Just Like That (30 page)
But he said simply, “I just wanted to help her.”
Katherine nodded and covered her plate with her napkin. “I know, honey. And you did.” She sounded sad though.
“It’s just that, when you live alone in a house that used to have people and noise and conversation, it’s so quiet sometimes,” Barb commented.
“And when you used to cook for a family and now you don’t have that chance, it’s nice to do that once in awhile,” Dorothy added.
Sam looked miserable.
Kevin rubbed a hand over Barb’s shoulder and Dooley smiled at Katherine affectionately.
“Have you ever seen her map collection?” Barb asked Sam.
He shook his head and she smiled. “It’s…impressive.”
“She has nearly one hundred maps,” Dorothy said. “She’s collected them from all of the places she’s ever been.”
“Wow.” Danika said, interested. “She traveled that much?” Dorothy smiled. “Some of the maps are of things like zoos or museums. But yes, she’s been a number of places and always kept the maps.”
“Wow.”
“She’s been to Disney World five times,” Barb said.
“That’s the one in California or Florida?” Katherine asked.
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Just Like That
“California.”
“Florida.”
Barb and Dorothy looked at each other and laughed.
“Florida,” Sam confirmed.
Danika looked at him, trying to gauge his mood.
“She loves Disney stuff,” Barb went on.
Sam looked…constipated. That was the best description. He looked incredibly uncomfortable but unable to make an excuse for leaving.
“But not as much as she loves Nebraska Husker football,” Katherine said.
Sam’s head came up. “She likes football?”
Katherine shook her head with a smile. “Not football in general. Only college football and only Big Twelve. She’s a die-hard Husker fan. Has been her whole life.” Now there was a very strange tension radiating from Sam. Danika wanted to touch his arm, but he seemed so wound up she was afraid he’d jump out of his chair.
“I, um. I…” He shoved back from the table, making the Styrofoam coffee cups wobble dangerously.
“I’m going to go for a walk.”
Everyone stared at him as he stalked toward the hallway. At the edge of the waiting room, he stopped.
He turned back, looking right at Danika. “Are you coming?” She scrambled—rather ungracefully—to her feet, once again threatening the contents of the coffee cups. “Of course.”
Once she was at his side, he took her hand, and they started down the hall. They’d gone about a hundred feet when she said, “Where are we going?”
“Away from the waiting room.”
“Mission accomplished,” she muttered.
He stopped and turned to face her, dropping her hand and shoving his fingers through his hair. “Why doesn’t she have any Disney stuff in her house?”
Danika stared at him. “What?”
“Natalia supposedly loves Disney. She’s been there five times. I’ve never seen a single mouse ear in her house.”
Danika had the impression she needed to tread softly. “I don’t know. Maybe she had it in a box in the attic or something.”
“No,” he said firmly. “If someone likes something so much, they have evidence of it around.” He had a point. It was also, apparently, an important one.
“And I love Husker football.”
“That’s required for being a citizen of the state of Nebraska isn’t it?” she joked.
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Erin Nicholas
“No, I mean I
love
it.”
“That’s—”
“I didn’t see any Husker memorabilia in her house either.” Finally Danika held a hand up to stop him. “I can see you’re agitated about this. But I don’t understand why you care so much how Natalia decorated her house.”
“I just…” He scratched the back of his head. “I thought I knew her.” She had no idea what to say to that.
“I’ve been in her house once a week, or more, for the past year. I know her favorite TV show, what she reads, her favorite snack foods.”
“Of course you do,” Danika said. “You know a lot about her.”
“No,” he denied. “I know some things. But not a lot.”
She got it. Sam cared about Natalia. Danika had known it, of course. Sam was a good-hearted guy. Of course he would come to care about the woman he had taken care of for so long. But he
cared
about Natalia and though he hadn’t sat in that waiting room all night long, he was scared he was going to lose her.
“I think you should go in and see her.”
He shook his head immediately. “No.”
“Why not?”
