Just Breathe (Blue #1) (8 page)

As soon as I’m sure Lucas is no longer in hearing distance, I shoot her a frigid look. “Dartanya Elizabeth Waters!” I blurt out of frustration and throw my hands above my head. “What the hell was that about? Of course, I still have on panties. You’re such a pain in the ass. Are you trying to embarrass me to death?” I lean my elbows on the edge of the table and secure my chin in my palms, letting out a sigh.

“Don’t you dare ‘Dartanya Elizabeth’ at me! I think you are doing quite a fine job of that all by yourself,” she spits out in a resentful tone. Her face relaxes into a candid expression. “I’m sorry, Cass. I was afraid when I couldn’t find you, and I trust Lucas and all, but you are you. I was immediately on a warpath with one mission— to kill Lucas. If he had harmed one hair on that beautiful head of yours, I believe I would have. It wasn’t until I saw you try to rip out his hair that I was confident he wasn’t taking advantage of you. Did you sleep with him?”

I slaugh. “My gosh, Dar! I love you!” I roll my eyes in her direction. “No, I slept in the same bed as you. I hadn’t intended to go into his room. He woke me up playing his guitar and singing this morning. I wanted to hear him better, so I leaned against his bedroom door, and it opened.” I shrug my shoulder blades. “I fell on my hands and knees right in front of him. Can you believe that? I was mortified!” I shake my head at the memory.

Dar snickers. “Oh, I must have the look of mortification confused with something else, because I’m sure that wasn’t what I saw earlier. I wish I could have seen you with your ass up in the air and on your hands and knees. I bet your face was priceless.” She tries to mimic my facial expression or how she imagines it to be, and I flip her off. “I mean, what was I supposed to think? You are wearing his clothes.” She points at me.

“I guess I can see where you would think that,” I mumble. She is still wearing her clothes from last night. “Lucas gave me some clothes to change into last night.” I lean my head to the side and inhale.

“Did you really just smell his shirt?” Dar pushes herself away from the table and walks around the chair. She takes the back of her hand and holds it to my forehead. “Hmm...Nope, you aren’t running a fever, so it can’t be a fever-induced delirium. You must really like him.”

“It’s nothing more than a crush. He’s new, and holy hell, he can kiss.” She smiles, shaking her head, as if she’s aware of some joke that she’s not going to share. She pulls on my wrists until I’m standing. Without another word, she walks down the hallway, dragging me with her.

Once we are back into the room where we stayed, I see my black dress lying across the bed. It seems as if it has been pressed and carefully laid out. Lucas must have washed and dried it for me. As I pull Lucas’ shirt over my head, I let it linger around my face; it smells like him. I finally remove it completely and meet Dar’s judging eyes on the other side of the bed. “What?” I defensively snap, knowing exactly what she’s looking at.

“You’re such a dork. Don’t act like you didn’t just smell his shirt, again. I swear, sometimes you weird even me out,” Dar says, throwing my dress over the mattress, hitting me in the face.

I shrug my shoulders and throw my hands up into the air. I can’t deny what she had seen. I gather my dress from the floor where it landed and put it on. After taking off Lucas’ shorts, my heart sinks a little. I feel just like I removed one of my own appendages. It’s strange how naked I feel without Lucas’ clothes, despite the fact I have on my own. I’ve never felt like this before. It scares me to death. After my life was changed forever, I never let myself get close to anyone. Fear of getting hurt again often causes me to push people away.

I hear the chorus of “Sail” by Awolnation, my ringtone, begin to sing from my purse lying beside the bed. The only person who ever calls me is standing in front of me.

“Hello?” I say, after fishing out my phone and sliding my finger across the screen.

“May I please speak with Miss Anderson?” A gruff male voice booms over the sound of running water in the background.

“This is she. May I ask who is calling?” A heavy weight feels like it drops into the bottom of my stomach. Not knowing who is on the other end of the phone scares me.

“Yes, ma’am, this is Lucas Daniels. I was showering, thinking of you.” He conveniently pauses, and I hear a slight muffled laugh. My face burns with embarrassment, noticing the hidden meaning of his words.

Dar looks at me and asks, “Who is it?”

I shake my head, refusing to answer right away. I give in and mouth, “Lucas,” to her. She appears to stifle a laugh. “I see, and just how may I help you this fine morning, sir?”

