Just Breathe (28 page)

“But actually, he said you are just as important as I am.”

So he told him everything but he said I am still in the equation.

I turn to James and tell him as serious as I can, “This is a huge decision. There are thousands upon thousands of lives, that we will be affected with this one choice. We can’t take this lightly at all, James. You’ve never even been there and I’ve only been a couple of times. These people have lived there for a very long time.”

He stands up and admits, “True, I’ve never been there, but I am ready for this, it’s almost as if I’ve been waiting my whole life for something like this.”

I stare at him. I’m not sure if he is being true or if he is full of the power, he now knows, he is capable of. I hope with all of my heart that he is true, otherwise the whole sea is in trouble.

***

I wake up the next morning and I am still wearing the clothes from the night before. My eyes are half closed because of the crying and lack of sleep that took place, after James left my room. The last place I feel like going today is school, but if I don’t go, all I’ll do is cry and mope. I end up walking in late, consumed in my own little world of turmoil that I don’t notice someone is sitting in the seat next to me. The realization that someone is sitting there hits me ten minutes into class. I glance over hoping beyond hope that it’s Jack, but it’s a new boy I’ve never seen before. He smiles as I glance at him. I smile uneasily back. No warmth there. I look forward the rest of class thinking about my brother and the enormous choice we will have to make. I know it’s going to be soon. Jack said last night, that the mer-people are getting restless and the Erebus are seen regularly swimming around the barrier. They are probably looking for a way in, knowing now they just might have a chance to win.

The rest of the day drones on uneventfully and I am glad to go home. I head straight for my bed, but then have other thoughts. I grab my suit and towel and get in the jeep to head for the lake. I need a good long swim with no one around.

Approaching the lake I notice the weather has changed, clouds are rolling in and a storm seems to be looming in the distance. I have to shake this depression, so I decide to chance it. It is deserted, as I had hoped. My heart skips a little knowing deserted means no Jack either.
Come on Ever, you have to push it all away.
I stretch a little, undress to my suit and wade in.

The water has turned colder and I feel a slight chill but my body regulates my temperature and I venture deeper. The temperature thing, I have found is another perk of being a part of the other side. Regardless of the orientation of the water, my body can regulate and keep me comfortable internally. Swimming hard, I lose myself in my strokes and breathing. Repeating laps back and forth feels comfortable and normal.

After a while without even thinking about it, my fin has appeared. This scares me suddenly, because it came on, without my control over it. I start to panic and try to ‘will’ legs again. It doesn’t seem to work. I swim towards the bank hoping to touch land and make it easier to ‘will’ my legs. After about fifteen minutes, I find this is not the case.
Oh great, what should I do now?
I’m stuck in a lake with my fin. Truly feeling alone now and it starts to rain.
Just great.

I see out of the corner of my eye, a car pull up to the lake on the other side of the jeep. I dive back towards the middle and submerge myself. That is all I need, rumors of mermaids starting about my favorite lake, then I’ll never be able to swim here again. I decide to surface a tiny bit after about ten minutes. I look toward the jeep and spot my mom’s car. Oh, even better someone from my family is here. A splash on the other side, startles me. I spin around to the direction of the splash and James is swimming towards me. He has a wide grin on his face. I swim towards him.

He calls to me, “So how does it work?”

I glare at him, “What?” Even though I already know what he’s talking about.

He insists, “You know, the fin.”

I decide to put him in his place. “Oh you mean this?”

I lift my fin and splash him with a giant wave. When I stop splashing him, his mouth is hanging open and he looks almost afraid.

I ask tauntingly, “So are you sure, you want this now?”

He regains his composure and shrugs, “Yeah, I um didn’t think it would look, so…big.”

I push him. Then he says with a wide grin, “Wow, that is really cool.”

I roll my eyes, only James would not see the enormity of this.

I tell him, “You just ‘will’ it. Think about a fin, instead of your legs.”

He concentrates and keeps looking under the water.

I explain, “You need to keep trying, it takes a couple of tries sometimes.”

Suddenly, I see him dive out of the water and there it is, a shimmery fin just like mine.

We spend hours swimming and exploring the lake while the rain comes down harder. Talk about boy discovery, James must explore every nook and cranny from one side of the lake to the other. He gets a huge kick out of his lighted hands under the water. I have to admit it is kind of neat being able to see so clearly, in such muggy water. I’m glad James came to the lake today. We finally have something in common. I can see him maturing right before my eyes. He has helped me today appreciate my new identity. I am no longer Ever, eighteen year old heading to college and beyond. I am now, Ever, eighteen year old, life to come, unknown. I guess maybe this new me has more possibilities.

29

Seamus

The next morning I wake from another dream. This was a very different one from the previous ones. I was swimming fast, as if someone was chasing me. I glanced back to see a fin but I couldn’t focus on the face.

