Just Breathe (29 page)

He stretches his hand out as he hits the bank and asks in a deep gravely voice, “Can you lend me a hand? I’m certainly not as young as I used to be.”

I grab his hand and let him lean on me as he climbs out of the boat. I don’t know why, but I’m completely at ease, this man seems to pose no threat to me. I actually feel more relaxed than I have since arriving at the lake, which is weird.

He tells me once we are walking up the bank, “Let’s go sit at the picnic table, I need to rest.”

I glance around and spot a wooden aged, picnic table past the tall grasses in a field ten feet away. I have been coming to the lake since I started driving two years ago and there has never been a picnic table here before. I glance back at this man and suddenly, I realize who this is. It makes sense now.

We sit down and I don’t even give him a chance, “You must be Seamus.”

He smiles easily and nods.

I start as my anger begins to well up, “Do you realize what you are putting your people through? It isn’t right to limit people’s freedoms.” I end with, “You should be ashamed of yourself.”

He laughs, “You are a feisty one, aren’t you? I guess it runs in our family.”

I am disgusted at this point. I have let all of my hate for this man build up. I don’t even know if being civilized at this point, is an option.

I start, “YOU…”

But he cuts me off. “Ever, I think it only fair that you hear me out as well. You heard Jaspen’s argument, now it is only right to hear mine.”

I close my mouth quickly.

He continues, “I am guessing you have already made a decision, based on your contempt for me. These things never come easily. This is a huge decision not to be taken lightly.”

I respond angrily, “I haven’t taken anything lightly, how is it right to have people fight and die for you when you take away their freedoms?”

He nods, “I know this is all so new for you and it all happened so quickly. You just made a big decision just to become a part of the sea, now you have to decide something else entirely.”

He makes these statements as if musing to himself. I barely feel like he is speaking directly to me. I cross my arms and decide to just sit there and let him ramble on.

He continues this time focusing on my eyes. “You are a very important part of everything we are in the sea. Your power can help or harm. I am only here to tell you the other side.”

I nod with a frown.

He continues, “A long time ago, I made a selfish choice for love, first to come to the sea to be with someone I wasn’t born to be with. Then my second mistake was to claim that world as my own. We as humans on land, were never meant to be a part of the sea.”

He looks down at his hands and takes a deep breath, “The best thing for the mer-people is to keep them away from humans on land. If I had never met Matea, the people would still be one and peaceful.”

I shake my head, “I don’t believe that Seamus. It would have been someone else. Things can’t always stay the same.”

He smiles, “Ah, you are clever.”

I start to get up realizing, he is just feeding me words, he thinks I want to hear.

He grabs my hand and asks, “Please sit and hear me out.”

I hesitate and decide to sit a little while longer.

He continues, “My whole purpose is to protect these people I love, from any more mistakes. Unfortunately, that involves laws to keep them safe from the harms they don’t know about. I fear for anyone else making the same mistake I did.”

His eyes bore into me. I realize he is pretty much summing up what I just did, repeated the two mistakes as he calls them, one to choose for love and two to call these people my own.

He asks me, “Please consider what the sea would be like if everyone was able to walk the land and swim the sea. We are a mysterious existence. If land and sea were free to each other, then our world would cease to be safe.”

I ask, “Is that all? I really have someplace I need to be.”

I start to get up.

He stops me one last time with his hand on mine, “Ever, please don’t take this lightly.”

His next words hit my heart, “Please, when you choose a side, remember how this has turned your life inside out. Imagine how many others would be going through the same identity crisis, if everyone were free to choose.”

As he gets up he says at last, “Goodbye my great granddaughter, I hope you make all considerations.”

Then he is gone. A minute later, the boat and picnic table disappear. Wow, he must be some powerful merman.

My heart hurts at this point, aching for Jack and for the people that will be caught in the crossfire of these two sides. Neither side is going to come out of this unscathed. I am so much more confused now. I decide to go home and veg. That is the human thing to do after all, when you don’t want to face something. This is something I am going to turn my back on, at least for today. I blast the music and actually sing all the way home. This is a never for me, no musicality at all so I must really not want to face this.

30

Downward spiral

When I get home after my meeting with Seamus, I am completely down, worse than when Michael broke up with me. At least when Michael called it quits, I knew life as I knew it would change a little, but I would still go to school, breathe air and be a normal teenager. Now I just can’t even function, knowing that I have such an impact on a race of people. No wonder Jack doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, I wouldn’t either.

The rest of the week slides by. I feel as if I’m in a bubble and I can’t feel anything. I can tell Gabbi is really concerned, but I don’t care. I go through the motions each day but I can’t really function beyond that. The new boy, Alex I guess is his name, tries to talk to me each day but I blow him off. I think by Friday, he finally gets the hint and he doesn’t even greet me. I haven’t been back to the lake or the pool since the Seamus incident. Why should I care at this point?

