Kahleena MacCarthy ~ To Meet a Highlander (18 page)

             
“There are simply too many people in this discussion. My suggestion for a solution is simply this; Tor takes thirty minutes with Tsarina. Discuss yer options and see where ye both stand with one another. Then let's give Tsarina a slight break. After that she will then take thirty minutes with Zarik. At that point they can discuss their options. At the conclusion of that, I say we allow her to sleep on it and give us her decision in the morning. Yes this does put the wedding on hold, but it will be entered into by both parties with a clear head and a firm understanding of what is expected. After her announcement tomorrow morning, the wedding will be held in three days. ” Argus made his suggestion clear.

             
“Are there any objections?” Niall waited a moment as he looked around to those still gathered around. He waited several moments, and then nodded his head. “Fine. It is done. The decision will be announced tomorrow with the wedding in three days. Tor, speak now with Tsarina and let's get this handled. I'm tired of the bickering between my sons. I want this matter settled.” With that, Niall walked back up the stairs of the keep it to his chamber.

Chapter 11

             
As Tor and Tsarina stood in his father's study, for the first several minutes they did nothing but look at one another. Then for another few minutes they simply paced back and forth.

             
“I don't have any answers. It was kind of you to offer for my hand. I knew I could not remain a single woman here for much longer. And I do appreciate, more than you'll ever know, you're stepping up to take the place of your brother, even at the risk of his temper.” Tsarina twisted her skirts in her hands.

             
“Just say what it is ye wish to say and be done with it. I'm a man, I can handle it. Ye do not wish to marry me? Willing to give my brother another chance now that he’s swooped in and saved the day?” Tor could feel his heart sinking. Though they were not in love, he knew that with time it would come to them. Tsarina was exactly what he had always wanted in a wife. “Perhaps if I were the warrior my brother is, ye'd see me differently.”

             
“I... I guess... Yes, that is what I'm saying. Not that you're not a good warrior, but now that Zarik has returned, I cannot marry you. I cannot risk having the fate of your clan messed up because of something I did. I was sent here to marry him, and so I must. Perhaps over time he will become a good husband to me. And perhaps in that time, I can also become the wife he wishes I could be. My mom always said that to have a good marriage, you will fight. And the connection grows stronger every time you make up after every fight.”

             
Tor chuckled. “Well, if ye marry my brother, I do see a lot of arguing in yer future. So the two of ye should have the strongest marriage in history. I wish ye luck and lots of happiness. Remember, I'm always here if ye need someone to talk to. I know my brother can be difficult. I will always be here for ye, to clean up the messes he makes. It seems to be the place I've taken in life.”

             
Tsarina stepped forward and into Tor's arms. After the past months it felt so natural to be there. She’d grown used to the comfort of his arms around her. “Thank you. Although I hope there will be no messes to clean up once we have our discussion later.”

             
Knowing that it was well under their thirty minutes, Tor and Tsarina made their way out, holding hands, to face those still sitting in the great Hall. Heads turned, but all were silent and said nothing. “Will you escort me to my room?” She asked Tor as they came to the stairs. “I have a few minutes to clear my head before meeting with your brother.”

             
When she walked into the study, Zarik was already there waiting for her. It seemed he had taken up the habit of pacing as well. Tsarina took a deep breath and released it as she closed the door behind her. She silently gave herself a pep talk. She would have the courage to do the right thing.

             
“Did ye and my brother enjoy yer time earlier?”

             
“We aren’t here to discuss your brother. We're here to discuss us. What is it that you want?” Tsarina could feel her frustration rising. Why was it he always brought up these feelings in her? She usually wasn't so angry. For some reason it took only several seconds in his presence to make her feel like punching someone in the face. This really couldn’t be a good way to start a marriage.

             
“Well, ye'll marry me of course.” Zarik put on his best smile.

             
“Oh, I get a smile? After you tell me what I'm going to do. What if I told your brother I would marry him?” Tsarina saw the anger rise in Zarik's face. It caused her own smile to form on her lips. “That thought never even occurred to you. Did it?”

