Junie B. Jones Is a Beauty Shop Guy

My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don’t like Beatrice. I just like B and that’s all.

Only guess what? That doesn’t even matter anymore! ’Cause I am changing my name to a brand-new
different
name!

It popped right into my head when I waked up this morning!

That’s how come I jumped out of bed. And I zoomed to the kitchen to tell Mother and Daddy.

They were sitting at the breakfast table.

“People! People! Guess what? Guess what? I am changing my name to a brand-new different name! And it is the loveliest name I ever heard of!”

Mother was feeding my baby brother named Ollie. Daddy was reading his paper.

They did not pay attention to me.

I climbed up on my chair and shouted my new name real loud.

“PINKIE GLADYS GUTZMAN! MY NEW NAME IS PINKIE GLADYS GUTZMAN!”

Just then, Daddy looked at me over the top of the paper. ’Cause
now
he was paying attention!

“Excuse me? Could you run that by me one more time?” he asked. “Your new name is Pinkie Gladys
what?”

I clapped my hands real happy.

“GUTZMAN!” I shouted very thrilled. “PINKIE GLADYS GUTZMAN! AND SO FROM NOW ON EVERYBODY HAS TO CALL ME THAT. OR ELSE I WILL NOT EVEN ANSWER! OKAY, DADDY? OKAY?”

I hugged myself.

“Isn’t it just the cutest name you ever heard of? ’Cause Pinkie is the loveliest color I ever saw! Plus Gladys Gutzman is the snack lady at school. And so who wouldn’t want to be named after
that
woman? That’s what I would like to know!”

Daddy shook his head.

“I don’t know. This doesn’t really sound like a good idea to me,” he said.

I did a frown at that guy.

“Why, Daddy? How come? How come it doesn’t sound good?”

“Well, for one thing, it’s much too long,” he said. “No one will be able to remember a name as long as that one.”

I tapped on my chin.

“Hmm,” I said. “Hmm, hmm, hmm.”

Then all of a sudden, my whole face got happy.

“Hey! I got it! I got the answer!”

After that, I zoomed to my room. And I got some paper. And I zoomed right back again.

“A name tag! We will make a name tag!” I said. “That way, people can
read
my new name. And they won’t even have to remember it!”

I gave the paper to Mother.

“Write it down! Write it down! Write my
new name on this paper! Then we can pin it right on my clothes!”

Mother did a frown at Daddy. “Way to go, Ace,” she said, kind of mumbling.

After that, she wrote my new name on the paper. And she pinned it to my p.j.’s.

I danced all around the floor.

“PINKIE GLADYS GUTZMAN! MY NAME IS PINKIE GLADYS GUTZMAN!” I sang real joyful.

Mother and Daddy didn’t say any words. They just kept on looking at me.

Finally, Daddy got up from the table.

“Well…gotta go,” he said. “I’ve got an appointment to get a haircut.”

Mother springed out of her chair. She grabbed Daddy by his shirt.

“Oh no you don’t. You
can’t,
” she said. “I have an appointment to take Ollie to the
doctor this morning, remember? If you need to get your hair cut, you’re going to have to take
you-know-who
with you.”

I tapped on her.

“Gutzman,” I said. “The name is Pinkie Gladys Gutzman.”

Daddy runned his fingers through his hair. Then he did a big sigh. And he told me to hurry and get dressed.

I jumped way high in the air.

“HURRAY!” I shouted. “HURRAY! HURRAY! PINKIE GLADYS GUTZMAN IS GOING TO THE BARBER SHOP WITH HER DADDY! AND SHE REALLY ENJOYS THAT PLACE!”

After that, I twirled and twirled all over the kitchen. Only too bad for me…’Cause I accidentally twirled into the refrigerator and the stove and the dishwasher.

I got knocked on the floor.

My head made a loud clunking sound.

I felt it real careful.

“Good news,” I said. “No damage.”

After that, I jumped back up.

And I ran to get dressed for the barber shop.

Me and Daddy drove in the car a real long time.

It was not that enjoyable.

“Are we there yet? How come we’re not there? Are we lost? Huh, Daddy? Did you lose us?” I asked.

Just then, Daddy pulled into a parking lot.

“Hey! We’re there! We’re there!” I hollered very thrilled.

I looked through the window.

“Yeah, only here’s the problem. I don’t even recognize this place. ’Cause this is not your regular barber shop.”

Daddy got me out of my seat belt.

