Just Breathe (25 page)

Then he goes on, “It would have been best if you stayed put, but because of your choice, I want you to join me.”

I frown, this is totally the opposite of what I had expected.

I shake my head, “Join you, what are you talking about?”

He looks down and starts pacing again. I just sit there and stare. I have a hard time absorbing this information.

He stops again and turns toward me explaining, “We used to be a peaceful people until your other grandfather decided to mix two worlds.”

He continues as I am processing. “He created a new world and new possibilities. Then he wanted to take it away. This is how evolution happens…people evolve, races mix, and the world is better for it… however, he decided to interfere once again, this time taking freedoms away and creating laws to rule the sea by.”

I look up because I’ve heard this part before but from a different perspective. I can tell he is immersed in his explanation because he is looking at me, but it doesn’t seem like he is actually seeing me.

He states, “Long ago when land and sea were mixed, a new more powerful people emerged. This created a problem for Seamus, making him paranoid that someone from the land could defeat him and take his place. After all, he did that very same thing to the original sea king.”

He focuses on my eyes now and I can tell he is actually talking to me. “Ever, we are not evil as you have been told, we are just trying to make right, what has been wronged in the world we share. Erebus and Lior are not as cut and dry as good and evil. As I am sure you have been told.”

I am completely taken by all of this. Hearing him talk so passionately about this makes me almost believe him, but then I think about Jack and how passionately he feels about preserving his people, the same people, and keeping them in the sea. I feel completely defeated and am suddenly exhausted.

He tells me, “I brought you here because you are more powerful than most people in the sea. I wanted to appeal to you to join in the cause of freeing our people and giving them the choice.”

I shake my head, “These aren’t my people, what if I don’t want to be involved?”

He looks sad and stares at the ground before meeting my eyes again, “I did everything I could to make that statement true, but you went against everything I did. They are your people now. You are a member of the sea because you chose the sea.”

He glares at me and I can feel his yellow eyes entrancing me, “You will have to make a choice at some point.”

At that he turns and tells me over his shoulder, “You should get some sleep.”

Then he’s gone as if he vanished into the air.

I think about everything Jaspen told me, how one minute things can be so cut and dry and the next they are completely muddled. I made a choice between land and sea and all I could think about was the love of my life. I’m gathering now that the entire situation is much larger than Jack and I. Somehow, I am smack in the middle of it. I guess if I wasn’t so stubborn, I might have chosen land and I would be oblivious to all of this. My heart aches at that thought though. I would never remember Jack and what he means to me, if I had chosen land. I suddenly have the need to talk to my Gam-aw. The enormity of this is starting to hit me and I feel like I need someone outside of the sea to talk to. At this thought I start to drift off. My last thought, those agonized eyes as I walked away from Jack today, I feel like I didn’t just walk away to save him, but I walked away and betrayed him.

***

I wake with a start, thinking about Amber. Glancing around I find I am still in the cave in air instead of water and I am lying on the dirt floor wrapped up in the towel the Erebus gave me so many hours ago. I have no idea how long I slept, but I feel a lot more refreshed, so I figure it must have been a while. I sit up thinking that Amber must be close. I decide to try a ‘will’ to find her. I stand and walk over to the door and close my eyes to focus on the lock in the door. I form a picture of the lock holding the door closed and envision it clicking. Suddenly I hear a click and smile. Trying the handle, it turns easily in my hand. I peek out into the hall and realize it’s empty with still air. I walk out quietly and find three other doors. Pressing my ear up against the closest one, there are deep voices and laughter. The next one is silent when I press my ear against it. I try the handle and it won’t give. I stand back and focus on the lock with my mind again. It clicks and opens.

Standing there staring, with a disappointed look is Amber.

I smile at her anyway and whisper, “You had to know I was coming sooner or later.”

She just shakes her head, looks over my shoulder behind me and tells me, “We better go before we’re found out.”

I nod, “This way.”

We rush out, finding a smaller hall off of the larger one, opposite from the direction of the room, I was in. She suggests we take it because it might lead out, where there are no Erebus. I follow her hoping this escape can be painless. We walk the hall for what seems like ten minutes and come to a dead end. Of course it couldn’t be easy. Amber is about to go back the way we came, but I grab her shoulder and tell her to wait a minute. I’m on a roll after all. I might as well try again. I close my eyes and focus, I picture a window. Suddenly water is rushing into the hallway through a large crevice, the size of a small window.

Amber glances back at me and smiles, “Nice.”

We both ‘will’ our fins as soon as the hall is full and we swim off.

After about a hundred feet I glance back and notice no one is following us. This surprises me. I thought for sure the Erebus would be after us by now. Amber starts to head in the direction of the city and I pull on her hand. She stops to look at me.

I shake my head, “I can’t go there right now.”

She argues, “But Ever, Jack might be there waiting for you.”

I shake my head again, “I know and if he is, that is where he belongs, I have to go, back to the land for a little while.” She looks completely confused.