             
“Did ye?” As he asked, Zarik's fist came down hard on the desk he was standing next to. “No one saw ye leave red faced, as I'm certain a kiss would make ye be. And had ye said ye'd marry him, he'd be a fool to not steal a kiss.”

             
“No, I did not. I told him that I was sent here to marry you and marry you I must. No matter how bleak my future may seem this way. I cannot have the blood of your people, who I've grown to love, on my hands. I fear that if I marry anyone other than you it would mess with history and it's not something I can risk. So you win. I told Tor that I could not marry him. I will marry you and your stubbornness. I will not, however, compromise on one thing. You will not have other women. I refuse to listen to people talk behind my back as they have since I got here. I will not have it when we are married.”

             
“Fine. No other women.” Zarik couldn't believe the words had slipped from his lips. Had he just given up other women so easily? “Ye will do as I say? Giving me the many children I am obligated to have as clan chief? Be the loyal wife that I need as laird of clan MacKinnon? Ye will be the woman of my people, the woman of the keep?”

             
“Yes, Zarik. Whatever trouble we have remains private. None of your clan will ever see it. I will be the perfect wife in public. You'll have the children you need and the wife you so desire.”

             
“Nay, lass, ye ken I dinnae wish to have a wife. The arrangement is no more pleasant for ye than it is for me.”

             
“Perhaps we’ll manage a common ground. I can't imagine being married to someone that doesn't want me.”

             
“It's not that I dinnae want ye. Ye're beautiful. I just thought I'd not be married for at least another twenty years. I wanted to do nothing but fight and lead the MacKinnon Warriors. When that was done, I wanted a wife, children, and to be laird of the clan. I just thought I had more time.”

             
“You desire to bed me. Nothing more. It is a sad thing for me; I thought I would marry for love. Perhaps Argus is right that love will grow. But if you fight me with every turn, we'll never make it.”

             
“Divorces do not happen here.”

             
“That's not what I mean. I would never disgrace anyone in that manner. I just mean if we can’t find common ground, we will never find the love our marriage will need, especially for our children.”

             
Zarik gave a slight nod. “Let's go out there. Do ye wish to announce today or wait until tomorrow?”

             
“I'll wait until tomorrow as planned.”

             
“I'll escort ye to yer room.” As Zarik went to slip her arm in his, she pulled away.

             
“No, that won’t be necessary. I'm sure you have better things to do.” As they walked out the study door Tsarina saw Drostan standing nearby. “Drostan, will you please escort me to my room?” She saw him give a slight glance to Zarik and it was with a quick nod he was by her side escorting her up the stairs of the keep.

             
Once in her room, Tsarina planned on hiding out in there as long as she could possibly manage to. Tomorrow her public announcement would come way sooner than she was ready for. She hoped she'd made the right choice, not only for clan MacKinnon but also for herself. Would she ever learn to love Zarik? More importantly, would he ever learn to love her?

             
Before she finally drifted off to sleep, still with thoughts of Zarik, she realized it at least had to be better than Kaedan.

**

              When she awoke the next morning, she didn't even remember crawling into her bed or thinking of falling asleep. This mess had her on edge. If she did the wrong thing, there were simply too many lives at stake. The cost to her, marrying for duty rather than love, seemed a small price to pay for the well-being of hundreds, maybe thousands or more, of others.

             
She had hidden in her room as late as she possibly could hating the fate that she was to announce this morning. Hating that she would become Zarik's wife – one he did not wish to have – in just two short days.

             
Hearing a knock on her door, she got up to allow Igrid into her room. It was time to get dressed.

             
“M'lady, are ye ready? It's late in the morning and ye cannae hide in here all day. We must get ye presentable for breakfast and yer announcement. We've already delayed it as much as possible. The men are hungry.” Igrid, always chipper, wasn't any different today. She laughed as she went on about how hundreds of MacKinnon warriors might just starve while waiting to break their fast today.

             
Eventually, Igrid's chatter ceased and Tsarina traveled back into her own thoughts as she waited for her bath to be filled.

             
There was no way to make everyone happy. She knew Tor was disappointed in her, Trystan was furious with her, and Zarik – well, she just didn't know what he thought. He was simply doing his duty.

