Just Like That (31 page)
He ignored all nine calls from Danika and got drunk that night. He didn’t even go to her duplex.
Because he knew that she’d make him feel better and frankly he wanted to feel horrible for a while.
The funeral was on Friday and her family chose to have a wake the evening before the service. It felt very strange to Sam to be walking through the front door versus the garage door, a door that opened to him without the need for the security code that he’d made up for her.
Sam also felt strange going to the wake without Danika. Which was crazy considering that he’d spent twenty-some odd years going lots of places without her and being just fine with it.
Then there was the suit jacket. Sam never dressed up and he’d had to go buy a dark jacket, though he couldn’t bring himself to buy or wear a tie.
He was very uncomfortable inside a house that he’d come to be very, well, comfortable in over time.
He had been in every corner. He’d cleaned it, fixed it, and checked it. Now he was a guest. Even though the woman they were honoring didn’t really know him, and her family certainly didn’t.
It was more like he was crashing the wake.
“Hey, Sam.”
“Thank God,” he muttered as Mac greeted him from the dining room. He smiled at the granddaughter who had handed him the program with Natalia’s photo on the front. Inside was her obituary and the address for everyone to send contributions to a local literacy program in lieu of flowers or plants.
He was torn between crumpling it up and framing the front photo.
Just Like That
“Want something to eat?” Kevin asked him as Sam discovered his other friends already there and standing around the buffet, looking as uncomfortable in their suits as he felt. They were all wearing ties, though, which added to the strangeness of the whole thing.
“Sure.”
They took a plate of food each and headed to find chairs. They made small talk, which was ridiculous, because they’d never made small talk, ever. Of course, none of them had ever been to a wake. Additionally, none of them really knew the woman the wake was for.
Well, Sam knew her. But no one knew that he knew her.
Finally, his sisters and Ben showed up, which made the small talk a little less small.
“Kevin?” Another granddaughter smiled at his friend.
“Hi, Amanda.”
“I just wanted to let you know that Mr. Stearn would like you guys at the church at nine-thirty. Is that okay?”
Kevin glanced at Mac and Dooley, who nodded. “We’ll be there,” Kevin said.
“Thank you.” Amanda smiled and headed back across the room.
“What’s up?” Sara asked Mac.
Sam could have kissed her for asking the question he wanted to ask but didn’t know how.
Mac glanced at Sam. “We’ve been asked to be pallbearers for the funeral tomorrow.” Now everyone glanced at him.
“Oh,” Sara said, obviously surprised. “That’s…nice. You agreed?”
“It is nice,” Mac said. “And yes, we agreed.”
Sam wasn’t sure how to label the emotion he was feeling. Hurt was probably closest. Even though Dorothy, Barb and Katherine had learned the truth about him taking care of Natalia, they still hadn’t asked him to be a part of her service.
Which was fine. He hadn’t wanted her to know who he was because he didn’t want recognition for what he’d done. He’d taken care of her without needing or wanting anything in return. So, this was fine.
“The ladies had each written out their wishes for their funerals,” Kevin said, clearly addressing Sam.
“Natalia had asked that we be three of her pallbearers. I think she’d assumed that it was one of us taking care of her house even though none of us would confess.”
“Did you spend time with her?” Sam asked.
“Some,” Kevin said. “A few times when she was at one of the other houses and we were there. She was very sweet. We all liked her very much.”
Sam nodded. “Good. I’m glad you agreed to do it.” And he was. These three men were some of the best men he knew. They would be properly honored to be a part of Natalia’s service and they would appropriately honor her with their presence at her funeral.
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“We know you should be a part of it too,” Mac said. “The girls have been talking about it. But no one wanted to do anything besides what Natalia had in her letter.” Sam shook his head. “No. That’s the right thing, to follow what she wanted.” He rubbed his hand over the left side of his chest. This was what he wanted—to feel bad. And he did.
The service at the wake was nice. Several of her grandchildren spoke about Natalia, her three friends sang one of her favorite songs and they showed a slide show of many photos Natalia herself had taken.
