Just Breathe (15 page)
Authors: Heather Allen
She looks up startled, sees my face and asks, “What is it, Ever?”
I spit out, “You didn’t tell me everything. Jack is missing.”
She looks at me with a knowing calmness, pats my hand and she says, “I told you, we aren’t meant for the sea, just leave it alone and everything will work itself out.”
I am flabbergasted. She looks away and starts to put her headphones back on, but I put my hand out to stop her, “Gam-aw please help me, I… love him.”
She sighs heavily, “I was afraid of that. Ever, you can’t love him, it is impossible for you to be together.”
I shake my head, “Not if I choose the sea.”
She places her hand over mine and shakes her head with a truly sad look. “Even if you choose the sea, it won’t work.”
“But I don’t understand.”
She looks around again then sighs, as if the life has just been sucked out of her.
She states firmly, “I wish you would just leave it alone, you will be so much better off.”
I shake my head and tell her, “If you don’t tell me something, I am going to go and look for Jack. I don’t know where, maybe I’ll… drive to the beach…”
She looks around again and shakes her head, “Alright here it is. When I left the sea for Henry, my sea husband, Jaspen was furious.”
She shakes her head and continues, “In everything there is light and dark. People living on the land can be light or dark. Animals can be light or dark. And sea people can be light or dark. Another way of seeing it is, good or bad.”
I am completely baffled by this but I wait, hoping she is going to make a point.
“In the sea they say Lior for light or good. Dark is referred to Erebus or bad. The Lior and Erebus are enemies.”
I am so confused at this point. “So Gam-aw you are telling me that there are different people under the sea?”
She nods, “Yes they are either Lior or Erebus, light or dark. Jaspen was a Lior but he turned dark and joined the Erebus.”
I ask hurriedly, “What does this have to do with Jack disappearing?”
She looks at me sadly, “Unfortunately, Ever, this is my doing. Jaspen swore revenge upon me when I left, for choosing a human over him. I think this might be it. I am so sorry, honey, that you have to bear the burden of my mistakes.”
She stresses her words, “This is why you have to choose land. The Erebus must not want you to choose the sea, so they have taken Jack, to make sure you don’t.”
I am on the verge of tears at this point. I get up and run to my room. My mom calls after me that dinner is almost ready.
Great.
Wednesday morning, I am a mess. I barley slept, all I could think about was Jack. I feel so helpless.
I drag myself out of bed and robotically get ready for school. It is unbelievable that I am actually going to school, but I have no idea how to help him. Thinking about school, makes me think of Jack, so I decide to go and maybe he will magically be there. Maybe the lake incident was just a figment of my imagination. Truly, I know nothing has changed, he is gone and there is nothing I can do to help him, except if my gam-aw is right, choose land.
I drive slowly to school and scan the lot for the yellow car in the parking lot. It’s not there, my heart sinks. Gabbi walks up as I am getting out of the jeep, she can tell I am under again.
“Hey, Ever, are you alright?”
No my boyfriend, if I can call him that, has been kidnapped and whether I choose land or sea in a long story, guarantees that I will
never see him again, that about sums it up.
But I brush it off, “Yeah, fine just didn’t sleep well last night.”
She says, “So the big one eight on Friday, what are the plans?”
I shrug as my heart sinks, “Don’t know, Gam-aw and my mom haven’t told me anything.”
Realization hits, I ask, “Whatever the plan is, you’re coming right?”
I won’t be able to bear the birthday, if at least Gabbi isn’t there.
She nods, “Wouldn’t miss it.”
I tell her I have to get to class and we take off in opposite directions. I can only pretend to act normal for so long.
The day drags and Jack never shows to any classes. I go over every scenario. If I choose land, I forget him and never see him again, but I still see my family and life doesn’t change. If I choose sea, something will happen to him, and I will never see him again or my family. I don’t get a break with either choice. What to do? I think I’m falling. deeper than when Michael broke up with me.
I go to the lake after school in hopes again that Jack will be there. No such luck. Actually there is no one there, not even anyone fishing. I walk to the bank of the lake and sit down with my head in my arms. Suddenly, a thought occurs to me, Jack said he lives around here, so maybe he has connections to other people around here. I hop in the jeep with renewed hope, driving around looking for places around the lake. This proves to be a waste of time and energy. I should have known. There isn’t a person or structure within miles. He was here for me, just as he said. I have no idea where he slept or stayed overnight, but it couldn’t have been anywhere near here.
The rest of the week is torture. Friday looms with every hour and by Wednesday, my mom has suddenly decided to get into the whole birthday thing. She thinks a party would be fitting for eighteen. Not just any party, but one in which she has to invite half of my senior class. She and Gam-aw decide my family will celebrate the day before at a restaurant and on Friday after the football game, all of my friends will come to a party at the Harding house, sans parents. I am shocked that she even suggested it.
