Junie B. Jones and that Meanie Jim's Birthday (4 page)

I folded my hands on my lap.

“The end.”

Principal put his head down on his desk.

I peeked at him.

“Are you laying low?” I whispered.

He sat up again. Then he called my mother on the telephone.

Those two talk very often.

This time, they talked about the birthday party. And how I’m not invited.

After he hanged up, Principal looked nicer at me.

“I guess sometimes we grown-ups think we’re the only ones with problems,” he said. “We forget that even when you’re little, life can be tough. Can’t it, Junie B. Jones?”

“Yes,” I said. “Life can get your goat.”

After that, me and him went out of his office. And he lifted me into the blue chair again.

“I want you to wait here a minute,” he said. “There’s someone I have to talk to before I can get this settled.”

“Yeah, only guess what? I don’t actually want to sit in this chair,” I explained. “On account of this is where the bad kids sit. And I’m not even bad.”

Principal thought and thought. Then he snapped his fingers.

“I think I might have the perfect solution,” he said.

He went in his office and brought out a giant shopping bag.

“What if we hide you under here?” he asked. “If we hide you under this bag, no one will be able to see you at all.”

I jumped up and down very excited. ’Cause hiding is my favorite thing in the whole world, that’s why!

Principal sat me down in the chair.

He put that giant shopping bag over my head.

“HEY! WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?” I said.

Then I laughed and laughed. ’Cause that is called
comedy,
of course.

I bended my knees and pulled them under the bag. I hugged them real tight.

“Now all you can see is the tippy-toes of my shoes!” I said very happy.

“This is the perfectest solution I ever saw! And so how did you even think of this wonderful thing?” I asked.

Only Principal didn’t answer me back.

’Cause he probably went back to his office already.

After that I hided and hided inside my bag.

I hided a real long time.

It was a jillion years, I think.

“Guess what? This is taking longer than a minute,” I said from inside there.

The typing lady didn’t answer me.

“Yeah, only guess what else? My knees are very bended and squished in here,” I said. “And so this isn’t good for my circlelation, probably.”

Just then, my legs started squirming all around. ’Cause I was getting ants in my pants, that’s why!

“HEY! DOESN’T ANYBODY HAVE EARS? GET ME OUTTA HERE RIGHT NOW! ’CAUSE I AM AT THE END OF
MY ROPE IN THIS THING! PLUS ALSO I AM GETTING ANTS IN MY…”

All of a sudden, someone yanked the bag right off my head.

It was the scary typing lady.

“…pants,” I said very soft.

She took me back into Principal’s office.

And guess what?

That Jim was in there!

He was sitting in the big wood chair!

And Principal was frowning at him!

“Junie B., our friend Jim here has something he wants to say to you. Don’t you, Jim?” asked Principal.

That meanie Jim didn’t answer. He kept on looking at his feet.

Principal tapped his fingers.

“We’re
waiting,
Jim,” he said.

Then that Jim did a huffy breath. And he
said the words
I’m sorry.

Principal raised up his eyebrows.

“Sorry for what, Jim? Tell Junie B. what you’re sorry for.”

That Jim stared at his feet some more.

“I’m sorry I didn’t give her an invitation to my party,” he said very grumpity.

“But your mother
told
you to, didn’t she, Jim?” said Principal. “Your mother told you to give an invitation to every single person in your class. But you got mad at Junie B. And you decided not to give her one. Isn’t that right?”

That meanie boy did his shoulders up and down.

“I guess,” he said real soft.

Principal crossed his arms.

“And so what are you going to do to correct the problem?” he asked.

That Jim waited and waited.

Then—all of a sudden—he got down from his chair.

And he holded out an invitation to me.

My stomach did a flippy flop.

“For me? Is that really for me!” I said very squealing.

Then I snatched that thing right out of his hand. And I zoomed all around the room.

“Oh boy!” I said. “It’s really for me! It’s really for me! And so now I’m not the
only one!”

I zoomed all around the big wood chair.

Principal looked nervous of me.

He hurried up and opened his door.

Then I zoomed right out of there!

And I didn’t stop till I got to Room Nine!

On Saturday, Mother woke me up from sleeping.

“We have to go to the store and buy Jim a present,” she said.

I did a sleepy yawn.

“Yeah, only I don’t actually like that boy,” I explained. “And so you can go by yourself. And I will trust your judgment.”

I pulled the covers over my head.

Mother pulled them off again.

Then she made me get dressed.

And she made me eat a banana.

And she made me go to the store with her.

She holded my hand and pulled me behind her.

“Since we don’t know what he already has, let’s get him something unusual,” she said.

“Let’s get him greasy, grimy gopher guts. That is unusual,” I said.

Mother made a sick face.

She pulled me through the store.

We went past the bathroom stuff.

I pointed.

“That.
Let’s get him
that,”
I said.
“That
is unusual.”

Mother sucked in her cheeks.

“We’re not getting him a toilet brush,” she said.

She pulled me past the pet stuff.

“That.
Let’s get him
that,”
I said.
“That
is unusual.”

