Just Give In (8 page)

Chapter
Ten

Lena
woke at first because of a dream, one where she’d been running and running, but
stayed in the same place. As she stared at the ceiling in her bedroom, sweat
covering her forehead and chest, having her shirt damp, she realized it wasn’t
actually the dream that had woken her up, but the pain in her abdomen. It
wasn’t unbearable, but the longer she lay there, the minutes passing, the worse
it became. Covering her belly with her hand she closed her eyes and breathed
out. They were horrible cramps, and as another wave slammed into her she
couldn’t help but think of Rory. The conversation just a few hours ago played
through her head, that little bitch’s voice on the end of his cell making her
angry, sad, and ready to break something.

She
sat up, gripped the sheet beneath her with one hand, and clenched her jaw. An
involuntary cry left her, and sweat started to coat her forehead and between
her breasts. Before long she was huddled over her bed, her arms around her
waist, and a small cry leaving her because of the pain. That’s when she looked
between her legs and saw the blood between her thighs. Wiping her finger over
the inside of her leg, she brought her hand up and looked at the red substance
that looked almost black under the moonlight.

“Mom,”
she said in a soft voice, her fear and panic mounting. “Mom!” She screamed out
this time, feeling like she might pass out, but forcing herself to stand. The
blood trailed down her thighs, and the pain picked up again. Her bedroom door
burst opened, her light was turned on, and her mother and father stood there.
She turned and stared at them with what she knew were wide, frightened eyes.

“Lena,
oh my God,” her mother said and came forward.

Lena
held up her hands and stared at the blood covering her fingers. “Something’s
wrong.” And she knew, without going to the hospital, without running any tests
that she’d lost the baby.

****

“I’m
sorry, but you’ve lost the baby.”

The
doctor stood in front of Lena and her mother, his white lab coat bright, stark
… emotionless, just like his expression and voice. He stared down at a
clipboard, wrote something, and then finally looked at her. He hadn’t even
looked at her face when he told her she’d lost her baby.

“Did
you have any questions?”

Lena
stared at the doctor for a second, and then turned and looked at her mother.

“It’s
okay, honey. If you have any questions now is the best time to ask.”

Lena
stared down at her hands for a second, and when she had enough courage she
looked at the doctor again. He looked stoic, as if this was a run-of-the-mill
conversation he had any day of the week.

“Will
I have trouble having children later in life?”

He
shook his head. “Not that I can see. The ultrasound and blood work looked okay,
but you’ll need to take it easy for the next few days, and drink plenty of
fluids. We’ll schedule a follow-up at the end of the week, and make sure
everything cleared out. We don’t want infection setting in, or any other
medical issues arising from the situation.”

Cleared
out.

God,
he sounded so clinical about it all.

“The
nurse will come in with more homecare instructions and a prescription for any
residual discomfort you may have.”

The
doctor left a few minutes later, and the silence stretched out between her and
her mother.

Lena
didn’t know what to say. She was in a pair of light blue hospital pants and a
hospital gown. It was depressing, but she was going to be okay, or at least
that’s what she told herself.

Lena
hadn’t even told Rory about being pregnant, and now she had to tell him that
the baby was gone. The tears came fast and hard, and when her mom pulled her
close, wrapped her arms around her shoulders, and told her everything was going
to be okay, Lena wanted to believe that.

When
she was able to get control of herself and she stopped crying she pulled away
from her mother.

“Have
you told Rory about the pregnancy?” her mother asked in a soft, caring voice.

She
shook her head. “I just barely found out.” She expected her mother to maybe
yell at her, tell her it’s stupid that she wasn’t careful, that she should have
been smart and used protection, but all her mom did was hold her again, kiss
the top of her head, and tell her again things would be okay.

“We’ll
get through this, sweetheart.”

Lena
pulled back and looked at her mom. “You’re not mad at me, Mom?”