I’m beginning to tire of these energy depleting dreams, I always wake up tired. I head to the kitchen for water. Maybe I should just keep a gallon next to my bed so I don’t have to get up.

Today is school again, unfortunately. I go through my usual routine to get ready and end up having an extra few minutes before having to leave. I check my email. Probably just a lot of junk mail, but I haven’t been on the computer in a while. As I scroll through the junk messages there is one that catches my eye, the subject line says, Meet me at the lake today.

I check the date, today, 5:00 am. My breath catches because, one I know it must be from Jack and, two this must mean he is on land and not in the sea right now. I click on the message but there is nothing inside just the subject line. I reason, if that’s the case, maybe he’ll be at school.

I hurry to gather my things and rush out the door. Pulling in, I scan the lot for the color yellow. I don’t see it but maybe he’ll be late. I stand a little taller with hope. As I sit down, I notice the new boy in Jack’s seat again. He smiles at me and I glare. He better hope Jack isn’t coming because he’ll have to find a new seat. I smirk at that thought.

Suddenly, I feel a tap on my shoulder.

I turn toward the tap and the boy next to me says, “Um, excuse me I was just wondering if you could help me out a little in this class? It seems, I have missed a lot and I need to get caught up.”

I stare at the door willing Jack to show up but he doesn’t and the bell rings.

The boy next to me looks at me expectantly so I tell him, “Sorry I…uh… have something to do after school.”

He nods, “I understand, what about during your study hall time?”
Who does this guy think he is?

I answer, “It’s fourth period.”

He smiles, “That is the same as mine, do you mind if I join you in the library?”

I shrug my shoulders I’ve suddenly run out of energy.

***

The day drones on and I walk into the library during fourth period to study for my upcoming exams. As I am spreading my books out a chill runs down my back as if someone is staring at me. I look up and notice the new boy from History Class standing there. Great, I forgot about him. He is the opposite of Jack. He has longer blonde hair and it looks like green eyes. He is built differently as well, more compact and stronger looking. Totally, not Jack.

He asks, “Can I sit down?”

I hold my hand up offering the chair across from me. He sits down and starts to open his book.

“By the way, I’m Alex.”

I say under my breath, “Ever.”

He asks about some assignments and I absentmindedly answer.

After a while he asks, “So you seem a little preoccupied, do you want to do this another time?”

I shake my head apologizing, “No sorry, I do have a lot on my mind. Do you have any more questions? I have to…um…go meet a friend.”

He nods and ascents, “Oh definitely, go meet your friend.”

He smiles, “If I have any more questions, I know where to find you during fourth period.”

I get up and give him the best smile I can muster for my state of mind. I pull out my cell, turning to walk out of the library. If Jack is on land, I may be able to get ahold of him. I dial but it just rings. His voice mail doesn’t even pick up so I can’t leave a message, so depressing. I vow to make it to the lake today. The message had to be from him, he will probably be there waiting for me.

I hop in the jeep and decide not to stop at home after school. I usually keep a spare suit, towel and goggles in the jeep. I blast my music trying to convince myself that there is a slight possibility the email wasn’t from Jack. I brace myself for more disappointment, just in case. As I pull up and park in the slightly browned grasses, I notice the lake has changed tremendously in the past month. There is a slight hint that spring is on it’s way. The sparse amount of trees surrounding the lake, have specks of green popping out all over. I can see the hints in the birds as well. Lately I’ve seen a bigger population of ducks swimming around the lake, signaling spring fever.

I climb out of the jeep and hesitate wondering whether I should change and swim or look around for Jack. I decide to stick with my normal routine. This will help with any disappointments to come. At least I will be able to swim my frustrations away.

The lake is deserted again. Not exactly as I had hoped. I walk around to the other side and find no one. Maybe he is just running late. I wade in ready to put in a good work out. I swim for about an hour and crawl up the bank to think. I’m guessing maybe he isn’t going to show. Who could blame him though? I pretty much told him I was going to fight against everything he believes in. Tears well as this realization hits me. If I do this, it may change everything we are. He may resent me and never speak to me again.

Suddenly, I notice a boat drifting towards me. I didn’t see anyone put the boat into the lake. There is a ramp in the corner of the lake and I can see it from where I am. As I glance over there, I notice there aren’t any cars parked near. I get up, suddenly feeling uneasy.

As the boat drifts closer a man with a full white beard and one of those old fishing hats loaded with hooks and lures comes into view. When the boat is about ten feet away and still coming, I decide it’s time to leave so I turn and walk out of the grasses. Then I hear my name. I turn, looking around thinking maybe Jack did come after all. But realize it came from the man in the boat.

I look up and he calls out, “Ever, don’t go just yet, I need to talk to you.”

I stand there and stare as he comes closer. When he is almost to the bank, I notice he has the bluest eyes I have ever seen. Bluer even, than Jacks on his happiest day. He is slightly chubby with his fishing shirt tucked haphazardly into multi-pocketed pants. I look at him curious.