Just a Little (5-8) (23 page)

“
Hmm?”

“What’re you lookin’ for?” he took another step up; no longer a floating head, I could now see my uncle from the chest up.

I sat only feet away, still planted firmly in the same spot I’d found just a while earlier.

I wiped some dust from my jeans and stood up, keeping my head low so I wouldn’t smack the wooden beams overhead. I let my eyes sweep the stacks of boxes, piles of papers, and countless pieces of junk Charlie had collected over the years.

“Julie?”

“Do you remember seeing Dad’s cedar box?” I held my hands only nine inches apart. “About this big? His name’s engraved across the front.”

Charlie’s chest swelled with a deep breath.

“Why?” he asked, and he had to clear his throat to keep his voice from cracking. “What do you want with it?”

“You know where it is?”

“It sure as hell isn’t in this attic collecting dust,” he blinked a few times. He tried to act as if the dirt from the floor had gotten in his eyes, but I could see that the mere mention of my father’s box had gotten to him.

“I want to give it to Luke—”

“You need to come on down, Julie,” he dismissed what I’d said as quickly as I’d said it. “I don’t like you poking around up here. It’s too dark; you could get hurt.”

I nodded once and pushed Dad’s things back into place.

“Are you going to let me have the box?” I asked.

“We’ll talk about it,” Charlie said, stepping down. Though his lips said
we’ll talk about it
, his tone communicated something more along the lines of
sure,
when hell freezes over
. “Come on.”

Stomping toward the opening, hell-bent on communicating my frustration with him, my foot hit a rickety floorboard, and my entire leg fell through the attic floor. I tumbled forward and slammed against the wood. The force of my body brought a whole section of the attic floor, along with me, crashing down to the second-floor hallway.

A few boxes toppled down with the floor, and Mom’s wedding trunk landed square on my back.

Charlie jumped from the last step and threw the trunk off of me, and we watched as debris poured out of the broken ceiling.

Most of the attic floor—everything above the hallway, anyway—had given out, and most of it had fallen on the two of us. Luckily, though, we were both more shocked than hurt.

Matt swung his door open and looked down at us as we stared up at the giant hole in the ceiling. His eyes drifted upward, and his jaw seemed to unhinge.

“Whoa,” Matt whispered, still looking at the gaping hole, “and I thought I had problems.”

CHAPTER FOUR

Wednesday, June 05 | 7:30 p.m.

“Whoa, Jules,” Luke nearly tripped over his feet as he stumbled around Bruno’s desk, “what the hell happened to you?”

I combed my bangs downward, hoping they’d magically grow a few inches longer to cover the darkening bruise around my left eye.

Falling through the floor had sucked, sure, and I could live without the black eye. But my problems were nothing compared to the ones Charlie had to face in the upcoming days, and I felt terrible that everything had literally come crashing down without a moment’s notice.

Luckily for my uncle, he knew a few guys who were willing to come out after hours and take a look at the damage upstairs. Those guys knew some other guys, and
they
were the ones who had given us the worst news of all.

Even though it had only been a few hours since the ceiling collapsed on top of me, my left eye had gotten larger, and the blackness spread a little more as time went on.

Between my poking-slapping-shoving match with Kara and The Great Ceiling Collapse, I was nothing more than a giant, walking bruise.

“Jules?” Luke rested both of his hands on my shoulders. He knelt lower to meet my gaze, and his eyes traced the swelling just above my left cheek.

“I fell,” I said, looking up.

“You fell?”

“Yes,” I said, and I forced a smile to ease the tension. “Crash, ker-plunk.”

Luke stood taller and tilted his head. I wasn’t sure if he believed me or not, but as he crossed his arms at his chest and raised one hand to his mouth, I sensed he was trying to read my mind.

“I went up to the attic, the floor gave out, and I fell. All the way down to the second floor. Landed on my face.”

Bruno snickered, and Luke shot an unimpressed glare in his direction.

“You fell through the attic floor?” Luke asked, turning back to me.

“Yep,” I slapped my hands together to make a splatter.

Bruno chuckled again, but he didn’t get a reaction from Luke this time. He simply kept his head low, listened to our conversation, and chewed at the corner of his meatball sub, never once looking over in our direction.

“Jules,” Luke said under his breath, and he moved my hair to the side to examine my eye. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Just a few cuts and bruises,” I examined my arms. I managed a half-smile for his benefit; I didn’t need him thinking that I’d nearly died or anything. “I’ll survive. I promise.”

