Just Breathe (12 page)

Grabbing a bite to eat downstairs, I find a note from my mom telling us that she and my dad went out to a movie. I write back that I went to the game. Not that they won’t know where I am, it’s Friday night after all. I jump in the jeep and drive toward the field. I really have no desire to go if truth be told, but I refuse to sink into depression again. Maybe Jack will be at the game. I have a sinking feeling that he won’t, but there’s an ounce of hope.

As I pull in to find a space, I scan the lot for the color yellow, no dice. A deep breath and I aim for the bleachers. I spot our group as I round the corner. They are in the middle, left side where we usually sit. Gabbi and Reggie have their backs to me talking to some of the other girls. I start to climb the steps but think to look on the far right side, where Jack was standing at the last game I came to, not there. The emptiness is starting to spread, I can feel it. I make it to the middle and Gabbi turns to see me.

One look and she’s up, “Ever, what’s the matter.”

“Nothing” I tell her and find a spot in the group so she can’t pressure me anymore.

She sits next to me and leans over to whisper, “Hey if you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

I nod. Talk about it ugh. I can’t talk to anyone and the only person I want to talk to is suddenly missing. I try to get into the conversation. They’re talking about our first two games, one win and one loss. At least it’s a start.

Then a girl in the group, Meredith asks me, “Hey, Ever, who is that guy I’ve seen you hanging around with lately?”

I stumble over my words, “Um just a new guy that is in two of my classes. I’ve been helping him with class stuff.”

She replies, “Oh, he’s kinda cute.”

I wince and nod.

She changes the subject when she realizes I have nothing more to say and asks, “Well, are you going to Julia’s party?”

I must look confused because she says, “You know the party tonight, after the game.”

Oh yeah, I think I heard something about that.

“Um, not sure.”

Gabbbi nudges me and speaks up, “Of course she’s going.”

She gives me her cheer up look.

Then I remember, “Actually, Julia is kinda mad at me right now, I blew her off in biology. Don’t think I’m invited.”

Meredith laughs and tells everyone, “Since when is Julia
not
mad at someone. You should go, she’s probably mad at someone new today.”

I laugh with everyone but really, have no intention of attending Julia’s party.

***

Gabbi wins this one, I suddenly find myself stuck in Gabbi’s passenger seat while Reggie follows us in the Jeep. She cornered me after the game and forced me, well not forced, but guilted me into agreeing to ride to the party with her. Yes, the party I was not going to.

She starts when we are on our way, “So what’s the deal, Ever? I see depression creeping back in. Did something happen with Jack? I thought you were happy and finally over Michael. By the way where is Jack, I haven’t seen him all week.”

I need to tread carefully. I don’t need any told ya so, from Gabbi, because she actually did tell me, kind of.

I lie, “Actually Jack has been out of town visiting his dad and I just… miss him.” Believable considering; I nor anyone else know anything about his family. She looks forward because she is driving, but gives me that, oh that explains it nod.

“Well cheer up girl he’ll be back soon, right?”

I nod, although I have no clue.

“Yeah, I think he will be back in school on Monday.”

At least that buys me the weekend.

We pull up to Julia’s house. She throws a party it seems almost every other weekend. Although I can’t understand why, she hates everyone. Gabbi seems to think she is the way she is because she’s an only child and doesn’t have the benefit of a sibling, like the rest of us. Well if anyone wants to know, not caring for my own sibling at the moment. Not to mention, Gabbi is an only and turned out just fine.

We get out as Reggie pulls the jeep up on the other side of the street. I glance up at the house. This is one of the nicest areas in Pahrump. It looks like a combination of my house and Gabbi’s. It’s really long but also two story and brick. This is the neighborhood that doesn’t fit with the whole desert scenery thing. Who would build a brick house in the desert, go figure. Reggie grabs Gabbi’s hand and we start up the walk.

We knock and who answers but my ex lab partner.

“Well hi guys. Ever” and she smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

If that wasn’t obvious, yep, still mad at me.

She directs us, “You know where everything is…soda in the kitchen…keg in the back…oh and here’s the basket.”

She holds up the basket where we relinquish our car keys. I grab mine back out after Reggie drops them in, when Julia turns to look at someone calling her name. I have no intention of ingesting alcohol tonight, having a hard enough time dealing as it is.

I follow Reggie and Gabbi through the house to the kitchen and grab a soda. They find a group to talk to and I turn to look around. Big mistake, I spot Michael with Brittany. They are laughing with a group of his teammates. They won tonight so they should definitely celebrate. I turn back to Gabbi and start to get into the conversation.