I tell her sadly, “When you see Jack, please tell him I love him and I hope to see him soon.”

She looks mad at this point so I start swimming in the opposite direction to the surface and the beach.

She calls out to me, “How will you get through the barrier, do you want me to come with you?”

I look back, “No, I’ll be fine.”

Once I get far enough away I look back, Amber is gone as are any trace of the caves. I focus, my reasoning is this, if I am actually related to Jaspen and he can travel like that Erebus at the lake, I just might have the same will. Grasping here…

I focus on Gam-aw and Chicago. Not sure if this travel thing has limits in distance, but I guess I’ll know soon enough. I envision her little apartment and ‘will’ myself there.

When I open my eyes, I find that I am still in the water but not in the same place. It seems like I’ve traveled a few yards away.
Just breathe.

I close my eyes again and remember Gam-aw’s emotion as she told me the story of her life in the sea. Suddenly I feel cold porcelain beneath me and find that I am breathing air. I open my eyes and I’m lying in a claw bathtub, surrounded by my Gam-aw’s collection of blue and yellow glass bottles. I look up and Gam-aw is leaning in the doorway with a huge look of surprise and disappointment. I will my legs and clumsily climb out of the tub. She leaves without a word and comes back with a towel and some clothes.

She orders matter of factly, “Get cleaned up, then we’ll talk.” I nod and close the bathroom door.

When I enter the kitchen, I can smell fresh coffee and a chicken baking in the oven. I notice the kitchen hasn’t changed in the four years since I’ve been here. It is cluttered with needlepoint pictures of fruits and vegetables all over the walls. My Gam-aw loves needlepoint and all things involving creating with a needle and thread. I sit at the quaint wrought iron table knowing how intense this conversation is going to be, but how ready I am for it. No more evasive answers.

She brings over two cups of steaming coffee and sits across from me.

She starts before I can say anything, “I knew what you did when your parents told me you were missing. You could have saved so much trouble and heartbreak, if you would have just taken my advice.”

I acknowledge this with a nod.

She looks at me curiously now, “What do you want to know?”

I ask, “Is it true that Jaspen is my grandfather?”

She looks surprised at this but resigned, “Did you meet him?”

“Yes, I did and I am finding that the sea is not all light and dark, as you explained.”

She shakes her head, “You are very right, that is why I left. I didn’t want to raise a baby in the midst of all that turmoil, especially a baby a part of both sides.”

So it is true, Jaspen was telling the truth.

I relent, “I’m thinking now too that Jaspen wasn’t seeking revenge on you, it was more about me and my choice.”

She agrees, “I just thought the less you knew about the sea, then you would be more likely to choose what you already knew.” Her eyebrows go up and she chides, “Obviously I was wrong. You are so much like I was at your age.”

I look at her painfully and ask, “So which side do I choose?”

She smiles, “Ever, that is your choice to make, both sides are right and wrong in so many ways. This is now your burden and unfortunately whichever side you choose, you will affect the balance in the sea.”

I look at her questioningly, “What do you mean I will affect the balance?”

She looks thoughtful, “Because of your bloodline, you are now the most powerful mer-person in the sea. Both sides will be fighting just to have you on their side.”

I put my head in my hands. It is exactly as bad as I was afraid of.

I whine a little, “Gam-aw I just turned eighteen and all I wanted to do was fall in love, go to college and maybe live happily ever after.”

She replies, “I will take some of the blame for not telling you everything, maybe that would have helped you choose land, but here you are with a different choice to make, there’s no turning back now.”

I can feel tears streaming down my cheeks, all I want to do is go back home, crawl into my bed and wake up with this all behind me as a bad dream.

She asks, “Does Jack know about Jaspen?”

I shake my head, “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t.”

She looks around and her eyes rest back on me, “This will make it that much harder.”

“You have the same traveling will?”

I admit, “This was the first time.”

She says, “Well you are welcome to stay here, but I would suggest you use it to go home before your parents realize you are gone again.”

I take a deep breath. 
How did things get so complicated?
She feeds me before I go and hugs me. She whispers in my ear as we are hugging, “It’s going to get worse before it gets better, but trust in yourself.”

The tears fall harder, I close my eyes and focus on my jeep still at the lake in Pahrump.

26

Distractions

I wake up the next morning
still exhausted as if I didn’t sleep at all. Considering the alternatives, at least it was dreamless. At this point the last thing I want is to dream about the inner turmoil I feel every minute now. My parents have gone to their newest hobby, tennis lessons and I get a note from them telling me to write them if I go anywhere. The trust is slowly coming back and I’m sure my late night last night didn’t help things. Hopefully it didn’t put me back any steps in redeeming myself. Getting some breakfast and juice, I enjoy the silence as I decide what to do for the day. I am choosing at the moment to ignore that I have the fate of the world in the sea, on my shoulders. Today I just want to be a normal eighteen year old girl, with normal eighteen year old problems. I do realize, however, that if my current boyfriend shows up in this equation, I might be in a little trouble.