Just a Little (5-8) (27 page)

“This is beautiful,” I sat down next to him. My legs brushed his as I leaned forward to take a bottle of water from the basket.

“It’s perfect,” a smile tugged at the corner of his lip.

He diverted his stare to the rolling hills in front of us. He closed his eyes for a few long seconds.

Wondering what kind of meditative peace he got from it, I faced the hills, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. The setting sun warmed my cheeks, and a gentle breeze tossed my hair. The faint sound of birds echoed through the open area, and even with my eyes pressed firmly shut, I could sense the orange glow reflecting off of everything around us.

I don’t know how long I sat that way, but when I finally opened my eyes, I found Luke watching me with an intrigued grin.

“You’re beautiful, kid,” he maintained his simple smile.

He reached forward and tucked a stray hair behind my ear, and I suddenly found my blood running feverishly through my veins. Luke’s brown eyes locked with mine, and for a faint moment I wished he would break our gaze. I couldn’t look away from him, and he wasn’t about to look away from me.

There was seriousness lingering deep in his stare that felt a little worrisome, and I didn’t know whether or not I should fear that unidentifiable look.

His stare wasn’t sparked by love, lust, or anything else I could immediately identify. It was something else… something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

“I meant what I said, Jules,” he said, and I finally dropped my gaze and looked down at my hands. To avoid looking back up, I plucked a long blade of grass from the ground and weaved it between my fingers. “You’re truly one of the most courageous people I’ve ever known.”

I scoffed—something I’d seriously mastered at that point—and rolled my eyes.

Seriously? Courageous?
We’re going with that again?

“Why do you doubt yourself?” he asked, lifting my chin. I met his gaze again, and his eyes softened. “Julie, why do you doubt
me
?”

“Luke,” I said, catching a sob in my throat. Unable to hold his stare any longer, I looked back down at my hands. “I don’t doubt you, but I
seriously
doubt your judgment sometimes, especially if you look at me and see anything but a coward.”

“What are you talking about, Julie?” he lifted my chin again. He refused to lose eye contact, and I’d begun to wonder exactly why. What did he hope to prove? Yes, I saw the sincerity. Yes, I saw the love and hope. But what was left for me to see? What was he hoping for? “You know what I wish?”

I shook my head and tried to look down, but Luke dipped forward and stole my gaze yet again.

“No,” he said gently, “look at me… please.”

I took a deep breath and locked my tear-filled eyes on his, and it was only then that I finally realized what that mysterious look lingering in his stare was. It was admiration.

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, Julie,” he brought both of his hands to my face. He cupped my jaw in each of his hands and caressed my skin with a few gentle strokes. “I wish you could see the beauty and strength I see when I look at you.”

“Luke—”

“You’re scared, and I understand,” he said, still holding me in his gentle and protective grip. “But let me tell you exactly why you shouldn’t be; let me tell you a thing or two about the person I see when I look at this face.” Luke’s thumb continued to caress my cheek, and I felt myself nuzzling into his warm hand as I watched him lean a little closer. “You’re strong, and you’re smart. You’re probably the most infuriating person I’ve ever known, but you’re not too stubborn to take on a challenge.” He laughed as if he considered himself the very challenge he spoke of, and then he shook his head. “You know what you want—
most of the time
—and you’re not afraid to go after it. You’re persistent, determined, and one hell of a great friend. You’ve been through hell, Julie, and no one can blame you for feeling hopeless. I’ve watched you face some of your biggest fears, and you’ve come out stronger and bolder each time.”

“You can only call a person courageous when they face those fears by choice, Luke,” I swallowed hard. “I didn’t necessarily call up Conan and ask him to hunt me down and hold a gun to my face.”

“Maybe not,” he nodded once. He dropped his hands and took mine, holding them tightly between us. “But that wasn’t the first gun a Milton pointed in your direction, Julie. Let me remind you that Hannah was ready to end it all just a few short months ago.”

“I don’t need reminding—”

“But you stepped forward and refused to cower, Julie,” he said, and his voice became a little uneasy. “For God’s sake, she could’ve killed you before you had time to register a single thought, and you stood there and tried to reason with her.”

“That wasn’t courage, Luke. In retrospect, I’d call that stupidity.”

“Julie.”

“Luke,” I matched his unimpressed tone.

“Okay,” he nodded once, “what about your parents, then?”

“What about them?”

“You went to visit their grave, right?”

“Yeah, but not for months—”

“But you went,” he said definitely. “You went, and even though the thought of walking into that cemetery, looking at that headstone, and facing the truth terrified you to your core, you didn’t walk away. You went, and you stayed.”

