Just Rules (10 page)

Mac shrugged his shoulders. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to answer her; it was that he didn’t know how.

“And why have you come here to see me?” Susana moved away from the door and closer to him. They were so close now that Mac couldn’t stop staring at that freckle that had him so crazy lately. “In the year and a half we’ve known each other you have never come to see me. Quin came to see me one day after an interview, but you’ve never showed the slightest interest in my work.”

That last phrase sounded like a scolding.

“That’s not true.” Mac felt the need to defend himself. He always thought that Susana had a way of explaining the complicated intricacies of economics to people who had a hard time understanding them.

“Ah, actually, you’re right. Now that I think about it, I remember a party where you told me that my section was better than any sleeping pill and that it should be given to people as a prescription. Oh, and I also remember one occasion in which you asked me why I had to be on the program every day. Your exact words were, if I remember correctly, that watching the economic news was like going to the dentist, once a year was enough.”

Susana backed away from him and walked toward the table where Mac had left the box of chocolates. She picked up the tag that was underneath the orange bow: Chocolate Factory.

Her favorite chocolates.

While Susana was busy observing the tag she had in her hand, Mac could not stop thinking about what she had just said to him. Yes, he had said those things. However, the first one he said it at a ball organized by Tim’s family, where she looked so stunning he refused to look at her for hours.

The second phrase he said it at a barbecue put on by another player of the Patriots when Susana asked him if his date was old enough to order a drink.

Shit.

Now he was sure that he had said it because at that precise moment he had to bite his tongue in order not to tell her that until she paid attention to him, he would go out with each and every one of the cheerleaders in the whole county.

He had been such an idiot. Not only had he let his best friend date the only woman who mattered to him, but he had managed to come off as an asshole in front of her for a whole year.

It made sense that Susana hated him. He earned it.

“Maybe I was mistaken,” he admitted, after swallowing again, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat.

“Maybe?” she sighed, exasperated. “Where is all this coming from, MacMurray?” She looked him in the eye and Mac was incapable of comprehending how he hadn’t realized that her eyes were green and sparkled like fire.

“I don’t know,” he said, confused, running his fingers through his hair. He couldn’t breathe.

“You don’t know? Haven’t you made fun of me enough already? I told you that I didn’t want to see you again, and judging by your comments during the last year, I could have sworn that you would have been happy to never see me again.” She left the tag on top of the box of chocolates. “I just want to forget about everything,” she said. “I want to move on with my life, so why don’t you keep ignoring me just like you’ve done up until now?”

He had never ignored her. Susana drove him crazy and made him furious and exasperated, but she never left him indifferent. He realized it now, but he still didn’t understand why. None of the wives or girlfriends of his teammates or friends had caused such a visceral reaction in him. This was probably because Mac hated fake people and he was convinced that Susan was not true to herself. Even now, in the middle of all of the confusion surrounding him, he still felt that Susana wasn’t being completely sincere. The question was, however, why did it bother him so much? Mac was surrounded by hypocritical people and was able to tolerate them without a problem. Why was it different with Susan?

“Good. I’m happy to see that your bad manners are back and that you’re still not able to listen to my questions,” said Susana, misinterpreting Mac’s silence.

“Tim called me last night,” he said, suddenly.

She was quiet for a second and after licking her lips, which left Mac completely hypnotized, she said to him:

“How’s Paris going for him?”

“He told me to call you,” he said as he sighed. “And he asked me to come see you.”

Susana became tense upon hearing the first part of Mac’s explanation, but when she heard the second part she felt just as humiliated as that day in the car with Tim. The rage that she had been able to contain since then came back with a vengeance and took her over.

“Who the hell do you guys think you are?” Tim has lost the right to know anything about my life, and you…—she pointed at him— you are despicable. You’ve only come to see me because your friend asked you to, and probably for some sort of sick self satisfaction.

“That’s not true. I’m worried about you as well.”

“Oh yeah?” she jabbed her finger in his torso. “That must be why you called me so many times.”

