Just Like That (34 page)
Mac and Sam moved her carefully onto the gurney as Dooley held it steady. They lifted the gurney to its full height once she was secure and they started to roll it toward the ambulance.
“Do you think I broke it?” Donna asked Sam, who was steering the head end of the rolling table.
He looked down at her, wondering if he should be completely honest. She looked scared. Finally he said, “There’s a chance.”
“What do they do then?”
“The doctor will have to talk with you about that. I’m just your charioteer.” He gave her a wink that did get a smile.
“Sometimes they operate on hips,” she said. “My friend Elizabeth had that happen.”
“Sometimes they do,” Sam agreed. “Have you had a surgery on any of your joints before?”
“No. Thank goodness,” Donna added.
Sam chuckled and had to agree. Then he tried to remember who was on call that night for orthopedics.
Whoever was on call would take care of Donna. Unless she specifically requested another member of the orthopedic surgical team. Then that surgeon would be paged for the consult and resultant operation.
He leaned in closer to her ear. “Matt Dawson is an excellent orthopedic surgeon. If you end up needing one tonight.”
“Oh?” Donna asked. “Thank you.”
“You bet.” Sam was very comfortable with suggesting Donna request one of the finest surgeons in the city.
Danika would understand if her date got interrupted for a medical emergency.
Donna deserved the best, after all.
197
Chapter Twelve
Danika was whistling “Roll Out the Barrel” as she headed down the hallway after spending fifteen minutes convincing Tommie that he needed to go to the shelter for the night. He had initially asked for
“Brad”, but Sam wasn’t working days and when informed of that, Tommie had asked for someone else for the first time ever.
“Stephanie” had shown up with orange Jell-O—in three individual cups—and Pepsi.
She was feeling pretty good.
At least Tommie wanted her.
So what if he was a homeless, eccentric, in-need-of-a-shower man twenty years her senior?
She rounded the corner and her whistle abruptly died right in the midst of havin’ the blues on the run.
She was in front of Jessica Bradford Torres’ office. And the door was open. Which meant Danika probably had to go in.
Dang.
She’d avoided this up until now. It was unusual for Jessica to be available. She was the Chief Nursing Officer for the ER and was generally in the trenches with her troops versus sitting behind her desk. But it was a semi-quiet day in the ER—something no one said out loud lest it jinx the situation—and it looked like Jessica was in her office catching up on paperwork.
Danika couldn’t just walk by.
A deep breath and silent pep talk later, Danika knocked on the door.
Jessica’s head came up. “Hi, Danika.” She didn’t seem particularly surprised to see her brother’s…whatever…in her office.
“Hi, Jessica. Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Of course.” Jessica laid her pen down and folded her arms on top of her desk. “I’ll take any chance to get away from paperwork.”
Danika stepped across the threshold but wasn’t prepared to sit. She wasn’t quite that comfortable with Sam’s older sister. God only knew what Jessica thought of the whole situation.
“I just felt that I needed to apologize,” Danika said. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you the other day at my house.”
Jessica’s eyes widened. “Really?”
Danika paused. “Really what?”
Just Like That
“I hardly ever get anyone apologizing for anything. Wow, I don’t know what to say.” Danika smiled. “Well, yes, that’s what I’m doing.”
“Wouldn’t you know it?” Jessica asked.
“Know what?”
“Someone finally comes to apologize and it’s someone who doesn’t have anything to be sorry for.
Just my luck.” She was smiling as she said it.
“I yelled at you. Sa—he’s your brother. I shouldn’t have butted in.”
“Why not?” Jessica asked. “You were right. We don’t give Sam a lot of credit, and he does deserve it.
He’s a great guy. But it’s easier for me to just let him be the way he is.” Danika felt a stupid lump form in her throat. She could only nod.
“I don’t know if anyone has ever stuck up for Sam,” Jessica said thoughtfully. “He’s always fun-loving and laid back and the good-time guy. I don’t think anyone has ever believed he needed sticking up for.”
