Just the Way You Are (33 page)

I thought about flinging my arms around him and begging him not to go. I could tell him I was in love with him – that I couldn’t and didn’t want to imagine a life without him. What good would it do though? He had the chance of a brand new future with Amira and he’d be daft not to take it, I thought.

‘I’ll be there; I wouldn’t miss it. After all, who knows more embarrassing stories about you than me?’ I joked.

He nodded vaguely then frowned. ‘I’m going to miss you so much.’

I looked up at him. For someone who had the chance to move halfway round the world, he didn’t look excited.

‘I-I’ll miss you too,’ I choked out.

I ran over and hugged him, crying quietly into his T-shirt so he couldn’t hear me. He felt my body shake and held me tighter, whispering ‘it’s OK’ in my ear. At that moment, I’d never loved him more. Max was someone I’d never planned on losing, yet I’d managed to do it twice in the last three months.

Good one Ava, nice going.

Chapter 30

‘Which frock do you like, the blue or the purple?’

Gwen came toddling through to my room, holding up two dresses on worn wire hangers. One was periwinkle blue and made of a floaty, swishy chiffon material, the other a deep purple satin number.

‘We’re only going to Brown’s Gwen, not the bloody Ritz!’ I reminded her as I reapplied my lipstick for the tenth time. ‘It’s just Max and Amira’s celebratory meal.’

The words physically hurt me to say. Over the last week, I’d pondered whether I should go or not. I didn’t want to say goodbye to him – not now, not ever – but knew I’d regret it if I didn’t.

‘I don’t even see why they’re having a meal to celebrate them leaving,’ Gwen replied with a frown. ‘They’re not going anywhere yet and there’ll be nothing to celebrate when they do!’

‘Don’t be like that.’ I felt like the biggest hypocrite in the world, given how torn up I was over the plans. ‘Max is our best friend and no matter how sad we’ll be when he leaves, we’ve got to be happy for him. This is a massive opportunity for him and Amira.’

‘You know, I don’t know if I like Amira really.’ She sat down on my bed and dumped the dresses by her side. ‘She just seems a bit of a… nasty cow if I’m honest. Plus everyone knows Max is daft on you. He wrote you those letters.’

I screwed my eyes shut; I didn’t know how much more I could take of people saying that.

‘Obviously he’s not or he wouldn’t be moving halfway round the world with another woman,’ I pointed out.

Damn, my lipstick
still
wasn’t perfect. Oh well, time to start again. I wiped it off and began tracing the lines of my lips once more. Didn’t they say eleventh time was a charm?

‘He’s only with her because he thinks you don’t love him, which you obviously do or you’d be happy for him – and you’re not.’

‘Gwen, I can’t talk about this now. Maybe me and Max would be good together but we’ll never know now, will we?’

‘You should just bloody tell him you love him. Everyone else knows except him. You know what, I’m going to wear the blue dress.’ Gwen trotted off happily back to her bedroom.

If only things were as simple as they were in her world.

Gwen and I arrived at Brown’s to find it tastefully decorated in purple and silver. It was just the two of us tonight; we’d decided not to invite Graham and Jake. We didn’t want them feeling left out when inside stories and jokes were shared. The chair covers, the swathes of material hanging from the ceiling, the flowers; everything was beautifully co-ordinated. I guessed it was Amira’s handiwork.

‘Wow this is amazing!’ Gwen breathed. ‘I can see why they’re hiring her, that’s for sure.’

I didn’t reply; my mum had always said if you didn’t have anything nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all. I largely ignored that, but in this case I made an exception.

In the middle of the room was the large rectangular table they used for special functions. It was covered in a deep purple tablecloth and little silver plaques indicated where each person was to sit.

‘We’re over here,’ Gwen said, standing behind two chairs on the left-hand side of the table.

‘How are you feeling?’ she asked when we sat down.

I shook my head. ‘Fifty shades of shite, if I’m honest. I don’t want him to go, Gwen.’

‘Then
tell
him, for God’s sake! If you told him how you feel now, there’d be no chance of him going to Australia.’

‘He could have an amazing life out there though; who am I to take that away from him?’ I reasoned.

‘Ava, I think Max would much rather stay here in rainy Manchester with you than sun himself on a beach with Amira.
You’re
the one he loves, anyone can see that.’