I was confident in that much.

After everything I’d been through in the past year and a half, after everything that had just happened back in Piqua, I didn’t see how I had any choice but to keep surviving. I’d lived through so much and escaped so many uncertainties. I’d felt like my number had come up more than once, and yet I still managed to walk away, albeit with bad memories, nightmares, and scars.

I mean… things could’ve been so much worse.

If I’d been home the night Conan had killed my parents…

If Luke hadn’t showed up the night Hannah had gone off the deep end…

If Derek hadn’t pulled the trigger…

“Is there anything I can do for you, kid?”

“Yes,” I said matter-of-factly.

“Okay?”

“I know you’re busy,” I gnawed on my bottom lip, though I wasn’t sure he was
really
all that busy. After all, he wasn’t even on duty. What kind of ‘busy’ person goes to work on their off hours just to hang out? “And I know this isn’t the best time, but I
do
need your help. I’m kind of in a rut.”

Luke nodded.

“Name it,” he said. “I’ll do whatever I can.”

“I need a place to stay.”

“
Yes!
” Bruno hissed, as though he’d finally heard something he could get interested in. He dropped his sandwich with a thud and turned his seat around. He threw his hands back behind his head, kicked his feet up on the waste basket, and glued his eyes in our direction. “Don’t stop on my account,” he watched as we both turned to look at him. “Carry on.”

I tried to ignore Bruno’s sudden interest in our conversation and focus on Luke, but I still felt an amused set of eyes staring in our direction as I turned back to the man in front of me.

Luke’s jaw tightened, and I could see that he was surprised by my request. He wore the same stunned expression he’d worn earlier that day when I’d answered his question with ‘
I love you, Luke. Of course, I’ll be your girlfriend
.’

“Luke?”

“What do you mean you need a place to stay?” he asked quickly, and he shook his head as if he hadn’t heard me correctly the first time.

“I know it’s last minute, and I don’t want to impose, but Charlie wants me to go to Kara’s. That’s not really an option right now.”

“Is there that much damage?” he asked. “You guys can’t stay at the house?”

“No. We have bugs.”

“Bugs?”

“Termites.”

“
Termites?
”

“Yes,” I said, “and I need a place to stay.”

“You have termites?”

I arched my brow and stared at him with the least enthused expression I could manage. Judging by the fact that his jaw practically hit the floor, it appeared that Luke still struggled to understand.

“Charlie’s having the house tented in the morning,” I said, “but he doesn’t want us staying there again until the place is clear. After the tent goes up, we have to stay out for 48 hours for the fumigation. Obviously I can’t stay there—”

“
Obviously
,” he drew his mouth shut.

“I dropped Elvis at the kennel,” I took a deep breath. I was honestly quite peeved that I had to leave him in a housing shelter, but I didn’t have any other option. In a situation like this, Derek would’ve been the first person I’d turn to for pet-sitting, but he’d fled town last month to celebrate his new and improved vision on life. No one had heard from him since. “I got Elvis situated, and then
I
was supposed to head straight to Kara’s.”

“Why didn’t you do that?”

“Oh, well, she’s gone from not talking to me to completely hating my guts.”

“And Bruno?” Luke asked.

“What about him?”

“Yeah,” Bruno dropped his hands in his lap, “
what about me?
”

“You can stay with him,” Luke offered an invite he had no right to offer. “He has a spare room.”

“Charlie and Matt are staying with him.”

“
They are?
” Luke and Bruno asked at the same time.

Luke looked over his shoulder, and Bruno shrugged. “That’s news to me.”

“He’s going to call you,” I said to Bruno before turning back to Luke. “Listen. I don’t care where I go; I just need a place to stay. It’s late, and I’m tired,” I said. “I’m kinda out of options right now. If I could just stay one night, please? I’ll leave first thing tomorrow and make other plans.
I just need one night
.”

Luke’s lips thinned in a sympathetic smile.

“I’m sorry, kid; I can’t help you. I wish I could, really. But, no. Charlie would have my head—”

“Okay,” I dropped my shoulders, “I knew it was a long shot.”

I turned for the door with no idea where I’d go or what I’d do. I really didn’t have any other option. I could try to go to Kara’s and beg for her forgiveness, but I didn’t really
want
her forgiveness. I wasn’t entirely convinced I’d done anything wrong.