Okay, so I had to give him that one.

Visiting my parents’ grave had been one of the hardest things I’d ever done, and no one had forced me to do it. Maybe it was the mere thought of almost losing Luke, or maybe it was just the fact that I needed to be close to them again, but I’d finally gone. There had been a small part of me that was proud of myself for doing so.

“What about Derek, Julie?”

“What about him?”

“You can’t honestly look at me and tell me that you never doubted his loyalty,” he said.

I thought back to one of our nights in the cabin. I’d found myself a little unsure about Derek’s loyalty and friendship, and I’d even started to wonder if he’d played some kind of role in his father’s escape. I’d gotten so concerned that I couldn’t sleep, so I turned to Luke for reassurance.

He tried his damnedest to give me peace of mind, but I’d still had my doubts.

“I did, yes. I doubted his loyalty,” I admitted, nodding once. “Given the circumstances, I probably would’ve been an idiot to trust him so blindly.”

“Despite that doubt, Jules, you still stood by his side,” Luke said. “How many more of these examples do you need? What else do I have to say to convince you that you’re a hell of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for?”

I blinked a few times and felt my tears surface again.

“I’ve never been a fan of tough love, Julie, but when it comes right down to it, I think that’s what you need. You want to stop having nightmares? Then stop having nightmares.”

“It’s not that easy—”

“Like hell it’s not,” he said, but his tone was still gentle. “You’re in control, Julie.
You
. I have every reason to believe that you have every tool you need to beat this right—in—here,” he tapped a single finger against my head. “It’s not as easy as telling you to stop dwelling on the past and look toward the future. Hell, wouldn’t that be nice?’

I managed a faint smile.

“You want to stop having bad dreams, Jules? Great. Stop doubting yourself, and believe me when I tell you that you’re capable of doing
anything
. I’ve seen it firsthand; if you can face two gun-wielding Miltons and still trust another with every beat of your heart, I’m honestly convinced that there’s nothing you can’t do.”

CHAPTER TEN

Monday, June 10

“I went to sleep that night and slept for nine hours straight,” I watched a smile curve on Dr. Norwood’s gentle lips. “I didn’t wake up again until the morning. It’s been three nights now without a single nightmare,” I dropped my gaze to the floor. “It took me a while to realize it, but Luke was right. I had the potential to change all along; I just hadn’t recognized it.”

Dr. Norwood sat back in her chair and listened intently as I continued talking.

“It would’ve been simple had I only needed love, faith, and acceptance to beat the nightmares. But those things weren’t enough. I’d had them all along. Charlie and Matt, Bruno, Luke… they’d all loved me, accepted me, and had faith that things would change. But
Luke
had that one extra element that none of the others could’ve possibly had.”

“And what was that, Julie?”

“Insight,” I fought a grin. “He helped me realize that I’m not the person I thought I was. He helped me revisit some of the most painful times in my life, and he showed me just how strong I’ve really become. It’s crazy, but I almost feel like he knew it all along. All I needed was a little reminder that I was capable, and Luke stepped up and showed me that I was. It was only when I found the courage to believe him, to share my true feelings, and face those facts… it was only then that the dreams stopped.”

I looked up to the clock and watched as the minute hand ticked closer and closer to the end of the hour.

“I know we still have ten minutes, Dr. Norwood, but I think I’ve said all I need to say. I’m ready to go home now. I’m ready to start over and make the most of each moment while I still have time. I think I deserve that much. So, if it’s all the same to you, I think I’ll leave now. And with all due respect, I truly hope I never see you again.”

EPILOGUE

August 19 | Two months later…

“Hey,” I caught Luke just as he turned to lock his apartment door, “where are you off to?”

“Oh, hey Jules,” he said, only turning to look at me for a brief second, “how was your first day on campus?”

“Perfect,” I still beamed after a long day of walking, talking, and intent listening.

It seemed like only yesterday that I’d started the job-shadowing program at the station, back when I had no idea what the future held. All of a sudden the months passed and I found myself enrolled in the fall semester at the local community college. No, I had no idea what to major in, but I wasn’t going to let myself get caught up in the details. I’d figure it out soon, and if not, well, who cared? I had all the time in the world, and I wasn’t in any hurry to rush a single thing.

Matt had already been gone for two weeks, and we’d heard from him
every single day
. He seemed to be enjoying the college experience so far, but it was easy to sense his homesickness. Some days he’d only call for a minute or two, and other days he’d talk for hours. As much as I loved hearing all about his freshman adventures, I couldn’t wait for him to come home. I missed him like crazy.