My heart fluttered for a second then belly-flopped to the floor. ‘Maybe it’s like a square peg, round hole type of thing. Anyway, I shouldn’t even be thinking that sort of thing; I’m going out with Graham!’

‘And how is Mr Corporate Accountant?’

‘Fine yeah, he’s up for another promotion at work; he’s applied to be senior executive something-or-other. It all goes over my head, if I’m honest. He’s a really nice bloke though; he’s kind and he’s sweet and, most importantly, he doesn’t come with enough baggage to fill Manchester Airport.’

‘Well the way I see it, you’ve got two choices: you either tell Max how you feel tonight and see how he reacts, or you don’t tell him and you commit to seeing how things work out with Graham. What’s it to be, chick?’

I opened my mouth to answer but was interrupted by Max and Amira walking into the room. She looked resplendent in a long black dress with cut out panels at her waist.

‘Ava, Gwen, it’s so nice to see you!’ Her voice had gone that sugary-sweet way that set my teeth on edge.

We got up and took it in turns to hug her. I noticed Max staring at me behind her. Oh great, I thought, this is going to be tons of fun.

A little while later, the other guests arrived. Max sat at the head of the table with Amira and his mum on either side of him, and then it was me and Gwen and a spray of his work colleagues and her model friends. Starters had been eaten and so far, I hadn’t jumped up on the table and declared my undying love for him.

‘So we’ve been apartment hunting this week,’ Amira said, making sure the whole table could hear. ‘We’ve found this
beautiful
one in the city centre, haven’t we babe?’

Max blushed as she cosied up to him. Yep, he definitely valued his personal space. ‘Yeah it’s amazing. Got a balcony that looks out over the city and everything, hasn’t it?’

Amira whipped out her phone and showed everyone pictures of their “dream flat”. It was as lovely as she said it was, with views over the city and a beautiful terrace to enjoy a glass of wine on a summer’s evening. It was the perfect apartment for the perfect new start.

‘I don’t care how nice the apartment is, my little boy’s still moving halfway across the world!’ Mrs Burrows chipped in as she picked at her Chateaubriand steak. ‘God knows when I’ll get to see you
or
my grandchildren.’

She shot a secret smile to me to let me know she was joking. However, there was a sadness in her eyes that revealed how much she’d really miss Max.

‘Yes well, there won’t
be
any grandchildren for a while.’ Amira plastered a tight smile to her face and looked like she smelled something unpleasant.

‘No, I suppose you’ll be more interested in keeping your figure,’ muttered Mrs Burrows.

I could feel an atmosphere developing at the table. Someone was going to say something they regretted very soon.

‘I’ll, er, be back in a minute,’ I announced, rising from the table.

I made my way to the sanctuary of the ladies’ toilets and heard footsteps behind me.

Please don’t be Amira, anyone but her…

Proving I had the worst luck in the world, it was her.

‘You know, it’s really quite pathetic the way you’re mooning over Max,’ she said.

‘He’s my best friend and I’m going to miss him. Do you have a problem with that?’ I folded my arms and braced myself for the mother of all showdowns.

‘My love, you’re
not
what I’d call a problem. Hope you’re ready to say goodbye to him. When we’re in Australia, you won’t be hearing from him at all. Face it: The. Best. Woman. Won.’

I scoffed. ‘If you really loved Max, you wouldn’t feel the need to start petty little competitions with people you claim you could easily beat. I’m not trying to take him away from you, Amira. I might feel something for him, but I’m not the kind of woman who steals boyfriends. He’s yours, deal with it and be fucking happy about it. It won’t kill you to crack a smile for once.’

Wounded, she reared back like I’d slapped her in the face.

‘Girls like you make me laugh. They wait in the wings for years and years, just waiting for the right opportunity to pounce on a guy, but they’re always too late and expect everyone to feel sorry for them. Boo fucking hoo Ava; you missed your chance. If I see you talking to him, looking at him or even breathing in his direction, I’ll turn him against you for good.’

She spun on her heel and walked out. I leaned against the sink for a second, trying to get my head together. The toilet door swung open and a mysterious figure walked in.

‘You love my son, don’t you?’

I turned and saw Mrs Burrows standing beside me. She looked incredible in a navy trouser suit and her raven-black hair was neatly styled.

