Just Breathe (14 page)

The pool is glorious. Of course the glorious part isn’t the chlorine water, yuck, but Jack. I am trying to enjoy every moment with him. My birthday is approaching fast and I haven’t a clue what I will do about it.

***

Later when I arrive home, I make sure someone else will be home so my Gam-aw can’t corner me. I don’t know why, but I get the feeling I am not going to like everything she has to tell me. As I walk in the door, dinner is about to be served, perfect timing.

We have dinner and after dinner she does it.

She announces as we are finishing, “Ever and I are going to go for a walk, we need to catch up.”

She winks at me. My heart drops. I am sure now that she knows for sure.

As we leave the house she hooks her arm though mine. We start to walk down the road as the sun is setting. There is a park about three blocks down from my house so we head that way. I’m not sure Gam-aw can make it, but so far she is doing good.

She starts, “Ever, your parents told me you took a couple of trips to the beach recently.” I nod, not sure where she is going with this.

She asks, “What did you think?”

“It was beautiful and I had a good time.”

She agrees, “Ahh, yes it is. I see too that you have a new…friend, where is that Michael? I liked him so much.”

I explain, “Well Gam-aw, remember Michael broke up with me right after school started this year.”

I add for good measure, “Then I met Jack. He’s a great guy.”

She nods, “I’m sure he is for what he is.”

I stop and she turns looking at me with a knowing smile.

Then she says, “He told you already, didn’t he?”

I squirm uneasily, “He told me some, but I was hoping you could fill me in on the other parts. He won’t tell me everything.”

She smiles, pats my hand and continues walking, “Of course he won’t because it’s my story to tell, he isn’t supposed to be involved with you.”

At this point we make it to the park and I guide her to a bench so she can sit. I don’t feel like sitting but I do, just to make her feel better.

She takes my hand in hers and starts, “A long time ago when I was seventeen I was having a hard time with school and my family. We had problems getting along. I was one of five girls. All of my sisters had something they were good at or proud of that defined them. I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere.”

She takes a deep breath, “I met someone right before my eighteenth birthday. He was from the sea.” She looks like she is reminiscing at this point.

“He was wonderful and something different than anything or anyone in my life. When he came to me, he explained that I could make a choice on my birthday that would allow me to be with him.”

“Well when I found out about their ‘wills’ I was convinced the sea was meant for me. Their ‘wills’ really enticed me. And I loved him, or thought I did, as much as an eighteen year old can.” Our eyes meet and I look away.

She continues, “I lived in the sea for a number of years and I was happy. I eventually married him. It was definitely a life I couldn’t complain about.”

Her voice cracks at the next part, “But then I surfaced one day near Santa Catalina Island, this is where your grandfather, Henry, lived at the time.”

I think I know where this is going. “He saw me as soon as I surfaced, which is very rare, most of the time humans don’t spot us when we surface. You know of stories of mermaid sightings…”

She shakes her head, “…most of them untrue.”

“As soon as I saw him, I knew I had made the wrong decision many years before. I started surfacing regularly to meet with him. We couldn’t bear to be apart. Here I was a member of the world in the sea, where I had a husband and a life, but I desperately wanted to go back to the land.”

My heart is breaking for my Gam-aw at this point. I can see the pain in her face as she tells the story.

“The only thing I could think to do was to go to the powers of the sea and ask for a reversal of my decision. It had never been done, once you choose the sea, you are there to stay.”

She sighs, “I went to the powers, which is what the sea people call those who rule and enforce the laws in the sea. There are two mermaids, Metea and Mersa and a merman, Seamus. They do not budge on the laws of the sea.”

"I was willing to try anything to be with Henry though. I begged the powers for days. Finally, they told me I would have to make a sacrifice for them to grant my request. I had to agree, that if I had any children, they would not be given a choice between land and sea. My children would stay on land and never learn of the life in the sea.”

She pauses.

“That was my trade to go back to land. I was never to speak of the sea again and I was to move far away from the ocean.”

I realize now why she lives in Chicago.

“I kept that promise until now.”

She smiles and pats my hand, “The choice skipped your mom as was agreed upon but now you are about to turn eighteen and the choice will be yours.”

I take a deep breath. I have no idea what to say.

Her voice takes on an edge and she continues, “Ever, I am only telling you this because you must know about this choice in light of recent events. It has pained me over the years to know that this could loom over your head. If I were to go back to the time when I made the agreement with the powers, I would have taken this choice away from our family line forever.”

I am taken aback at this point. I was convinced for a minute that she valued the choice.

“Ever, I believe we are meant for land and we need to keep it that way. I was a young, inexperienced eighteen year old, I should never have had a choice between land and sea, in the first place.” She says this with finality.

I stand up and plead, “Gam-aw, you can’t say that. I didn’t know about all of this until this month, but it explains so many things about me. Like my love for the water and just… who I am.”

