us about when grandmother had a boy on a ladder.” I smiled at her and hoped she would tell some more.

Dad sat on the little pink stool. It looked way too small for him. Aunt Betty retold the ladder story and added more. "Fred had been singing a love song before our father went to the window to silence his terrible voice. Fred couldn't carry a tune in a bucket with three men helping. With his leg broken, our little brother Todd was sent to the doctor’s house and then to Fred’s house to get Mr. and Mrs. Stifflemeyer." She leaned against the bed post, her mind a good fifty years away. "Even though Fred kept yelling for Anne, she stayed hidden behind the curtains in our room where he couldn't see her. She was afraid he'd hurt himself even worse trying to get to her if he saw her. The Stifflemeyers brought their truck and all the adults helped carry Fred around front and load him in the truck bed. It wouldn’t have been so hard if it hadn’t been for the fact that Fred was six-four and over three hundred solid pounds. It was a wonder the ladder hadn’t broken when he first stepped on it. Anne and I peeked through the living room drapes when they drove away. Fred still bellowed her name at the top of his lungs." She sighed with a smile.

"Well, at least no one broke anything tonight … that I know of," I smiled weakly as I remembered the azaleas.

For the next couple of hours, Aunt Betty told stories from Gram's year of The Change.

Gram had only made it seven months before she succumbed to the love of her life. Gramps had always been everything to her and Grandmother had always been everything to him. She got someone as special as Gramps, she got the best.

That was the kind of marriage I wanted. I wanted a man who would look at me like Gramps always looked at Gram. Even when they argued, there was still love in their eyes. I’d never seen that with my mom and dad.

That’s what I would be looking for, not the glazed eyes and silly grins I always see coming at me from every side. Someday I will see that special glint in the eyes of that special someone and I’ll know I’ve found him.

As I thought about it, I realized Calvin had never looked at me like that. Kevin had come real close. Of course, they were affected. I would have to wait until The Change was over before I could start my search. Somewhere there had to be a boy with that kind of love, for me.

Probably just in my dreams.

So it shouldn’t have surprised me when I dreamed I was running through a forest looking for something. I would stop and look behind trees and bushes and around boulders. The only thing I found were affected boys. Deep in the forest, I looked up at a white wolf. Its intent eyes watched me. I went to the wolf and it ran. When I tried to follow, affected boys got in the way.

Finally, after running and looking all night I caught up with the wolf and buried my face in his warm fur. When I pulled back, his almost black eyes stared at me unblinking before they softened and I saw the love I’d been looking for.

July 17
th
– Thursday

I startled awake. What a weird dream. I lay there for a while, trying to remember the details as it slipped away from my conscious mind. I couldn’t hold on to it and, reluctantly, lost my grip.

The early morning sun peeped through a small opening in the curtain. I stretched and felt much better. Tam was sprawled, one leg hung off the side of the bed and one arm was thrown over her face. I moved gently, sitting on the stool and gingerly massaged my knee. It wasn't as stiff as I thought it would be. I dressed quickly, not wanting to wake my sister.

Walking around the small room, I tested my knee and found it was much better now that the swelling was gone. I knew it would feel very different after a few hours in the van. For now, I would concentrate on walking out the stiffness.

Panting, Bandit waited. His tail whipped back and forth. Quietly, we left and I let him out the front door. I would miss our morning routine.

Instead of following my hairy friend, I went to the kitchen where I found Aunt Betty fixing a bottle for Mary. Still limping a little, I entered her kitchen. The smell of bacon and biscuits cooking woke my stomach.

She looked up with a smile. “Good morning, Sylvia.” She screwed a nipple onto an old two-liter bottle full of white liquid.

I hadn’t thought about how much the little lamb would eat, so the size caught me off guard.

It was easier, today, to greet her. “Good morning.”

She dried off the bottle. "How's your knee?" She plopped the lid on a large can of powdered lamb’s milk and put it under the counter.

"Much better, thank you. I think the bandage helped a lot."

"I'm so glad."

It amazed me how easy it was to look at and talk with her. It felt good having the crushing weight of my anger lifted from me. I could breathe unhindered and my smile was genuine, even to me.

“Can I feed Mary this morning?”

“I’m sure Rob wouldn’t mind the help. Here, take the bottle to the second pasture. If Rob’s not there he’ll be there soon. He’ll show you how to feed her.”

I hesitated and she must’ve read my mind.

"You're safe. There shouldn't be anyone else around this early. All those boys from last night are probably still sleeping off the affects."

"What about …?"

"You're safe with Rob, he's a good boy."

I took the bottle even though I wasn’t so sure about Rob. “Thank You.”