“This is a different barber shop,” he explained. “Someone at work recommended it. Only it’s not actually a barber shop. It’s more of what you’d call…well, okay…it’s a
beauty
shop.”

My eyes got big and wide at that guy.

“A BEAUTY SHOP? OH BOY! ’CAUSE I LOVE BEAUTY SHOPS EVEN MORE THAN BARBER SHOPS!”

I jumped up and down and all around.

“HEY, EVERYBODY! MY DADDY IS GOING TO A BEAUTY SHOP! MY DADDY IS GOING TO A BEAUTY SHOP!”

“Shh, Junie B.! Please!” said Daddy.
“You
have
to be on your best behavior in this place. I mean it. No acting crazy.”

I smoothed my jacket very proper.

“Yeah, only I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” I said. “I never acted crazy in my whole entire career.” After that, I skipped very happy through the beauty shop door.

There was a lady behind a counter.

Her face had big, shiny red lips on it.

“Name, please?” she said.

“Robert Jones,” said Daddy.

I stood on my tippytoes.

“Yeah, only he has other names, too,” I told her. “’Cause some people call him Bob. And some people call him Bobby. Plus today my mother called him Ace.”

The lady looked over the counter at me.

“And what is
your
name?” she asked.

I quick took off my jacket and showed her my name tag.

“Pinkie!” I said. “My name is Pinkie Gladys Gutzman! ’Cause I just thought of that cute name this morning! And it is adorable, I think!”

The lady looked funny at me.

She didn’t ask any more questions.

Pretty soon, a different lady walked up. And she shook my daddy’s hand.

“Hello. I’m Maxine and I’ll be cutting your hair today,” she said real nice.

My eyes popped right out at that woman! ’Cause she was wearing a name tag! Just like me!

“MAXINE! HEY! MAXINE! LOOK DOWN HERE! I HAVE ON A NAME TAG, TOO!” I hollered.

Maxine ruffled my hair.

“Pinkie Gladys Gutzman, huh?” she said. “Well, Pinkie Gladys Gutzman…since you’re already wearing a name tag, I guess that means you should be my helper today.”

“YES!” I yelled. “’CAUSE I ALREADY KNOW HOW TO BE A HELPER! ON
ACCOUNT OF SOMETIMES I HELP MY GRAMPA MILLER FIX STUFF. AND LAST WEEK WE FIXED THE UPSTAIRS TOILET! AND I GOT TO TOUCH THAT BIG BALL THAT FLOATS ON TOP!”

Maxine laughed.

“Wow…a helper with plumbing experience. This must be my lucky day,” she said.

After that, she holded my hand. And me and her took Daddy to the sink.

Then Maxine washed Daddy’s hair. And she let me hold the fluffy towel.

I holded it real tight in my arms.

“Look, Maxine! Look at me holding the fluffy towel! See how good I am doing? I am not even letting it touch the floor!”

Only too bad for me. Because just then, my nose got some itchy fuzzies in it. And I started to sneeze.

“AH…AH…ACHOO!”

I sneezed right into the fluffy towel.

It was soft as a feather.

That’s how come I wiped my itchy nose on that softie thing. Plus also I blowed a teeny bit.

Maxine made a face.

“Yeah, only you don’t have to worry. ’Cause I’m not even contagious,” I told her.

Then I gave her the fluffy towel to dry Daddy’s hair. But Maxine said, “No, thank you.” And she dried Daddy’s hair with a different fluffy towel.

After that, all of us went to her giant spinny chair.

“HEY! I LOVE THIS KIND OF CHAIR!” I said real excited.

I climbed up there zippity quick.

“SPIN ME! SPIN ME! SPIN ME!” I hollered.

Daddy leaned close to my ear. His face did not look pleasant.

“Get
dowwwwwwn,
” he whispered very chilling.

I got down.

Maxine patted my head.

She gave me a broom.

It was big and wide.

“Here, helper. You can sweep your daddy’s hair as I’m cutting it,” she said.

“Yes!” I said back. “’Cause I am excellent at this appliance, I believe!”

After that, I held the broom real tight in my hands. And I runned up and down the floor.

“Look, Maxine! Look at me sweeping! See me? See how fast I am?”

Only too bad for me.

’Cause just then, a lady didn’t get out of my way.

And she walked right in front of my big, wide broom.

And her feet got sweeped.

“OW!” she hollered. “OW! OUCH! OW!”