Mac grabbed her wrist to move her hand away, and realized that it was the first time he had touched her in a long time.

When was it that he had stopped greeting her with a kiss on the cheek? And why?

She had put her hand on his forehead that day in the restaurant when she thought he was sick, and sometimes he still had the feeling that his skin was burning.

He shouldn’t have touched her. Now he wouldn’t be able to forget how she felt.

Susan’s pulse sped up and her heart began to race out of control, or was it Mac’s heart?

“You wouldn’t have answered my call,” Mac mumbled.

“Let me go.”

“I didn’t come because Tim asked me to.”

“Let me go or I’m going to call security.”

“I wanted to see you, but I didn’t know how!” he confessed, with difficulty.

Susana, who had been pulling her arm away, stopped instantly. Her head was down, but she lifted it slowly, searching for MacMurray’s eyes.

“What kind of person are you? What are you trying to gain from all this? For more than a year I was the girlfriend and fiance of your best friend and you couldn’t even stand to look at me. Now you want me to believe that you’re worried about me? I don’t know, maybe this trick works with other women, because from what I know you’re willing to do anything that will get you laid, but I’m not going to fall for it.”

Mac thought that his chest was going to explode. The disdain Susana felt for him had a life of its own, and it was about to devour him. She wasn’t going to give him a chance, not now and not ever.

Perhaps he didn’t deserve a chance. The thought of that was painful and really shook him to the core, and it made him go at her. For a second, he was overcome with selfishness and decided that he wasn’t going to be the only one who left feeling hurt. He was going to hurt her because he needed her to feel something for him other than disdain.

“Do you really think I would fuck you?” he teased. “You’re not even capable of doing it with your fiance in a pool.”

As soon as Mac said that, he knew it had been a mistake. Months earlier, when they had an away game, Tim drank more than he should have after the game and he confessed that Susan was incapable of having sex any place other than the bed, and that one time they went to a hotel that had rooms with little private pools, and he suggested they do it there. And she looked at him and said no, that it was going to rain that night and that it was better to do it in the bed.

“I’m sorry,” he stammered, just before she slapped him in the face with her free hand.

Mac let go of her wrist and rubbed his face.

Susana walked toward the door and opened it, not caring if anyone could see or hear them.

“Get out of here, MacMurray. And this time don’t come back.”

Seventh rule of American football: one can block a player from advancing any further or make him retreat back.

SUSAN

I can’t stop looking at the box of chocolates.

Why had he come to see me? Sure, Tim had asked him to, he even told me that himself, but Tim was in France, and even if he was here I doubt he could force Mac to do something he didn’t want to do.

I open a drawer and put the box of chocolates inside. When I leave, I’ll throw it in the garbage.

I stretch out my fingers on my right hand. They still hurt from having slapped him so hard. I actually liked it. I admit it, although for a second I had to take my hand away so I didn’t start caressing his cheek.

I ought to be used to Mac’s insults by now. I know good and well that he thinks I’m frigid and stuck-up. But who is he to judge me?

Determined, I stand up and walk toward my bag, which I store in one of the closets when I arrive to work. I look for my phone and make a call.

It rings a few times.

“Susan?”

Tim’s voice leaves me completely indifferent.

“How dare you tell Mac about the pool! That was personal.” I hear him stammer, but I keep going. “I didn’t tell anyone that we haven’t done it in the last few months. And do you know why?”

“I…Susan…”

“Because it’s none of their business, it was between the two of us. Nobody needs to know whether we do pirouettes in bed or whether we haven’t kissed for months. I thought you were better than that, Tim.” I grip the phone. “I thought you were better than that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You know what, Tim? Go to hell. Had it never occurred to you that perhaps that day in the pool I didn’t want to do it with you for the same reasons you hadn’t wanted to do it with me for months? Maybe I’m not the kind of woman who makes you want to do crazy things, but you’re not the kind of man who makes me want to get naked and make love in a pool.”

Dead silence.