She leaned back in her chair. “The thing is, Sam is easy to get along with. He drives me nuts sometimes because he’s
so
laid back, but in reality, Sam’s attitude made my life easier in a lot of ways.” She crossed her arms and focused her eyes on the clock on the corner of her desk rather than on Danika.
“After our dad died, I was barely able to take care of Sara, run the house and handle school. Sam not only never asked me for anything, he also never made me worry about him. At least, not
real
worry. I worried that he was staying out too late, blowing his money on stupid stuff, not studying enough. Those were things I knew how to fix, mostly. But I never had to wonder if he was happy or sad or depressed. He was just…Sam. He was even-keel. I couldn’t give him a lot of responsibility but I also didn’t have to sit up with him at night when he had a nightmare, with no clue what to say or do, like I did with Sara. He was easier for me. And I let it stay that way because it was…easier.” Danika wasn’t sure how much to say. She’d come in to apologize but now found herself wanting to say more in Sam’s defense.
Well, Jessica thought she’d been right before…
“I think he
acted
even-keel, Jessica. Because he knew it was easier for you to think of him that way.” Jessica nodded. “Now I can see that…because now I can handle that fact. Back then, having two kids needing me to be their emotional support when I was hardly holding my own emotions together would have sent me over the edge.”
He’d been taking care of Jessica even back then. Not only by staying away and not letting her learn to depend on him, but by keeping his needs and emotions out of her way.
“Have you ever seen him sad or upset or angry?” Danika asked.
Jessica shook her head. “The other night at the center when he thought you hurt your knee was the first time I’ve seen him rattled in…maybe ever. Then at Natalia’s funeral. I hadn’t seen him sad like that
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Erin Nicholas
since my dad’s funeral. He avoids getting into situations where he might get sad, or rattled, or anything.
Usually, anyway.”
Something about hearing that she had been a cause of emotions Sam usually kept suppressed gave Danika a thrill. Not because she wanted Sam to be upset, but it was nice to know that he cared enough to react without being able to carefully check his emotions.
“Because he doesn’t want people to worry about him.”
Jessica nodded her agreement. “He doesn’t want to be the cause of any turmoil in anyone’s life. He doesn’t want to burden anyone with his emotions or problems, just like he doesn’t want anyone to depend on him and then be let down.”
Danika hated that. She hated that he wasn’t letting other people close. She hated that he was scared.
He was confident and strong and compassionate and did the right thing. He deserved…everything.
“Sam needs someone to make him see that it’s okay for him to be more than fun-loving and even-keel and the good-time guy,” Danika said. “He’s been playing that role for so long, I think he honestly thinks that’s who he is and when that doesn’t work, he doesn’t know what to do.” Danika took a deep breath.
“When that doesn’t work, he gets someone else to take his place.” Jessica sat forward again. “I think you’re right.”
“Talk to him.” Danika said it with more force than she’d intended, but Jessica didn’t act the least bit offended. “Tell him that you don’t expect him to always be happy and upbeat. Tell him that if he wants to take care of people, then it has to be a two-way street. He needs to get involved. And let them get involved with him.”
Jessica was looking at her intently now. “I’ll definitely talk to him, Danika. I have some apologizing to do myself.” She leaned forward onto her elbows. “But I hope you’re the type of woman to take her own advice.”
For some reason Danika’s heart rate sped up. “What do you mean?” She didn’t have anything to apologize to Sam for.
He
had been the idiot.
“I think that you might have a better chance of convincing him he wants to be involved.”
“Why would I have a better chance?”
“Because he’s in love with you and it isn’t going to be long before he can’t stay away from you. And instead of calling you and taking you on a date, or showing up at your door with roses, he’s going to take care of you. From afar. If you let him.”
Danika felt a huge rush of air inflate her lungs. Holy crap. Sam loved her. Part of her mind thought maybe she should protest Jessica’s statement, but she felt it. She felt that it was true. As was the part about Sam taking care of her.
“I have to make it all or nothing with him, don’t I?” Danika asked.