Apparently, she had boxes and boxes of photos in her attic.
Sam had seen the boxes, but he’d never opened them.
Just like Natalia’s life. He’d seen it, but he’d never gotten into it.
He felt like shit.
After the service, no one in their group seemed in a hurry to leave. Kevin, Dooley, and Mac had offered to help clean the house up after everyone left and there were still some malingerers. It was fine with Sam. He fully intended to stay and help clean up. That’s what he’d been doing in this house for more than a year. It was fitting that he be there to clean up after the service honoring Natalia’s life.
He was also very aware that this was the last time he would be in Natalia’s house. That, on the other hand, didn’t seem right at all. The last time he’d been in here had been with Danika when she’d hurt her wrist.
That night had changed a lot of things for him.
“Where’s Dani?” Mac asked as if reading his mind.
Sam was sure that everyone had been dying to ask all day, but had fought the urge. Until now. Now the ties were off, the buffet mostly empty and they were all sitting around Natalia’s dining room, their chairs in a circle. Ben had been called into work and Sara and Jessica had taken off when he’d left. Sam hadn’t missed Sara’s hand on Mac’s shoulder just before she’d gone, but he was ignoring it because he didn’t want to deal with it meaning anything more than one friend comforting another.
Now it was just the guys and, as usual, there were no boundaries.
Mac flipped his wrist sending a playing card from the deck he held sailing toward the target. The big plastic bowl had held potato chips earlier, but was now empty and sat on the floor between the chairs Mac, Dooley and Kevin occupied. Whoever got the most cards into the bowl won.
“I thought she’d be with you,” Mac added.
“I didn’t think she’d find this particularly entertaining,” Sam said.
Dooley raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think this is intended to be entertaining.”
“She didn’t know Natalia.”
“She could have been here for you.”
“For what?”
“To make you feel better.”
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Just Like That
“I have you guys for that,” Sam said sarcastically.
“I am
not
going to make you feel better the same way Danika can,” Mac said.
“Thank God.” Dooley landed two of his cards in the bowl. “I don’t want to see
you
naked, Mac. No offense, but Danika has way better breasts than you do.”
“Agreed,” Mac said, tipping back his glass of punch.
Sam looked around at his friends. Unbelievable. They were talking about Danika being naked at Natalia’s funeral. “How about some respect, guys?”
Mac hit his shot too. “I think distracting you from your depression is better than respect.”
“I can’t believe I’m going to agree even remotely about the lack of respect,” Kevin commented, his card landing next to the bowl. “But your depression definitely needs distracting.”
“And talking about Danika naked is the best you could do?” Sam asked, wishing that he could ignore his friends.
“Danika naked doesn’t distract you?” Dooley asked. “Because the thought of it definitely distracts me.”
Sam scowled at him. “You are
not
thinking about Danika naked.”
“I can’t help it. We’re talking about it. How can I not think about it?”
“He’s got a point,” Mac said.
“Shut up,” Sam growled.
“You shouldn’t be talking about your friend’s girlfriend like that,” Kevin said.
Sam said nothing, knowing that his silence would be deafening, but unable to bring himself to deny, or confirm, what Danika was to him.
“Girlfriend?” Dooley said on cue, flipping three cards into the bowl one right after the other.
Mac didn’t wait for Sam to comment. “He’s sleeping with her, but you don’t bring a bed bunny to the hospital to see a sick friend.” Mac mimicked Dooley’s trick, landing four cards in the bowl.
“Bed bunny?” Dooley asked.
“It’s not a bad term,” Kevin said.
“It’s a perfect term,” Mac said. “She’s sweet and cute. Wildcat doesn’t fit Danika, for instance. Or tiger.”
It did. But Sam wasn’t about to say so. His friends were looking for a reaction from him.
“She’s way too hot to be a bunny,” Dooley scoffed. “Bunnies are cuddly and soft.”
“Maybe she’s the snuggling type,” Kevin offered. He flipped five cards in before missing.
She was that, too, but Sam kept his mouth shut.
“Snuggling after wearing a guy out,” Dooley quipped.
