Just Rules (24 page)

Susana didn’t need destiny or anyone else to tell her that she had made a great mistake letting Kev go, she was perfectly aware of it, but now, thanks to Leonard and Martha, she had the chance to do something for the man he had stupidly hurt so badly. Having made up her mind, she told Martha not to speak to anyone else, and she began to gather the necessary evidence to prove that the awarding of the building site to Realtor had been fraudulent, and therefore, it had to be canceled. She had it all planned out. She would gather the evidence and prepare a report that she would send to the proper authorities. Mac would get the building site back and would be so awestruck by her gesture that he would forgive her.

And they would live happily ever after.

But Mac didn’t even listen to her.
Because you let Parker move your hair out of your face when you wouldn’t even hold Mac’s hand in a restaurant.
Mac had only gone to see her to tell her that he knew it was over and that Tim knew about what happened.
It’s not over. He didn’t look at you like it was over.
He had left without giving her the chance to explain herself.
You didn’t call him or go after him.

Susana wanted to be furious with him for having judged her and blamed her about the whole Parker thing, which in reality was silly, but she couldn’t. God, she had been so stupid not to tell him about Leonard and the Boston city hall. She hadn’t told him because she thought that it would be more dramatic, more romantic, if he didn’t know. Like if they were in a damned movie. She had imagined herself broadcasting the story on the nightly news and Mac coming on to thank her and to confess to the whole world that he loved her.

But Mac didn’t want that. He didn’t want any grand gesture…
The only thing he wanted was to hold her hand on the street and kiss her in a restaurant.

She was a complete idiot.

The elevator door opened and Susana found herself in front of Karen, one of her newsroom colleagues.

“There is a man waiting for you in your office,” she said.

“I know, thank you.”

“Is it about what happened at city hall? Do you think you could broadcast it tonight?”

“Yes, but I don’t think the story will be ready for today.”

“Oh, OK. Let me know if you need help producing it.”

“Sure,” agreed Susan, saying goodbye.

The meeting with Leonard was brief and very useful. The accountant gave her all of the necessary evidence to prove that the real estate company had falsified some reports and that it had bribed several employees in the city-planning department. After thanking Leonard and Martha for their collaboration, Susana met with Parker, who in fact was a very good layer, and he assured her that there was no way the foundation wasn’t going to get the building site.

That night, Susana didn’t talk about her discovery in her economic news program. And she wouldn’t do it the next night either. She would send the documents to Mac’s lawyer, and he’d surely take care of the rest. Susana was going to show Kev that she loved him in the way that he wanted her to, by professing her feelings in a sincere, non-artificial, non-grandiose way.

She would tell him that she loved him, that she had never felt anything for anyone like she did for him, that she had never believed in those types of feelings until he showed them to her, and that that was exactly why she had gotten scared and acted like an idiot.

But first Mac had to listen to her.

Eighteenth rule of American football:

If a player falls without any other opposing player tackling or touching him, he can get up and continue with the play.

SUSANA

I should have called him. I can’t stop telling myself that I should have called him. If I had gone after him that night, right now I wouldn’t feel like I can barely breathe, that I can’t or want to spend another day without kissing him, without hearing his voice when he calls me
Susana.

I should have waited at his front door until he returned. I should have harassed Mike or Quin, or whoever, to find out where Kev was so I could have then gone after him. I should have done a lot of things I haven’t done. I should have told him that I loved him. Many times.

My only excuse is that being with him has changed me so deep inside that it has taken me a few days to learn how to function again. And not seeing him during these days has been very difficult for me. I haven’t stopped thinking about him, not even for a second. I’ve spent the nights imagining him by my side, feeling the warmth of his body next to mine, and regretting being such a coward.

There is no justifying what I did at the restaurant the night we ran into Quin and Patricia. The only explanation is that I was scared, but pushing Kev away to avoid him leaving me in the future was stupid and unforgivable.

But that’s the only truth I have.

I remember that day perfectly. I remember that I woke up to Kev’s lips on my back. He kissed my shoulder blades and moved my hair from the back of my neck to kiss me there. He put his hand on my waist and whispered in my ear. I remember how I moved my back closer to his chest, and he made love to me, our bodies fitting like a glove.

And I remember how when we finished, we were cuddling and I whispered
I love you
into the pillow.

Kev didn’t hear me, but I couldn’t think about anything else the rest of that day.

I loved Kev.

I love him.

I love Kev and we’d only been together for a few weeks. I didn’t love Tim despite having been with him for more than a year.

I thought I was wrong, that it was impossible to love someone so much in such a short time, that it was impossible to love like that. I couldn’t understand how he and I had turned into
us
so quickly
.
And I thought I would get over it.

I’m not over it and I never will be over it. These days that I haven’t seen him, although they have been very hard, have proved to me that I love him. What I feel for him isn’t just strong sexual chemistry and it is not some stilted plan to get over Tim or to get back at him for leaving me. Tim has nothing to do with what I feel for Kev. Now I know.

But
I
didn’t know any of this the night we ran into Quin. When I walked into the restaurant the first and only thing I saw was Kev sitting there at the bar.

He was so handsome, it took my breath away and I remember thinking that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And then Quin and Patricia walked up to him. Quin, another player of the Patriots, and Patricia his spectacular wife who used to model and had appeared in the cover of
Sports Illustrated
too many times
.
And I thought that I didn’t fit that image.

Kev didn’t deserve to be rejected. That night I should have kissed him in front of our friends, or at least I should have held his hand. And I should have made it clear to Patricia that between me and Parker there was nothing, and there is nothing.

Parker.