‘How did you know?’ I laughed and got my make-up out to fix it.

‘Well, you keep looking over at him every two minutes and I only have to look at you to see how gutted you are that he’s with Amira.’

‘Chadna, I –’

‘He should be with you, you know that?’

I walked over to the mirror and looked at myself; I really didn’t like the person staring back at me, not least because of the smudged eyeliner.

‘You’re not the first person to say that,’ I admitted. ‘Everyone seems to think we’re like magnets and that we have to end up together eventually. There’s only one problem with that though; he’s about to move away with another woman!’

‘Max might do daft things without thinking them through sometimes, but he always finds his way in the end. Look what happened when he quit university; he couldn’t get a job for ages then he finally got that cookery apprenticeship. Now, he’s in a job he loves and he’s never been happier.’

‘This is different though, Chads. He’s got the chance to have a brilliant future; I’m not about to muck that up for him. I had my chance to be with him and I blew it; it’s too late now.’

‘I’m going to tell you something about Max you might not know. I was taking him for his first day at school after we came here from Leeds and he was crying so much, begging me not to leave him and saying he wanted to go home. When we finally got into the playground, I crouched down and said, “everything’s going to be fine. I bet you meet someone lovely today and they’ll be your best friend for life.” It took some more coaxing but I eventually got him to go into the classroom! When I picked him up in the afternoon, I asked him if he’d met anyone nice and he told me all about you, how you’d given him some of your Caramac and he said, “Mummy, I met my best friend for life.” At the time, you know, you think friendships like that only last till one outgrows the other, but I always knew you and Max were different. I’ve never seen such a close bond between anyone. You two have always had something special.’

‘I didn’t know that,’ I replied. ‘I can’t imagine him not being a part of my life and it’s killing me to think of him being so far away from me. I… I love him, Chadna. It took me too bloody long to realise it and I’m going to lose him forever!’

‘Ava you’ll
never
lose him, believe you me. I-I don’t know if you know this but he wrote some love letters to you a few years back…’

I let out a hollow laugh that echoed round the toilets. ‘I know. It’s a long story, but I know all about that. How did you find out?’

‘I’m his mum, I know everything,’ Chadna laughed. ‘No seriously, he left one in its envelope on the kitchen counter before he sent it one day and I opened it by accident, thinking it was a bill or something. Obviously, I saw what was in the letter, asked Max what it was all about and out it came. He’d been writing to you for a couple of months by then and he was starting to think about telling you.’

‘He didn’t though, not when he planned to anyway. I went to Heaton Hall to meet him and he wasn’t there. Apparently, he didn’t think he was enough for me because he’d dropped out of uni and didn’t have a career sorted.’

Chadna rolled her eyes. ‘My bloody son, eh?’

The toilet door swung open and Amira walked in.

‘You guys better hurry back, dessert’s on its way.’ She tossed her long dark curtain of hair behind her shoulder and left again.

‘You know,’ said Chadna. ‘I really don’t bloody like her.’

The rest of the meal passed without any declarations of undying love, mostly thanks to me switching from wine to Coca Cola. After the coffees, I grabbed my coat and prepared to make as quick an exit as possible. All the other diners had gone their separate ways; it was just Max and I left now.

‘Thanks for a great night,’ I said.

‘No worries, glad you had a good time. Cheers for coming by the way. I-I know you weren’t too happy when I told you I was leaving.’

‘What are friends for?’

I moved towards the door and Max followed me. He kept opening and closing his mouth like he wanted to say something but kept wimping out of it.

‘Listen Ava, I… I want you to know that you’ll always mean the world to me. It doesn’t matter whether I’m here or in Sydney or in Timbuktu; if you need me, I’ll be there.’

‘I know. Same goes for you; you’re too important for me to just forget about.’

Max smiled. ‘I’ll never forget you, Munchkin.’

My breath caught in my throat and for one delicious moment, my heart rose in my chest. Then, just as quickly, it sunk to my shoes. I was letting go of my best friend and potential love of my life and it hurt more than I could say.

‘How’s the job hunt going?’

He nodded and my heart sank. ‘Yeah, not bad. Some big chain of restaurants is looking for a chef to run their first Australian branch. They were in London at their HQ so they came up here to see me and I did a cookery demonstration for them. They seemed pretty impressed, so I’m just waiting to hear back.’