“She might wear a guy like Kevin out,” Mac said. “But I don’t know about Bradford. It would take some skill and endurance.”
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Sam grit his teeth. He wanted to wallow in his misery over not taking the chance to get to know the woman whose vents and gutters he’d cleaned for nineteen months, a woman who, according to everything he was learning, he would have liked very much. Not to mention wallowing in his guilt about not letting her fuss over him as she apparently wanted to do and the way the other ladies had obviously enjoyed doing with his friends.
Instead, he was thinking about Danika, naked, quite effectively wearing him out and not only making him snuggle, but making him like it.
“Sam’s an altruistic kind of guy.” Dooley expertly flipped the rest of his cards into the bowl in rapid succession. “I’m sure he didn’t mind her giving it her best shot.”
“If he did mind, there will be plenty of other volunteers for her to try on,” Mac said.
That
was more than Sam could resist reacting to.
“Dammit!” Sam shoved back in his chair. “You guys are bastards,” he muttered, pulling his car keys from his pocket.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“To Danika’s.” He should have said
Out for coffee
or
To get my jacket
or anything else, but they would know the truth anyway.
“To distract you?” Dooley asked.
Sam rebelled against that idea. He wasn’t going to use Danika to take his mind off of Natalia and this long day, or the long day that would be tomorrow. He just wanted to be with her.
“I want to see her.”
“Do you?” Dooley asked, looking completely serious.
“Of course.”
“Why didn’t you ask her to come with you today?” Mac asked.
Sam didn’t want to admit that he was starting to need to have her around. “I couldn’t get her naked here,” he said flippantly.
“That’s all you want her for?” Dooley asked.
“Maybe.”
“You sure about that?”
Sam shifted his weight to his other foot. “Maybe.”
“Get sure.” Kevin stretched to his feet slowly.
“What?” Sam sighed. He didn’t want to fight with Kevin about this. Of all his friends, Kevin was the hardest to rile up, but when he felt strongly about something he would stand up to anyone. He was also an ex-college football player. A defensive lineman. Which made him taller, wider and even more solid than Sam. Or anyone else they spent time with.
“Get sure before you go over there,” Kevin said.
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“What do you mean?”
“Get sure about what you want.” This time it was Mac that spoke. “Don’t mess with her, Sam.”
“Danika knows how it is. She
likes
being naked with me,” Sam said defensively, in spite of his attempt to avoid sounding defensive.
Dooley joined in the conversation. “That’s your claim to fame, right?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re giving her your best, right Sam?” Dooley asked.
Sam didn’t like this at all. “Nothing less.”
“You sure about
that
?” Kevin asked.
“What the hell are you guys talking about?” Sam finally demanded.
Kevin tucked his hands in his front pants pockets. But Sam wasn’t fooled into thinking he was nonchalant. “Danika deserves more and if you won’t give it, then you’d better back off and let someone else try.”
Several things occurred to Sam all at one time. One, his friends didn’t just like Danika. They were feeling protective of her. Two, he wished that he
could
give her more. Three, there wasn’t even one guy that Sam could think of that was good enough for Danika. Other than him, anyway. Four, that was a big problem.
He hated the idea of Danika with another guy, but if he wasn’t willing to be everything for her, then he had to let her find someone who was. He’d kept Natalia from having a psuedo-son to dote on like Katherine and Dorothy and Barb had in his friends. They’d had regular visits and someone to bake for and someone new to tell their old stories to. Natalia hadn’t had that, because of him.
Sara had pointed out that Sam had stopped being there for her, as well. He hadn’t helped her with her cheerleading tryouts. There were lots of other things he hadn’t helped her with either. And she’d deserved to have a- brother who was there for her.
He couldn’t keep Danika from having what she needed just because he wasn’t willing to give it. He couldn’t change things with Natalia, or Sara, but he could with Danika.
“Uh, huh,” Kevin said, when Sam failed to respond. “Sit your ass down in that chair until you change your mind.”
Sam sat.
“Then you guys shut the hell up about Danika being naked. You’re driving me nuts.”