Just Breathe (23 page)

Suddenly I’m in a cave different from the one I saw when Jack was missing. This one is not as dark. The floor is wet and it smells like the sea. I turn around and spot Amber in the corner. She is sitting with her arms wrapped around her legs. She spots me as soon as I see her. She puts her finger to her lips as if to shush me before I can say anything. I rush over to her and kneel down whispering, “Are you alright?” She nods and whispers back, “Don’t come and look for me, not yet, they are waiting for you.” I frown and whisper back, “But I thought they wanted you, everything about Jack was a trap for you.” She nods, “I know but they need you too.” Before I can ask what she means, she gets up and pushes me toward the wall, “Ever, you need to wake up, they will know you are here.”
I look at her sad eyes
and I’m looking straight up at a white ceiling of my bedroom.

It takes me a minute to realize where I am. Never have I been so happy to be lying in my ordinary bed, in my ordinary room, on land. The sun is just reaching through the blinds, it must be early morning. I raise the blanket to cover my head. I could lie here all day, if only my mind would stop tumbling.

There’s a knock on the door and it creaks open.

I hear a familiar voice, “Ever, are you awake? I came over to see you.”

Gabbi! I throw the blanket off rushing out of bed to hug her. She looks taken but then hugs me back.

“Girl, where have you been? I’ve missed you.”

I check the clock, 8:00, “You’re here early.”

She laughs, “Well I wanted to come and see you last night, but your mom said to wait until today, so I did. She didn’t look very happy that it was this early when she answered the door, but girl, I had to see you.”

I walk back to my bed and climb in, she sits on the edge.

I start, “So tell me how are things, how’s Reggie?”

She smirks, “You disappear for three days and you want to know how things are, here in Pahrump?”

I nod.

“Oh no, you’re not getting off that easy. Where have you been and what’s this I hear about jumping off of a cliff?”

I shrug, “It’s really…a long story.”

She crosses her arms, “Well, I have the time to hear it.”

I hear the door open again and we both look up to see my brother glancing around the room before his eyes settle on mine. I have to look at him closer, no yellow eyes.

He smiles at me, “Hey you, how are you? You gave us quite a scare.” I frown for a minute and realize he looks genuinely concerned.

Smiling hesitantly I tell him, “I’m good James, how are you?”

He answers, “Good, I’ll let you two catch up, glad you’re home safe, Ever.”

And he’s gone.

I must have a confused look on my face because Gabbi answers my unspoken question,

“Your brother has been going crazy trying to find you. He plastered the town with flyers and your picture.”

I look at her without really seeing her. Things are so different than I expected.

She bombards me again, “So tell me everything. Were you with Jack the whole time?”

I try to skirt around all the parts she doesn’t know, which is almost everything, so I let her come up with a story without having to say much. She comes to the conclusion that I was finally eighteen and decided to rebel by running away with my new boyfriend but it didn’t go so well. We took it a little too far and decided to try cliff jumping. I just nodded as the story she came up with sounded good. She, at least, seemed satisfied. I’m sure once Monday comes around, it will be the story of the week, especially the way Gabbi spreads things.

Breakfast is awkward to put it lightly. I can tell my family is happy I’m home, but I was so vague with details that I can feel the trust I worked so hard to earn, seep away. Oh well, what can I do, I’m a fugitive so to say, in my parent’s eyes.

My dad starts this time, “Ever, we have decided to institute some rules until we feel that we can trust you again.”

Bam, right in the chest, there’s that word again, I’m feeling so ashamed. I nod which is all I can do for fear of confessing every unbelievable thing that has happened during the past three days.

He goes on, “First of all, training will be limited to the pool.”

My mouth drops open, I wasn’t ready for that one. I open my mouth to protest but see how serious he is. So I shut my mouth tightly, realizing the next thing, might be even less appealing.

He continues, “You have to earn the lake back.”

I nod miserably.

“Additionally if you want to continue this…”, he hesitates looking for an appropriate word, “relationship… with Jack,” I smile at the mention of his name and lose my smile when I realize he is staring at me waiting, I look up at him without the smile.

“Then you are only allowed to see him here, no beach and definitely no Los Angeles.” I am about to explain that I never went to Los Angeles to see Jack, but I can see he isn’t interested.

He adds, “Lastly, if you decide you want to go anywhere except school and home, including the pool, you will call myself or your mother.”

I just look down at my, suddenly, unappealing breakfast and ask, “May I be excused?”

Both of my parents say in unison, “Yes.”

As I’m getting up my mom explains, “Ever, you do realize this is all for your own good.”

I give a half smile to assure her that I am not mad, “Sure mom, I understand.” I head up to my room. Jack’s gonna love this. How in the world are we going to help Amber?

Around mid-day, my cell phone rings, I check and it’s Jack. We decided before I left the hospital, that he would call before he comes over, to see how bad it is.

I smile as I answer, “Hi!”