“Well, as I told you, I was in the shower, thinking of you. I was just wondering what your favorite color is.” His voice is filled with uncertainty.

“My favorite color? That’s really what is on your mind?” I ask point-blank, certain he’s not thinking about my preference of color.

“No, that isn’t what I was actually thinking, but it would be inappropriate to tell you what I was really wondering about.” His voice is thick. The sound of something falling to the shower floor causes me to jump slightly. “Shit.” He clears his throat. “So, when are you going to tell me?”

“Oh…Ugh…Green…Green is my favorite color,” I stammer over my words, distracted that he just confirmed he’s in the shower and thinking about “inappropriate” things involving me. “What is yours?” I attempt to recover, but he chuckles, and I know he can tell he’s getting to me.

“Good to know. Mine used to be green as well, but after staring at your eyes all morning, it’s now sapphire blue. See you in a few minutes.” He shuts off the water and hangs up.

Cha
pter 5

Love

An addiction like no other

Withdrawals consume your thoughts

Trigger the pain

You’ll be desperate,

Needing to stop the hunger

Trying to put out the flame

It will be what drives you and what begs you to submit

Alas, you’ll fall slave to the master as you take your bitter hit.

Cassandra

I shut the door to our apartment while I let the past twenty-four hours sink in. Dar and Lucas are on their way to The Hot Spot to retrieve Dar’s car. I can’t believe she would leave her keys in the ignition of an unlocked car. Then again, this is Dar, and it’s not all too strange for her to have forgotten them. She’s so trusting; it worries me. I step out of my shoes one at a time and set them beside the door. A loose strand of hair swishes down my cheek, reminding me of last night’s endeavors. It has the lingering smell of day-old Jäger and Lucas. No wonder I was complaining of smelling like a bar to Lucas. My hair smells as if I used the contents of an entire bottle of liquor for a styling product. I need a shower.

After brushing away the liquor-laden hair, I wiggle out of my dress and watch it fall to the dining room floor. When I enter the bathroom, I see my locket sitting on the sink where I absentmindedly left it yesterday. I don’t know what I would do if it got lost. Although when Lucas is around, I don’t seem to need it as much. That fact alone has me questioning where I stand with him. After such a short span of time, I can feel myself falling for him, and it scares the shit out of me. After this morning, I’m certain of one thing, if nothing else. If kissing were an Olympic sport, Lucas would hold the gold medal. The man can kiss.

Generally, I have been able to push away any man who has shown an interest in me. I can only assume it’s because of my snide comments and the absence of anyone reciprocating feelings on my behalf. I’ve never really asked the men what caused them to run. I didn’t care to hear how it wasn’t anything I had done, knowing the entire time it was everything I had done or hadn’t done. Lucas, on the other hand, challenges things I say and demands the truth from me. It is like he actually wants to take the time to get to know who I am. I promised myself I would trust no one, especially when it came to my heart, and thus far in life I have been successful. That is, until I met him. We are like two magnets with opposites charges. Regardless of how hard they are pulled apart from each other, their natural attraction will inevitably pull them together.

I release a loud sigh and step into the shower, trying to free my thoughts of him, even if it’s only for the duration of a shower. I’ve never used hard drugs, but I imagine this is exactly what it feels like being an addict. Constantly yearning for the next hit, not feeling sated until the needle pierces your skin and floods your veins with the one thing that is always on your mind. Lucas Isaiah Daniels is definitely under my skin. He does have an amazing body, a certain rough appeal that would lure any woman. Letting the water bead down my body, I stand and close my eyes while my mind continues to overflow with different possibilities as to why I’m so captivated by him.

The bathroom door slams, causing me to jump and lose my balance. I catch myself on the shower wall and yank back the shower curtain with the intention of giving Dar a piece of my mind. She doesn’t know the meaning of privacy. “What the hell, Dar? Oh, shit!” I scream, frantically closing the shower curtain so that it covers my body. I know I’m safe behind the confines of this nylon curtain, and he can’t see me, but I still cover myself. “What the hell, Lucas? I have no idea what is going on in that sick head of yours, but get out of here!” By the end, I am yelling. He truly is one sick individual. He is in my bathroom and shirtless nonetheless.
Seriously?
Was he planning to sneak into the shower with me? At least the look of absolute shock that was on his face makes me feel a little better.