“What good would that do? She’s unconscious. And she doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know my voice.”
“That doesn’t matter,” Danika said. “Having someone hold your hand and tell you they care about you is a good thing no matter what.”
“What would I say?”
She crossed her arms. “You’re really not going in there?”
“I came up here today for the guys. And girls. They needed to eat.”
“The food is great. Very considerate. But it’s possible they need more than chicken.”
“I don’t suppose you mean I should go get dessert?”
“No.”
He sighed. “I didn’t think so.”
“They need to talk about Natalia. And frankly I think you should hear it.” He rolled his neck and she heard the cracking from where she stood. “I don’t know.”
“Sam, you can’t have it both ways!” she finally exclaimed. “You can’t want to know all about her and not want to go into her room at the hospital or talk to her best friends about her.” He frowned at her. “Talking with them makes me feel bad.” She frowned back. “They are three very sweet women who care about their friend who is lying in a hospital bed. How can they make you feel bad?”
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Just Like That
“I feel guilty!” he shot back. “I’ve been changing her damned light bulbs for over a year, but when she got sick I wasn’t there. The
paramedic
made sure that her toilet flushed, but wasn’t there when she had a medical emergency.”
“You can’t blame yourself for this,” she said, disbelieving what she was hearing. “How could you have possibly known that she needed help? No one expects you to be there all the time, at exactly the perfect moment.”
“Exactly! I don’t want anyone expecting anything, because of stuff like this!” He grit his teeth and pulled a deep breath through his nose. “No one is blaming me, no one is expecting a thing from me.”
“But you want them to,” she said quietly. “You want to be a part of this.”
“I can’t help that I care about her, Danika,” he exclaimed. “I didn’t want to. I
don’t
want to. But here I am.”
He was driving her crazy. “Oh, shut up already!”
That made him stop and blink at her. “What?”
“Shut up. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Quit making this about you.” She didn’t blame him for staring now. That was harsh. But still, something had to snap him out of this pity party.
“Are you yelling at me?” he asked, stunned. “While Natalia’s here, in the hospital, unconscious and I’m feeling horrible…you’re yelling at me?”
Danika frowned and rocked back on her heels, crossing her arms. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
“Wow,” he muttered. “That isn’t very supportive.”
Danika snorted. “I’m supposed to be supportive of you falling apart when Natalia needs you?”
“I’m not falling apart.”
“You were.”
He scowled at her. “Like I said, not supportive. At all.”
“You need someone to support you?” she asked.
“Maybe.”
“And you want it to be me?”
“Maybe.”
“Fine. I’ll support you.”
He looked suspicious. “And?”
“I’ll support you while you go in and talk to Natalia.” He said nothing for several seconds. Then, “You’re going with me.”
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Erin Nicholas
He felt like he was five years old and approaching the door to his kindergarten room on the first day of school. He had held on tight to someone’s hand that day too.
“It’s going to be fine,” Danika whispered, squeezing his hand.
It was stupid, but he did feel better when she did that.
“What do I say?”
She shrugged. “Talk to her about the 1997 National Championship.” He looked at her, a smile, surprisingly, stretching his mouth. “You know about Nebraska’s ’97
National Championship?”
“And the ’94 and ’95 Championships,” she said smugly. “But Eric Crouch is my favorite quarterback.”
“You like football?”
“Of course. I was born and raised in Husker Nation.” She grinned.
They both sobered a moment later as they stepped into room four twenty-two. Natalia’s room was bright and sunny, but the woman lying in the bed was pale and hooked up to monitors and machines. Her eyes were closed, her breathing shallow, and it made them forget everything else.
She’d been unconscious since long before the paramedics arrived at her house. She was breathing on her own, but she hadn’t awakened.
Sam swallowed. It was worse than he’d expected.
He’d seen Natalia in person only the one time he’d gone to install her security system. Otherwise he, of course, avoided running into her. But he’d seen numerous photos. Natalia was an obviously naturally happy person. She had a great smile. And she wore purple a lot.