Aunt Betty pulled a tray from the oven and I eyed the hot biscuits. I don’t know if she saw the hunger in my eyes or heard my stomach growl. She wrapped four in a napkin and handed them to me.

“This might hold you over for a little while. Best hurry, breakfast will be soon.”

With my back to her I stopped with a nagging need to turn around. “Aunt Betty?”

She looked up from wiping the counter. “Yes, Sylvia?”

I swallowed my pride. “I’m sorry I treated you so bad. Will you forgive me?”

Her eyes softened and she put her arms around me. “I already have.”

I wrapped myself around her small shoulders.

“I miss her too,” she breathed in deep. “Hugging you is like getting to hug Anne again.”

Oddly, I felt the same way.

“I’m so glad I got to meet you, Sylvia.” She sniffed. “And you haven’t done anything I didn’t deserve.” She pulled in a ragged breath. “Anne was always good to me, but I wasn’t always good to her.” She wiped away a tear. “By the time I figured out what was important, the time had slipped away.” A tear caught in her throat.

I hugged her tight, as if she needed me to protect her.

She dabbed at her eyes with her apron. “Time becomes your enemy when you waste it.” Leaning away she squeezed my hand before she walked back to the sink. “Best get that bottle out to Mary. She’s not patient at feeding time.”

It was remarkable how gently she ended our conversation. I needed to leave her alone to sort through her memories. I slipped out the side door, sorting my own memories while wiping a tear on the way to the first gate.

Gram, you were right, like always
.

From the second gate I could see Rob standing in the field, his shoulders hunched, looking at something. The flock grazed further away, ignoring him.

I made sure the second gate was closed and locked tight before I tried to run to greet him. My knee was feeling better with the nice easy walk, although, a twinge of pain reminded me I mustn't push it too fast. I slowed my pace.

Mary didn’t come running to meet me. I wasn’t concerned. Rob would know where she was. Then he could show me how to feed her.

Once, I’d fed my best friend’s new baby brother. I was sure this wouldn’t be the same. Her little brother was small and pink and smelled of baby powder. I’d always wanted a baby brother or sister. I liked the twins and accepted them as my brother and sister. I loved them, even. However, we didn’t have the bonding of birth to make us one family. My love for them came differently, without the bonding. I came later, separately, into their lives, and I would leave separately. I only hoped they wouldn’t forget me. I shook the thought from my head.

“Hey, Rob! I brought Mary’s bottle. Aunt Betty said you would show me how to feed her.”

Rob wheeled around wiping his eyes on his sleeve. His wide red rimmed eyes shocked me. Had he been crying?

Stunned, I slowed and my steps faltered.

He put his hands out in front of him. “No, Sylvia! Don’t come any closer.”

Fear ripped through me and I stopped short. “What’s the matter?” Part of me tensed to run while the rest of me was perfectly still, afraid to move. What in the world could make big, strong Rob cry?

He reached me in a few long strides. “You don’t want to see this.”

“See what?” I was close to frantic and didn’t even know why.

He took me by the upper arms and turned me around, keeping me from looking and steadying himself too. Something was really wrong.

“Nothing. Let’s go back to the house.” He tugged on my arm.

I refused to go. Rooted to the spot, my mind worked furiously. Was there danger here?

I could only force my voice to a whisper. “What’s the matter?”

He looked away taking a deep breath and locking his jaw. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach … no bats … vampire bats and they were biting me.

“Where’s Mary?” I looked franticly for her. Rob refused to let me step around him or turn around to see the spot where he’d stood.

When he wouldn’t look me in the eye, I had to know what had upset him and grabbed his muscular arms to push away. My jaw dropped as a tear escaped his hound dog eyes and rolled unheeded down his cheek before he could swipe the back of his hand across his jaw.

My stomach went hollow and my head swam for a moment. I shoved his arms away and stepped around him. One foot in front of the other, I retraced his steps. I could see it now as I drew near. In the stubby brown grass were tufts of white fleece fluttering in the light breeze. The bottle dropped from my hand. I tried to go to the spot to see for myself. What my mind added up was all wrong. Rob came from behind and took hold again. This time he wouldn't let go. That was a good thing.

It was Mary. I knew it without being any closer. The tears over flowed. I didn’t try to stop them. It didn’t matter that they streamed down my face. Or that red splotches spread across my cheeks. They always formed when I cried. Mary had been so helpless. She had no one to protect her.

“How’d she die?” I sobbed quietly.

Rob put his arms completely around me and held me close. “A coyote got her and another lamb.”

I twisted around and buried my face in his chest. All I could see in my mind was defenseless little Mary being chased by a large, cruel predator. She didn’t have a Gram. Rob and I hadn't been there to protect her. Life was so cruel!