Somehow, though I’ll never know how, Matt and I had both (slowly, but surely) gotten over losing Kara.

Charlie and I had been back in the house for a couple months, and thankfully, the termites were a thing of the past. Matt, Bruno, and Luke all pitched in and helped Charlie with the necessary attic repairs, and I took the liberty of supervising the job. I offered a lot of ‘
good job, fellas
’ encouragements whenever it felt necessary.

Shortly after we settled in, Charlie finally offered up Dad’s cedar box. It wasn’t so much the box that I’d been hoping to get my hands on, but the irreplaceable piece of my father’s history kept inside the velvet-lined interior. It was the key to the city bestowed to my father eighteen years earlier by the mayor of West Bridge. It was an honor and a recognition given by the city in thanks for Dad’s bravery on the force. Next to the Medal of Honor he received later that year, the West Bridge key meant more to him than any other material possession.

Luke had given me his mother’s key, and I planned to give him my father’s.

But it was all about the timing….

“I have a million things to tell you!”

“Great. I’m glad,” his smile stretched a little wider than it ever had. “Listen,” he clutched his keys in his palm, “I’m just on my way out; can we catch up in a little bit?”

“Oh, yeah,” I watched as he blinked a few too many times. I looked down to his palms again and noticed they were unusually sweaty. His chest rose with each deep breath he took, and he seemed in far too much of a hurry to shrug me off. “I just… I had a lot I wanted to tell you—”

“And I really want to hear all about it, Jules, I do,” he reached forward and placed his hand on my shoulder, “but I’m running late for an important dinner, and—”

“Go,” I managed a smile.

Luke gave me an apologetic nod and turned toward the staircase. I stood watching from the second-floor landing as he stopped mid-way down the steps and turned back.

“I’ll call later,” he looked back up at me. “
I promise
.”

I managed a smile and nodded.

Luke gave me a discreet wink and turned back, finishing the stairs at a quick pace.

I followed slowly down the stairs, and by the time I’d reached the first floor, Luke headed for the next street.

I watched as he scurried away against the cool wind. I noticed a small piece of paper sticking up from his back pocket. With each stride he took, the paper revealed itself a little more. By the time he turned the corner at the end of the street, it hung by just a corner. Whipping against the wind with each step he took, the wind caught it and pulled it loose.

It flew from his jeans and onto the street, and I couldn’t help but smile as I initially thought
that’s a third-degree misdemeanor, Lucas Reibeck
.

He hadn’t seemed to notice that he’d lost the crumpled piece of paper, so I took a few brisk lunges forward to pick it up as it tumbled quickly down the street.

By the time I clutched it in my hand and looked back up to find Luke, he was nowhere to be found.

I let my eyes fall back to the note he’d lost, and I quickly recognized the floral printed paper—it was a page from my dream journal. I unfolded the creased edges and let my eyes sweep across my barely legible scribbles. I stood on the street, the wind ripping through my hair, as I re-read the words I’d written a few months earlier.

It was the alternate ending to a terrible dream, the one I’d asked him to read. I’d forgotten all about it… until that moment, and I couldn’t believe he’d kept it all that time.

Did that mean he’d finally read it?

“My God,” I whispered under my breath as I re-read my words, and my heart suddenly swelled against my chest. I looked up to the corner where Luke had just disappeared, and I suddenly found my legs sprinting in his direction.

I’m running late for an important dinner.

He’d left on foot which meant he hadn’t planned to go too far. Obviously that meant he’d be eating in the Historic District, and that didn’t leave many options. I let my eyes wander the tables of the outdoor café and didn’t see any familiar faces. Surely Luke wouldn’t drop in the diner across the street for an important dinner, but I ran over there and pressed my nose against the glass to check, nonetheless. When I didn’t find him inside, the only other place I could think to look was the French bistro.

I jogged to the nearest intersection and crossed when the light turned green. Clenching the paper in my hands, I walked quickly down the sidewalk and stopped short just outside the bistro. Like I’d done back at the diner, I pressed my nose against the glass to peer inside.

The restaurant was packed; dozens of couples, a few small families, and what appeared to be a couple of business men occupied the intimate space. In the farthest corner of the room, I caught a glimpse of Luke as he sat, still a little flustered, across the table from someone else. I couldn’t see past the heads of the diners closest to me, so I moved away from the window and headed for the entrance. I threw open the door and ducked inside, greeted the host with a simple smile, and declined any assistance.

“I’m just waiting on someone,” I lied, and then I peered around the room.

I spotted Luke again, and my heart sank a little lower when I recognized the other person sitting across the table.