I add “And Jack...”

She looks down sadly when I mention his name.

I go on, “I don’t know what I am going to choose at this point, but I am glad I have the choice.”

She shakes her head, “Ever, you really don’t know what you are saying. Life in the sea is not meant for us. Leave everything as it is.”

She gets up and starts to walk back to the house; her shoulders downturned like the story took everything out of her. I follow her home without another word. I know she is done with the subject.

We get back to the house and I go straight to my room. I have so much to think about, but I get the feeling I still didn’t get the whole story. I fall asleep on top of my blanket in my clothes.

We are running holding hands. I glance down at our hands and up into green haunted eyes. Suddenly the cliff is in front of me. I am falling, falling
… “thud” I am jogged awake to find myself on the floor of my bedroom. I actually fell out of my bed. At least this time Jack was still there in the dream. I go and get a drink and the kitchen is deserted. Good, I am not in any mood to argue with my brother.

14

Yellow Eyes

Tuesday morning comes too soon and my body is dragging all morning. A shower makes me feel a little better and I make myself presentable for school. The prospect of seeing Jack keeps me going. When I pull the jeep into a spot, I see him walking slowly toward me. He looks a little uneasy. I’m guessing he is wondering what Gam-aw told me and how I feel about it all. I actually woke up feeling pretty fine with the situation, as it stands. True, I don’t know what I will choose but at least, I can make a better informed decision.

He greets me, “Good morning sunshine.” and gives me his half grin.

I step up on my toes and give him a kiss.

He chuckles, “I guess that means you aren’t totally turned off, by the sea thing.”

I smile, “No, I am still in pondering mode.”

He puts his arm around me and kisses my forehead, “That’s a good sign, I think.” I smile, lean into him and we walk to class.

The day goes too fast for my liking, so I ask Jack if he wants to come over and study for our upcoming history test. He quietly declines and suggests we meet at the lake for a swim. I have the feeling he is going to avoid Gam-aw, at all costs. Who can blame him? I agree to meet him at four thirty.

The lake is starting to cool down, as is the weather. Today it is actually chilly but refreshing, way better than bathwater. The sight of Jack takes my breath away every time we swim. I am definitely more comfortable now with his ‘wills’ as he calls them. The lights from his hands are really amazing in the lake, since it isn’t the clearest water.

We swim and explore, watching the fish dart around the lake. I lose most of the time when we race, but every once in a while, I think he lets me win.

While we are sitting in the setting rays of the sun, I joke, “So when I am a mermaid, you will actually have to try to win, because I will be… fast.”

He sits straight up and looks at me with worried green eyes.

Slowly I sit up and ask, “What is it?”

He asks sadly, “Are you going to choose the sea?”

I can’t believe he is reacting this way, I thought deciding the sea would make him so happy.

“Actually I haven’t made a decision yet, but I thought you would be happy, if I did choose the sea.”

He shakes the alarm out of his face. “Did your Gm-aw tell you everything?”

I nod my head, “I think so.”

Then we hear a sound before I can elaborate any more. It’s like a gurgling, muffled, growling sound behind us. We both turn around and there are two boys about our age, walking toward us. They both have frowns on their faces and they are walking with a purpose. Then I notice their eyes. The same eyes I saw on the beach last weekend. Jack glances at me and gets up first. He picks up a rock nearby using a ‘will’ and tosses it at the boy closest. He must have been expecting it, because it breaks into a million pieces when he puts his arm up, as if to shield himself. I gasp and Jack grabs my arm.

He pushes me toward the lake and yells, “Ever, swim.”

I hesitate and he pushes me again. I dive into the lake and swim as fast as I can, for the other bank. I slow for a second and glance back. Jack is still standing on the bank ‘willing’ objects at the two boys. They are blocking each thing and getting closer to him.

I yell, “Jack!”

He glances at me and calls out, “Swim, Ever, and don’t look back.”

I do what he says and swim as hard as I can. When I drag myself out of the water on the other bank, I turn around and Jack is gone. He isn’t swimming toward me and he isn’t on the other bank. The two boys are gone too. I don’t know what to do. I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to him.

I get dressed as fast as I can, climb in the jeep and drive around the lake. It’s a good thing I have an all terrain vehicle. When I pull up to where the two boys were, I stop and get out. The only thing left are tiny rock remnants scattered everywhere. I walk around looking for him, but it’s as if they all just vanished. I collapse on the bank to cry, feeling so helpless.

After a while, dusk settles over the lake and I drag myself back to the jeep. The drive home is painfully long. There are so many more unanswered questions and there is only one person who can answer them.

I storm into the house and search for Gam-aw. She is sprawled out on a lounge chair sitting in the dark on the back porch, listening to her IPOD. I sit down next to her on the other lounge chair and take her headphones off.