Just Breathe (11 page)

When Jack pulls the car up to the house the sun is setting, he comes around to open my door and helps me out. He faces me and lifts my chin up so our eyes meet, green, go figure.

Warmth spreads through my face…He explains, “I told you that there would be things you wouldn’t like, but you insisted.”

I tell him, “I know but this is unbelievable, like fantasy stuff.”

He agrees with me, “I know Ever, now it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with the information. One thing I didn’t tell you is that your parents don’t know about the sea. The rule when you make the choice, if you choose to remain human on land, is that your memory of anything about the sea is gone.”

I agree and tell him I won’t mention anything to my parents. I still can’t believe we are having this conversation.

He smiles and squeezes my shoulders before letting me go, “You know enough now to know you have an important decision to make soon. I will answer any questions you have or if you would rather, I not come around anymore, I can arrange that too.”

At the last part the clouds creep over the green in his eyes. I want to reassure him that I will still want him around, but I just can’t right now. I am exhausted and just want my bed. He kisses my forehead and gets into his car. I watch as he drives off and my heart starts to break.

11

Time

After I watched Jack drive away I dragged myself upstairs and barely made it into my bed before I passed out. It was only seven o’clock. Luckily I didn’t run into any parents.

Sunday morning when I stroll into the kitchen for breakfast, my parents both look up from reading the paper. I get the battery of twenty questions and my mom is the worst.

She asks me nonchalant like, “Ever, honey, how was your beach trip? You went to bed awfully early last night.”

Oh boy, I just can’t get a break. I think I might have to go back to bed.

I answer, “Yeah mom, it was great.”

I glance at her to see if she’s convinced. I sometimes elaborate, but usually I can get by with the usual teenage response. My dad looks up curious. Oh great, not gonna happen this time.

He asks, “Well, what did you think of the ocean?”

I let a minute pass before answering and he’s still looking at me waiting for an answer. I’m not getting out of this one.

I ramble, “It was beautiful. We swam for most of the day and ate a picnic lunch.”

I add, “The drive didn’t seem too bad.”

Hopefully that will suffice. I open the fridge and get a glass of orange juice. As I turn around, I see my mom looking at me lovingly. Oh great here it comes.

She skirts around her words, “Well…What do you think…Do you like this boy, Jack?”

I give her that, are you serious look and wait. It doesn’t work, geesh, she expects an answer.

“Um yeah, he’s nice.” I say as vaguely as I can. But he isn't from here and that doesn't sit well in my stomach. I actually think I might be sick. I grab my stomach as it churns uncomfortably and smile at my mom.

She smiles, gets the hint and goes back to her coffee and paper.

I climb the stairs back to my room and I am suddenly exhausted again. I glance at James’ door, closed. I look at my phone thinking who I could call that would understand anything of what happened yesterday. Then I glance at my bed and decide it’s calling my name. I crawl under my big blue blanket and pull it over my head. Maybe I can stay here forever and not deal anymore. I drift off to sleep with visions of people with big fins instead of legs.

My phone rings around twelve waking me up.

I answer groggily and hear Gabbi’s voice on the other end, “Ever? Are you still asleep?”

I answer her, “Hhhmmm?”

She starts talking twenty miles a minute, “I was calling about your trip to the beach yesterday. I didn’t hear from you so I thought I’d call. Well, do you like Jack? Was he nice? Are you getting serious? What did you think about the ocean?”

At this point I am awake and beginning to sit up, so I can concentrate.

I say, “Gabbi, chill for minute.”

Silence, Oops I need to be a better friend.

I give her uplifting news first, “He kissed me.”

Screaming….Ugh! I have to pull the phone away from my ear.

Then I hear, “You have to tell me everything!”

I smile and give her all the gory details minus the whole, my life will change in less than a month part.

After my phone marathon with Gabbi, I take a shower and feel better, a little. I still feel totally weighted down, but at least a little bit more awake. The rest of the day I try to stay busy with mindless T.V.

***

Monday brings school and the inevitable, Jack. I don’t know what to say. I still can’t wrap my mind around what he told me on Saturday. I just can’t believe it is true. I walk into first period, dreading seeing him. I sit down and stare straight ahead with my heart beating a million miles a minute. The bell rings and he still isn’t here. I actually feel a little relieved. The day drones on and he doesn’t show for biology either. After school I decide to brave the community pool to swim. I just can’t go to the lake yet, for fear of seeing him. I don’t know how I can talk about something so unbelievable as if it is real. I’m not quite sure how I even feel about Jack now. I’m so confused.

The rest of the week is pretty much the same. Jack doesn’t show to either of our classes together the whole week. By Friday, I’m a little angry with him. It’s one thing to give me space, but it’s another to actually abandon me, after telling me something so completely crazy.