I can hear his smile at the other end, “Hi you,.  So how bad is it?”

I laugh, “Well, I just got the ground rules at breakfast.” I explain everything that was explained to me.

He laughs when I’m done, “I guess I need to be on my best behavior and not force you into leaving again.”

I laugh. That of course must be what they think, I can only imagine what story they’ve conjured up, with the nil amount of information I’ve provided. We decide Jack will come and hang out tonight, but of course, I have to ask first. I tell him once I get an all clear, I will call him back.

I spend the rest of the day watching mindless T.V. I attempt a book, Romeo and Juliet but decide it’s just too heavy for my mood right now and it reminds me too much of Amber and the cave she is stuck in. I hear a knock on the front door and check the clock, four o’clock on the dot. Smiling I rush to open it. His eyes are the bluest ever. I rush to him and wrap my arms around his neck without warning. He almost loses his balance and sends us flying backwards down the steps.

He pushes me forward and laughs, “Hang on there killer.”

I laugh and pull him into the house. We both turn around laughing and my dad is standing there staring at us, not amused.

Jack steps forward and offers his hand, “Hi Mr. Harding, I just wanted to apologize for everything that has happened these past few days.”

My dad takes his hand and holds it in both hands, looking Jack in the eyes and tells him as serious as I have ever heard him, “Jack, this is our little girl and if anything like that ever happens again, I will personally hunt you down.”

Jack just nods and drops his hand. Talk about a damper on the mood. We head for the couch and snuggle, just happy to be back together.

***

Monday comes too quick and I find myself bored with the monotony of school. The highlights are history at the beginning of the day and biology at the end. Of course my whole reason for going is Jack. My mind keeps drifting back to Amber, she is being held captive against her will, all because of me. Every time I bring the subject up to him, Jack won’t listen. I attempted to tell him about my dream over the weekend but he changed the subject. It really bothers me that he isn’t concerned about his own sister.

The weeks pass with the same boring routine and I continue getting restless with each day that passes. Our current disagreement is this whole keeping up appearances on land thing. I told him everything that had happened starting with his disappearance at the lake all the way up until rescuing him from the cave. It took him a long time to get over the fact that I chose the sea. He still blames himself and I can see a part of him that has changed with the guilt. I assure him every day, that I would have chosen the sea regardless of whether he was around or not and I actually did in reality. But he knows the truth and carries it with him.

I ask him everyday when we are going to rescue Amber but he blows me off, telling me she is fine and there is nothing we can do for her right now. Once again, I feel shut out and under informed. Why does he do this to me? I’m almost tempted to head to the beach and figure it all out myself, but truly that prospect really scares me to death. Where would I have been before, without Amber? Now she’s not here to help, I would really be on my own. So I just play this little game, hoping each day we will head back and rescue her.

During Christmas my family sees a lot of Jack and Meredith since the story is that they are the only members of his family left. My parents take pity and invite them to all things food and celebration. I can’t argue with this so I let my qualms fade to the back of my mind and try to enjoy myself. Each day that passes, that I spend with him, I know him deeper and love him even more. We are pretty inseparable the entire winter break.

***

One day I ask him while we are sprawled out in the back yard having a picnic. We had to get creative, within my new confines.

“Do you miss the ocean?”

He is surprised at my sudden question. I gave up talking about Amber a couple weeks back, when I realized I wasn’t going to get anywhere. I haven’t mentioned the sea since.

He nods and I see the green creep into his eyes, “Of course I miss it, but I wouldn’t be able to go back now.”

I sit up, suddenly not believing my ears.

“Do you mean, you’re never going back?”

He shakes his head, “Ever, it’s really complicated, I can’t go back now.” He looks so sad. At this point I feel a huge weight of guilt on my chest and I suddenly realize what he means, he has betrayed everything he believed in, all because of me.

I stammer, “You mean…are you…ashamed …to go back?”

His eyes meet mine and that answers my question. Oh wow, I feel like I’m suffocating. I have truly ruined his life. I get up and start to pace.

“You know you can go back and I will stay here and leave you alone. Maybe you can claim temporary insanity. Blame me, that I held you captive.”

He gets up and starts chuckling. The blue creeps back. He grabs my waist and pulls me to him, “Ever, I don’t think you realize the enormity of us. I wouldn’t change a thing, except your choice, but you and me, never.”

He looks out into the yard. “You don’t understand, the only way we can be together is on land. I am completely satisfied with that. I will happily live here for the rest of my life, if it means being with you.”

Before I can say anything else he kisses me passionately with his whole self and I melt. The electricity shoots through me and I give in. I forget all about the conversation and all the guilt weighing me down, at least for the moment.

***

School starts again and I focus on Jack and how happy he makes me. Every time the water creeps back to my mind, I shut it out. I know it’s only a temporary fix and sooner or later it will surface and we will both have to face it, but I decide to follow Jack’s lead and enjoy every moment together.