My God, how could we have both been so stupid?

“Yes, Susan, I’ve thought about it before,” he says, sounding tired.

I realize that part of me worries about him as a friend. But I’m still furious and I’m not going to let him know that I’m worried.

“You shouldn’t have told Mac,” I say to him, slightly calmer this time.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Another moment of silence. I can hear him breathe. “How are you?”

“It doesn’t concern you”

“OK, I suppose I deserve that.”

“I suppose.”

This is definitely one of the strangest moments of my life.

“I miss you, Susan,” says Tim, suddenly. “I miss talking to you.”

I feel strange and it’s as if all the tension built up inside starts to loosen a bit. It’s as if a part of me is back to where it needs to be. Tim sounds sincere, but he also sounds like a friend, not like a man in love, at least not like a man in love with me.

“Why did you ask me to marry you?”

I imagine Tim rubbing the bridge of his nose. He always does that when he is uncomfortable.

“Because I thought that with you I’d be able to forget that I was still in love with Amanda.”

“You shouldn’t have settled, Tim.” I grip the phone again. “And you shouldn’t have used me as a substitute. I deserve much better than that.”

“You’re right.”

“I know”

“But you used me too,” he says, and I can sense him smiling.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re very smart, Susan. I’m sure you can figure it out.”

“I don’t like what you’re insinuating one bit,” I hold my breath and release it “Anyway, I hope you find what you’re looking for, Tim. Tell Mac that he doesn’t need to come and see me or bring me chocolates.”

“Mac brought you chocolates?”

“It’s obvious that Tim doesn’t believe me, so I just ignore him.”

“I have to go; they’re waiting for me,” I tell him, assuming that it’s true. At the T.V. station there is always someone looking for me.

“Just a second, Susan, please. I need to tell you something.”

I feel sick to my stomach for a second. I’m not in love with Tim, there is no doubt about that now, but that phrase gives me goose bumps.

“What?” I say, after taking a breath.

“I have a child.”

Of everything that Tim could have said to me that was one thing that hadn’t crossed my mind.

“A child,” I repeat in a whisper.

“I didn’t know when we were together. I didn’t even know when I asked you to marry me,” he feels pressured to say. “I found out that night at L’Escalier.”

That was the message he received on his phone.

“I believe you,” I say without a pause. And I know I really mean it. Despite everything that has happened between the two of us, Tim is telling the truth. Tim is not the type of person who would hide the fact that he has a child. He would be bragging about it every day.

“His name is Jeremy and he’s eleven years old,” he says, and in my mind I imagine Tim like all the other parents who boast about their kids.

“Congratulations,” is the only thing that I can think of to say.

“Thank you,” he sighs, relieved. “No one knows, only Mac. He’s the one who made me tell you.”

Mac made him tell me? Why?

“I have to go,” I say, using the same excuse as always.

“Sure. Thanks for calling, Susan.”

“I called to chew you out.”

I hear him laugh and understand what Tim meant when he said that he missed talking to me. I missed talking to him as well.

“I’ll call you when I get back,” he says.

“No,” I stop him. “Perhaps one day we can be friends again, but it will be on my terms. I’ll call you.”

“OK,” he agrees. “Goodbye, Susan.”

I hang up and I sit down at my desk. I set my phone down and I open the drawer where I had put the box of chocolates.

Someone knocks on the door.

“Come in,” I say, closing the drawer.

“Hi, Susan.” It’s Parker, one of the lawyers at the T.V. channel. We’ve known each other for a while now and every time he comes to the newsroom, he stops by to say hello. “I came to see Joe and he told me you were around. Can I come in?”

“Of course,” I smile, seeing him standing there in the doorway. “How are you?”

Parker smiles back at me and casually walks into my office. He is a very attractive man and he knows it. He comes off as authoritative and secure of himself without needing to say or do anything.

“Good, and you?”

“Me? Don’t you watch the news, Parker? I just got dumped,” I say jokingly, tired of people feeling uncomfortable around me.