Suddenly I feel a hand in the small of my back. I start to smile and then realize I didn’t feel anything, no shock or warmth. It can’t be Jack.
Oh great
. I turn and find Jason leaning over, about three inches from my face. I can smell beer on his breath.

He says loudly and animated, I’m gathering so his friends can hear him, “Ever Harding, I can’t believe you want to go upstairs with me, didn’t you just break up with your boyfriend!”

And he starts laughing. I can feel a dozen pairs of eyes on me including Michael’s. I just shake my head completely embarrassed. Obviously he’s getting the reaction from me he wanted. Suddenly, I feel electricity coming from my left shoulder. I turn around and there he is.

He grins down at me and then looks at Jason saying, “Hey bro, I can take it from here.”

Jason glares at him and says louder this time, “Oh so you’re gonna go upstairs with this dude instead, slut.”

I just roll my eyes and before anything else can happen I put both hands on Jack’s chest and give him a small push backwards. He gets the hint grabs my hand.
Yes.
He pulls me through the crowd of people towards the back door.

When we get out into the yard out of earshot, I lay into him, “Where have you been? I thought you left, forever.”

At this point, I can feel tears, oh great, “I never got a chance to tell you whether I wanted you to leave or not, and you still left.”

He just stands there with his beautiful blues staring and grinning the whole time. He takes me in his arms and holds me. Tears stream down my cheeks and I take a deep breath, not understanding how he can affect me this way.

He pulls away and looks at me still holding my hands, “I knew you needed space, so I stayed away for a little while. I never actually left; I was watching you the whole time.”

My mouth drops, “What, you have been here the whole time?”

He nods his head, “Yes, Ever, that is my job…for the next two weeks.”

I can see some green creep into his eyes.

I say with panic, “Two weeks, what are you talking about? You aren’t leaving. I don’t want you to go.”

He tries to wrap his arms around me again but I push him away.

I whisper with as much authority as I can, “I want answers, now!”

He looks around, “Not here, let’s go.”

I follow his little yellow car in the jeep to the park across from the school. It should be empty at this time of night. When we get there, I notice there is only one park light still lit. The others must have burnt out or are broken from mischievous teenagers.

We head for the bench. I sit and Jack stays standing almost pacing in front of me.

I say urgently, “Just spit it out.”

He stops and squats down so he’s eye level with me. Still green, this can’t be good. He grabs my hands, electricity… feeling much better now. I smell , he’s his fresh ocean scent, he's so close.

“Okay, Ever, here it is…I am what is known in the sea as a guardian and right now you are who I am watching over.”

Not exactly what I was expecting.

He continues, “In two weeks, you will turn eighteen, at that point you will choose to either stay here on land and remain human, or change directions and live in the sea as a mermaid.”

I kinda already knew from our conversation on the beach, but hearing it laid out, makes me start to freak. I pull my hands away and stand. He stands up and just looks at me with pain in his eyes. How can he know how I feel right now. This is unbelievable; I was trying to avoid this.

I look up and ask the only thing that matters to me right now, “Are you leaving after my birthday, will I ever see you again?”

He takes a deep breath, “I have to leave if you choose to stay human. You will have no memory of me. If you choose to leave, you will live in the sea and your memory won’t be gone, but you won’t be able to come back.”

I sit down. I can’t live without him but to go and live in the sea and lose…my family…It is unfathomable.

He sits down next to me and wraps his arms around me. This time I don’t push him away. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. I have a huge choice, how could this happen?

12

Monsters

The next week flies by. Jack doesn’t leave my side when we aren’t in school, except of course at night. I don’t think my parents would go for a sleep over. We drive to the lake after school everyday and swim for hours. He has filled me in, a little, on some of the feelings I’ve been having, as related to water. I always knew that I felt refreshed after swimming, but I just thought the exercise was what did it. I was wrong, water is like an energy source for merpeople. Fresh water does the job but saltwater is really a huge source for them, hence my reaction at the beach, go figure. I can’t imagine how it would feel, to actually live in it.

I get it into my head that I need one more trip to the beach, before I make this life altering decision. We scheme to ask my parents for another trip this Saturday. On Thursday we head home after school and run into James in the kitchen. He looks up when we walk in. He is actually looking a little bit better lately. His eyes look different, no circles, maybe he is adjusting to the boy change thing.

When Jack sees him he has a surprised look, but quickly smiles and says, “Hey James, how are you?”

James gets up and walks out without acknowledging us.

I apologize, “Sorry he is so rude to you.”

He shrugs his shoulders, smiles and says, “Teenagers.”

Jack suggests we head to the pool to swim. When we get there it’s almost deserted. We only have about thirty minutes until it closes but I talk the head lifeguard into letting us stay for a while longer, as long as we lock up the pool area.