“Don’t laugh, okay? But, I can’t leave. I’m sorry I barged in here like this, but um...okay...fine. I knocked on the door, and you didn’t answer. I checked the doorknob, and it was unlocked. Dartanya never locks anything. I have no idea how something bad hasn’t happened to her.”
At least we agree on that fact.
“Anyway, I came in and heard the water running. I knew you were in the shower, so I decided to wait on the couch.”

He stops talking, and I assume he is waiting for my response. “Mmm…hmm, you can get to the point any time now.” Quickly, I rinse out my hair and let the water wash off the remainder of soap from my skin. I keep one eye on the curtain the entire time.
This sure doesn’t look like waiting on the couch to me.
I turn off the water and wait for him to respond. I ball my hands into fists. I know it’s immature to sulk, but he is infuriating.

“Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something move on the back of the couch, but I decided I was seeing things.” He paces in front of the shower and continues, “Then, I knew for sure I wasn’t imagining things when I felt something lightly brush across my back. I turned my head to see what it was, only to meet the eyes of Satan reincarnated! So, I jumped over the side of the couch and ripped off my shirt because that filthy thing touched it. I made a beeline into here because it was a straight shot.”
Well, that answers my question why he ran in here instead of my bedroom.

“Satan is in my living room? Do you have any idea how crazy you sound?” I had tried to hide my amusement as I spoke, but a giggle escaped my lips when I said, ‘Satan’.

“Well, obviously Lucifer himself isn’t in the living room, but one of his minions has claimed your couch. It was a mouse!” I squeal and consider taking another shower. “You have a freaking mouse inside your apartment! There is just something about their soulless eyes staring back at me that makes me cringe. Yes, I am a twenty-four-year-old man, and I’m afraid of mice,” he embarrassedly admits.

“We have a mouse?” I have always been terrified of any animal that makes its habitat on the ground, but I think Lucas may be more frightened than I am. “So...ugh...we clearly can’t stay in the bathroom all day.” I try to give him a hint that I would like to get out.

“Actually, we could. I’m already partially undressed. I could just join you in there, and we could finish what we started earlier.” Even though I can’t see him, I can imagine him wiggling his eyebrows up and down. I’ve noticed anytime we are talking about something that makes him uncomfortable, he makes a proposition to me.

“Please, hand me my towels, and then we will figure out what to do,” I flatly say, shooting down his suggestion.

I hear him groan. “Love, I’ve already seen your gorgeous body. I don’t understand why you would ever cover up yourself. It’s an absolute travesty to keep something that delectable from the world.” His voice is soft and tantalizing. I bite my lower lip. I hear him walk across the bathroom and then see a hand reaching into the shower holding two towels.

“Thank you, Lucas. I can tell you really are terrified of mice. I’m not too fond of them either, but as enticing as your offer sounds, I think I need to deal with our mouse issue.” I wrap one towel around my body and one around my hair. As soon as I close my mouth, something makes a loud thud, and I hear Dar shriek when something ricochets off the bathroom door.

“Take that, Splinter!” she chirps triumphantly. Here Lucas and I are hiding in the bathroom because of the mouse, the same one that Dar seems to be battling.

Tap, tap, tap. “Cass, we had a freaking mouse in here, but I took care of him. The little bastard was sitting on the couch staring at me when I opened the door!” Her voice calls from the other side of the door before she opens it to talk to me. This is going to look great after what she saw this morning. Just great.

“Err, um, Lucas? What are you doing in here? Where is Cass?” I poke my head from behind the shower curtain and look at her face that is filling with questions. “I swear, you two are so strange.” After she closes her mouth, she turns and leaves us. Lucas follows her, saying something I don’t quite catch. I can hear their muffled voices outside the door as they walk away.

Finally, I can step out of the shower. I pick up my necklace and place it around my neck, hiding the scar just above my left clavicle that
his
ring left when he strangled me. It has faded over the years, but I can still make out the thin line. I look down at my bilateral tattoos on my ankles as I read them. “Paura Niente” encircles the left, and “Fiducia Nessuno” is on the right.