Jessica nodded. “You have to be firm. He can be very charming, and clever, about getting his way.” 200
Just Like That
“But he hasn’t come up against someone who cares as much as I do how this turns out.” Danika realized how true that was as she said it. She was going to tell him it was all or nothing…but she wouldn’t let him quit until it was
all
. For both of them.
“He’d rather move a heavy couch or do a bunch of yard work than sit and keep someone company or give advice,” Jessica said.
“Because he doesn’t think he’s good at that stuff.”
“Right.”
“That’s not going to fly anymore,” Danika said decisively. “I don’t let people rearrange my furniture and I don’t have a yard.”
“Also, if he ever shows up with a set of tools, I would strongly recommend you keep him away from your dishwasher. And your toilet. Oh, and your stereo system.”
“Oh?” Danika asked, fighting a smile. “Why is that?”
Jessica grimaced. “Just trust me.”
The games began the next day.
In truth, they might have started two days prior once she thought about it, but she couldn’t prove it.
Her carpet just seemed cleaner than it had the day before.
On Monday, she put burned-out light bulbs in two lamps and the front hallway fixture.
That evening they had all been changed.
On Tuesday, she broke the latch on the cabinet in the bathroom. On purpose.
That evening the entire cabinet was new. As was the bottle of mouthwash inside.
Danika had to simply shake her head and laugh. She was completely in love with him. No question about it. He didn’t know how to fix the latch…he still made sure that she had a working cabinet in her bathroom. Replacing the whole thing was over-the-top, but it meant that he didn’t mind her noticing the things he was doing for her. That had to be a good sign.
On Wednesday, she took a deep, brave breath and “accidentally” left her freezer door open. It wouldn’t defrost completely before the end of the workday, but it would leak, and she’d lose some ice cream. But Sam was worth it.
When she got home, there wasn’t a drop on the floor and there were two full cartons of ice cream where there had been only one that morning.
She smiled at the fact that he cared so much, and at how obvious he was being, and smiled thinking that he must know she was doing these things on purpose as well.
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Then she frowned. How much longer would this go on? Why hadn’t he called, or come over when she was home, or found her at the hospital? If he was in love with her, how was he standing this time and distance apart?
She wanted to go after him. Badly. But she wanted him to be the one to decide to be fully present in her life.
On Thursday she started to loosen the leg on her coffee table. But just as it started to tip toward that corner, she stopped. They’d eaten pizza together at that coffee table. His friends had set cans of beer and soda on it when they’d come over to finish her floor. Sam had needed to shove it out of the way to make love to her on the couch.
She suddenly missed him so much it literally hurt. She was tired of this. Three days was long enough.
She wanted to see him, talk to him, eat a grilled cheese sandwich with him.
She didn’t leave anything for him to do. Everything was in working order and in its place when she left for work. It was time for him to know, and accept, that he needed to be in her life whether or not her wrist—or coffee table—was broken.
She stopped by the gym on her way home, then the grocery store. Not because she loved the elliptical machine—that was so not the case—or because she needed
the yogurt and bread she picked up, but because she didn’t want to go home. For the past few days, ever since she first suspected that he would show up to check on her, she’d looked forward to going home and seeing what he’d done. She’d liked knowing that he’d been there. Each time, deep down, she’d also hoped for a note, or even for him to still be there when she walked in the door.
Of course, he wouldn’t have known that she hadn’t broken anything for him today. Maybe with nothing to do he would finally realize that he’d rather see her than her appliances. Maybe he would see that he wanted to be around even when there was nothing he could do for her besides just be with her. Maybe he’d stay.
She took her steps instead of the elevator. After all, she was already sweating.
But he wasn’t there.
In fact, as far as she could tell, he hadn’t been there at all.
Which kind of pissed her off.
Now he wasn’t even going to secretly take care of her? What was that all about? What about being madly in love with her? What if another light bulb had burned out?
Good job being in love there, Sam.
She stomped into her bathroom, practically ripping the shower curtain from the rod when she yanked it open. She turned on the faucet in the tub, then pulled the curtain shut again, and lifted the lever that started the spray before turning to undress as it warmed up.