Rob put his cheek against mine and our tears mingle, as our pain flowed freely. He’d worked so hard to protect Mary, nevertheless, in the end he couldn’t. My petty sorrow for this move to Alaska was nothing compared to what he must feel. I put my arms around his waist wanting to somehow ease his hurt heart. He’d lost both of his parents. Then he lost his grandfather, and now Mary. He couldn’t save any of them.

We held on as though the other was an anchor in the middle of our storm tossed sea. The pain welled up, a tidal wave of emotion washed over me. As the tsunami of anguish receded, I felt comfort in knowing he was there.

That is until I heard …

“Sylvia Anne Kennin, what are you doing?” My father’s voice boomed through my grief and I jerked away from Rob.

Rob fought to get rid of the evidence, but I just let the tears fall as they may. I was not ashamed of my feelings. Dad saw my reddened, tear stained face and he dropped his angry frown.

“What’s the matter?” He rushed to my side

I opened my mouth. A gush of tears stopped the words from coming. I pointed. Mary's fleece lay almost motionless in the crisp air, just more clutter to the pasture like the stones that littered the field. I struggled to get myself under control. Rob wasn’t much better though his silent mourning was less evident than my jerky sobs. I just couldn't say it. Saying it aloud somehow made it so definite … so final. I swallowed against the huge lump in my throat.

“A coyote ...” I couldn't choke back the sob that chased the words out of my mouth. "The lamb …" Another sob.

“You’re crying over a dead lamb?”

I nodded my head and sniffled.

“Of course you are.” He muttered under his breath as he stared briefly where I’d pointed.

I didn’t expect him to understand. He probably never had a pet that he was attached to. It’s not like he knew how attached I’d gotten to Mary. Not that she was a pet. She was more like a new friend that I had a lot in common with.

To my surprise, Dad hugged me for a minute. “I’m sorry, honey. I know Mary meant a lot to you.” He stroked my hair.

He knew her name?

Rob stood a few feet away looking very dejected. I wanted to go and comfort him. I couldn’t because of The Change.

The stupid Change.

Dad pulled away. “You go back to the house and help Sue get the van packed. I’ll help Rob take care of Mary.”

He looked at Rob with concern and I thought perhaps Dad wanted a chance to talk to him alone.

Reluctantly, I agreed. “Okay.” I sniffed. “Are you going to be alright, Rob?” I whimpered.

He shrugged, keeping his gaze over my head. “Sure.” Straightening his shoulders he set his jaw and folded his arms over his chest which made the muscles in his arms bulge.

That’s when I realized his bad boy façade was just that-- a strong front to protect himself. If people were afraid of him, then he didn’t have to be afraid of them. There was a lot more to Rob than I thought possible.

It didn’t get any easier when I got to the house. I thought I’d cried it all out on the way back. As soon as I opened my mouth to tell Aunt Betty, the tears started all over again. All I could do was stand in the middle of her kitchen and bawl.

Sue walked in as I cried on Aunt Betty’s small shoulder. All the while I hiccupped as I tried to get the words out.

Aunt Betty finally got the gist of what I was saying. “Something happened to Mary?”

I nodded my head, forcing “Coyote” through my sobs.

“Ah.” She sighed as she shook her head. Hugging me tighter she explained to Sue. “A coyote killed Mary”

The words sent me into another spasm of sobs.

Sue didn’t like emotional scenes. She patted me on the back once and left the room. She would go into a flurry of activity, cleaning, organizing, anything to keep her moving. She would have the van packed and organized in nothing flat.

For me, I needed quiet alone time and to sleep. I would sleep in the car, but there wouldn’t be any real quiet alone time until we were settled in Alaska. That seemed a million miles and a hundred years away.

I pulled in a ragged gulp of air and heaved a breath, fighting for control, willing myself to stop the tears.

Aunt Betty sat me in a chair. “It’s going to be okay. Crying is good for you, it’s how your body cleans the cobwebs out of your heart and mind.” She handed me a glass of water. “If you’re alright now, I’ll finish making breakfast.

My heart and stomach warred with each other. My stomach won. I nodded and took a sip. One last sob escaped before I got a lid on it.

“I’m okay now.” I took in a worn out breath. “I think.”

She smiled with the wisdom of age. I worked on control and not thinking of Mary lying in the field-

I didn’t stop that thought quick enough and the tears stampeded out. I wiped my eyes on the front of my blouse. Aunt Betty placed a box of tissues on the table. I took one.

“Thank you.” A couple more sobs and I was near dry again.

When I was fully calm Aunt Betty let me set the table for another huge breakfast. My stomach was very grateful and repeatedly growled to let her know it would be even more grateful if she’d feed it already.