When he has brushed my hair from my face at the T.V station, he has taken me by surprise. But Parker and I have become sort of friends since I made it clear to him that nothing would ever happen between the two of us. He’s happy to have a friend on the enemy’s side, that’s how he thinks of me now, but I guess that those kind of seductive gestures are engraved in his behavior. I will certainly have to talk to him about it.

I miss Kev with everything that I am but I am also furious with him. How can he believe that Parker and I are together? How the hell can he think that I’m with another guy after being with him? I would have shouted him right then and there for even considering the possibility of me being with some other guy… But first I would have kissed him for hours.

Kev left without kissing me. I saw his face when he said goodbye and I almost crumbled. He thinks that this is the end of us and I can tell that this time he really believes it

I let out a sigh.

I hope that he saw me too and that he knows that I’m not going to let him get away.

Never.

KEV MACMURRAY

I should have called her. I should have called her and I could have saved myself the embarrassment…and avoided her stepping all over my heart again.

It’s better off this way. Seeing Susana with Parker with my own eyes has left my brain no other choice but to get used to the idea.

I grip the steering wheel and step on the pedal.

There was a moment when Susana held my face in her hands and kissed me that I was able to feel again.

I am only capable of feeling, when she touches me.

Shit.

I’ll have to get used to not feeling anything. I can do it.

I’m going to do it.

I hate that Susana is so worried about everyone else. I hate that she’s not capable of putting me first. I hate that she used me for my body, and that she refused to give the rest of me a chance.

I hate that she is willing to settle for a Parker or a Tim, when the two of us together could have one of those love stories that makes life worth living. Who would have thought that in the end I’d be the one to end up with the broken heart?

Fuck.

Who would have known that I had a heart so desperate to find love that it would choose the worst woman in the world?

My phone rings.

“Hello?”

The car Bluetooth comes on.

“You left without letting me finish.”

Susana’s voice came through the speakers of the SUV. Shit, now I’m going to have to get rid of this vehicle.

I hang up on her.

The phone rings again and it immediately goes to the Bluetooth. How the hell do you disconnect this thing?

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Well listen —she orders me— I’m not with Parker. I have never been with Parker, and I will never be with Parker.”

“That’s not what I saw.”

“We already made once the mistake of making snap judgments, Kev. Don’t you think we shouldn’t do it again?”

I clench my teeth.

“Don’t clench your teeth. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

I hate how she is able to guess what I’m doing without seeing me.

“I need to talk to you, Kev. Can I come to your house?”

“No.”

“I’ve missed you very much, please, let me see you.”

She is going to kill me.

“No. That day in the restaurant you just let me walk away. The only thing you had to do was hold my hand, but you let me go.”

“I’m sorry, Kev. I made a mistake, a stupid mistake. But I was scared.”

“You think that I’m not scar…—I bite my tongue— that I wasn’t scared?”

“Let me come to your house —she asks again— I need to see you, and we both deserve to have this conversation.”

“Just a conversation, Susana —I say to her— I can’t keep doing this to myself.”

“Just a conversation, Kev,” she agrees.

“But not today —I add suddenly— I have to prepare things for a meeting for the foundation.” It’s a lie.

“When?”

“In two days, after the first game of the season.”

“Two days?” I realize that she didn’t like my idea that much, and my stupid heart feels optimistic.

“What about in a week?”

I shouldn’t keep torturing her, but I can’t help it.

“Two days,” accepts Susana. “I’ll come find you at the stadium.”

“No, don’t worry about it. Someone might see you.”

I hang up on her because I don’t know if I’m ready to hear the answer to that last jab.

Two days later, stadium of the New England Patriots, first game of the season.

Everyone stood up for the national anthem. The players solemnly took their positions and waited for the singer, a girl from a school choir, to finish the last notes.

The applause was deafening.

The captains formally greeted each other and then went back with the rest of their men. Through the speakers, the fans heard a recap of the results of the last time the Patriots and the Dallas Cowboys faced off. It seemed as though the first team had an advantage, although the latter also accumulated a lot of wins.

Kev MacMurray, the captain of the Patriots, gave the final instructions to his teammates. It was going to be a very important year for Hurricane Mac, the last of his career; despite the administration’s insistence, he had already announced that he was going to retire after the season, leaving behind the world of football for good.

Rumor had it that he wanted to start over.

The bleachers reserved for the press were overflowing. The sports journalists had the best seats, but they had to fight with correspondents and photographers from the tabloids. This was the first chance they had to photograph Tim, Tinman, Delany, together with his wife and secret child since they got back from France.

The story of the couple had generated a lot of excitement and several T.V. channels had tried to be the first to buy it. They had even been offered book deals, but they rejected all of them.

Amanda and Jeremy Delany were sitting in the box seats reserved for family and guests. There they saw Patricia, the ex-model who was married to Quin Thompson, and Margaret, the coach’s wife. Next to them were the wives, girlfriends, friends, and siblings of the other men who were on the playing field.

But no one was there for Mac.

His brother Harrison was supposed to be there but he couldn’t make it in the end. Ever since they were at the Ranch together they had become closer, but the day before, Mac had received the strangest message from Harrison saying that it was impossible for him to go, that what he had to
fix
had broken
even more.

The stadium was bursting at the seams. There wasn’t a single empty seat. For that exact reason, Susana was sitting in the area reserved for the audiovisual technicians of the field. Her friend Pam had taken her there. It was a tower that had exceptional views of the playing field and it was surrounded by glass, but from the outside nobody could see what was going on inside.

Pam was the only one who knew about Susana and Kev, although she had only found out a few hours ago. It happened when Susana asked her best friend to help her get inside the field without anyone seeing her, and Pam asked if it had to do with Mac.