***
So here I am getting ready for the dinner with my family. I decide my parents deserve more than my usual drab and depressed, so I slip on a purple mini-dress that is befitting of the occasion. They decided we would go to a local Mexican restaurant called, The Alamo. I love Mexican food any other time but right now, I just feel sick to my stomach constantly.
As we are sitting down to dinner, I look across the table at my brother, James. He decided to grace us with his presence. Suddenly, I see yellow flash across his eyes for a split second then, it’s gone. My mouth drops open and he gives me this snarl of a smile. My stomach turns. I really think I’m gonna be sick, I run to the bathroom. A few minutes later, Gam-aw comes in to check on me.
She asks, “Ever, are you okay, honey?”
I come out of a stall and glare at her, “Am I okay? Am I okay? No, of course I’m not okay. Whatever choice I make, I will never see Jack again. On top of that, I just saw James’ eyes.”
I heave and turn toward the stall.
She steps forward but I turn to face her, “There was a flash of yellow. What does that mean?”
She tells me with downturned eyes shaking her head, “The Erebus must have gotten to James somehow. I’m not sure but now it is so important that you choose land. If you choose the sea…I don’t know… maybe it means something might happen to James.”
I am dumbfounded, “What? What? Now they are going to take my brother too? I thought you had to be eighteen for this to affect you?”
She looks at me sadly, “That is usually how it works… I am so sorry Jaspen has taken his revenge for me, out on you and James. Please know that if I could change any of this, I would.”
I just shake my head and walk out. I can’t take any of this anymore. A month ago, I was a normal teenage girl about to turn eighteen with only one thing to worry about, where to go to college next year. Here it is the eve of my birthday and everything in my being tells me to choose sea, but I can’t ignore that this choice has consequences affecting everyone I love.
I am sitting by the lake and I suddenly feel a spark of
electricity down my shoulder. I jump and look up to the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. There are those clear blue eyes piercing through me and all I can feel is relief. I get up and start to wrap my arms around him, but he pushes me away and yells, “Run, Ever!” He takes my hand and we run. Then I see it…the cliff is getting closer with each step I take. We reach the edge and leap. He looks over at me with that smile as we fall into the crashing water below.
I wake with a start. I sit straight up in bed soaking wet from sweat. My heart is still beating so fast. I have to take a few breaths to steady it. After my mind clears, I realize my reality and my heart breaks once again. The dream was so real and Jack was there with his smile…. Then more reality hits me, it’s December 2nd, my eighteenth birthday.
I drag myself from my bed and head for the shower. As I’m about to reach for the bathroom handle it turns and opens and I am face to face with my brother.
He looks at me and glares, I see a flash of yellow and he growls under his breath, “Today’s the day, make the right choice, Ever.”
Then he smiles and walks to his room. My mouth drops open, what in the world is going on with James? Why is he…how does he know… with those eyes and Jack is missing? I feel even worse now. I stay in the shower long after the water runs cold. I end up dragging so much to get ready for school, that I am late.
I walk into class late and when I sit down Sasha leans over, “Hey, are you alright?”
I nod, sink into my seat, and pull my hoodie over my head. Guess I don’t look so good. Well, I don’t feel so great either. I glance to the other side of me, the seat is empty and I feel the familiar tug in my stomach. I ache for him and I just don’t know what to do. When the bell rings signaling the end of class, I start to head out of class and almost run into Michael.
He taps me on my arm and says, “Hey Ever, I…um just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.”
I squirm uneasily, “Oh yeah, thanks.”
I give him the best smile I can manage, for the circumstances and head for second period. I feel as if in slow motion, as if I am just observing everything happening around me all day.
In third period, Gabbi does the typical Gabbi. She brought a cupcake for me and leaves it on my desk, telling the whole class it’s my birthday, so I get lots of well wishes. Unfortunately, it doesn’t affect my mood and the close looming decision I am dreading.
The rest of the day I get a lot of people telling me they are looking forward to my party.
Oh boy, I just can’t wait.
I wonder as the day rolls on, how and when I will make this decision about the sea and land. Gam-aw and Jack never actually told me how the whole thing works. Do I just mentally make the decision and that’s it or is there a ceremony. And if that’s the case, how do my parents not find out…
When I get home from school, my Gam-aw and my mom are there. My mom must have come home early from work to decorate and plan for the party. I have to say, the backyard has been completely transformed and it is absolutely beautiful. She brought tables and chairs in and draped pink Chinese lanterns everywhere. The center pieces on the tables are beautiful vases full of multicolored flowers with pink ribbons. Gabbi will love all the color.