I looked down to the crumpled piece of paper, unfolded it, and read it again.

It’d been a long drive to West Bridge, and I wasn’t really sure why we’d even bothered leaving Oakland in the first place. We pull up to the curb—Luke at the wheel—and he gives my hand a gentle squeeze.

We eventually get out of the car and come together, both of us eager to hold on to the other. We stand in the driveway—admiring the house—for what seems like an hour. I point out my bedroom window. We talk about the tire swing and how Mattie fell from the tree and broke his arm. He laughs; I laugh. Everything is lighthearted, familiar, and comfortable.

We go up to the door and ring the bell, and a beautiful young woman answers the door. I introduce myself, tell her that I used to live in the house and that I’d simply wanted to stop by and wish her and her family all of the best love and memories, just like the ones my family had.

She accepts my warm wishes and closes the door, and Luke and I walk away.

I’d only asked Luke to tag along so he could see the place where I’d grown up. We weren’t there for any other reason—not even for a marital blessing.

He wasn’t upset that he never got to meet my parents; after all, they’ve been gone all along. He understands that their paths were never meant to cross, and neither of us wastes a moment questioning the reasons behind life and death.

I tell him that I love him, and even if he doesn’t say it back, I know that I don’t have to hear it.

Luke loves me, and I love him.

And we’re finally together, finally getting the chance to start living our lives as a team. I tell him not to worry about the future or asking for my father’s blessing.

But—I tell him with a smile—if he really wants to marry me, and it’ll makes him feel better having permission, he could always ask Charlie… because Charlie’s the closest thing I’ll ever have to a father.

My eyes drifted back up from the paper and back to the table where Luke sat opposite of Uncle Charlie.

Surely not…

Luke wouldn’t have taken the dream entry so seriously, right?

I watched the two men in deep conversation for what felt like an eternity, and Charlie’s expression never changed as Luke talked.

After a few minutes of listening to Luke’s speech, Charlie excused himself. At Charlie’s absence, Luke took a deep breath and let it pass slowly through his lips. He passed his cloth napkin through his fingers and never once touched the bread in front of him. After another minute, he dropped his head back and stared at the ceiling, and then he slowly closed his eyes.

He sat quietly in that position for nearly thirty seconds, and then he finally opened his eyes and sat a little straighter in the chair. He leaned to the side, pulled his cell phone from his back pocket, and started smacking his thumbs against the screen.

No sooner than he set his phone aside on the table, a loud ringtone echoed against the four small walls of the bistro’s anteroom.

My cell phone!

I sifted through the college catalogs and all the other junk lining the bottom of my purse, but I couldn’t find my buried phone. The longer it played, the louder it got. Suddenly everyone in the restaurant had turned in their seats to watch my frantic search.

I found my phone buried beneath my wallet and pulled it out. I hit a single button to kill the sound, and then I took a deep breath as I read:

One New Message

Luke

I opened the message and read:

Sorry about earlier. I’ll call soon. I love you.

My lip curved into an involuntary smile, and when I looked back up to see him, Luke was turned in his chair, like many of the other patrons, staring directly at me.

I guessed my phone had made more of a commotion than the formal diners typically preferred, and I stared nervously at each face before letting my gaze fall back on Luke.

He watched me from across the room with a skeptical gleam in his eye.

Ah, yes. He wanted to know why I’d followed him.

I looked down at the note again and then back up to him.

I saw that he’d noticed the paper clutched in my fingers, and he reached around to feel his empty back pocket.

He took another deep breath, twisted his lips, and then his eyes met mine again.

I held the note a little higher.

What’s going on? What are you doing here?

I didn’t have to ask. I knew he could sense those very questions.

He picked up his phone again and started typing. I held mine close—ready to silence it the moment it went off.

One New Message

Luke

I took a deep breath, feeling my heart grow heavier and heavier with each slamming beat against my chest.

I opened the message, and my eyes filled with tears.

For what it’s worth, he hasn’t said no
.

I tore my eyes from the screen after reading the message at least a dozen times, and Luke was still turned in his chair.

With a discreet wink, a crooked smile, and a simple shrug, he turned back around to face my uncle just as he returned to the table.

For what it’s worth, he hasn’t said no.

What did that mean?

Had Luke asked Charlie to dinner because of the alternate ending I’d given him?

And if so, wouldn’t that mean that he’d planned to ask my uncle for his blessing?

And wouldn’t that mean that….

No.

Surely not.

I looked back up to Luke and Charlie and caught a breath in my throat.

Was Luke going to propose?