Hoping I could try one last angle, I turned back just as I reached the station door.

“Luke?” I asked, giving him a mischievous smile. “What if you let me stay and we don’t tell Charlie?”

Even from the corner of my eye, I saw Bruno’s mouth fall open.

“Oh, God,” Bruno turned his chair back around, “
now
I’ve heard too much.” He stood up, took his sandwich, and scurried from the room.

“Jules—”

“No, seriously,” I took a few steps closer again. “I’m staying with Kara, as far as he knows, just as I was ordered to. She’s not talking to Matt, so there’s no risk that Charlie’ll find out that I’m not there. He can’t be mad about something he knows nothing about, right?”

“Oh, Julie,” he said, massaging the back of his neck. “I don’t like that.”

“It’s a risk—”

“A
big
risk.”

“But we wouldn’t be
us
if we weren’t taking risks,” I half-heartedly teased. “What do you say? One night?”

A crease formed in his forehead as he rubbed his temples. His lips thinned, and they eventually disappeared inside his mouth altogether.

It took a moment to realize that he was holding his breath, and just as I was about to turn and walk away again, he let go of the breath and dropped his hands.

“Fine,” he shook his head. “Fine. We’ll work something out.”

I shrugged a shoulder and blinked innocently, but the sore batting of my lashes reminded me that I didn’t look nearly as cute as I felt.
Stupid black eye
.

“I’m guessing you brought bags?”

“They’re outside.”

“And you need a ride?” he fought a smile.

“You know,” I shrugged, “if you’re giving 'em out.”

“I was just about to leave, anyway,” he pushed his fingers back through his hair. His fingers pulled at the roots, and I could see him cooking up some kind of plan. He finally dropped his hand, shook his head, and followed me toward the door, but not before turning back. “’ey Bruno! I’m taking Julie—”

“
No, no, no, no, no
. Leave me out of this,” Bruno poked his head around the corner. “I saw nothing, and I heard nothing. I—do—not—want—to—know.”

CHAPTER FIVE

Wednesday, June 05

I should’ve known Luke wouldn’t turn off toward the center of town.

He hadn’t necessarily agreed to let me stay with him, and I assumed the moment he passed by the Historic District that he wasn’t taking me anywhere near his apartment.

We’ll work something out
, he’d said. I had every reason to believe that’s exactly what he’d meant. So I wasn’t the slightest bit surprised when he pulled off into Lonnie and Grace’s driveway a few minutes later.

We got out of the car and unloaded my bags in silence. I followed him up the sidewalk and to the door, and he adjusted my belongings on his shoulder just after ringing the bell.

“Lucas,” Grace whispered, peeking outside. It was only when she cracked the door wider that she noticed me standing at his side. “
Julie
. What a pleasant surprise.”

“Sorry to just barge in,” I followed Luke over the threshold as Grace invited us in.

She closed the door behind us. Her long, floral nightgown swept the floor as she reached forward and smothered us in a joint hug.

“What brings you two here so late?” she took a step back. Her eye caught the bags on Luke’s shoulder and her brow creased. “Is everything okay?”

“Julie needs a place to stay for a few nights,” Luke twisted his lips sympathetically. “I thought she could use the spare room—”

“Absolutely. Yes, of course!” Grace said, no questions asked. She reached forward to take the bags, but Luke shook his head.

“I’ll get her settled in,” he leaned forward to press a quick kiss to her cheek.

Grace nodded and headed for the kitchen, and I followed behind Luke as he made his way up the staircase. His foot hit a loose floorboard at the second-floor landing, and I smiled as I remembered the first time I’d climbed those very steps.

It was months ago, the night just before the big Fall Ball at school, and Lonnie and Bruno had whisked me off the street after a terrible thunderstorm had ripped through Oakland. Grace had led me up those very steps by candlelight, and she left me to spend the night in the first bedroom just off the staircase. Luke’s bedroom.

“There you go,” he placed my bags near the bed. He turned down the sheets before looking back over his shoulder. “You think you’ll be okay here?”

I nodded once and felt my eyes grow heavier.

“Okay. I’ll head out,” he stood straighter. He took a few quiet steps in my direction and opened his arms for a hug. I eased slowly into his embrace and rested my ear against his chest. “Sleep tight.”

“Thanks,” I pulled back. “See you tomorrow?”