Her
mom smiled and shook her head. She wiped the tears that were still on Lena’s
cheeks. “No, honey. I’m just worried about you. But I know you’ll be okay,
because you’re strong.” She smoothed a hand over Lena’s hair. “It’ll be hard,
but you have to tell Rory, sweetheart.”

Lena
looked at her hands.

“He’ll
understand and be there for you. That boy loves you so much.”

That
had Lena smiling. “I don’t want this information ruining what he has going on
in Colorado with his job. If I tell him he’ll want to come back here and be
with me, I know it.”

“Sweetheart,
whether he does or not is his choice, but you have to tell him. He needs to
know.”

Her
mom was right, of course, but it was the truth that he’d want to come to her,
be with her. She didn’t want him leaving his job behind, not when he had been
so determined and anticipated making something of himself with it. She didn’t
want to ruin that for him, but she also wouldn’t keep this from Rory either. He
deserved to know. He deserved the truth.

Chapter
Eleven

The
feeling of his cell vibrating right by his face had Rory opening his eyes and
searching the bed for his phone. He found it wedged under his pillow, grabbed
it, and lifted the brightly lit screen to his face. The time read it was three
in the morning, and the image of Lena’s gorgeous face on the screen stared back
at him. He sat up, still slightly drunk, but he’d guzzled water and popped some
pain relievers when he’d gotten home, so he was in much better shape than he
had been hours ago.

He
scrubbed a hand over his face to wake up a bit more, and hit the accept button
to answer the phone.

“Lena,
you okay, baby?” His voice was deep and guttural from sleep and still being
partly buzzed. But the longer he sat up, the more he focused, the better he felt.

“Rory…”
She was crying hard now, the wracking sobs and her stuttering breath have
everything in him coming to alert. This wasn’t about their conversation earlier
in the night—he knew that with everything in him. No, his girl was calling him
in the middle of the night because shit had happened.

He
stood up, his heart beating fast, adrenaline pumping through his body. “Lena,
what’s wrong? Are you okay?” There was more crying, and he was feeling frantic
now. Rory was thousands of miles away from her, but at that moment he wanted
nothing more than to hold her.

“I’m
sorry to call you this late, and to have to tell you this on the phone…” She
was breathing hard, sniffing every so often, but he could tell she was trying
to get control of herself.

“Baby,
you don’t ever be sorry.” The first thing that came to his mind was that
someone had died. He didn’t think it was about Brian because that
son-of-a-bitch was built like a tank, and no matter how he abused his body with
alcohol and wear he kept on ticking. Maybe it was Lena’s mother or father? God,
he wanted to be there with her. Sitting back down on the edge of the bed and
trying to calm himself as well, he took a deep breath in and focused on the
wall across from him. “Talk to me, baby,” he said softly this time, giving her
time to regroup and relax a little.

“I
called…” She paused a moment. “God, I wish I didn’t have to tell you any of
this on the phone.”

Yeah,
he wished that, too, wished like hell he were with her right now. He gave her a
moment to regroup, to find her comfort zone in whatever she was struggling with
right now, having a hard time telling him. But inside Rory was a wreck. He was
a beast wanting out, wanting to make things right for Lena.

“I
called earlier to tell you I was pregnant, Rory,” she said so softly he almost
didn’t hear her, or maybe he was in such shock it felt like he hadn’t heard her
correctly.

“What?”
Rory wheezed out, and felt like his chest was on fire, like someone had a vise
grip around his heart and lungs, squeezing, intent on sucking the very life
from him. “Pregnant?” he wheezed out that lone word, but the silence stretched
out between them. “Lena, baby, talk to me.” The shock was limb numbing, mind
scattering, but he had to keep a straight head right now, for Lena’s sake. She
was dealing with that alone, and he was in another state, not able to help her
with this, or be there for her.

“Rory,”
she said his name but started crying harder this time. That’s when he heard
someone else talking, heard her mother’s voice, and also made out what sounded
like an overhead message because it sounded like it echoed. Sitting up even
straighter, he knitted his brows.

“Where
are you, Lena?”