             
“It would be easier if he just hated me.” Tsarina let out with a sigh. She'd not even realized her bath was over and she'd been dressed. She was so into her own problems right now, she wasn't even paying any attention to the motions she was going through to get ready.

             
“I'm sorry. What was that m'lady?” Igrid asked while working on her hair.

             
“No, it's me. I'm sorry, Igrid. I'm not really here right now. I have so many thoughts rushing through my mind.”

             
“Of course ye do dear. Ye are to marry Zarik. Women have pined after him for as long as I can remember. Ye have yerself quite the catch. Others may hate ye for it too. And ye ken ye dinnae want him to hate ye. Ye wish fer him to love ye. Honestly, I think he already does.”

             
“Oh, Igrid.” Tsarina got up to adjust her dress. While they were pretty and she's always fantasized about big beautiful dresses, they sure were uncomfortable. “He doesn't love me. He's fulfilling an obligation. Argus has told us both that we are to marry. It's the will of things. Who are we to mess up the lives of others only to spare our own?”

             
“Do ye really think anything or anyone could force Zarik to do what he did not wish to do?” Igrid stood, with her arms crossed, and let Tsarina think on it for a moment before she continued. “The man has no conscience. He doesnae feel badly for others. Zarik does his obligations to his clan by protecting them with his swords. Seeing that they have food and housing. That is all he is to do, even as laird. He wouldn't simply marry because he was told to and ye ken it.”

             
Tsarina threw herself back onto the bed.

             
“Now get yerself up from there this instance. I've worked hard on yer hair and yer dress. Stop feeling sorry for yerself. It'll all work out.”

             
“I'm glad you're so certain.”

             
“Tell me, we have a bit of time still, what else is on yer mind. I ken there's more to it.“

             
“I don´t even know where to begin.“ Tsarina shook her head.

             
“The beginning is always the best place, my dear. “ Igrid smiled and patted Tsarina´s back.

             
“Well, I was happy to see my brother and Galen.“ Again she paused.

             
“But...“ Igrid prompted. It had to be difficult to have mixed emotions about a family member. Especially one that you hadn´t seen in such a long time.

             
“I don´t know. It seems he´s further complicated an already complicated situation. He´s been my only family for so long. And now I have this huge family here. Although, I know some people only tolerate me because of the chief and his sons. But, it´s still more friends and family than I´ve ever known. I love my brother. And I really have missed him. So, I feel terrible by telling him I won´t go back with him and Galen.“

             
“What happens when he decides it´s time for him to leave? Has he not said he doesnae wish to stay?”

             
“He does not want to stay. He says there's no life for him here. I'm sure he'd find his place if he gave it a chance. But, we aren't even sure he can get back. He may be stuck here, no matter his preference.”

             
“Do ye think Galen will stay?”

             
“I'm not certain. He doesn't seem to mind it here. But he also would have to find an interest other than me as I've set my path. My future, happy or not, is with Zarik.”

             
“Ye'll find yer happiness, lass. I ken it. Sometimes the best things take some time and a lot of hard work. If it's just handed to ye, ye'll not appreciate it as much. Ye'll see.”

             
Tsarina wished she was as confident as Igrid was. Maybe she would at least be content. It really would be wonderful if Trystan would decide to stay. It'd be great to have some of her own family, someone she had history with of more than a year, around to talk about old times to. She had a few friends that were females, but not too many. Most still were unsure of her, others were angered that she'd just walk in and get to marry Zarik. It seemed every single woman that was of age wanted the position of his wife, weather he was nice to one or wanted one or not.

             
“Are ye ready to go down now? Ye ken they'll be expecting ye.” Igrid was getting impatient in her excitement. She'd soon be the lady's maid to the soon to be laird's wife. It was a shame Tsarina wasn't feeling the same enthusiasm.

             
With a deep breath, Tsarina put on her brave face. “Yes, let's go. I hate to arrive late and have everyone stare as I enter.” While she really wasn't ready, at least the last part was the truth.

             
Igrid laughed. “M'lady, yer already more than a little late.” With a smile she pulled Tsarina out the chamber door and toward her fate.