“You bet,” he said with one swift nod. “I’m just a phone call away.”

“I know.”

“Good night, Jules.”

“Night.”

Without another hug, simple peck, or even look in my direction, Luke ducked out of the room and disappeared down the steps.

I closed the door and changed into my pajamas as quickly as possible.

It’d been an unbelievably long day. I’d started off thinking things were going to go a little smoother than ‘normal’—again, not really sure what that meant, but still—and somehow everything just blew up.

Two light taps came from the door before Grace stuck her head in.

“Everything okay in here?”

I conjured a simple smile as she let herself in the room.

“I brought some ice for your eye,” she tip-toed in my direction. She kept her voice soft and low, and her gentle steps across the room were a great indication that she tried approaching me as cautiously as possible. She must’ve known something was wrong; she stared at me as though I had the word FRAGILE stamped across my head in bold, red print.

She handed me an ice pack and sat on the corner of the bed next to me.

“Anything you wanna talk about?”

I half-smirked and dropped my head.

Grace was a natural worrier. She’d always worried about Lonnie and Luke; the crease in her brow and the frown on her lips was all the indication that I needed to know that she’d already begun worrying about me.

“Lucas told me what’s going on,” she took my hand.

I perked up and raised my brow.

I figured he’d said something, but what? What exactly had he told her? Had he mentioned
some
things—the attic floor, the termites, and the fact that I needed a place to stay? Or maybe he’d told her about the nightmares, too?

“He told you?”

“About the bugs,” she looked at my eye. “You had a nasty fall, poor thing.”

“Oh, right,” I nodded a couple of times, “yeah.” I lifted the ice pack to my eye and let the cold burn against my skin. “Thanks for letting me stay.”

“Nonsense,” she waved a hand. “You’re family; family sticks together.”

“Right.”

Grace looked at me, and the worry in her stare only deepened.

I didn’t know what it was, but there was something about the way that Grace looked at a person that made it impossible to hide anything. She, like her brother, had this incredible ability to look right through to the soul. In that moment, I knew she’d read me…she had me all figured out.

The scariest thing of all was that I knew exactly what she’d seen.

It wasn’t the fear of closing my eyes and facing another nightmare.

It wasn’t the blackness circling my swollen eye.

It wasn’t a scar left behind by Kara’s sharp tongue or Matt’s nasty attitude.

And, for the first time in months, it wasn’t residual heartache with the name
Luke
written all over it.

“Do you want to talk about it, sweetheart?” she asked, squeezing my hand tighter. “No one’s judging you here.”

I looked down at my lap and shook my head.

No. I didn’t want to talk about it—not with Grace, not with Luke, and most definitely not with Dr. Norwood. There was a reason I hadn’t talked about it.

I didn’t understand it.

He’d just… left.
Again
. After he promised he wouldn’t.

He swore he’d never leave again….

“Sometimes we have demons, Julie,” she said, not giving me the time to respond. “Some of us spend our entire lives running from the things that scare us the most. We’re more content living in fear than facing the unknown. Many people find happiness in ignorance; we make it through life just fine without facing the things that scare us the most. There are a few who never get so lucky, Julie. When it comes time for those few to confront the demons they’ve been hiding from, it’s the most terrifying thing they’ll ever face.”

She let go of her grasp and placed both of her hands in her lap.

“Julie,” she said in the most motherly tone, “something happens when a person gets the courage to stand up and say
enough
,” she clapped her hands together once. The echo of her clap made me jump, and I swallowed hard as she turned back to me with a seriousness lingering in her stare. “But it takes time to find that courage, and sometimes… something inside the body just clicks, it snaps. That fear that’s been boiling for years, the anger that has festered because of it, it starts to control a person.”

I turned my head so she wouldn’t see the tears welling in my eyes.

“
Derek is a product of his raising
,” she said. “His life—both his and Hannah’s—is one you can never imagine having lived. You had everything, sweetheart. You never had to live with fear, doubt, or worry. Those feelings are all he’s ever known, and they’ve consumed him for a lifetime. He finally snapped; he finally stood up for himself, and he ended it once and for all. Can you really blame him for how he’s acting now? Can you honestly look at him and judge him for the decisions he’s made?”

My stomach felt emptier as I looked to the floor.

Honestly,
no
. I couldn’t judge him, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t worry about him. He was one of the best friends I’d ever had.