But Mother said, “No choke chain.”

Just then, she pulled me past the tools.

That’s when my eyes popped right out of my head!

“THAT! LET’S GET HIM THAT! LOOK, MOTHER! LOOK! I LOVE THAT THING!”

I runned to it speedy quick.

“IT’S A TOOL BELT! SEE? IT’S JUST LIKE GRAMPA MILLER’S! ONLY IT’S MADE FOR LITTLE CHILDREN LIKE ME! SEE IT, MOTHER? SEE THIS WONDERFUL THING!”

Mother took it down off the shelf.

“Look!” I said. “It has a hammer! And a screwdriver! And some pliers! And a flashlight! And a real actual level with a bubble
in it! Plus also, there’s a pocket with nails in the front.”

I jumped all around.

“Can I try it on? Can I? Please, Mother? Please? Please?”

Mother shook her head no.

“We’re not shopping for you today, Junie B. We’re shopping for Jim, remember?”

“I know it. I know we are shopping for that Jim,” I said. “And so this can be for his birthday. Only first I have to try it on to see if it fits. ’Cause him and me are both the same size, I bet!”

Finally, Mother fastened the tool belt on me.

“Oooo! It has Velcro!” I said. “I love this stickery stuff! Can we buy it? Please, Mother? Can we buy it? And take it home to my house?”

Mother thought and thought.

“I don’t know, Junie B. Something tells me this isn’t a good idea. I’m afraid you’ll want to keep it.”

“No, I won’t! I won’t want to keep it. I promise, Mother! I promise! I promise!”

And so finally Mother gave in to me. And she bought the wonderful tool belt.

I held it on my lap all the way home in the car.

Then I runned into the house. And I zoomed to my room. And I put that thing on me again.

“Now I can do odd jobs!” I said real thrilled.

I took the hammer and tapped on my wall.

Then I screwed a screw with the screwdriver.

Plus also, I twisted my Teddy’s nose off with the pliers. Only I actually didn’t mean to do that one.

I patted his head.

“Breathe through your mouth,” I said.

Just then, Mother’s voice hollered to me.

“JUNIE B.! IT’S TIME TO TAKE YOUR BATH, HONEY!”

I did a frown. ’Cause Mother was a little mixed up, I think.

I hollered back.

“YEAH, ONLY I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO TAKE A BATH TODAY! ON ACCOUNT OF TODAY IS SATURDAY! AND SATURDAY IS MY DIRTY DAY!”

Mother came in my room.

“I
know
today is Saturday, Junie B.,” she said. “But you’re going to a birthday party. And when you go to a birthday party, you have to take a bath. Plus we’re going to have to wash and curl your hair.”

I backed up from her.

“No,” I said. “’Cause nobody even
explained that to me before. And so that doesn’t even make sense. On account of I hate that meanie kid. So how come I have to get clean for him?”

Mother looked at the end of her rope.

“When you go to a party, you take a bath. Period. End of discussion,” she said.

Then she left my room. And she went to start the tub.

I sat on my bed very glum.

“Darn it,” I said. “’Cause that stupid boy is ruining my whole entire Saturday.”

Mother hollered some more.

“JUNIE B.? COULD YOU BRING ME THE TOOL BELT, PLEASE? I NEED TO GET IT WRAPPED!”

“Darn it,” I said again.

’Cause I didn’t even want to give that to him.

I looked down at it.

I touched all the wonderful tools.

“I love this darned thing,” I said real sad.

“I’M WAITING!” shouted Mother.

But I still didn’t take it to her.

Just then, I heard the bath water turn off.

My heart got very pumpy.

“Oh no!” I said. “’Cause now she’s gonna come get me! And she will take my tool belt away! And she will wrap it up for that meanie guy!”

I jumped off my bed and runned around my room.

“I gotta hide! I gotta hide!”

I runned all over everywhere.

“Darn it! ’Cause there’s not even a good hiding place in this dumb room!” I said.

“JUNIE B.!” Mother screamed.

I heard her feet!

They were coming for me, I think!

“Oh no!” I said. “Oh no! Oh no!”

Then all of a sudden, I quick grabbed my wonderful tool belt!

And I zoomed to my door!

And I nailed that thing shut with my hammer!

Mother runned into my room.

She pushed right through my nails.

“JUNIE B. JONES! WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?” she shouted.

She looked at my door.

Her eyes got very bulging.

“YOU WERE
HAMMERING?”
she yelled. “YOU WERE HAMMERING
NAILS???
…IN YOUR
DOOR?”

Just then Daddy runned in, too.

“WHERE IN THE WORLD DID YOU GET A HAMMER?” he yelled.

“Tell him, Junie B.! Tell your father where you got the hammer!” growled Mother.

I pointed at her.

“She
gave it to me,” I said.

Just then, steam came out of Mother’s head.

“NO! I DID
NOT
GIVE YOU THAT HAMMER, JUNIE B.! THAT HAMMER WAS FOR JIM! AND YOU KNOW IT!”