I shake my head, trying to make the memories of
him
go away. It doesn’t work, nor has it ever, but such is life. I accepted long ago after many useless therapy sessions that I will continue to be haunted by the monster my mother dated. I want to be able to just take medicine like Dar does; her meds keep her chipper most of the time. I did try medication for a while, but I felt like a zombie, and my hair fell out, so I quit taking them.

Quietly I pad out of the bathroom and down the hall to my room, shutting the door behind me. I pull a pair of black panties out of the drawer and slide them on. I walk over to my vanity, find the matching bra and hook it around my back. Considering Lucas hasn’t told me why he is here, I choose something safe to wear from my closet, a pair of light blue capris and a low-cut champagne colored tank top.

I dry and straighten my hair as quickly as possible. The anticipation of figuring out why he’s here is overwhelming me. I apply a small amount of makeup and glide on my black flats. I am not really feminine, but I do appreciate my cosmetics. In fact, I actually feel somewhat naked without it on. I guess I can chalk that up to low self-esteem. I sigh because usually the only time I wear anything dressy is when Dar makes me.

I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be for the day. Before I walk into the living room, I notice things have gotten eerily quiet. My eyes dart from one side of the room to the other. Where in the world are they? I listen intently for any sound, anything that would let me know I’m not alone. There is nothing. I am alone. They didn’t tell me they were going out. Dar and Lucas are gone.

If this is one of Dar’s tasteless jokes to get back at me, I’m going to hurt her. She always tells me where she is going. What if something has happened to her?
Cass, you are twenty-four. Think!
I call Dar and leave a message, asking her to call me back as soon as she can. Maybe she has her cell on silent. I’ll text her.

Me: Dar, I don’t know where you are.
Are you okay? Please call me.

I wait for what appears to be an eternity and still no reply. Wait. I saved Lucas’ number. I’ll call him. He doesn’t answer either. I don’t think I overreacted to him bursting into the bathroom, but maybe I did. Figures. I was beginning to let down my guard and trust him, and he leaves…just like Mom.

My hands fly to my face and cover my eyes as I walk backward until my back is against the living room wall, and I slowly drift to the floor. Accepting defeat, I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. My breathing becomes uneven, and I think I might have swallowed every ounce of hope that had kindled in my soul.

Although I wish I didn’t, I tend to act this way when people I care about just disappear without a reason. After Mom vanished, I started behaving this way, even though I’ve tried hard to let it go. Yet another reason why I push people away, even if I care for them. No one stays; eventually, everyone leaves after getting what they want. I begin to count. “One, two, skip a few, ninety-nine…” A faint noise comes from the far side of the room, and the door swings open.

Lucas glances at me with concern filling his face, and he moves quickly to my side. “Hey, it’s okay, all right? I don’t know what’s wrong, but it’s okay. Dartanya decided to go shopping, and I just went for a walk to give you your privacy. What happened?” He sits on the floor beside me and pulls me onto his lap. His bulky arms enclose around me like he is protecting me from the world. I lay my head against his chest and focus to control my breathing. I inhale, and his cologne swirls around me, leveling out the remaining anxiety. “Cassandra, will you please say something? Anything? Is there another mouse in here?” His eyes widen, and his body tenses, tightening his hold around my shoulders in fear.

This is all it takes to send me over the edge. I start laughing hysterically. “No, Satan hasn’t returned to our apartment. I…well...” It would probably be easier to explain if that was the case. Instead, I have to explain the real reason. I’m coming down from a panic attack. I wipe my mouth as if there is something on it, stalling the embarrassment that will come.

“You, well…what?” he prods, looking into my eyes as he speaks. I focus my attention on the floor. I don’t want to see his reaction to the news that I jump to conclusions and freak out.

“I didn’t know where you guys went, and it isn’t like Dar to leave without telling me. I was afraid something horrible had happened.”
I’ve been trying to protect her for years, but at times, she makes it hard. Shortly after we met, we made a pact never to let anyone hurt us ever again, and we would always know where the other is. When she didn’t tell me where she had gone, naturally, I thought the worst of scenarios—that she was hurt.

He lightly peppers a kiss on my forehead. “Dartanya told me to tell you where she went, and I didn’t think you would notice we had left. For that, I’m sorry. Forgive me?” He places his fingers under my chin and tips my face up to look at him.