By the time Saturday rolls around Gabbi has about had it with my attitude and shows up at my house around eight. I am already in my pajamas planning to call it a night. I answer the door surprised to find her there. This time it’s my turn to check my cell.

She shakes her head, “No Ever, I didn’t call first, I knew you would blow me off. It’s time for an intervention.”

I frown, “A what?”

She walks in and I follow her into the kitchen. “You have been distant, non-responsive, and moody for the better part of this school year."

I open my mouth to protest but she puts her hand up as if to halt what I have to say.

She continues, “I am no longer going to sit by idly, watching you sink into depression. I miss my best friend and I’ll be damned, if I’m going to let any boy do this to you."

I wince, “Gabbi it’s really not Jack’s fault…”

She interrupts, “Actually I don’t care whose fault it is. You have been so evasive, every time I try to talk to you. So from now on, I refuse to take a lame excuse from you.”

I smile, more inwardly than for her to see. I so love my Gabbi. She grabs my hand and leads me to the stairs and turns, “We are going to go and make you look ravishing, then we are going to Jamie’s party tonight.”

I back up shaking my head. “Um, no parties, I don’t think I can socialize. Actually, I was about to go to bed”

She cuts me off again, “Ever, I am not taking excuses. Remember I said that during my well - rehearsed speech, so yes, you are going, and yes, you are going to have a good time.”

I follow her reluctantly up the stairs to my bedroom. She invades my closet as I collapse onto my bed. I suddenly don’t feel so well.

Gabbi chooses a navy blue mini-dress that still has the tags on it. I think back to that purchase. It was my mom’s attempt to get me out of jeans and make me look like a girl again. She planned a whole day around shopping right before the school year started. I think she thought this year was going to be different, since I was going to be a senior and have the run of the school. Obviously she failed miserably.

I wince as Gabbi turns, “Ever, this adorable dress still has the tags on it. What exactly are you waiting for?”

I shrug because truthfully dresses don’t do it for me. I prefer my own drab style of jeans. I know Gabbi is in full force tonight and I decide not to exert the energy protesting, I know I won’t win.

She goes all out, curling my hair and choosing as she puts it, the perfect accessories; earrings and some silver bracelets to line my arm. I brave some pretty high wedges too. She swears they won’t hurt my feet. I reluctantly turn and stand in front of the mirror when she smiles and says her masterpiece is done.

I look up and meet my own depressive green eyes. I have to admit, she pulled off a great feat because I definitely don’t feel the way I look. I actually look…hot.

I turn to her and give the best smile I can manage, “Thanks so much Gabs."

She smiles, hugs me and asks, “So are we ready for some fun or what?”

I follow her out and let my mom know I am going out with Gabbi. My mom looks surprised. I think she was starting to worry a little about my sudden change in routine. Gabbi insists on driving, so again I am at her mercy.

I ask her, “Why is Jamie having a party, I didn’t hear anything about it.”

She smiles and tells me, “Actually Jamie tried to tell you about it but she said you ignored her when she was trying to talk to you.”

I frown trying to remember the last time Jamie and I talked. I can’t remember. We don’t have any classes together this year so we’ve sort of drifted apart. Last year it was more the three of us than just Gabbi and I. When I wasn’t with Michael, it was always Gabbi and Jamie. This year though, Michael and I broke up and Jamie started dating Blake. I know nothing about him, except that he seems like a good guy and Jamie is just as occupied as I always was last year.

Gabbi pulls me out of my reverie, “Anyway don’t worry, Jamie didn’t take it personally, especially after I told her you were still going through boy stuff."

I nod feeling bad about blowing her off.

Gabbi adds, “Anyway she is having the party kind of as an early celebration."

“What are we celebrating?”

Gabbi looks wide eyed at me, “Have you been living under a rock or something? She got into Harvard.”

I look at her incredulously, how could I not know this?

I ask, “When did she find out?” It’s only March after all.

Gabbi replies, “She got the letter last week and decided a party would be fun for everyone to celebrate.”

I think I’m now sinking deeper. College, that’s a reality I don’t think I will get to realize now.

She stops the car and calls, “We’re here.”

I glance out the window. Jamie’s house is in the same neighborhood as Julia’s. I’ve spent a lot of time here, over the years. Unlike Julia, though Jamie is one of four and she is very well grounded. I think that’s why we get along so well. Her house is similar to Julia’s, big and sprawling.

I feel knots in my stomach.

Gabbi looks at me and asks, “Are you ready?”

I see people going through the door and the street is lined with cars. Oh great, there will be lots of people in there. I remember the last party I went to at Julia’s house. Jack saved me from a very embarrassing moment. I know he won’t be here tonight, I’m on my own. I take a deep breath and get out at the same time as Gabbi.

She hooks her arm in mine all the way up the walk. I stop suddenly and pull her back.

I ask, “Wait, where is Reggie tonight?”