I start overanalyzing as usual and convince myself that maybe Jack left. It figures, I was finally starting to feel normal again after Michael and this whole thing hits me. I almost want Jack to take it all back and go back to the way we were before the beach trip. I decide I can live in the dark and forgo any questions. My heart beats faster at that thought. I can’t imagine never seeing him again. I start to get panicked and make the decision to go to the lake after school. I can live with a little craziness. I won’t ask and he doesn’t have to tell.

I head home for my suit and towel and of course, James is there waiting for me. Leave it to my brother, terrible timing. I am in a hurry and say hi while running up to my room.

He follows me and leans in the doorway as I gather my stuff, “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

I stop and look up surprised. He never cares where I go.

Why in the world is he home and bothering me, “I’m headed to the lake to train.”

He shakes his head. I’m going to start calling that the infamous James shake.

“You aren’t going to se
e
Jac
k
are you?”

He stresses Jack’s name when he says it, like he’s angry. I pick up my stuff and start for the door but he blocks my way. I look at his eyes and they look like they aren’t completely brown, as they always are. It looks like there are little yellow flecks in them.

“
No James, I am not going to see Jack!”
I stress each word so he gets the hint.

He reluctantly moves out of the way and I bound down the stairs. There is seriously something wrong with my brother.

I start the jeep and drive too fast to the lake. I feel an urgency to see Jack suddenly. When I pull up, I notice two men fishing in a little dingy boat near the center of the lake. I rush around the lake looking for him. After  half an hour, checking all around, I find that he isn’t here. I go back to the jeep and sit there with my hands on the steering wheel. What do I do now?
I’m really starting to believe he left now. Maybe it was all a dream and he was never really here
. My heart breaks again.

I decide I don’t feel like swimming so I start the jeep up and head back home, checking my rearview mirror every few seconds, hoping to see that little yellow car. But it doesn’t appear. I take a detour to Gabbi’s because the last place I want to be is home alone, with James. He is starting to seriously, creep me out.

I pull up to Gabbi’s single story bungalow style house. She lives on the other side of town where the houses are more sprawling. My neighborhood is more compact. Most of the houses are two story with cutsie porches and street lamps. Her neighborhood consists of long ranch-styles houses. I walk up to the door and knock. Gabbi answers and looks surprised. She takes her cell out of her pocket to see if she missed a call from me.

I push it back down and say, “I didn’t call first, sorry, are you busy?”

She opens the door wider and looks back, Reggie is sitting on the couch watching T.V.

I stumble on my words, “Oh um…sorry I didn’t know.”

She smiles, “It’s okay, do you want to come in and hang with us?”

I shake my head and back up, “No, I’ll see you later.”

I add, “Are you going to the game tonight?”

She replies, “Yep, we’ll be there.”

I tell her, “Okay, see you then.”

As she closes the door, I turn and walk to the jeep. I decide to drive home, James or not, I hear my bed calling my name. I suddenly feel so alone and exhausted.

I walk into the house cautiously. Silence, hopefully he left. I walk up the stairs and glance at James’ room, the door is closed. I put my ear up to it, silence. Maybe he did leave. I try the handle and it gives when I turn it. I take a deep breath and push the door open, empty. It’s been a while since I’ve been in his room. There are posters of bands plastered on every wall. I glance at his desk and his computer is open. I glance back to the hall to see if I hear anyone, nothing. I sit in front of the computer and hit the internet button. In the search engine I scroll down to see his past searches. There it is the article about Jack, figures. As I look through the others, I see the titles of other sites with the word demon in the title. Now I’m really worried about him. Then I spot one title way past the others with the word, mermaid. I hold my breath and click on it.

The site is entitled
Mermaids: Mythical or Real
. I read a little and find that it is a blog from someone telling a first hand account about seeing a mermaid. He writes that they have special powers like moving things with their mind. Even further down he has a hand drawn picture of the supposed mermaid he saw. My breath catches…all I can do is stare.  The fin and everything about her is incredibly beautiful. I can’t take my eyes off of it. Suddenly, I hear the front door open and close, breaking my trance. I scramble to get off the site and click out. I rush out closing his door just as he’s about to climb the stairs. I rush into my room and close the door quietly, wincing at the click. I fall into my bed and think about what I read and saw. Of course it was someone’s story, it isn’t necessarily true. But she was just incredible. Like no other drawing of a mermaid I have ever seen. I climb under the covers and drift with thoughts of mermaids. My dream quickly turns.

Jack and I are running
through the trees. The tree line stops and the edge of the cliff looms in front of us. When we reach it, I hold my breath and we leap off. The cold water shocks my body. I flail for a moment and surface gasping for air. I look around. Jack is gone. I panic diving back under, looking for him
.

I wake with a start and an emptiness so vast in my center.

I check the clock by my bed and it says seven fifteen. I scurry out of bed and check myself out in the mirror. A shower is calling my name, heading for the bathroom. I notice the door to James’ room across the hall, wide open. I lean around to see if he’s there. He is laying on his bed listening to his IPOD. I immediately draw back, so he doesn’t see me. Guess he didn’t notice I was in there snooping, whew. I take a shower and try to make myself look presentable.