Her
mom kept saying something softly to Lena, and although he couldn’t make out the
words the tone told him it was comforting.

“I
found out I was pregnant a couple of days ago, but before I called you
tonight…” She paused again. “I lost the baby, Rory. I had a miscarriage.”

Everything
around him froze, the sound ceased, the air stilled, and all he could do now
was stare at the wall and feel his heart pounding in his chest.

Thump
thump
.
Thump
thump
. Thump
thump
.

“Lost
the baby?” He said in a monotone voice, not sure how to take this in, how to
absorb any of it. “You were pregnant?” He asked again, although she’d already
told him that much. He hated himself that he didn’t have anything comforting to
say at that moment, but he knew one thing: he had to be with her. “But you’re
okay? You’ll be okay?” He felt frantic, scared shitless, and didn’t know how in
the hell he wasn’t pacing the room and breaking shit, his emotions in turmoil.

“I’m
okay,” Lena spoke softly.

They
were both so silent that it was like the line went dead.

“Are
you okay, Rory?” she asked.

Damn,
here she was going through this alone and she was worried about him.

“I’m
okay, baby. Are
you
okay?”

“I’m
okay.” She cleared her throat, and he heard her mother speaking to her again.
“Stunned, sad … confused.”

He
breathed out roughly. “I wish I was there with you. I’d be holding you, Lena.”

“I
know, Rory. I wish you were here, too, but I’m okay. Everything will be okay.”
More silence stretched between them, and he heard someone speaking overhead on
the other line again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away about the baby,
but everything happened so fast.”

He
closed his eyes and shook his head. “
It’s
okay, Lena.
You don’t apologize to me or about this. I am coming for you, coming to be with
you. You don’t need to be alone right now.”

“No,
no,” she said and cleared her throat. “I’m fine. My mom’s here, and you leaving
won’t do anything but have you possibly losing everything with your job. I am
fine, really.”

He
didn’t fucking care, but he wasn’t going to argue this with her, especially not
right now when she was probably really fucking fragile.

“Listen,
the nurse is here and she’s got to go over some things. I’ll call you tomorrow.
I love you, and we’ll talk later.”

He
could hear another woman in the background, and before he could tell Lena to
stay on the line she whispered she loved him again and got off the phone.

No
fucking way he was going to be able to stay in Colorado, not when his girl
needed him. No, Rory would do whatever it took to get back, even if that meant
losing his job, and any opportunity he had with this company in the future.
Lena was everything to him.

She
was his world, and he needed to be with her.

****

She
sat on her bed, staring out the window, her thoughts confused, heavy … sad. It
had been three days since she’d lost the baby, seventy-two hours since she’d
told Rory. Although she’d spoken to him on the phone since then, all she could
keep thinking about was how this was her fault.

She
didn’t know how long she sat there, but the sound of someone coming up the
stairs didn’t even faze her. She was too lost in her own thoughts, in wishing
Rory was here, but knowing she didn’t want him to leave his job because he’d
been so determined about it, almost excited about the advancements he’d make
with the company and being able to provide for her.

That
had her smiling. God, he was such a good guy, so thoughtful and compassionate.

The
feeling of someone standing behind her, the feeling of that awareness that she
was being watched, had Lena turning around on her bed and staring at Rory. She
felt her eyes widen, felt her heart start to pick up pace. Standing, feeling
like she was in this surreal moment, she wanted to move toward him, but found
herself rooted to the spot.

“Rory?”

“Hey,
baby,” he said softly and smiled, although it didn’t reach his eyes. He walked
into the room, and before she knew what was happening he had her in his arms
and just held her. They stood like that for what seemed like forever, but she
was okay with that. She felt the love she had for him consume her, felt his
love for her seep into her, and didn’t want this moment to end. Crying was
right there at the surface, but it wasn’t just the sadness that took control,
but also because she was so happy to have him here.

“What
are you doing here?” she asked and leaned back to look up into his face. “What
about your job? Did they let you leave, or did you just walk out?” She had a
feeling it was the latter.