When I said that we’d all changed, I meant it.

Derek wasn’t scared and scarred. He wasn’t regretful, pained, or even slightly pricked with guilt. I’d looked at him a million times and tried to find a shred of remorse, but there wasn’t any to be found.

When I looked at Derek Milton, I saw nothing but happiness.

Unbelievable happiness.

“I don’t judge him,” I managed to whisper. “I just… I can’t imagine killing someone, taking someone’s life, and walking away from it like it never happened. I mean, Grace, it’s almost like he’s celebrating it. It’s like he enjoyed killing his father, and now he’s on some kind of celebratory vacation,” I shook my head. “It’s like it never registered in his brain.
He killed someone
—his own flesh and blood—and he walked away from it with a gleam in his eye and a smile on his lips.
How can a person do that?
”

“A monster is a monster, Julie,” she tilted her head. “It doesn’t matter if it’s a stranger or the man who gave you life. Conan destroyed everything you ever loved, and then
you
became something that Derek Milton loved. Conan would’ve killed you, and it didn’t matter to Derek that it was his father holding the gun. He saw your life in danger, Julie, and he did what he had to do—
what any person would’ve done
—to save someone he loved. Think about what you just said, and tell me you don’t really believe it. Derek’s not happy that his father’s dead;
he’s happy that you’re both alive
. That’s all that’s ever mattered to him.”

Grace patted her legs and stood up.

“Just think about it,” she looked down at me. There was a kindness in her voice that assured me she wasn’t preaching. She just wanted to get through to me the only way she knew how. “Do you honestly believe that man—someone you’ve repeatedly called your best friend—is a cold-blooded killer?”

“Of course not!”

“Then stop questioning the reason behind his smile,” she said. “He’s faced his demons, Julie, and he lived to see another day. There’s nothing left to hold him back. If you’re really his friend, you’ll let him revel in that. When he comes back, because he will come back, you’ll be there to celebrate with him.”

With a kind wink and a simple
good night
, Grace left the room and closed the door.

I scoffed.

“Good night?”

After that conversation? No way.

Good nights were a thing of the past. Good nights only belonged to people who were happy, people who had nothing left to worry about, people who’d faced all their fears. People like Derek.

Not people like me.

I didn’t even know the meaning of a “good night” anymore.

But nightmares? Yep. I knew all about those….

Wednesday, June 05 | 10:45 p.m.

“She just kept screaming.”

Grace’s quiet voice woke me from my slumber, and my eyes fluttered open. “I went in to check on her, but she wasn’t in her room.”

The house was dark, and I quickly realized that it was still night time. It only took a few seconds to realize that I wasn’t in the bed upstairs, but facing the back of the couch in the living room.

How in the world?

“Your dad found her down here fighting with the locks on the door. She kept trying to leave, so he held her back. She blackened both of his eyes trying to fight him away.”

“Where was she going?” Luke asked, and the sound of his voice made my nerves jump.

“We don’t know,” Grace said quietly. “She wasn’t awake. She didn’t say a word; she only screamed.”

“There’s something wrong with that girl, Luke,” Lonnie chimed in, and I felt my heart grow heavier. “Something’s not right in her head. She’s about twenty kinds of crazy, and I’m not sure there’s anyone who can fix all the things that are wrong with that one.”

“There’s nothing
wrong
with her,” Luke snapped, and his tone was one everyone immediately recognized. It was his
screw you
tone, and when not directed at me, it sounded just sexy enough to make my toes curl.

His footsteps grew closer, and I pressed my eyes shut so he wouldn’t know I’d been listening. He leaned next to the couch and brushed the backside of my hair with a few gentle strokes.

“Did she say anything before she went to bed earlier?” Luke asked, and I vaguely heard Grace clear her throat.

“Like what?”

“Anything,” he said. “Did she come out of her room, talk to either of you, say anything at all?”

The room grew quiet for a moment. The steady ticking of the clock echoed through the room; I counted a solid thirty ticks before Grace simply answered with a “
not that I recall
.”

He didn’t believe her because he jerked his hand away from me and stood up immediately after she answered.

“Julie is psychologically traumatized,” he lowered his voice to a near whisper. “I told you—
not seconds before I left
—not to go poking for information. I left her here because I trusted that you would respect those boundaries. Now, if you said something to her, or she said something to you, I need to know. These nightmares
have
to be triggered by
something
.”