Just Breathe (8 page)

He starts walking in the direction of the park on the other side of the building, dragging me behind him. He keeps glancing behind us as if someone is back there. I look back and there are only students going where they are supposed to, heading to class. My parents trust me because I always do what is expected of me. I’ve earned that trust. Skipping class without a reason makes me feel really uneasy and untrustworthy.

I stop, planting my feet in one spot and Jack stumbles, releasing his grasp on my arm.

He catches himself before he falls and pleads with those beautiful, but concerned green eyes, “Come on Ever, trust me.”

There is that word…I was just thinking about trust.

I cross my arms and shrug, “Not til you start answering some of my questions.”

He looks around nervously. “Okay we will talk, but not here.  It isn’t safe.”

I look around and see no one. Now
I’m
starting to get concerned and my heart is starting to beat faster. Maybe it isn’t safe to be alone with him.

I reason, I really don’t know a whole lot about him and ask reluctantly, “Okay, where are we going?”

He looks around again and blue creeps back into his eyes. “Just across the street, to the park.”

He adds, “To talk.”

We walk silently. He seems a lot more relaxed now, than he was a minute ago.

Talk about whiplash of the moods.

As we approach the park, he still looks a little bit uneasy, glancing around, for what, I have no clue. We sit on a bench and he looks into my eyes. Whoa, totally clear and blue… warmth.

He grabs my hand, shock and warmth all at once and directs, “Hit me with the questions.”

At this point, my brain is mush. What did I want to know again? I can’t think clearly looking into those eyes. I look away and gather my thoughts.

After a couple of minutes I look up at him and start slowly, “Okay, first off tell me why I am not in World History right now, listening to Mr. Griggs drone on about the Civil War?”

He looks around for the umpteenth time and answers, “Well, it is really complicated and now is not the best time or place to go into great detail. Let’s just say there was someone hanging around the parking lot watching you this morning.”

I shrug again, “Well Jack if you haven’t noticed we are high school students, and that’s what everyone does, watches each other so they have something to talk about.”

He doesn’t look amused and I get the feeling he wasn’t thinking about anyone we go to school with.

I shrug and state, “Well aren’t you a little paranoid today.”

He smirks, “You have no idea.”

I sigh, “I am trying to get an idea, but you are so cryptic.”

He just stares at me with no response. 
Great
.  Moving on…

“Okay next question, why are you always at the lake when I am, are you stalking me?” I grin hoping to lighten the mood.

He smiles and answers, “No I am not stalking you, at least not in the way you think. I live over by the lake and go there after school to… take a break.”

I look around, “Oh” That was an easy one. We’re getting somewhere now.

I approach the next one with a little uneasiness, “Why do your eyes change colors and why didn’t you come to biology yesterday?

He doesn’t answer right away. He looks like he is having an inner monologue about what to tell me.

Finally he responds, “First of all that’s two questions, but I will answer both of them. I missed biology yesterday because my parents needed me at home.”

Never heard the parent word from Jack, I was wondering… Then he continues, “My eyes change colors according to my mood. It kind of… runs in my family.”

He gives me that adorable half smile.

I grin back and tell him, “I kind of figured that one out with your erratic mood changes. That’s um…different. I’ve never heard of that.”

He nods glancing around again, “I know it’s strange but others in my family have the same trait.”

At this point, I am ready to lay it all out there and ask some questions that I know will make him squirm, but he stands up. I frown at him because I’m not done.

Before I can say anything he states, “Okay, time to go, let’s head to class now.”

I’m so confused, “I thought we weren’t safe.”

He offers his hand to help me up and I refuse crossing my arms.

He chuckles, “Ever, you are so stubborn. We are safe now, the person watching you is gone.”

I relax a little and I point at him, “You aren’t done answering my questions.”

He smirks and offers his hand again, I take it this time. As I stand up he turns me toward him to look me straight in the eyes, vast blue and ocean… I’m gonna faint.

“Ever, I know we aren’t finished talking and I will gladly answer all of your questions, in time.”

All I can do is nod.  He takes my hand and leads me back in the direction of school.

***

I’m running along the lake again and I trip but someone catches my arm before I c
an fall. I glance over and Jack is running alongside me. His eyes are cloudy green and worried, almost like he’s in pain. We come to a stop at the edge of a cliff and I wake up gasping, out of breath.

That one was interesting
. So now Jack is in my dreams. That’s a nice change but I’ve never seen him look so sad. My heart hangs
.

I trek down the stairs for water. This time I’m alone in the kitchen and I opt for sleep over circles.