“I
couldn’t let you go through this alone, baby.” He cupped the back of her head
and leaned down to kiss her. “I tried to do the right thing, the right way with
the foreman. I told him it was a family emergency, but he flat out said if I
left I couldn’t come back, and I wouldn’t be able to get any work with them
down the road.”

She
felt despair and sadness fill her over that. “Rory, you shouldn’t have left. I
am okay, would have been okay.”

He
shook his head. “I couldn’t let you do this alone, Lena. I would have walked
through fire to come back to you.” He smoothed her hair off her forehead and
smiled down at her, sadness in his eyes. “You’ll go to college, do so damn well
because you’re smart as hell. I’ll find work wherever you’re at, provide for us
so you can focus on school.”

She
was going to cry. God, was she going to cry. How in the hell had she gotten a
man so loving and compassionate? Her heart swelled with so much emotion it felt
like it would burst.

“You’re
feeling okay, medically I mean?”

She
nodded and rested her head on his chest. “I’m much better now.”

“What
did the doctor say? You’ll be okay?” he asked again, and she smiled at the fact
he sounded so worried, and loved her so much.

“I’ll
be fine.” She’d had to go back to the doctor for a follow up and to make sure
things had cleared up with … everything, but she was good now, more than good
because she had Rory here with her. But she needed to tell him about her
thinking about the abortion, because he deserved to know everything.

Pulling
back and sitting on the edge of the bed, Rory stared down at her. She breathed
in slowly, and exhaled just as slowly. “I found out I was pregnant and then
went to have an abortion, Rory.”

He
didn’t respond right away, didn’t show any emotion on his face either. He just
gave her love. She felt it seep into her, surround her … consume her.

“And
as I sat in that waiting room and stared at all the young girls getting ready
to erase what they thought was a mistake, something that would be with them for
the rest of their lives, I knew I couldn’t go through this.”

“Baby—”

She
shook her head. “I should have told you, should have talked to you. It wasn’t
right to try to make that decision without you. You’re not just some guy, but
the guy I love, the one I want to be with forever.”

He
smiled and cupped her cheek. “I love you, too, baby.”

She
looked out the window again, knowing that as time passed this would be a little
bump in the road of life, that with time she’d heal. As it was it felt like she
lost something so big, lost something she didn’t really know she’d wanted so
badly until it had been there, right there for her. She had so many things she
still wanted to do, so many things she had planned.

The
saying “things happen for a reason” had never felt truer than it had the last
few days, but she was glad she had the support of her parents and of Rory here.
Having
them
meant more than she’d ever be able to
express in words, and she was so thankful she didn’t have to go through this
alone.

****

Rory
stared at Lena, let what she’d said fill him, and he only felt love for her.
“You did what you thought you had to do, and although I’m glad you didn’t have
an abortion, and wish you would have told me about the pregnancy, the
circumstances that happened during that time made things hectic and confusing,
Lena.” He pulled her into his arms, onto his lap, and just held her. “I love
you, baby, and although I’ll never fully understand what you had to go through
during the time, because that was a hell all in itself, I want you to know I’m
here for you. Always.”

“I
love you.”

“And
I’ll always love you, Lena. I will always be there for you.” He pulled back and
stared down at her face. “I love you, more than anything in this world, and
we’ll get through this together, baby.”

She
smiled, and a tear slid down her cheek. He ran his thumb under her eye,
collected the droplet, and wiped it away.

“God,
I love you, Lena. Always.”

“I
love you, too, Rory.”

He
held her tightly again, kissed the top of her head, and stared out the bedroom
window. He didn’t know what their future held, and this might be one of the
hardest things they’d ever go through, but if they could get through this they
could get through anything, as long as they were together. And Rory wasn’t
going to leave Lena, not ever. She was it for him.

Lena
was the woman he’d die for, kill for. She was the reason he breathed, and he’d
make sure they got through this, because if he couldn’t comfort and be there
for the woman he loved, then what was he good for?