She was wearing a pale blue hospital gown now. She’d probably hate the color.
Danika nudged him. He stepped forward. He was never intimidated by hospitals, or medical equipment, the things that were a natural part of his daily work life. Now, though, his heart was pounding and he had to remind himself to breathe.
“I’ll bet Natalia thinks Eric Crouch is the best-looking Nebraska quarterback too,” Danika said. She stood on the opposite side of the bed so that Natalia lay between them and Sam missed the contact of having her hand in his.
He swallowed and concentrated on what she’d said. “Natalia appreciates Nebraska football for the superior offensive strategy and the kick-ass defensive line,” he said.
Danika smiled. “Speaking of the defense, they had some hunks too.” Sam rolled his eyes and felt himself smile, something he didn’t think possible inside Natalia’s hospital room. “Never mind their record number of All Americans. It’s all about the looks, right?”
“All Americans are impressive,” Danika conceded. “Not to mention the fact that they have the fourth-most all-time victories of any NCAA division I-A team.” 178
Just Like That
For the next thirty minutes they sat by Natalia’s bed and talked football—past players, statistics, coaches, if firing the athletic director in 2007 had been the right thing to do. They agreed that it had been.
They included Natalia with questions like, “don’t you agree?” and statements such as, “I know Natalia remembers the Matt Davison catch against Missouri in 1997.” Finally, a nurse came in to check Natalia’s vital signs and Sam let himself stand and walk away. “I need to get some stuff done,” he said.
Danika looked worried. “Are you going to come back?”
“Definitely.”
He felt agitated. He needed to do something for Natalia, get something for her.
Something.
Though he had no idea what. Flowers weren’t good enough, a teddy bear wasn’t right, balloons didn’t send the message he wanted. He didn’t know exactly what it was, but he thought that once he was in her house he’d find just the right thing to bring, to comfort her and make her smile when she finally woke up.
He’d start by going to her house and making sure her fridge was cleaned out and her plants were watered and her mail and newspaper were brought in. Then maybe he would bring some of her favorite things. She needed the throw blanket she always used in her chair in the living room and a few photos. At least. Her friends had brought personal items like her toothbrush and some clothing items, but she needed some personal effects. Something to make the sterile room more…like home. Like Natalia.
This wasn’t right. The first time he spent time with her and she was unconscious and they were here, in this cold room. He couldn’t ask her about her special coffee cup, or confess that he liked
ER
reruns too—
of which she owned the DVDs for seasons one through six—or talk about her trips and ask about her maps.
He leaned over the bed and placed a kiss against her forehead. “Get better,” he whispered.
Danika simply slipped her hand back into his as he came around the end of the bed. It was good that he could do something sappy like kiss Natalia when Danika was there. It was good that she’d made him come in here. It was just good being with her.
“I’ll see you later?” he said when they stopped by the elevator.
She seemed startled. “Sure.”
“You don’t mind do you? I know Mac will give you a ride home. I just have some stuff I need to do.” He couldn’t explain it. He liked having Danika with him through this. Loved it in fact. She had made it bearable.
So he had to get some distance. It would be easy to lean on her, to continue to let her lead him through what he should be doing. But he had to know—would he still be a good guy, making the right decisions, if she wasn’t by his side?
Because, if not, he was in huge trouble.
He’d have to keep her by his side forever. And that didn’t seem likely.
179
Chapter Eleven
Natalia passed away the next morning. She’d awakened briefly, smiled at her three best friends, looked at the photograph that Sam had brought of all of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren gathered around her at her last birthday. Then she’d closed her eyes and drifted peacefully back into unconsciousness. Her heart stopped less than a minute later.
Sam wasn’t there.
Everyone was glad that it had gone relatively quickly and painlessly for her.
Which Sam thought was stupid.
Natalia was gone. Forever. And they were glad? Of course he knew they didn’t mean that they were glad she was gone. But how could any of them be
glad
about anything?