9

Parents

Unfortunately, sleep didn’t trump the circles this time. I woke up one more time from the same dream except this time, we jumped off the cliff. So glad I didn’t stay in that one to see how it ended.

My wardrobe is back to the usual drab jeans and dark blue. Tired but not depressed is the difference though. I am really looking forward to seeing Jack today.  Just hoping he doesn’t have any more paranoid delusions.

My cell phone rings on my way to school, it’s Gam-aw. Oops, I forgot to call her about the birthday. She wants to know what I have planned. I tell her I’m not sure because it is still a month away. She is shocked, telling me that this is a big one and I should really celebrate. I brush her off because it’s just another birthday. I tell her to call my mom to make a plan. I will go along with whatever they decide. She consents and tells me to keep in touch. Weird time to call when I know it has to be like four o’clock in the morning in Chicago right now. I guess when you're eighty, you don’t sleep when everyone else does.

I pull into a spot and watch as Jack walks across the lot to greet me. A smile creeps to my lips. I think I am really falling for this guy and I haven’t even known him for a month.
Slow down, Ever, or heartbreak will come your way
…my warning voice.  I choose not to listen.

Jack walks up and greets me, “Good morning”

Smile… blue eyes… I’m melting.

I smile shyly and say “It’s definitely good now.”

He grins but I can see some green seep into his eyes.  He seems to have some kind of inner conflict.

We walk to class laughing about our next race at the lake. I tell him I can’t make it out there today because I have to discuss my troubled brother with my parents. His eyes cloud up like in my dream when I mention my brother, but they clear up really fast. He smiles to hide it, but I know I saw it. I smile back. Then Mr. Griggs walks in. We won’t be able to really talk again until biology, that is, if he shows up today.

In third period Gabbi asks how things are going. I think it’s obvious Jack has been a good thing for me.

She tells me, “You look so much brighter these days.”

I nod.

She gives me her warning again, “Just be careful girl, I don’t want to see you get hurt again.” 

I don’t even acknowledge her. I know she means well and she’s been with me since fifth grade but I am really digging Jack, and I don’t want anything to put a damper on my new improved mood.

I change the subject, “How is Reggie?”

She brightens, “Great, guess what?”

I shrug.

“He is taking me to the movies on Friday night for a real date.”

I laugh, “Well it’s about time. That sounds like fun.”

Then she suggests that maybe Jack and I can go too.  This brings to light that we really haven’t done anything planned together. I really only see him at school or unplanned at the lake.

The idea appeals to me so I tell Gabbi, “I’ll ask him if he wants to go.”

Making the decision to myself, that this will really define what this whole thing between us is, if anything.

Biology has become the best part of the day for me. First, it’s the last class of the day, science which I love, and Jack, three stars in my book.

As class ends, he walks me to the jeep.

He asks nervously before I get in, “Would you like to take a trip to the beach with me this weekend?”

I glance at him with a smirk like he is joking, but he looks dead serious.

I tell him, “I’ve never been to the beach and truthfully, I'm not sure my parents will approve.”

Then it occurs to me and I ask, “Isn’t it like a day- long drive?”

He laughs, “Not quite, a few hours is all.”

I like the idea so I reason, “Why don’t you come for Friday night dinner so my parents can make sure you’re a good guy.”

He nods.

I quickly add, “Then maybe we can catch a movie with Gabbi and Reggie.”

He smiles, “Sounds like a plan.”

I drive home and gather my thoughts for my talk with my parents about James. I know he would be upset with me, knowing I was going behind his back, but I’m worried about him and his erratic moodiness.

When I get home I have time to kill and not enough to go swim, so I sit on the computer. No emails but a thought, suddenly grabs me. I type Jack Tanner in the search box almost absentmindedly and press enter. Not sure I want to know what it will turn up. The search is over and the results are many. I scan them:

Jack Tanner lawyer in Florida-no.

Jack Tanner artist in Maine-no.

Third one down- Jack Tanner – LA Times- High School Student Stalks Cheerleader and Destroys School Property.

I click on it, wincing and telling myself it doesn’t matter; he’s a good guy and whatever happened in the past, stays in the past.

The article reads like a synopsis of a story with quotes from students and faculty members: Apparently, Jack Tanner a student attending LA High transferred in from another school and about a month later, wouldn’t leave a cheerleader alone after she asked him multiple times to leave her alone. Additionally, the gym was completely destroyed from a flood of water. The damages were in the thousands of dollars. The witness accounts were only about the stalking. No one had a first- hand account of what actually happened in the gym, except witnesses seeing him leaving the damaged scene.